Infinity Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

I want to talk about Infinity War spoilers but...

I want to wait for the dust to settle a bit.

[Mild Infinity War Spoiler] Did you guys see Peter Dinklage in the new Avengers film?

It was his biggest role to date.

(Infinity War Speculation) When Thanos gains the mind stone, he will turn into Palpatine.

Because The Avengers will pay for their lack of Vision.

I watched the new Infinity War movie yesterday...

I was Loki dying in the beginning

Thanos came to Earth in 2023

seeking the six Infinity Stones. As he sat on a rock, waiting for his underlings to bring the Stones to him, three strange men arrived in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. One wore a red cape, another bore a red shield, the third was clad in a red suit. They fought, and it was a bloody battle, but Thanos was mighty, and eventually took control of the gauntlet which housed the Stones.

As he shaped to snap his fingers, Thanos smiled, and slowly declared:

"I - am - inevitable."

Nothing happened.

With a look of shock on his face, Thanos watched as the man in the red suit lifted his right hand, revealing the real Infinity Stones.

"And we - ", said the man in the red suit, "are...

... the Spanish Inquisition."

And nobody, not even Thanos, expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Just saw the new infinity wars trailer today and to me, it was pretty obvious who's dying.

Well, so long, DC.

You know what is good with 8 ?

It's straight up infinity.

Thanos wasn't completely responsible for all the deaths caused by the Infinity Gauntlet...

But he had a hand in it.

[Spoilers] I finally watched Avengers: Infinity War

It was alright. Probably give a 5/10. The first half was great, but the other half just kind of fell apart in the end.

What's infinity minus one?

A sideways seven.

The Infinity Gauntlet was for the left hand

Even Thanos had priorities.

In the spirit of infinity war, time for some Avenger jokes.

Let me lead off with 1,

Q: What did Thor used to protect his backside?
A: Ass guard

Two cows are standing...

in the pasture. One turns to the other and says, "Although pi is usually abbreviated to five numbers, it actually goes on to infinity."

The second cow turns to the first and says: "Moo."

(stolen from Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar...)

Where was Drax in Avengers : Infinity War?

I saw his name in the credits and heard his voice sometimes, but why wasn't he in the movie?

Infinity loop

a woman walks into her hypnotherapists office and says " Doctor, I have been loyal to my husband for 12 years but, last night I broke that loyalty and had an affair. I just want you to make me forget it happened". The Doctor said " Not again"

In Avengers: Infinity War, Thanos absolutely went crazy.

He snapped.

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

Why 'business' people continue to earn more than people who actually work :

Time is money (time=money), and knowledge is power( knowledge=power)

we know that power is work done/time

solving,

power=work done/money

but knowledge=power

hence

we have money=work done/knowledge

which means, in the limiting case, as knowledge ->0 money -> Infinity, regardless of work done

What's the difference between infinity and forever?

According to my ex-wife, forever is only two and a half months.

Doing math, it's sometimes very easy to tell what you did wrong.

If you got infinity, it's even easier: You took a wrong turn. Instead of making a right turn, you took aleph one.

Why Businessmen earn more than engineers !

Our mechanic's professor's reasoning of

"Why businessmen earn more than engineers ! "

If we equate the two variables namely into the two field's general statements,

- Time is money
- Knowledge is power

We know,

- Power = Work / Time

Substitute the variables into the equation and we get,

- Knowledge = Work / money

Rearranging we get,

- money = Work / Knowledge

Proving that as Knowledge reaches 0 money reaches infinity. And so the smarter you are (engineers?) The less you earn.

My girlfriend is like infinity.

Off the charts, but only a concept.

Thanos's snap in infinity war would've had a greater impact if marvel made it seem that half of the audience wasn't there,

But apparently only DC movies can do that.

Why was everyone crying after watching Infinity Wars?

Because sand got into their eyes

Every one dies in Infinity War

Me: You don't know the half of it

Are you a rational function?

because I could ride your asymptote to infinity.

What's infinity plus infinity?

2 infinity. And beyond!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity

Twice!

Where does Thanos like to swim?

In the Infinity Pool.

I watched Avengers: Infinity War this weekend. It was definitely a good movie, but one question was left unanswered, and it keeps me up at night.

I'll never be able to figure out why is Gamora.

What software does the Infinity Gauntlet run on?

ThanOS

I'm thinking of a number between 1 to Infinity. What number am I thinking of?

Yours

After Infinity War, you know what Earth's group of heroes should be called?

The Half-Vengers.

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Somewhere between 0 and infinity.

Legend say, Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice...

Donald Trump tried to count to 10 and got stuck in a paper bag.

2018 is the Year of the sequel.

Deadpool 2, Avengers Infinity war 3, Incredibles 2, World War 3.

Did you hear about Avengers: Infinity Wars?

It's said to be Marvel-ous!

Chuck Norris is so awesome...

He counted to infinity, twice.

I've had kidney stones for my entire life and it seems that they'll always be there forever

They're infinity stones

Did Sia get snapped in Infinity War?

Cause I don't sia anywhere.

What do infinity war and a tweet have in common?

They both have 280 characters

I like how avengers infinity war has perfect balance

[Thor gains his vision back but scarlet witch loses hers](#s)

Even though they did not show any spoilers in the Infinity War trailer we all know who dies...

... DCEU.

Why is the symbol for infinity an 8 lying down?

Because after someone ate, lying down is infinitely better.

Why can't the Infinity car company trademark ∞ ?

The legal battle would be endless.

[SPOILER] Infinity War

Why is Red Skull happy to see the mad titan on Vormir?

Cos he is missing Thanos on his face.

What do Buzz Lightyear and an asymptote have in common?

They both go to infinity and beyond!

I guess what happened to Gamora in Infinity War

was definitely not a cliffhanger

If Thanos ever had to go to a hospital

He'd be sent to the Infinity Ward

What happens when a god dies and no one knows? [Infinity War Spoliers]

They're loki dead

If Thanos were English what would he collect?(No spoilers)

The Infinity Scones

Just something I noticed in Infinity War.

Turns out, Stan Lee was the bus driver all along.

Why is the villain of Avengers: Infinity War so good at tracking Infinity Stones?

Because he's good at smelling... he's The Nose.

Chuck Norris once had the case of the kidney stones

Now they are known as the infinity stones

Warning, Infinity War spoiler:

Stan Lee is the bus driver.

Marvel just announced the title of the Infinity War sequel. [spoiler]

Avengers: Days of Future Past

The 1 reality that survived Infinity Wars..

..was the one where Thanos didn't know how to snap his fingers.

What's bigger than Infinity?

Halo

Why would the Avengers have been better able to see a solution to the infinity war if Thanos had arrived just a couple of years later?

They'd have had 2020 Vision


(I'm so sorry)

What's Thanos' favorite app on his Infinity Phone?

SNAPchat

The infinity stones aren't infinity

there are only six of them

**Infinity War spoiler**

Superman kills Batman while Green Lantern looks on…

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician..

They can go on about it forever...

Went to see Infinity War with a group of friends....

About half of us were blown away.

Although the real joke is OP having friends.

What did the 8 say to infinity?

Come on man, get up!

*Infinity War Spoilers* What do Matt Murdock and Scarlet Witch have in common?

.
.
.
.
.
.
They both lost their Vision

What do the Avengers do at the end of Infinity War 2?

Take a Wakanda beach.

Why did it take only one movie for Thanos to get all of the infinity stones?

Because he wanted to make it snappy.

What are the funniest infinity jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Infinity? Well, here are the best Infinity puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Infinity pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes