Injury Jokes
90 injury jokes and hilarious injury puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about injury that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Lighten up about your injury-prone ways with these funny, witty jokes about head injury, knee injury, foot injury, brain injury, shoulder injury, ankle injury, leg injury, wound, hurt, and reattached body parts. Make everyone laugh with these hilarious and relatable injury jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Injury Jokes
- Injury One Liners
- Head Injury Jokes
- Personal Injury Jokes
- Foot Injury Jokes
- More Injury Jokes
Funniest Injury Short Jokes
Short injury jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The injury humour may include short injured jokes also.
- My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me. It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.
- Hickory Dickory Dock Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got through with only minor injuries.
- I was hit by a truck carrying a bunch of Omega 3 capsules It's okay, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
- Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me... Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..
- Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil
*I'll see myself out* - Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury Don't worry I'll be fine
- Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me! I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...
- My mother's star sign was cancer. Ironic how she died, really. She died due to fatal injuries from a giant crab attack.
- Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries
- hickory dickory dock, The mouse went up the clock. The clock struck One, and the other two got away with minor injuries.
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Injury One Liners
Which injury one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with injury? I can suggest the ones about trauma and infection.
- Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 tablets at me. The injuries were superfishoil.
- Somebody threw Omega-3 pills at me today. I got super fish oil injuries
- Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail? It broke mid-sentence.
- My leg keeps making a mooing sound. I think I have a calf injury.
- I scraped my elbow looking for coal It was a miner injury.
- I pulled a muscle digging for gold... It's just a miner injury.
- What do you call an injury you get at yoga class? Yoghurt.
- Injuries during bull fighting are completely avoidable All you have to do is avoid-a-bull
- What did the musician get after hurting himself? A-minor injury
- Why does higher workout frequency mean more injuries? Frequency is measured in hurts
- Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 at me. Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.
- Football gave me traumatic brain injury And I was only watching.
- There's no better time to add insult to injury... ...Than when you're signing a cast :)
- How do you celebrate winning a lawsuit over a fake injury? You drink sham-pain.
- A single injury is a tragedy.... ...a million injuries is just a sadistic.
Head Injury Jokes
Here is a list of funny head injury jokes and even better head injury puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a head injury at a drummer's convention in Moscow, Russia? A concussion at the Russian percussion discussion.
- I've heard that head injuries can cause memory loss, but I still don't wear a bike helmet. I don't even remember the last time I fell off my bike.
- Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at my head. It's o.k. though, as my injuries are only super fish oil.
- Have you heard of the karate black belt that went on to serve the army? He gave himself a head injury the first time he saluted.
- i was walking down the street, when someone threw a packet of cod liver oil at my head........ .......but i only suffered super fish oil injuries
- What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head? A super-fish-oil wound
- A shampoo manufacturer had an accident. ..he suffered injuries to his head and shoulders.
- A man walks into a bar He is then taken to the hospital for a head injury
- What do you call a peanut with a head injury? Assaulted peanut.
- A man walks into a bar he suffers a severe head injury.
Personal Injury Jokes
Here is a list of funny personal injury jokes and even better personal injury puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If blackmail is the action, demanding money from a person in return for not revealing compromising or injurious information about that person. What is whitemail? Privilege
- If a tree falls down in the forest………… Can it hire a personal injury lawyer and sue for damages?
- Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
- Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: No fee–If No Recovery!
Foot Injury Jokes
Here is a list of funny foot injury jokes and even better foot injury puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My doctor recommended I get support for my aching left foot, But I explained that I didn't want to add insole to injury.
Fun-Filled Injury Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about injury you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean injured leg jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make injury pranks.
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
In school, the teacher warns her students...
..."I will not tolerate any excuses for any kind. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious injury or even the death of a relative, but whoever misses this exam will fail the class."
The class's wise-guy says:
"But teacher, what if tomorrow I arrive to class completely exhausted from last night's amazing s**...?"
The teacher says:
"Well I guess you'll have to do the exam with your left hand, then."
My dog can speak English.
My dog can speak English.
When I ask him how his day was, he says "rough!"
When I ask him what sandpaper feels like he says "rough!"
When I ask him where my golf ball went he says "rough!"
And when I ask him how aggressively he likes to play he says "I prefer to minimize the chance of injury"
While on duty, a police officer comes across an injured baby horse.
The cause of the injury unknown, but the officer suspects foal play.
I sustained a serious neck injury a few years ago...
...and I've never looked back.
Remember that AMA guy whose mother slept with him because he had broken his arms?
She was adding i**... to injury.
I was watching women's volleyball during the Olympics and there was already a wrist injury
But don't worry, I should be fine by Monday.
My first time watching the women's Olympic vollyball last night, one minute in there was already a wrist injury.
I'm better today though, no worries.
Minnesota Vikings lost their QB to a season ending knee injury.
But that's just Water under the Bridge now.
What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player?
A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.
My friend got crushed when a Billy bookcase fell on him in Ikea yesterday. He's decided not to sue though...
He says it was a shelf inflicted injury.
What do you get from too many b**... hits?
A chronic injury.
My grandpa kicked the bucket yesterday, but he's still in the hospital.
His toe injury was more severe than originally thought.
Big Injury Update
Aaron Hernandez (Neck)
Out Indefinitely
What do you call a ghost's injury?
A boo-boo
My friend couldn't see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie because of an eye injury...
his Depp perception isn't too good now
What happened to the hobbit when he suffered a r**... injury?
They had to put a Colostomy Baggin.
Husband says'' Honey, it's me. I don't want to alarm you but
. . . I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've checked me over and dome some tests and x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it didn't cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they might have to amputate my right foot.''
Wife : ''Who's Paula?''
A football team loses its star player Dante d**... due to an injury...
The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without d**...."
Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.
The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with d**... out."
My brother-in-law is missing half of his hand due to a horrific logging injury,
so I asked him do you get half off when you get your palm read?
I hate it when people I don't like sign their names on my cast...
It's just adding insult to injury
I suffered a work-related injury on the set of the new "The Land Before Time" movie, but was told my insurance wouldn't pay for it
I asked them why but the rep. just said "we don't cover pre-existing conditions."
Did you hear about the NFL player who came back from injury only 25% healed?
I think he was a quarter back
2 guys walk into a bar
They died the next day due to traumatic brain injury.
A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
Daylight Savings Time Gave Me a Back Injury
I need to buy a smaller sundial.
I witnessed a motorcyclist hit a tree today.
The driver walked away without injury though.
I guess the tree was all bark and no bite.
A r**... suffered a n**... fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The r**... happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
I was watching an all girls volleyball game on tv today. 10 minutes in and there was a wrist injury...
Don't worry, I should be fine by tomorrow.
A teacher at a college reminded her pupils of the next day's final exam...
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' she said.
A smart-arsed kid at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and s**....
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'
It is mean to make fun of Trump for using both hands to drink coz of his injury
He touched The Bible a few weeks ago and the injury hasn't healed yet.
A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"
A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?
One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'
an old arabic joke my uncle told me
a dumb guy fell down and hurt his back badly, he had to go to the hospital
the doctor told him: "just take this cream and apply it to the area of injury"
he went home and rubbed the cream on the staircase.
McCormick spices are at a huge risk
The company has a lot of intellectual property with its CEO, if he were to say fall down the stairs and die,
It would be a season-ending injury
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-a**... jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"
Whenever my enemies are badly cut, I never rub salt in their wounds....
That would be adding in salt to injury.
My friend wanted to hit the treadmill while recovering from an injury.
I told him tread lightly .
My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.
He said he would look into it.
How can you recover from any injury almost immediately?
Be a (professional) soccer player.
Women Are Magic
The can get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard!
I've been watching women's beach volleyball, and just ten minutes into the game there's already a wrist injury.
Gonna have to use my other hand.
Red Cross nurse
A guy walks into a bar and trips and falls sustaining a horrible injury. "Hold still," the bartender exclaims. "We have a Red Cross nurse right here that can help you!" "Just my luck," mutters the guy, "Why couldn't I have a blonde cheerful nurse instead?"
Little known fact about me: I was supposed to compete in the 1988 summer Olympics in Seoul...
...but I suffered a Korea ending injury.
workplace injury
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day at work!" the guy sighs. "I fell off a 20-foot ladder." "You're kidding!" the bartender exclaims. "Are you okay? Shouldn't you be at the hospital?" "Oh no, I'm fine," the guy says. "I was just on the first step."
Who's got two thumbs and a knife injury?
Not this guy. It's more like 1.9 thumbs now.
A personal injury lawyer was on vacation in a small rural town. While walking through the streets, he spotted a car that had just been involved in an accident. As expected, a large crowd gathered
Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn't get near the car. Being very clever, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
