Insta Jokes

What are some Insta jokes?

I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist.

It's called 'Facebook'

Ever since I installed Adblocker Plus things haven't been going so well..

All of a sudden chicks in my area are no longer interested in me.

Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted

what's the best way to instantly blend into a crowd?

suicide vest

Since I've installed Adblock Plus

All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.

I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.

I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.

The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.

I installed a skylight in my apartment.

The people living above me are furious.

I installed anti virus software on my computer

Now my computer has autism

What instant coffee and Sasha Grey
have in common?

3 in 1

I installed anti-virus on my PC

Now the damned thing has autism.

So I installed this new mobile game where you go around and try to catch everything...

It's called Grindr

After installing a personal budget control app, I saw how much money I spend on beer every month. This opened my eyes. Clearly, I shouldn't do this anymore.

I deleted the app.

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom.

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom.

It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

A Instagram user walks into a bar...

A Instagram user walks into a #bar #pub #brewery #happyhour #bigplace #beer #night #party #fun #photography #conceptual #art #drink #peperoni #olives #lights #table #chair #followme

I installed skylights in my home,

...the people that lived above me were furious.

Haven't seen this one here yet

**How to install a southern home security system**

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 15 men's work boots, and place them on your porch with a copy of *Guns & Ammo* magazine.
2. Place four of the biggest dog bowls you can find on the porch next to the boots and magazines.
3. Leave a note on the door that reads:


Me, Jimbo and Buck went to get more beer and ammo. Be back in a bit. Don't mess with the pitbulls, they got the mailman real bad yesterday. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, locked 'em all in the house, so you better wait outside. Be right back.


Ever since I installed AdBlock....

All the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest

I used to install on demand water heaters, but I quit.

It was a tankless job.

I installed a pedometer app on my phone

But whichever direction I walk, I seem to be moving away from the kids.

Ever since I've installed Adblocker...

for some reason all the local singles lost interest in me.

I installed this new clickbait electrical system

What happened next was shocking

Why was the Instagram star so bad at making coffee?

Because she used #nofilter

I saw an instagram post that said you have 15 million dollars to spend but only on things that start with the first letter of your name

I gave my friend a look and he said Nathan, I don't think you can buy those anymore

Are instant noodles male or female?

Male. Cause they get ready in a couple of minutes.

I installed some new Humbuckers on my guitar.

Now the ladies call me a pickup artist.

I installed the batteries in the Energizer Bunny backwards.

He kept coming and coming and coming and coming...

What's the instantaneous rate of change of an Italian farewell?


I want to install a stove on my Land Rover

Then it can be a Range Rover

I just installed TempleOS on my old laptop, and that divine touch has brought it back to life.

The battery charge alone lasts five years.

I just installed a marijuana app

It has kush notifications.

I installed this new pedometer, but it doesn't seem to work...

It didn't do a darn thing when uncle John was sitting next to me.

How is Instagram like Soviet Russia?

On Instagram egg beats you

I'm on Instagram, and I'm not good at it.

So, I'm on Instagram, and I don't put much effort in it.

A friend of mine, who is really high on social media tells me "Dude, you need to change your Instagram Bio. It's rubbish"

Me: Why? It describes me perfectly.

Friend: It just says "I breathe air."

Me: Well, yeah!! It's spot on.

Friend:(Slightly defeated) Fine, keep it, but at least add a few details about yourself.

Me: Okay, sure.

And now my instagram Bio reads "I inhale Oxygen, exhale Carbon dioxide".

I don't think there are many instances where British royalty get into verbal altercations.

But if they did they'd have to duke it out somewhere.

How do you install snow tires?

Hope this gets traction.

They installed a lie detector in the White House

Nobody can work any more because of all the beeping

I'm going to install a new sensor in my shower

So I know when my dishwasher is finished its self-cleaning cycle

I installed Linux Mint on my laptop,

So I told my sister it had Mint on it. She then started licking it.

First Insta-Slam poet

How to make Insta jokes?

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