Insert Jokes

89 insert jokes and hilarious insert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about insert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Add some laughter to your conversations with these easy tips on how to insert name jokes into any situation. Learn what type of jokes work best, where to find them, and how to attach them to get a good laugh. Plus, get tips on things to consider when entering jokes into conversations. Read on to learn the art of successful joke insertion!

Funniest Insert Short Jokes

Short insert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The insert humour may include short push jokes also.

  1. Kinda corny but it did actually crack me up... Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee?
    A. Banned from the Zoo.
  2. [Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown? Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)
  3. In Soviet Russia, the government own businesses. In Capitalist America, businesses own the government. *Insert edgy quotes
  4. What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? Both say Please insert Bill.
  5. Wife Wanted! A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received hundred of letters. They all said the same thing:
    ["You can have mine."](/spoiler)
  6. Courtesy of my [insert single-digit number] year old son/daughter. [Horrible pun I thought of last night]
  7. Yo mama so fat… That when she went to [insert foreign country] she became [home country]'s largest export
  8. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: Wife wanted . The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.
  9. What does Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common? They both say "insert Bill here"
  10. What do you call the Dr. Scholls conveyor belt used for cutting materials to various foot sizes? *insert punchline*

Share These Insert Jokes With Friends

Insert One Liners

Which insert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with insert? I can suggest the ones about merge and execute.

  1. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the zoo.
  2. What do you call an army of toddlers? Infant-ry.
    *insert cringe here*
  3. What do you get if you insert strands of Human DNA into a goat...? Banned from the zoo.
  4. I wish prostitutes would learn a lesson from eBay ...and do away with insertion fees.
  5. Why do shoe inserts hate women? Because they're a bunch of insoles.
  6. I haven't [insert] since last year. (obligatory)
  7. Change comes from within But you have to insert a dollar first
  8. Toys R Us More like Toys Were Us (insert depressing drum roll here)
  9. How many clickbait articles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [INSERT AD HERE]
  10. Don't insert a cotton swab in to your ear canal... Just a Q-tip
  11. Why was the man uncomfortable using his computer? Because it was disk inserting.
  12. How is Monica Lewinsky like a vending machine? They both say, "Insert Bill here"
  13. A liberal arts student walks into a bar. (Insert pronoun here) can't buy anything.
  14. 2 gay monkeys walk into a bar... [insert punchline]
  15. What's a group of black guys called? An oil spill. (insert triggered person here)

Insert Name Jokes

Here is a list of funny insert name jokes and even better insert name puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Blonde watching a movie Blonde: Last night I watched a movie. Hated it. Sat there for two hours with no sound nor video.
    Me: What was the name of the movie?
    Blonde: "no disc inserted"
  • A great joke/insult to make fun of a friend/enemy. [Insert name] was signing up for a website and types in "MYPENIS" for his password, and the website said, "Password is too short."
  • What did the bird say when he saw _____ (insert name)? Twit twit.
  • What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice? It breaks the ice...Hi, i'm (insert name)
  • Where did (insert friend's name) meet their bf/gf? Five And Below
  • Is your last name Stilton? *insert cheesy pickup line here…*
  • What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an a**... [insert name of political opponent here]'s tie
Insert joke, What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an a**...

Cheeky Insert Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about insert you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean adds jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make insert pranks.

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass?

Very satisfying.
Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!

Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert?

It was her sole comfort.

How does a _____ (insert race, occupation, etc. ) find his goat in tall grass?

Very satisfying

Free doughnuts

I went to Krispy Kreme for talk like a pirate day to get a free doughnut. I looked the cashier in the face and told her I used the free WiFi to download [insert popular movie name here]. They gave me free doughnuts for 25 to life.

As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**....

"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.


How many perverts does it take to insert a light bulb?

Only one; However, it takes an entire emergency ward to get it back out again.

As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**....

As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**....
"Maybe you should wait outside while I examine your dog," said the vet.

Women on their period always o**... act.

*insert pun here*

Divorce custody

A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.
The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."
The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I insert my card, and money comes out, does the money belong to me or to the machine?"

What's the tallest building in [insert your town/city here]

The Library, it has the most stories......

As he inserted the r**... thermometer [n**...]

As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**...
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

You know, living through these tumultuous times politically reminds of a saying my great-great grandfather always use to say...

(*Insert racial pejorative here*)

Can I .. ?

A man walked into a newspaper office with an ad saying:
'Man seeks woman to date.'
He was asked: "Do you want to insert it today?"
Man: "Sure, but I can't write that in the ad, can I?"

My grandmother went to a gynecologist to check on hey cervical cancer.

The doctor says to my grandmother: "Now, Mrs. Smith, I'm going to insert my finger..."
My grandmother replies: "Can you put in two? I want a second opinion."

A man returns home from a night out at the bar and is quite inebriated

He is trying to get into his house but can't seem to get the keys into the keyhole.
Meanwhile, a stranger passes by and asks the man if he can help him unlock his door.
The man replies, "No, you just hold the house steady and I'll insert the keys."

What do children and ATMs have in common?

If you stare at them for too long, chances are somebody will call the police.
What's the difference between children and ATMs?
A child won't say "Please insert".

What do you call contributive legwear?

*Insert rim shot*

"She puts it in, takes it out, tastes it, then puts it back in...

She really needs to change her microwave!"
*insert 4am informercial*

How do you get a (insert college here) grad off your front porch?

You pay em' for the pizza

So the government shut down...

I saw my senator with a sign that said, "Will lie, cheat, and steal for food."
now my senator has to lie, cheat, and steal for free.
so will my senator stop lying, cheating, and stealing?
Take your pick or insert your parasite of choice. And don't forget to tip your waitresses.

A sausagy matter

A father had his son drop out of school for being an absolute s**..., he got him a job at the sausage factpry where he works.
Dad : in this machine you insert a donkey and it turns into sausage.
Son : is there a machine where you put in the sausage and it turns into a Donkey?
Dad : i wouldn't call your mom a machine.

How do you keep an idiot occupied without Net Neutrality laws?

Please insert credit card information for punchline. If you would like a funnier punchline, choose our premium package for only twice the price!

So I've been seeing a lot of [insert thing here] that give me life videos of YouTube lately

No matter how many of the videos I make my parents watch, they won't come out of their coffins.

I hate my job. I insert cut up meat into people's anuses for scientific purposes.

It's a mince to an end.

So the EU just passed their internet censorship legislation...

[Insert $0.05 tax to view joke here]

What do you get when you insert huma DNA into a goat?

A lifetime ban from the petting zoo.

I'm an expert gambler. I found this machine at the casino once where I won every time.

You just insert a dollar and it spits out 4 coins!

How do you make payment at a robot s**... brothel?

You insert your chip and release your data.

I ordered a new dish washer on black friday.

- (insert generic mail order bride joke here)

What do you call the activity where you insert a hairy rod in your mouth and at the end you spit out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth.

Hiring a (insert race here) is alot like Russian roulette only 1 in 8 actually work


In court, a woman asks for custody of her daughter.

Woman claims that she gone through pain by giving birth to her daughter to bring her to this world therefore she should obtain the custody.
Then the judge asks the man for an argument why he should obtain the custody of his daughter.
The man said: "Judge, if you insert a coin into a vending machine and get a bottle of Coke, to whom does the bottle belongs?
Vending machines or yours?

What Do You Get When You Insert w**... And Buzz Into Any Opening In Your Body?

"You've Got A Friend In Me"

Book Jokes.

I read a thriller in Braille.
You can really feel the suspense.
I'm reading a book about Anti-Gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I read a book about submarine construction.
It's riveting.
I'm reading a book about adhesives.
It has me glued to my seat .
I read a book on s**....
It had me on the edge of my building.
Feel free to insert more. :)

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

The answer turns out to be "banned from the petting zoo".

(Insert good title here)

Q:What is a books favorite breakfast?
A:A synonym roll!
First post

A man throws up a cow pat and goes to the doctor

Doctor: "I can't seem to figure out the issue so I'll give you some shots just be on the safe side"
Man: "No! Those things make you sick and allow the government to insert tracking chips!"
Doctor: "Who told you this?"
Man: "My wife"
Doctor: "Tell me, does your wife make all your meals?"
Man: "Yeah, she does"
Doctor: "I've worked out your problem. Someones been feeding you b**..."

A man walked into a newspaper office with an ad saying: 'Man seeks woman to date.'

He was asked: "Do you want to insert it today?"
Man: "Sure, but I can't write that in the ad, can I?

Insert Russian anthem...

My girlfriend said she was going to leave me, since I was getting too much into communism,
I said-


As I was inserting my third battery into my new toy gift...

My dad remarked that this wasn't the kind of puppy that needed batteries.
Merry Christmas!

A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go

The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.
Then ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- Is it strong and durable?
- Yes
- Nobody can climb it?
- Nobody
- And nobody but moscovites inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then fill it up with s**... up to the edges

Always read the package insert

"Doc, the suppository you prescribed... they really stuck to my gum and teeth".
"What? You didn't s**... them, did you?"
"Of course I did, what else was I supposed to do with them, shove 'em up my a**...?"


A woman is on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines. It's her first time in a casino, so she asks a casino employee, "How does this work?" The worker shows her how to insert a bill, how to hit the spin button, and to operate the machine's release handle. "And where does the money come out?" the woman asks.
The casino employee smiles, motions to the far wall, and says, "Usually at the ATM."


My grandkids always say, "I LOVE (insert food, activity etc.) My dad answer is always, "So why don't you marry it?"
Today my granddaughter had a plate of watermelon and of course said "I LOVE watermelon." Before I could reply she said, "I think I'm gonna marry it!" She was so proud to beat me at my game, but I was even prouder.

Insert joke, Backfired!

jokes about insert