Insomnia Jokes
80 insomnia jokes and hilarious insomnia puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about insomnia that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Insomnia Short Jokes
Short insomnia jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The insomnia humour may include short narcolepsy jokes also.
- I couldn't sleep last night.. .. because I was trying to remember the difference between insomnia and amnesia.
- What does a dyslexic atheist with insomnia do? Stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
- I have been trying to understand why my candle has such bad insomnia... ...guess there is no rest for the wicked.
- I stopped complaining about my insomnia when I found out most of my relatives died in their sleep.
- The Bad News - I've been suffering from chronic Insomnia The Good News - Only 2 more sleeps until Santa arrives.
- People keep telling me im unlucky to have Insomnia but the jokes on them... only 2 more sleeps till Christmas!
- I had to break up with my girlfriend who suffered from insomnia She just wasn't very into-resting
- I once picked up a book to solve insomnia. It was a pretty heavy read. So I pulled an all nighter.
- I got really bad insomnia and didn't know what to do A friend told me he gets a massage from his wife and he's asleep in minutes. I tried the same and it worked; his wife does give great massages.
- Why are people who suffers from insomnia so excited at the moment? They only have to sleep 3 more times until Christmas
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Insomnia One Liners
Which insomnia one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with insomnia? I can suggest the ones about sleep deprivation and depression.
- Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side... Only three more sleep till Christmas
- My horse has insomnia and keeps every one awake. She's a nightmare
- I will not sleep... Until I find a cure for my insomnia.
- What do you call a horse with insomnia? A nightmare.
- Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
- my wife has insomnia Atleast she won't be sleeping with anyone
- What idiot called it.... What idiot called it "insomnia" and not "resisting a rest"
- I stayed up all night... Trying to remember if I had amnesia or insomnia
- What do you call a vampire with insomnia? Dust
- I've had insomnia so much it is starting to worry me. But I won't lose any sleep over it.
- I've got really bad insomnia. It's been keeping me asleep all night.
- I love having insomnia this time of year. Only zero sleeps until Christmas!
- My insomnia is getting worse But I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.
- Got diagnosed with insomnia last week And I'm fairly tired of it now at this stage
- The best part of insomnia is... It's only 10 more sleeps until Christmas!
Insomnia Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about insomnia you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean snoring jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make insomnia pranks.
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
"What else can we think about?"
- Insomnia
Thanks honey for rolling over at 3am and telling me I should get some sleep.
In my insomnia stupor that hadn't crossed my mind.
I can't wait for the insomnia convention in 2 weeks...
Only 0 sleeps to go!
I have insomnia
Everyone keeps telling me to snap out of it but I keep telling them it doesn't happen over night.
I have a disease.
It's a thing where you can't sleep.
I think it's called *insomnia*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbours are very loud when they have s**....
And that's bad for my insomnia. Last night I was so fed up I had to scream their safety word.
I think I may have insomnia
But whatever, I won't lose any sleep over it.
I have insomnia.
I have insomnia
My doctor says it's very common and that I shouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Bad Night's Sleep.
A man sits up in bed one morning after not being able to sleep. He turns in bed to his wife and says, "Honey, I'm really worried I might have insomnia."
She replies, "Don't lose sleep over it."
I have cancer. I can't sleep. Entertain me - tell me a joke about terminal illness or insomnia.
What's a good treatment for insomnia?
Bill Cosby
I visited a Blonde Doctor recently she diagnosed me with Insomnia.
Don't worry she said it wasn't anything to lose sleep over.
Son: Hey Dad, do you know a good cure for insomnia?
Dad: A good night's sleep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!
Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of s**..., and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.
Insomniac
Last week I met a crab louse with insomnia.
He gets his sleep in snatches.
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic philosopher with insomnia?
He was up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
I know it's a dad joke, because it was my dad's favorite joke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a member of ISIS with insomnia?
A Muslim Ex-Dreamist
A farmer has 895 sheep.
And I have insomnia.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out insomnia is i**... in my home town.
They call it resisting a rest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian doctor is treating his patient.
*"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*
*"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides v**...?"*
Best remedy for insomnia
Imagine, that it's morning already. You have to get up and leave for work.
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor. (Russian Joke)
P: "Doc, I just can't fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts enter my mind and I stay awake through the night."
Doc: "here take (MiraLax - or alternative strong laxative) and it should help you"
P:" will this help me fall asleep?
Doc: "No, but you will only have one thing on your mind"
Sorry, translated this from Russian, may not be as funny in English
Don't take your dog to the vet, they'll kill your dog unless you know the lingo.
I brought him in to cure his insomnia, but apparently "put him to sleep" means something different to vets...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...
All I have to do is express a desire to have s**... with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the lonely man with insomnia say?
Sleep and s**... are the same to me, but I can't get either of them.
Managed to beat insomnia with my new diet. I'm falling asleep counting calories.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a shrink about my insomnia but I don't trust him
I know he wants to S pill my guts.
I met a serial killer the other day
I said to him how do you sleep at night?
He just grunted and walked away. I guess I'll never beat my insomnia.
What does the impotent, dyslexic, physicist with insomnia think about while he tries to fall asleep?
His hadron
Did you hear about the guitar player with insomnia?
He was having fretful dreams.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I realized that whacking off helps me fall asleep much faster
This whole time the cure for insomnia was within my grasp
I cured a cow's insomnia once.
It was easy with a bulldozer. Now it doesn't want to wake up.
What do cashiers and insomnia have in common?
They'll both give you bags and make you miserable
The only one good thing about having insomnia
Is that it's only three sleeps till Christmas
People with insomnia are woke af
People with insomnia are pretty cool
They're up for anything
I am every girl's dream boyfriend
if that girl has insomnia.
The doctor told me I have either amnesia or insomnia
I can't remember which one and it's making me lose sleep!
