Infinitive Jokes
145 infinitive jokes and hilarious infinitive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about infinitive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Infinitive Short Jokes
Short infinitive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The infinitive humour may include short jokes also.
- Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth ... but then they realized No Man's sky was invented already.
- There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . . Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
- Love Girl: what do you think of our love
Me: count the stars
Girl: awww.... its infinite
Me: no, its a waste of time. - Only three things are infinite The universe, human stupidity, and the winrar trial period.
- What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle? There is no difference.
The joke is you just learned math. - What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
~ Infinite Jest, by DFW - Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
- Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
- I like my women like I like the constant 'e' infinite in number and at the base of my natural log
- A group of numbers were picking on 8 and he really h8'd it. But when they pushed him over he felt infinitely worse.
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Infinitive One Liners
Which infinitive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with infinitive? I can suggest the ones about and .
- My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
- Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
- I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume No pressure
- What do you name an electricity generator that makes infinite amounts of power? Wattever.
- I like writing my eights on their sides. It's infinitely better
- I've made an infinite runner game for old people... Its called the elder scrolls
- What's infinite times better than the Super Bowl? The Hyperbole
- What did Star Trek teach millions of kids? To boldly split infinitives!
- When I was younger I couldn't wrap my head around infinite sums But now it all adds up
- why do i make infinite squiggly lines? cos i can. it would be a sin not to.
- What do you call an infinitely small cow? a moot point.
- What do you call an endless line of iPhones? An infinite Siris
- An infinite number of Sean Murray walks into to a bar and gets a refund.
- How to create an infinite loop in 2 easy steps! Step 1: Step 2
Step 2: Step 1 - What is an infinite loop? Punchline's in the title
Infinitive Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about infinitive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make infinitive pranks.
If Chuck Norris ran for president, the competition would drop out, and he would get infinite terms.
Across all of the infinite number of parallel universes the version of Chuck Norris is the same.
Nature knows perfection when she sees it.
Only Chuck Norris knows a bigger number than infinity, and it's not infinite plus one.
Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.
Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
They say people couldn't have everything because they don't have enough space to put it, I say 'everything' includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily.
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a ........
A gerund, infinitive, and a past participle walk into a bar.
Drinking, to drink, to get drunk
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, etc. The bartender pours two beers and says, "Hey, you guys ought to know your limits."
I finally came up with a good punchline for the "An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar" joke
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a third of a pint, and the fourth one is about to order when the bartender waves him off and pours two full pints. Whoa whoa, hold on, says the mathematician, How do you know we're all here? The bartender replies, Well, when I saw that guy wearing the brace on his right side I figured you were all set.
A mathematician walks into a bar.
He asks the bartender for a pint. Then another mathematician walks into the bar, and asks for half a pint. Suddenly, an infinite number of mathematicians walk into the bar, asking for a quarter pint, an eighth, and so on, each asking for half of what the last mathematician ordered...
The bartender knows what's up. He says, "Oh, you mathematicians!" and pours two pints total for everyone.
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A joke for all you mathematicians out there.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one sits down and tells the bartender,"I will a glassful."
The second one sits down and tells the bartender,"I will have half a glassful, thank you very much."
The third one sits down and says," I will have 1/4 a glassful, if you please."
The bartender says,"**Stop!**" and puts 2 drinks on the table.
The mathematicians ask why, and the bartender says," Come on boys, you've got to know your limits."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A black preacher and a white preacher were arguing about what color God is...
The white preacher finally said, "Lets just call God and ask Him what color He is." The Black preacher nodded. The white preacher calls God, "God, what color are you?" God in His infinite wisdom says, "You are what you are." White preacher goes back to the black preacher saying, "He's white, He's white." Black preacher asks him how he knows God is white. The white preacher says, "Because He said 'You are what you are.'" The black preacher says, "That doesn't mean He is white!" The white preacher says, "Sure it does! If he would have been black he would have said, 'You is what you is'"
Why did the computer scientist die in the shower?
