Insanity Jokes
42 insanity jokes and hilarious insanity puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about insanity that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Dive into the silly world of insanity jokes! From the infamous Insanity Wolf to the overworked prosecutor, and even Mickie the Hysteric, laugh along with these hysterical jokes that will have you in stitches.
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Funniest Insanity Short Jokes
Short insanity jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The insanity humour may include short madness jokes also.
- The Defense pleads 'Not Guilty by reason of insanity' and loses They go to appeal and plead 'not guilty by reason of insanity' again, expecting a different result.
They win the appeal. - Want to know what the definition of insanity is? The definition of insanity is mindlessly repeating a quote that Einstein never said.
- My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD. Which means I hear voices but not for long enough to drive me insane.
- What's green and flies over Germany ? Snazis.
This insanely corny joke brought to you by my Dad, circa 1990.
May he rest in peace! - The doctors say I suffer from insanity, but they have it all wrong. I enjoy every minute of it.
- Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Kevin McCarthy: Hold my beer.
- A man in an insane asylum yells "I am napolean!" the doctor asks him how he knows this, and he says "god told me" then an inmate from another room yells "I did NOT!"
- They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. This is my 56th time posting this joke.
- How do you drive a girl insane? Give her new clothes and lock her inside a room without a mirror
- My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD. I hear voices, but not for long enough to drive me insane.
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Insanity One Liners
Which insanity one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with insanity? I can suggest the ones about insane and insane asylum.
- When cops arrest a clinically insane person... ...are they busting a nut?
- What do you call the trail to the insane asylum? A psychopath
- Some say that Mexicans are bordering on the insane... But so what? So are Canadians.
- I know 3 people who are clinically insane: Me.
- I know five people who are clinically insane... I'm two of them.
- I think I've driven my girlfriend insane. She keeps saying "I'm seeing someone else."
- I'm going to start a charity for the clinically insane. Gonna call it "Fundamental"
- Insanity is hereditary You get it from your kids
- Hey, what's a good sign that you're going insane? I'm asking for an imaginary friend.
- A German boy band that plays some insane classical stuff. Bachstreet Boys
- My doctor asked if I suffer from insanity. I replied: No, I enjoy every minute of it.
- What borders on insanity? Canada and Mexico
- I had a pun about insanity.. ..but I lost it
- They say that Insanity is hereditary... you get it from your kids.
- What do an insane asylum guard and a pornstar have in common? They both bust nuts
Comical Insanity Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about insanity you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stupidity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make insanity pranks.
Late one night at the insane asylum one patient shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
A person in another room said, "How do you know?" The first patient said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted,
"I did not!"
My five-year-old, everyone.
My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a f**...).
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.
How did the train conductor use the insanity defense when she was accused of m**...?
She claimed she had locomotives.
(I'm sorry.)
Man escapes from insane asylum, and has s**... with a girl in a laundry mat.
The newspaper the next day reads:
"Nut screws washers and bolts."
A mathematician goes into an insane asylum
He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:
How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simple! I just multiplied Tuesday and Potato and subtracted 83.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
Dave, a man committed to an insane asylum, was writing a letter.
The doctor asks "Hi there Dave, whatcha' doing there?"
Dave answers, "I'm writing a letter to myself."
"Really? What does it say?" The doctor asks.
And Dave answers, "I don't know, I haven't received it yet."
Don't Ever Let Him See You Completely n**...
The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of
marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.
"Never let your husband see you in the n**...," she advised. "You
should always wear something."
"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband
were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there
ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night
you've worn that silly hat to bed."
A doctor checks on two roommates in an insane asylum...
He walks into their room to find one man hanging upside down from the ceiling fan by his feet. The other man sits below him, putting together wooden blocks.
The doctor asks, "How are you two doing?"
The man on the floor says, "Oh, I'm building a castle. Don't mind that guy up there, he's okay but a little crazy, thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, let's get him down before he hurts himself."
The sitting man stares back in shock. "And work in the *dark*?!"
Inmates Running the Asylum
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
I was on a trip to Dubai, and in my stay, I met a rich man
Over time, we actually became friends, and he told me about this shoes company he owns.
He said:
Each pair of shoes we manufacture costs us about 2$, and we manage to sell them for 250$
What?! this is insane, why is it so expensive, ? I asked
Well I actually tried to make them cheaper for 25$ each
Then what happend?
People stopped buying them
A guy walks into a psychiatric ward to visit his old man.
As he sits down in the recreation room with his dad, he spots a schizophrenic kid standing on the table.
The kid starts targeting each person in the room, busting out the freshest, most incredible 'yo mama' jokes he's ever heard; true originality at its best.
"That's incredible," he says to his old man, "That kid's got an insane dis ability!"
An elderly woman is watching the local news
An elderly woman is watching the local news and hears about a madman driving the wrong direction on the highway that her husband takes home. Worrying, she calls her husband and tells him about the insane driver. The man replies, it's worse than you think! It's not just 1, there's hundreds of them!
