ingredients Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious ingredients puns

Why does Michael J. Fox make really good milkshakes?

Because he's rich and can afford the best ingredients

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Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?

Because he uses only the highest-quality ingredients.

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I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today

It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."

I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.

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Cooking with French ingredients always makes me depressed.

Yesterday I almost lost the huile d'olive.

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My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients

I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.

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WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"

WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"


CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."


WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"


CUSTOMER: "Taste it."


WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."


CUSTOMER: "Taste it."


WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."


CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"


WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."


Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"


CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"

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So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...

And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.

The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."

But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"

"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."

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A woman stopped me in the street today and told me a joke.

After hearing it, I thought it had all the ingredients of a great joke: child abuse; incestual rape, tears, poverty and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline.

Something about $10 a month...

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how come Michael J. Fox can make such good milkshakes?

because he is rich and can afford high quality ingredients!..

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Last Supper

Jesus started off the dinner by announcing that he is trying some new natural recipes with some very organic ingredients. Peter approaches him and says, "This bread is fantastic! What's in it?"

"I made that from my flesh," Jesus replied.

A bit surprised and disgusted, Peter and all other apostles who were eating the bread regretfully put their pieces back down onto the table.

"This wine is the best I've ever tasted!" said James.

"That's actually just my blood."

James discretely spat the wine back into his cup.

Absolutely chowing down, Judas exclaimed, "I don't care what you tell me is in these, nothing can keep me from these desserts! The filling in these eclairs is absolutely orgasmic!"

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Heard of the Fibonacci soup?

Apparently , the ingredients are :
Yesterday's soup and day before yesterday's soup.
Price : $1.61

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Customer: I'll have a martini, dry

Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this

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Jesus likes to drink wine.

As we all know, Jesus liked to drink wine. One day, however, he got tired of wine. He said unto John and Thomas, "Go, and fetch me some ingredients so that I may create another kind of drink." And so they went to the market, and John asked Thomas "So, what should we get Him?" Thomas responds, "The rice, for Christ's sake."

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DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell

Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.

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Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milk shakes?

Because he uses the finest ingredients.

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I've been considering opening a soup restaurant. I'd serve the finest soups from around the world using only the most illegally-sourced ingredients. I'll call it...

Bisquey Business

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I was watching a french man make a cake...

I admired his enthusiasm. He grabbed the flour, added it to the bowl, and started adding the wet ingredients. Intrigued about his recipe, I asked "hey man, how many eggs did you use for your cake?"

The French man replied, "un oeuf."

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I'm on a new diet where I can only eat and drink things where I know what the ingredients mean.

I can now tell you every ingredients use in Cheetos, how it's obtained, and the molecular structure.

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What's it called when you fry up an egg with a bunch of different ingredients?

Omelette you figure it out

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Secret combination of ingredients for homemade Viagra discovered

Add 2 parts MiracleGro to 1 part Fix-A-Flat

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What did the chef say to his assistant when he got handed the wrong ingredients?

This is neither the thyme nor the plaice.

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Q: Why does Michael J. Fox make such good milkshakes?

A: Because he uses quality ingredients. What did you think, asshole?

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2 test tubes

'We have two test tubes here,' said the professor of IVF studies from Monash University. 'They contain two carefully synthesized ingredients that we can now use to create human life. Solution A is a genetically engineered copy of all the ingredients in the female ovum, while Solution B replicates the active ingredients in male spermatozoa. If I mix them in this aseptic glass container a new human life will be conceived. Now any questions?'

'Could you possibly give us a demonstration?' asked an awed member of the audience.

'I'm sorry, not tonight,' said the professor, 'Solution A has a headache!'

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Tide is fully embracing their new consumers with their new Tide Pod containers...

They just changed their active ingredients to nutrition facts .

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What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints

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Happiness recipe.

I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?

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The worst part about baking

The worst part about baking is getting the ingredients. The rest is a piece of cake.

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Some random women stopped me in the street and started telling me a joke...

It had all the ingredients of a good joke: child abuse; incestual rape; tears and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline. Something about £2 a month?

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My wife was thinking of names for a new face cleanser she made.

She made a face cleanser that is influenced by Asian ingredients. It makes you stay young for way beyond your years so she was thinking about calling it Youth in Asia.

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I found an easy cookie recipe that said to put all the ingredients in one bowl and beat it.

I'm not sure what good it did though, when I came back nothing had changed.

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I can't direct you the ingredients to the ultimate diet shake....

But I can show you the whey

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liam neeson is the taco bell of actors

it's the same 4 ingredients 50 ways but i always have to try their new taco just in case my breath gets taken again

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Sugar and sperm (true story)

During a Science class...

Teacher: Human sperm has sugar as one of his main ingredients.

Female student: Teacher, if it has sugar why it's not sweet?

Teacher: because the area that detects sweetness is the tongue, not the throat.

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My friend called and said, " on your drive over later please don't forget to bring all the ingredients for the Guacamole ".

I said sure, there's only one problem..........I don't avocado.

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If you're thinking about mixing together poison ingredients...

Don't whisk it!

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What are the most funny Ingredients jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ingredients? Well, here are the best Ingredients dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ingredients pick up lines to share with friends.

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