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Injured Jokes

124 injured jokes and hilarious injured puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about injured that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Got an injured hand, knee, foot, finger, toe, leg, ankle, thumb, eye or arm? Laugh the pain away with a collection of hilarious jokes about those who are badly hurt, or even missing a limb. Unhurt or amputee, enjoy some injured jokes today!

Best Short Injured Jokes

Short injured jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The injured humour may include short wounded jokes also.

  1. A man was brought to the ER badly injured from an accident. We're losing him! said a nurse. Not on my watch! said the surgeon, who clocked out and went home.
  2. Injured myself during an ironman marathon the other day Got up too fast after watching the third film
  3. Oh no! Someone got seriously injured at the Nintendo headquarters! Call an ambulance! Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...
  4. Whenever an ant gets injured, instead of helping, the rest of the colony just leaves it to die. It's like the old saying goes: If an ant broke, dont fix it
  5. I was injured in a violent mugging this afternoon. On the plus side, I did make $23 and I think this old lady's watch looks really good on me.
  6. What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend? One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.
  7. Rihanna's take on the meteor A massive meteor has hit Russia injuring hundreds, Rihanna insist that the meteor has changed and deserves a second chance.
  8. My friend threw a bottle of omega-3 capsules at me but I wasn't really injured Thankfully, they were super-fish-oil injuries
  9. What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits? Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
  10. Did you hear about the guy that was injured in the freak peek-a-boo incident? He had to be put in the icu

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Injured joke, Did you hear about the guy that was injured in the freak peek-a-boo incident?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about injured can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of injured puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Injured One Liners

Which injured one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with injured? I can suggest the ones about injury and hurt.

  1. Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.
  2. I was going to tell you a joke about an injured deer... ...but it would have been lame.
  3. I injured myself playing with my 1-year-old I've been admitted to the Peekaboo ICU
  4. As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face: I'm having a s**....
  5. I was injured while playing peek-a-boo They took me to the ICU
  6. What do you give to an injured lemon? Lemon-aid.
    Courtesy of my daughter.
  7. Where do you take someone who got injured in a game of peek a boo? ICU
  8. What do you call Batman when he is injured? Bruised Wayne
  9. There was an accident involving 2 cars in mexico 17 people were injured.
  10. What do you give an injured alligator? Gatorade
  11. I was injured playing Peekaboo with my nephew. I had to go to the I.C.U.
  12. Where do you take someone injured in a Peek a Boo accident? To the ICU.
  13. Who does an injured sheep call? A lambulance
  14. What did the injured cat say? Me...ow!
    - via a 6 year old
  15. What did the doctor say to the injured gingerbread man? Why don't you try icing it

Injured Leg Jokes

Here is a list of funny injured leg jokes and even better injured leg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Before I Injured my leg girls used to run away from me Now they just walk
  • What do lawyers do with a injured leg They put it in attorney-quet.
  • I asked a Frenchman how he injured his leg... He just responded, "Eifell".
  • What do you call a goblin with an injured leg? A hobblin' goblin
  • How did the gingerbread man treat his injured leg? By icing it.
  • Did you hear about the turkey who was injured? He lost his leg in Nom.
  • I once called Michael Jackson to tell him that I had injured the joint in the middle of my leg. He said **"A knee? Are you OK?"**

Injured Hand Jokes

Here is a list of funny injured hand jokes and even better injured hand puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do people with injured hands commute to work? Carpool tunnels

Injured Finger Jokes

Here is a list of funny injured finger jokes and even better injured finger puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the injured Carpenter? He hurt his widdle finger.

Injured Knee Jokes

Here is a list of funny injured knee jokes and even better injured knee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How did Bruce Lee injure himself? He had a bruised knee.
Injured joke, How did Bruce Lee injure himself?

Comedy Injured Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about injured you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean infected jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make injured prank.

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

No problems

A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.

A husband and wife are in a car c**...

They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."

