Amusing & Witty Injuries Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
A hobo got robbed
A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.
"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"
"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.
"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"
Why did the german die from his injuries
Because when his friend asked if there is a number to call incase of emergencies like this, he replied "999".
Hickory Dickory Dock
Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got through with only minor injuries.
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me!
I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...
I wanted to see how fast I could drive my new car down Main Street. I managed to hit 60 before getting pulled over.
Most of them survived with only minor injuries.
I just finished reading a book about preventing skin injuries and burns...
The author classified the book as "non-friction"
My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.
It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.
An Irish prayer...
On a cold winter night; an older Irishman walks down the street using his prized glass flask of whiskey to keep warm. Just as he returns it to his back pocket he slips on ice and falls with a crunch. As he lay there assessing his injuries, he feels warm liquid running down his leg.
He closed his eyes and said, "Please Lord, let it be blood."
Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident.
Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple f**... injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.
Wife: Who is Sabrina?
Study Finds Birth Control Pills Linked to Fewer Severe Knee Injuries in Teen Girls...
This is easily explained by the fact that they spend less time on their knees, and more time on their backs.
My mother's star sign was cancer. Ironic how she died, really.
She died due to fatal injuries from a giant crab attack.
You can explore injuries injure reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean injuries concussion dad jokes. There are also injuries puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Girls are magic...
Girls are magic... They get wet without water, can bleed without injuries and get boneless things hard!
Justin Beiber fell off stage last night at a concert in Canada.
He suffered only minor injuries according to his gynecologist.
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me.
I only suffered super fish oil injuries, but I'm lucky I wasn't krilled!
Hickory Dickory Dock...
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
But the rest escaped with minor injuries.
(Something my grandfather told me when I was five)
A school bus rolled over with 22 kids inside..
Fortunately there were only minor injuries...
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 tablets at me.
The injuries were superfishoil.
Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day
I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil
*I'll see myself out*
I was biking to work today and someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me!
I'm ok though. The injuries were super fish oil.
The man who has set himself on fire during a protest has died of his injuries.
His cremation will be continued next week.
Breaking: Bus Carrying 53 k**... Members Overturns on I-95
There were some minor injuries, but they're all white
How do birds treat their injuries?
They cawterize them.
Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...
Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..
An electric engineer electrocuted by accident.
he had injuries of 60 hurts
Hickory, Dickory, Dock ...
Three mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the rest escaped with minor injuries
Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me today...
...luckily my injuries where only super fish oil.
A soldier walks into a bar.
A man in the bar strikes up a conversation with the soldier.
"So sorry if I'm being rude, but how'd you lose your leg?"
"e**... in the war. I miss my friends too much here and I want to go back. They won't let me with my injuries though."
"They still stationed in Afghanistan?"
"No, they're dead"
"My condolences. Have a beer on me."
"That's very kind of you sir but I'm not old enough to drink"
Injuries during bull fighting are completely avoidable
All you have to do is avoid-a-bull
Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega 3?
They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.
Did you hear about the man who was attacked with a pickaxe?
He escaped with miner injuries.
Today, a man was injured at the local glass cleaner factory....
His injuries are very clear.
Why does higher workout frequency mean more injuries?
Frequency is measured in hurts
A single injury is a tragedy....
...a million injuries is just a sadistic.
My math professor this term misses a lot of classes by faking minor injuries.
I'll never take another class with Professor Fibbin Ouchie.
I have this habit of collecting strange injuries from plants, and I recently contracted a weird rash from planting tulips...
I caught a Bulb-a-sore.
Hickery dickery dock. The mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
And the others suffered minor injuries.
I was told some bad news last month. A good friend of mine had fallen into an upholstering machine and suffered terrible injuries.
The good news is he's now fully recovered
What's the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?
Basketball players get actual injuries.
A man visits a hotel in Spain and injures himself in the room.
So he calls the front desk and asks them to find him a doctor.
"you're in luck, sir! We have a doctor that lives in this very hotel."
They send the doctor up. After tending to the man's injuries the man remarks:
"Wow! I never would have thought this hotel would have its own doctor."
"Well you see," says the doctor "no one expects the Spanish in-physician"
What's the difference between a firearm and a firework?
Well one is banned in many us states for causing deadly injuries...
...and the other is a gun.
Amazon's new commercial says working here is like working in the chocolate factory.
Cuz all these HIPAA violations, and unpaid workplace injuries.
Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me
I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries
A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.
He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.
When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.
Why did God make p**... curly?
To reduce the risk of eye injuries
A social worker joke
A man was robbed, beaten badly, and left in the gutter along a lonely street. After being there for hours, two social workers walk by and notice the beaten man. They look him over, see his injuries, and one says to the other, the person who did this could really use our help
Someone just threw some Omega 3 tablets at me.
I'm fine, I only got super fish oil injuries.
Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at my head.
It's o.k. though, as my injuries are only super fish oil.
A soldier's wife has just returned from her insurance provider and is looking very, very unhappy
"What's the matter?" Her friend asked.
"I went to get my husband covered privately, but the fine print stated: no payouts when the holder dies as a result of an e**... and/or from injuries sustained in an e**...," she replied.
"Oh? So why would that make you unhappy?" Her friend asked.
"Well, it's too late to stop the freaking timer now!"
A gigantic gas e**... in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.
After all, it was only *miner* injuries.
After major accidents with lots of preventable injuries, there's always a wave of lawsuits.
The sue-nami.
Somebody threw Omega-3 pills at me today.
I got super fish oil injuries
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
I've heard that head injuries can cause memory loss, but I still don't wear a bike helmet.
I don't even remember the last time I fell off my bike.
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 at me.
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.
hickory dickory dock,
The mouse went up the clock. The clock struck One, and the other two got away with minor injuries.
A man sees his friend covered in blood and scratches
A man was walking and see his friend clearly exhausted, scratched and covered in blood.
- What happened to you?
- Well, I just came back from burying my mother in law.
- Sorry to hear that, but how does that explain your injuries?
- ... She didn't want to.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit with a bottle of omega 3 capsules?
He suffered super-fish-oil injuries
There should be an emergency room just for embarrassing injuries so you don't have to feel judged. Just g**... and Buttholes.
Call it the Pee/Nut/b**... ER
Some shapes got involved in an accident.
The circle got up and looked round, the triangle suffered acute injuries and the square was alright.
My friend was hit by a lorry carrying omega3 supplements
Luckily the injuries were super fish oil
I was hit by a truck carrying a bunch of Omega 3 capsules
It's okay, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