The shampoo bottle put him in an infinite loop.
Bit of a different post here - an author introduces a joke but never reveals the punchline...anyone heard this joke? Or make up your own punchline?
In *Infinite Jest* by David Foster Wallace, at one point there's a line -
"...asking Mario if he knows what you call three Canadians copulating on a snowmobile."
But he doesn't say the punchline. I'm assuming maybe this is a commonish kinda joke? I've tried to think of what the punchline is but can't.
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What do you call an infinite series with a finite result that has never had s**...?
Convirgin.
An infinite number of professors walk into a bar...
the first walks up to the bartender and says, "Give me a pint of lager." Before the bartender can start pouring the second says, "I'll have half of what he's having." The bartender is about to pour when the third pipes up, "The same but half again!" Once again the bartender is about to serve when the fourth says, "Yeah a lager, but half of that!" The bartender, once more is about to pour when the fifth interrupts. He's about to order when one of the professors in the back shouts, "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE JUST POUR TWO BEERS!"
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"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin¹s h**...."
A boy is struggling with his exams...
He catches a lucky break when, as he is walking home one day, he finds a mystical lamp on the side of the road. He rubs the side of the lamp and a genie pops out.
"You may have any item you desire, simply name it." The genie says.
The boy thinks for a second then exclaims,
"I'd like some kind of concealable item that will grant me infinite wisdom."
"As you wish, press the top of this pen and what you desire shall be yours."
The boy takes the pen and is overjoyed, with this pen he'll never have to study again!
His next exam comes around and he walks into the school hall with confidence. He sits at his desk as others around him fidget nervously.
When the papers are handed out, he holds the pen up and triumphantly lowers his thumb over the lever as it produces an audible click.
And in his infinite wisdom he suddenly states with absolute clarity:
*"I should have studied!!!"*
I tried calculating your mother's mass.
But it ended up reducing to an infinite series.
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I do not subscribe to the infinite universes theory.
Because if it were true, in at least one of them, you're wouldn't be an idiot.
A creative writing teacher is having a conference with one of his students about his last piece and the grade he gave the student.
The student asked "Why did you give me an F?" The teacher responds "Have you ever heard that if you place a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters an infinite amount of time, they'll eventually write the works of Shakespeare?" He holds up the paper and says "3 monkeys, 10 minutes."
Intrepid Engineer
A Christian, a Muslim, and an engineer are sentenced to die at the guillotine.
The Christian goes first but when the executioner pulls the lever to release the blade, the blade suddenly stops halfway down the track with a loud "boing."
"Praise the Lord," the Christian exults, "who in his divine grace has saved me!" The executioner, impressed, tells him he is free to leave.
Next up, the Muslim puts his head in the machine and the executioner pulls the lever. Again, the blade stops abruptly halfway down. "There is no god but Allah," the Muslim cries, "who in his infinite mercy has saved me!" The executioner sets him free, too.
Meanwhile, the engineer has been peering attentively up at the guillotine. "I think I see your problem," he says.
Lets make a circle!
One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said..... "I declare myself to be on the outside."
John Oliver interviews Stephen Hawking. John Oliver: "You've stated that you believe that there could be an infinite number of parallel universes. Does that mean, that there is a universe out there where I am smarter than you?"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
First asks for a beer, second asks for half a beer, third asks for a quarter of a beer...
Barmen says "Got it, no need to continue" and proceeds to ring up two beers.
Once you hit the speed of light...
Once you hit the speed of light, you have infinite mass. So you know what? That's my problem: I'm not fat, I'm fast.
The Boss calls his secretary..
The boss calls his female secretary & says:"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."
The secretary calls husband & says:"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so takecare of urself"
The husband calls his girlfriend & says:"My wife is going on a business trip, come home we can have fun"
The girlfriend calls the boy to whom she gives tuition: "No tuition this weekend."
The boy calls his father:"Dad, at last we can spend this weekend together."
Dad (The boss) calls his secretary & says:"Business trip is cancelled. I'm going to spend weekend with my son"
The secretary calls husband:"I won't be going"
The husband calls his girlfriend:"I am sorry My wife is not going "
The girlfriend calls boy:"You have tuition"
Boy calls his father & says:"Sorry Dad, I've classes"
The Dad calls his secretary.....
The theory of infinite loop.
Samsung developed an infinite space hard drive.
Only problem is they're still formatting it.
What? The square root of some numbers give us a infinite non-recurring decimal?
That's absurd!
What is Buzz Lightyear's favourite part of the English grammar?
To-infinitive!
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Iggy Azalea must have an infinitely high viscosity
because she got no flow.
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Have you ever wondered what would happen...
if a v**... rooster layed a fertilized egg at the top of an infinite staircase?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Johny the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest p**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's p**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like numbers ...
* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.
* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.
* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.
* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.
* Every other one is just plain Odd.
I am 99% sure USA's Student's t is 2.576.
Because America got an infinite degree of freedom.
I wanted to make a joke about the new Call of Duty...
...but there are already infinite of them
So here's a Battlefield one instead
What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?
They're practically non existent.
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I tried to upload the COD: Infinite warfare trailer to pornhub
But they don't accept r**....
[Long] A mathematician and his infinite amount of friends walk into a bar.
The bartender asks "what will you all be having?" The mathematician then says, "I'll have a beer and my friend will have half a beer, my other friend will have a quarter of a beer. My other friend will have an eighth of a beer, then a sixteenth," etc. This goes on for a while and after about 40 or more orders, the bartender pipes up, "Jeez, you mathematicians sure don't know your limits," and places two beers down on the counter.
An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.
The Nokia 3310 was ahead of its time...
Dust proof, water proof, had a nearly infinite battery life, indestructible, AND no audio jack!
How do you kill a song?
Get it on z100. (or play it on infinite repeat on the radio)
Boy: My love for you is like counting the stars..
Girl: Oww, Infinite?
Boy: Nope, Pointless ..
A new source of electricity is found!
Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now.
We can use that somehow.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The bar explodes because a finite space cannot hold an infinite amount of matter.
What's worst than being just a procrastinator...
Being caught in an infinite loop because of being a procrastinator who loves to plan.
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It's Albert Einstein, not mine
Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.
A priest....
A priest, an Irishman, a horse, a gorilla, a twelve inch pianist and an infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The bartender says "Is this some kind of a joke?"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.
The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".
An infinite amount of Mathematicians walk into a bar...
Then they all die due to infinite mass in finite space.
If I got a penny everytime . . .
If I got a penny everytime I got a penny, I'd be infinitely rich.
How many researchers does it take to change a light bulb ?
Infinite.
For anyone who gets confused about proper grammar and style in writing
I offer from the Internet, the following tip sheet, "How to Write Good":
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Contractions aren't necessary
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Prepositions are not the words to end sentences with.
- Be more or less specific.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
What do you call a girl that can table dance infinitely due to unusual geometry infinitely due to unusual the geometry
A Mobius stripper
A dozen monkeys, locked in a room with typewriters and infinite time would produce Shakespeare. What do you get when you give a gorilla a smartphone for an afternoon?
@realDonaldTrump
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It must s**... being raised by gay parents.
Either you get stuck with double the dad jokes or get thrown into an infinite loop of "go ask your mother."
A boy frees a genie.
"my first wish is the power to make infinite wishes come true!"
The boy became the genie.
What do you call an infinite amount of spiders in old turkey?
Constant nope, lel.
A mathematician and an engineer are sitting at a table..
drinking when a very beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the bar.
The mathematician sighs. "I'd like to talk to her, but first I have to cover half the distance between where we are and where she is, then half of the distance that remains, then half of that distance, and so on. The series is infinite. There'll always be some finite distance between us."
The engineer gets up and starts walking. "Ah, well, I figure I can get close enough for all practical purposes."
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...
The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.