Once there was a man who followed the Mongol hordes so that he could catch and sell the injured after battles.

He was a mangled Mongle monger

Abdul Ali was seriously injured in a car c**... & he has been on life support.

Today his family had to make an agonizing decision.
They closed the shop to visit him.......

What do you call an injured Confederate soldier that can't find a medic?

A rebel without a gauze.

There once was a woman who had 100 children....

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.

My friend has a job where he fixes lights

and the other week he was in an Indian restaraunt fixing some, and they were using these huge cauldrons to cook their food.
As he was attaching one of the lights he fell into one of thsee "cauldrons" and he was extremely injured, terribly unlucky.
Today I rang the hospital to see how he is doing and then said its not going good. He's in a corma.

Just trying to help.

I was walking home from work the other day and found an injured bird by the side of the road, I decided to pick it up and take it to the shelter, on the way to the shelter, the police stopped me and arrested me.
They said that what I was carrying was Ill Eagle.

Bring the fingers.

A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers.
At the emergency room, his doctor says, "Give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
The injured man repies, "But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring them?" the doctor asks.
The injured man responds, "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

Did you hear about the injured condiment?

He had to be rushed to the Mayo Clinic.

What is an injured persons favorite movie?

Cast Away

A Touching story

one day a boy was walking home from school and saw a cat lying motionless on the sidewalk. To satisfy his curiosity the boy walked up to the cat to see if it was injured or dead. He touched the cautiously the first time but there was no response. So He touched the cat again. He continued touching, touching and touching. Like i said in the title, this is a touching story.

Did you hear Sean Connery was injured after books inside of his library fell on top of him?

He said he has no one to blame but his shelf.

I got a call from a policeman telling me my wife had been in a car accident.

"Is she ok?" I asked worriedly.
"Well, she does have two bumps and a very large gash." he replied.
"I know that, but is she injured in any way?"

One injured in greyhound rollover in Texas.

But the rest of the puppies are fine.

I injured my back in Egypt...

and had to see a Cairo-practor

A man gets a call from the police...

A man gets a call from the police saying that his wife has been in a serious accident.
"She's got a massive gash." they tell him.
"I know she does, but is she injured?"

A police officer sees a beaten up woman laying on the ground with a man standing over her.

The woman is unconscious and clearly was injured.
"What happened to her?" asked the cop.
"The clap," said the man.
"The clap doesn't do that to people," said the cop.
"Well," said the man, "it does when you give it to me."

I ran into an old friend yesterday

Fortunately neither of us were seriously injured.

I asked a lawyer what I should do after being injured by cold medicine approved by the FDA. His advice?

Sudafed.

A man is injured after falling at a trampoline park

Doctors are confident he'll soon bounce back.

Xbox and Ps4 get into a car accident and get injured

when the ambulance comes, it goes wiiu, wiiu, wiiu.

A bus full of elvis enthusiasts has crashed on their way to an Elvis convention.

Witnesses say no one was injured but they're all shook up.

Did you hear about the recent celebrity m**...?

Sheryl Crow, Russel Crowe, and Cameron Crowe all happened to be in one room. Nobody was injured.

I dreamed I was exercising my injured muscles in a huge reservoir of orange soda

It was my fizzy-o-therapy fanta-sea.

My buddy in the Air Force got injured in the war...

He fell off his chair.

Whose the best team in the NFL this year?

The injured reserve

Boy asks his father...

"Dad, did you get injured in the army?"
Dad replies, "No son, I got injured in the leggy".

I was injured by my radio.

It Hertz.

I injured myself skiing last year.

It's been downhill ever since.

A man, that gets drunk almost every night, sees his friend while walking.

This one notices that the drunk guy has both ears burned and very injured, so he asks:
"How did it happen?"
The other night my wife left the iron on, then someone called me, and I took accidentally the iron instead of the telephone.
Oh...That s**.... And the left ear?
The idiot called again.

Three Apple employees have been injured walking into glass within the first month of opening their new $5bn head quarters.

Meanwhile 3 factory employees making Apple phones have been injured since the start of this joke.

Condoms are like injured bones...

If they are broken you are s**....

A new line of Samsung washing machines was launched today

16 injured

I was injured the other day when loads of books fell on me.

I've only got my shelf to blame.

Sad News.....

At the Nestle factory today a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered.

My granddad went to Vietnam and singlehandedly fought and injured 30 North Vietnamese.

Next year, we are vacationing somewhere else.

I Punch Women Like I Punch Walls

I don't. Because it's a really bad idea... I always end up injured.

Today, a man was injured at the local glass cleaner factory....

His injuries are very clear.

A random guy threw a soda can at my brother

I was worried he would be injured but luckily it was a soft drink

Did you hear about the new wing at Sea World for all critically injured dolphins?

It's basically a hospital for all intensive porpoises

Golf is a dangerous sport

My wife returned home from a round of golf and said she'd been injured. She told me she'd be hit between the first and second holes.
To which I replied: That doesn't leave much room for a bandaid!

The President was injured in a Tornado.

Thankfully his spin-doctor was close by.

A man was crossing the road when he was hit by a car, which then sped off. A police officer asked the injured man, Did you get a look at the driver? No, he said, but I can tell you it was my ex-wife.

How do you know that? asked the officer.
I'd recognize her laugh anywhere!

The mlb is renaming the disabled list to the injured list .

I'm surprised by how easily it was for the Cleveland Indians to embrace using politically correct terminology.

What sound does an injured turkey make?

Hobblehobblehobblehobble

Where do you take someone who's been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?

To the I C U.

BREAKING NEWS

The inventor of predictive text was injured in a traffic accident.
He's been bacon by ambience to the horse piddle.

So apparently an Olympic downhill skier was injured so many times she donated a huge sum to the local hospital's critical care unit.

Of course they called it the Picabu ICU.

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says "Why the long face?"
"Ha, ha, very funny," says the horse. "But I gotta say, today was not a good day. Injured my leg out, on the racetrack. My career's probably finished."
Bartender reaches under the bar, pulls out a gun, and shoots the horse.
Then he feels sorry for him, says "Tell ya what, buddy. That round is on the house."

Adam walks into a cafe and orders tea

Adam ordered a cup of tea in a cafe.
So, a waiter brought it for him but dipped his fingers in it.
Adam asked "Hey m**..., why are you dipping your fingers in my tea?"
The waiter replied, "My finger is injured and the doctor advised me to keep it warm."
Adam said, "Then shove it up your a**...!"
Then the waiter said, "Yeah, that's where I keep it when I am not carrying tea"

Where do horses go when they get injured?

To the Horsepital!
Just kidding they get shot.

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

What will happen if an 110lb kid is jogging at 4mph, and a 3000lb car hits him at a constant speed of 55mph?

He gets hit by the truck, and is severely injured.
So anyways I lost my license today

The nurse

A man walks into a bar, ends up getting into a horrible bar fight and is lying on the floor injured. "Don't worry," says the bartender, a Red Cross nurse is in the building and is coming to help you.' "Oh no," groans the victim, "couldn't I have a blonde, cheerful one?"

An old Russian WW2 joke

This is an old Russian WW2 joke that my grandfather loved to tell.
During high-casualty battles between Germans and Russians, the Russian general gets surprised by the commander of a tiny platoon who wants to hand over hundreds of German prisoners. When investigating the prisoners closer, he realizes that all of them are injured, most of them at their hands and arms.
The general interrogates the commander:
"Very impressive! But how did you manage to take all these hostages?"
"Ha, very simple! Just build up a machine gun next to the German trench and yell >>HEIL!! <<"

How do you transport an injured pig?

In a hambulance!

What does an injured person and the fillings of a sandwich have in common

They're both in pain

Injured joke, What does an injured person and the fillings of a sandwich have in common

jokes about injured

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these injured jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.