Infinite Jokes
103 infinite jokes and hilarious infinite puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about infinite that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy an unlimited source of laughter with an infinite loop of jokes. Get ready for a world of humor with this vast collection of jokes - from puns to one-liners to jokes about movies, TV shows, and games like Infinite Jest and Halo Infinite. Explore the Stellar lode of comedy and discover the best jokes for your next gathering.
Funniest Infinite Short Jokes
Short infinite jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The infinite humour may include short endless jokes also.
- Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth ... but then they realized No Man's sky was invented already.
- There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . . Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
- Love Girl: what do you think of our love
Me: count the stars
Girl: awww.... its infinite
Me: no, its a waste of time. - Only three things are infinite The universe, human stupidity, and the winrar trial period.
- What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle? There is no difference.
The joke is you just learned math. - What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
~ Infinite Jest, by DFW - Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
- Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
- I like my women like I like the constant 'e' infinite in number and at the base of my natural log
- A group of numbers were picking on 8 and he really h8'd it. But when they pushed him over he felt infinitely worse.
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Infinite One Liners
Which infinite one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with infinite? I can suggest the ones about unlimited and infinity.
- My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
- Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
- I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume No pressure
- What do you name an electricity generator that makes infinite amounts of power? Wattever.
- I like writing my eights on their sides. It's infinitely better
- I've made an infinite runner game for old people... Its called the elder scrolls
- What's infinite times better than the Super Bowl? The Hyperbole
- What did Star Trek teach millions of kids? To boldly split infinitives!
- When I was younger I couldn't wrap my head around infinite sums But now it all adds up
- why do i make infinite squiggly lines? cos i can. it would be a sin not to.
- What do you call an infinitely small cow? a moot point.
- What do you call an endless line of iPhones? An infinite Siris
- An infinite number of Sean Murray walks into to a bar and gets a refund.
- How to create an infinite loop in 2 easy steps! Step 1: Step 2
Step 2: Step 1 - What is an infinite loop? Punchline's in the title
Infinite Loop Jokes
Here is a list of funny infinite loop jokes and even better infinite loop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the computer scientist die in the shower? The shampoo bottle put him in an infinite loop.
- What's worst than being just a procrastinator... Being caught in an infinite loop because of being a procrastinator who loves to plan.
- Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
- Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.
Cheerful Fun Infinite Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about infinite you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eternal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make infinite pranks.
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a ........
A gerund, infinitive, and a past participle walk into a bar.
Drinking, to drink, to get drunk
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, etc. The bartender pours two beers and says, "Hey, you guys ought to know your limits."
Bit of a different post here - an author introduces a joke but never reveals the punchline...anyone heard this joke? Or make up your own punchline?
In *Infinite Jest* by David Foster Wallace, at one point there's a line -
"...asking Mario if he knows what you call three Canadians copulating on a snowmobile."
But he doesn't say the punchline. I'm assuming maybe this is a commonish kinda joke? I've tried to think of what the punchline is but can't.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do you call an infinite series with a finite result that has never had s**...?
Convirgin.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin¹s h**...."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
First asks for a beer, second asks for half a beer, third asks for a quarter of a beer...
Barmen says "Got it, no need to continue" and proceeds to ring up two beers.
Samsung developed an infinite space hard drive.
Only problem is they're still formatting it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johny the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest p**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's p**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like numbers ...
* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.
* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.
* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.
* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.
* Every other one is just plain Odd.
I wanted to make a joke about the new Call of Duty...
...but there are already infinite of them
So here's a Battlefield one instead
What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?
They're practically non existent.
An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.
The Nokia 3310 was ahead of its time...
Dust proof, water proof, had a nearly infinite battery life, indestructible, AND no audio jack!
Boy: My love for you is like counting the stars..
Girl: Oww, Infinite?
Boy: Nope, Pointless ..
A new source of electricity is found!
Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now.
We can use that somehow.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The bar explodes because a finite space cannot hold an infinite amount of matter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's Albert Einstein, not mine
Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.
A priest....
A priest, an Irishman, a horse, a gorilla, a twelve inch pianist and an infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The bartender says "Is this some kind of a joke?"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.
The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".
An infinite amount of Mathematicians walk into a bar...
