information Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious information puns

A single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. That means an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB

That's a lot of information to swallow


-wow thanks for the upvotes and gold

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

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A single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. That means an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB

That's a lot of information to swallow...

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I'm just back from Walt Disney world so....

Micky Mouse wants a divorce.

Judge: Look here Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mickey (exasperated): Your honor! I didn't say she was crazy...

I said she was fucking Goofy!

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So you like limericks, huh?

On the Breast of a woman named Gale

was tattooed the price of her tail

and on her behind

for the sake of the blind

was the same information in braile.

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My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information...

...it's called Norton

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A man goes to get his passport renewed...

He goes to the counter and is jotting down his personal information.

"Alright sir, can I have your full name please?"

"Pepepeter Bbbbbbbbryant"

"Excuse me, sir, are you a stutterer? "

"No, ma'am, my father was a stutterer, and the guy who made my birth certificate, an asshole".

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What's the difference between a feminist and a computer?

You can punch information into a computer.

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I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..

We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"

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JFK Assassination Document Release

From what I hear, they reveal some pretty mind-blowing information

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What is the best website find information about a DJ?

Wikiwikiwikipedia

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Hitler went to see a fortune seer

Hitler went to see a fortune seer. He walked in and demanded to know on what day he would die.
The seer replied "You will die on a Jewish holiday"
Hitler wanted more in information than that, and asked "Which holiday?"
The seer just smirked and said "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday"

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There are two types of people in this world

Those who can extrapolate information based off of the given context

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There are two types of people on the planet...

Those who can extrapolate information based upon the given context

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There are 2 types of people in this world

Those with the ability to extrapolate information from incomplete data

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How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They're both flying information.

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I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology...

... The biggest difference is that the phrase "my server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

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What is False Information spelled backwards?

False Information

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There are two kinds of people in the world

Those that can extrapolate from missing information

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There are two kinds of people.

Those who can extrapolate from incomplete information

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Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

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Semantics really

I woke up this morning and found a bunch of missing person posters around town that said "Offering reward for any information".

I promptly ran to a phone, called them up and told them my favourite colour was blue.

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A man drives through a stop sign..

A cop pulls him over and asks for his information.

"Sir, you just drove through that intersection without stopping."

"Aww come on, it's not a big deal..I slowed down!"

The officer steps back, looking down at his feet, all of a sudden he pulls out his night stick and starts beating the man.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!" The man screams.

"Would you like me to slow down, or stop?"

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Me: Dad, How did you guys manage without Whatsapp & Facebook?

My Dad: We used to keep useless information to ourselves.

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3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...

the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as much as they torture him, they cant get any information out of him.

the brit and the frenchman ask him how it goes and he says "i couldnt say anything." they ask him why and he says "my hands were tied!"

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A faculty of engineering professors are invited to board a plane

After everyone had been seated, they were all informed that the plane had been designed and built by their own students. Upon learning this information, the professors got up and began running desperately to get out of the plane, almost in panic. Only one professor stayed serene in his place. When asked why he remained so calm, the professor replied: "I know the capacity of my students, if it really was them that built this plane, then I have full confidence that this piece of shit isn't even going to turn on."

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There was a young barmaid...

There was a young barmaid from Sail,
On her breasts were the prices of ale,
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind;
Was the same information in braille.

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The doctor said to me, Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music! I gasped, Yikes! What's The Cure?!

He yowled, Oh my God! It's worse than I thought!

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Ain't that the truth

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

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Slapping Old People

An old man and old woman are sitting on their front porch on a bench one day just enjoying the scenery. All of a sudden the old woman looks at her husband and slaps him across his face. He looks and her and says "What was that for?" She said "That is for 40 years of horrible sex!" He is quiet as he absorbs this newly discovered information. Quietly the old man reaches over and slaps his wife across her face. She says "What was that for?" He said "For knowing the difference!"

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

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The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident....

...An Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other, One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh, no!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "Tomorrow, we're going to pull her up again!"

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*mikedrop

Where do DJ's go for information?

They go to Wiki-wiki-wikipedia.

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Your mama is so fat...

The NSA had to build a 2 billion dollar complex to store her weight information.

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I'm starting a combination Frozen Yogurt shop and news stand..

It will be called Froyo Information.

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What are the best Information puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Information? Well, here are the best Information dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Information pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes