Insert Jokes
87 insert jokes and hilarious insert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about insert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Add some laughter to your conversations with these easy tips on how to insert name jokes into any situation. Learn what type of jokes work best, where to find them, and how to attach them to get a good laugh. Plus, get tips on things to consider when entering jokes into conversations. Read on to learn the art of successful joke insertion!
Funniest Insert Short Jokes
Short insert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The insert humour may include short push jokes also.
- Kinda corny but it did actually crack me up... Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee?
A. Banned from the Zoo. - [Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown? Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)
- In Soviet Russia, the government own businesses. In Capitalist America, businesses own the government. *Insert edgy quotes
- What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? Both say Please insert Bill.
- Courtesy of my [insert single-digit number] year old son/daughter. [Horrible pun I thought of last night]
- What do you call the Dr. Scholls conveyor belt used for cutting materials to various foot sizes? *insert punchline*
- Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert? It was her sole comfort.
- A man walked into a newspaper office with an ad saying: 'Man seeks woman to date.' He was asked: "Do you want to insert it today?"
Man: "Sure, but I can't write that in the ad, can I? - As I was inserting my third battery into my new toy gift... My dad remarked that this wasn't the kind of puppy that needed batteries.
Merry Christmas! - Insert Russian anthem... My girlfriend said she was going to leave me, since I was getting too much into communism,
I said-
"Soviet"
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Insert One Liners
Which insert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with insert? I can suggest the ones about merge and execute.
- What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the zoo.
- I wish prostitutes would learn a lesson from eBay ...and do away with insertion fees.
- I haven't [insert] since last year. (obligatory)
- Change comes from within But you have to insert a dollar first
- Toys R Us More like Toys Were Us (insert depressing drum roll here)
- How many clickbait articles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [INSERT AD HERE]
- Don't insert a cotton swab in to your ear canal... Just a Q-tip
- Why was the man uncomfortable using his computer? Because it was disk inserting.
- A liberal arts student walks into a bar. (Insert pronoun here) can't buy anything.
- What do you call two gay COD players? Tactical insertion.
- What do you call contributive legwear? Participants
*Insert rim shot* - What did the bird say when he saw _____ (insert name)? Twit twit.
- Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
- [Insert hook sentence] [Insert funny punchline]
HAHA SO FUNNY - Puns... Insert Some dumb pun that's funny here.
Insert Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny insert name jokes and even better insert name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Blonde watching a movie Blonde: Last night I watched a movie. Hated it. Sat there for two hours with no sound nor video.
Me: What was the name of the movie?
Blonde: "no disc inserted" - A great joke/insult to make fun of a friend/enemy. [Insert name] was signing up for a website and types in "MYPENIS" for his password, and the website said, "Password is too short."
- What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice? It breaks the ice...Hi, i'm (insert name)
- Where did (insert friend's name) meet their bf/gf? Five And Below
- Is your last name Stilton? *insert cheesy pickup line here…*
Cheeky Insert Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about insert you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean entry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make insert pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy is in a shipwreck…
The only survivors are him and (insert you favorite celebrity/supermodel here). The two are there for years and in spite of her celebrity and his relative ordinariness the two fall in love and live very happily together for many years. One day she tells him, "Ive been so happy with you these past years. I never would have thought I could be so happy alone with just one person in a situation like this. Is there anything that you truly miss that I might be able to do for you?" He said that his best friend back in the world was named Ed and he asked her if she would let him pretend that she was Ed for just a few minutes. She was very happy to be able to do something so simple for him and of course said yes. He said, "Great! Lets go for a walk on the beach." After a few minutes walking on the beach he turns to her and says,"Hey Ed, you'll never believe who I've been f**...'!"
How does a _____ (insert race, occupation, etc. ) find his goat in tall grass?
Very satisfying
Free doughnuts
I went to Krispy Kreme for talk like a pirate day to get a free doughnut. I looked the cashier in the face and told her I used the free WiFi to download [insert popular movie name here]. They gave me free doughnuts for 25 to life.
Insertartistnamehere
What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?
a go human DNA at.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat?
A group of very unhappy pledge brothers
Fruit Joke Request
I'm writing a speech and I need help with a joke, was hoping someone here might have some good ideas.
Part of my speech is where I compare myself to a piece of fruit (currently a peach), using metaphor. I wanted to start out saying something along the lines of "Then I had the epiphany... I was just like this peach... no... I'm not (insert joke)"
The first thought that popped into my head is to say I'm not fruity, but I don't want to be offensive.
Any ideas? I prefer peach related, but any fruit would work.
Thanks!
What did the catholic communist say to his new wife?
"I can't wait to insert myself into your means of production!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an a**...
[insert name of political opponent here]'s tie
Paying for gas is hard
which way do I insert mom's credit card again?
Muhammad Ali's last words last night:
[Insert text here]
A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,
The doctor examined him and explained:"I'm going to give you some suppositories.
I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."
Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository.
She agrees reluctantly, puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks,
"Aahhhhh!"
"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks.
"No... I just realised that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!"
Divorce custody
A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.
The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."
The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I insert my card, and money comes out, does the money belong to me or to the machine?"
What's the tallest building in [insert your town/city here]
The Library, it has the most stories......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As he inserted the r**... thermometer [n**...]
As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**...
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
You know, living through these tumultuous times politically reminds of a saying my great-great grandfather always use to say...
(*Insert racial pejorative here*)
My grandmother went to a gynecologist to check on hey cervical cancer.
The doctor says to my grandmother: "Now, Mrs. Smith, I'm going to insert my finger..."
My grandmother replies: "Can you put in two? I want a second opinion."
A man returns home from a night out at the bar and is quite inebriated
He is trying to get into his house but can't seem to get the keys into the keyhole.
Meanwhile, a stranger passes by and asks the man if he can help him unlock his door.
The man replies, "No, you just hold the house steady and I'll insert the keys."
What do children and ATMs have in common?
If you stare at them for too long, chances are somebody will call the police.
What's the difference between children and ATMs?
A child won't say "Please insert".
"She puts it in, takes it out, tastes it, then puts it back in...
She really needs to change her microwave!"
*insert 4am informercial*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the government shut down...
I saw my senator with a sign that said, "Will lie, cheat, and steal for food."
Or
now my senator has to lie, cheat, and steal for free.
Or
so will my senator stop lying, cheating, and stealing?
Take your pick or insert your parasite of choice. And don't forget to tip your waitresses.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A sausagy matter
A father had his son drop out of school for being an absolute s**..., he got him a job at the sausage factpry where he works.
Dad : in this machine you insert a donkey and it turns into sausage.
Son : is there a machine where you put in the sausage and it turns into a Donkey?
Dad : i wouldn't call your mom a machine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you own a business and want people to insert their credit card chip into the reader but they are about to use the s**... reader, you should always say: Swiper, No Swiping!
So I've been seeing a lot of [insert thing here] that give me life videos of YouTube lately
No matter how many of the videos I make my parents watch, they won't come out of their coffins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
More of an insult but not a repost
What's the difference between (insert friend you want to roast) and England?
England can get a semi
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate my job. I insert cut up meat into people's anuses for scientific purposes.
It's a mince to an end.
So the EU just passed their internet censorship legislation...
[Insert $0.05 tax to view joke here]
I'm an expert gambler. I found this machine at the casino once where I won every time.
You just insert a dollar and it spits out 4 coins!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make payment at a robot s**... brothel?
You insert your chip and release your data.
I ordered a new dish washer on black friday.
- (insert generic mail order bride joke here)
Hiring a (insert race here) is alot like Russian roulette only 1 in 8 actually work
ba-dum-tss
A Inserts The Defin The When, WD 40
? waRP j2kp1p4,qwdszcx HaHaHa Soo
When Chrsitgpe\\r
cOlubiwsu
Sailed
Coean
To The XD
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Navy Rhyme
A Navy man, a war hero, attends a lunch at a Ladies' Patriotic Society. Cucumber sandwiches on crustless bread – he endures it manfully. Then the ladies, who have been at the sherry, ask to hear a Navy rhyme. Ladies, he says, I will accede to your request. But in place of each atrocious word, I will insert a nonsense syllable. Yes, yes! they clamor. So he recites –
*Da da da da da da da da*
*Da da da da da da da da*
*Da da da da da*
*Da da da da da*
*Da da da da da da da c**...*
*^(This was found while researching William Walker Atkinson (a.k.a. Yogi Ramacharaka) and stumbling upon William Illsey Atkinson's website.)*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What Do You Get When You Insert w**... And Buzz Into Any Opening In Your Body?
"You've Got A Friend In Me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Navy Rhyme
A Navy man, a war hero, attends a lunch at a Ladies' Patriotic Society. Cucumber sandwiches on crustless bread – he endures it manfully. Then the ladies, who have been at the sherry, ask to hear a Navy rhyme. Ladies, he says, I will accede to your request. But in place of each atrocious word, I will insert a nonsense syllable. Yes, yes! they clamor. So he recites –
*Da da da da da da da da*
*Da da da da da da da da*
*Da da da da da*
*Da da da da da*
*Da da da da da da da c**...*
*^(This was found while researching William Walker Atkinson (a.k.a. Yogi Ramacharaka) and stumbling upon William Illsey Atkinson's website.)*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Book Jokes.
I read a thriller in Braille.
You can really feel the suspense.
I'm reading a book about Anti-Gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
I read a book about submarine construction.
It's riveting.
I'm reading a book about adhesives.
It has me glued to my seat .
I read a book on s**....
It had me on the edge of my building.
Feel free to insert more. :)
(Insert good title here)
Q:What is a books favorite breakfast?
A:A synonym roll!
First post
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man throws up a cow pat and goes to the doctor
Doctor: "I can't seem to figure out the issue so I'll give you some shots just be on the safe side"
Man: "No! Those things make you sick and allow the government to insert tracking chips!"
Doctor: "Who told you this?"
Man: "My wife"
Doctor: "Tell me, does your wife make all your meals?"
Man: "Yeah, she does"
Doctor: "I've worked out your problem. Someones been feeding you b**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.
Then ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- Is it strong and durable?
- Yes
- Nobody can climb it?
- Nobody
- And nobody but moscovites inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then fill it up with s**... up to the edges
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Always read the package insert
"Doc, the suppository you prescribed... they really stuck to my gum and teeth".
"What? You didn't s**... them, did you?"
"Of course I did, what else was I supposed to do with them, shove 'em up my a**...?"
Slots
A woman is on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines. It's her first time in a casino, so she asks a casino employee, "How does this work?" The worker shows her how to insert a bill, how to hit the spin button, and to operate the machine's release handle. "And where does the money come out?" the woman asks.
The casino employee smiles, motions to the far wall, and says, "Usually at the ATM."
Backfired!
My grandkids always say, "I LOVE (insert food, activity etc.) My dad answer is always, "So why don't you marry it?"
Today my granddaughter had a plate of watermelon and of course said "I LOVE watermelon." Before I could reply she said, "I think I'm gonna marry it!" She was so proud to beat me at my game, but I was even prouder.