Then they all die due to infinite mass in finite space.
If I got a penny everytime . . .
If I got a penny everytime I got a penny, I'd be infinitely rich.
What do you call a girl that can table dance infinitely due to unusual geometry infinitely due to unusual the geometry
A Mobius stripper
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It must s**... being raised by gay parents.
Either you get stuck with double the dad jokes or get thrown into an infinite loop of "go ask your mother."
A boy frees a genie.
"my first wish is the power to make infinite wishes come true!"
The boy became the genie.
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...
The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.
If you give an infinite amount of monkeys with typewriters an infinite amount of time, they will eventually recreate all of Shakespeare's masterpieces accidentally...
But give them five minutes, and they'll have the script of The Last Jedi.
My girlfriend is like a Infinite Lists video
It was promising at the beginning, but I wish I never saw it.
As Albert Einstein ones said:
Two things are infinite; the universe and the 40-day trial for WinRAR!
It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....
With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!
How many Zenos does it take to change a light bulb.
Infinite. One to screw it in half way. One to screw it in half of what's left. Another to screw it in half of what's left...
There's a fine line between the numerator and the denominator
There's also a fine between crushing and infinite depression.
Two engineers walk into a bar..
And order two beers.
The bartender says "I was expecting infinite number of mathematicians"
The engineer says "Nah. We just like to round off!"
The people that believe in infinite lives
Have just taken the philosophy of eat, sleep and repeat way too seriously.
An infinite number of lemmings walk into a python
while True:
print("Ouch.")
^^\#oof
Only three things are infinite...
The universe, human stupidity and and the Winrar trial period.
Actually I am not very sure about the first two.
Why is the symbol for infinity an 8 lying down?
Because after someone ate, lying down is infinitely better.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders a half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "you're all idiots" and pours two beers.
"Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective."
"You're still late" replied my boss.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." ~ Albert Einstein
I'm not so sure either...
One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."
The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."
A Muslim boy once asked his father: "why is it that Jews can't work on Saturday, Christians can't work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?"
The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."
Fatherly advice
When I was a little boy I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. My dad ran to me picked me up and told me to "shake it off."
Years later while playing baseball I was hit with a wild pitch, my dad called out from the stands "Shake it off son."
Before going off to college my long time girlfriend dumped me. Of course just like everything else in life when I was hurt my dad with his infinite wisdom once again told me to "shake it off."
Due to all the years of his great fatherly advice I knew exactly what to say when he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.
For my 3rd wish, I wish for infinite wishes
"Wish granted," says the Genie.
"Really? I thought it was impossible. I wish for infinite riches now." responds the man.
The man waits for a few minutes as nothing happens.
"I thought you said you granted my wish for infinite wishes!"
The Genie smirks and responds "I said I would only GRANT three wishes. You have infinite wishes as you wanted now, except I just won't grant them. You should have looked at the dictionary definition for wish first."
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."
Apparently, they once sat William Shakespeare in front of an infinite number of typewriters.
After a week, he had written "ooh aahh ooh ooh"
If I rated my love for you from 1-10 it'd be pi
Because it is both infinite, and not that much.
When you think about time on the cosmic scale, an infinitely expanding past and future...
60 seconds seems pretty minute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I feel sad for people with gay parents
They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young priest was taking his first confession...
An older priest was monitoring the confession and after it was over he said, "My son, can you say, 'tsk, tsk, tsk"?
The young priest was a little confused. "Yes, I can say, 'tsk, tsk, tsk'. Why do you ask, Father?"
The older priest replied, "Because, 'tsk, tsk, tsk' is infinitely better than, 'NO s**...???'"
(This is my wife's favorite joke.)
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A man summons a genie from a lamp
The genie says he'll grant 3 wishes.The man's first wish is for infinite wishes.Well the genie tells the man that he can't wish for more wishes.So the man wishes for an umbrella.The genie does so and then ask Why do you need an umbrella? .The man then says Now shove it up your a**... . With a painful groan the genie does so.He then says Okay w**...,what next? . The man then says Now give me more wishes before I make you open the umbrella
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.
There are two kinds of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say
"There are two kinds of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say
"There are two kinds of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say
"There are two kinds of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say...
