Infinite Jokes
109 infinite jokes and hilarious infinite puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about infinite that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy an unlimited source of laughter with an infinite loop of jokes. Get ready for a world of humor with this vast collection of jokes - from puns to one-liners to jokes about movies, TV shows, and games like Infinite Jest and Halo Infinite. Explore the Stellar lode of comedy and discover the best jokes for your next gathering.
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- Short Infinite Jokes
- Infinite One Liners
- Infinite Loop Jokes
- Infinite Jest Jokes
- More Infinite Jokes
Funniest Infinite Short Jokes
Short infinite jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The infinite humour may include short endless jokes also.
- I feel sad for people with gay parents They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
- Having gay parents must be horrible You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
- Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth ... but then they realized No Man's sky was invented already.
- There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . . Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
- Having gay parents must be horrible Either you get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask your mom'
- The worst part of gay couples adopting kids The adopted kids will either get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of go ask your mother.
- Love Girl: what do you think of our love
Me: count the stars
Girl: awww.... its infinite
Me: no, its a waste of time. - Only three things are infinite The universe, human stupidity, and the winrar trial period.
- I feel bad for children of gay parents They either suffer from twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mother"
- An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar The first orders a pint. The second orders a half, the third a quarter and so on. The bartender pours 2 pints and says, Figure it out yourselves.
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Infinite One Liners
Which infinite one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with infinite? I can suggest the ones about unlimited and infinity.
- My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
- Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
- Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth.
- I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume No pressure
- What do you name an electricity generator that makes infinite amounts of power? Wattever.
- I like writing my eights on their sides. It's infinitely better
- I've made an infinite runner game for old people... Its called the elder scrolls
- An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar It takes forever.
- What's infinite times better than the Super Bowl? The Hyperbole
- What did Star Trek teach millions of kids? To boldly split infinitives!
- When I was younger I couldn't wrap my head around infinite sums But now it all adds up
- why do i make infinite squiggly lines? cos i can. it would be a sin not to.
- What do you call an infinitely small cow? a moot point.
- Yo Mama so fat Her waistband is the reason Pi is an infinite number.
- What do you call an endless line of iPhones? An infinite Siris
Infinite Loop Jokes
Here is a list of funny infinite loop jokes and even better infinite loop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the computer scientist die in the shower? The shampoo bottle put him in an infinite loop.
- What's worst than being just a procrastinator... Being caught in an infinite loop because of being a procrastinator who loves to plan.
- How to create an infinite loop in 2 easy steps! Step 1: Step 2
Step 2: Step 1 - What is an infinite loop? Punchline's in the title
- Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.
- Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.
- It must s**... being raised by gay parents. Either you get stuck with double the dad jokes or get thrown into an infinite loop of "go ask your mother."
Infinite Jest Jokes
Here is a list of funny infinite jest jokes and even better infinite jest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
~ Infinite Jest, by DFW
Cheerful Fun Infinite Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about infinite you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eternal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make infinite pranks.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one orders a quarter, and the fourth one orders one eighth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says,"you guys should know your limits."
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a ........
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, etc. The bartender pours two beers and says, "Hey, you guys ought to know your limits."
My Favorite Math Joke
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.
What do you call an infinite series with a finite result that has never had s**...?
Convirgin.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders a half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and this trend continues on for some time. After a while, the bartender gets fed up and hands them 2 beers, shakes his head and says, "You mathematicians just don't know your limits."
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer."
The bartender pulls out just two beers.
The mathematicians ask, "That's all you're giving us?"
The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest h**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while b**... her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..
And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin¹s h**...."
So, an infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."
Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters
will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
First asks for a beer, second asks for half a beer, third asks for a quarter of a beer...
Barmen says "Got it, no need to continue" and proceeds to ring up two beers.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first asks, "1 beer please!"
The second asks, "1/2 beer please!"
The third asks, "1/4 beer please!"
The fourth asks, "1/8 beer please!"
And so on. Eventually, the bar tender gets very angry, and slams 2 beers on the counter yelling,
"You mathematicians just don't know your limits!"
Johny the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest p**..., give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's p**...."
Women are like numbers ...
* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.
* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.
* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.
* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.
* Every other one is just plain Odd.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first mathematician orders a beer. The second mathematician orders half a beer. The third mathematician orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth mathematician orders an eighth of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the rather annoyed bartender slams two beers down on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits!"
What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?
There is no difference.
The joke is you just learned math.
Mathematicians in a bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half a pint, the third 1/4 pint, the fourth 1/8... the bartender gets impatient, gives the whole group 2 pints and says "you guys dont know your limits..."
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
...the first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.
The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".
Most Intelligent But Funniest
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.
A new source of electricity is found!
Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now.
We can use that somehow.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
First one says give me half a pint. Second one says a quarter, third says an eighth. The bartender puts down one pint and says, you people need to know your limits.
An infinite number of math mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders 1 beer. The second orders 1/2 beer. The third orders 1/4 beer. The next orders 1/8 beer. Visibly frustrated the bartender slams 2 beers on the table and says "Guys, you need to learn your limits!"
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first mathematician asks for a beer.
The second asks for a half a beer.
The third asks for a quarter of a beer and so on with the consecutive mathematicians having half the amount of beer as the mathematician before him.
The bartender says: "I'll just pour you 2 beers, you gotta know your limits!"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first says, "I'll have a beer."
The second says, "I'll have one half of a beer."
The third says, "I'll have one fourth of a beer."
Frustrated, the bartender pulls out two bottles and says, "You guys should know your limits."
It's Albert Einstein, not mine
Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.
An infinite number of mathematics walk into a bar...
The bartender asked what they want. The first says a pint, the next says half a pint, next says a 1/4th a pint, next says an 1/8th a pint and so on until the bartender gets tired of hearing what they want. He pours two pints and says "Y'all need to learn your limits."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.
The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".
An infinite amount of Mathematicians walk into a bar...
Then they all die due to infinite mass in finite space.
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first says, I'll have a beer. The second says, I'll have half a beer. The third says, I'll have a quarter of a beer. Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. Come on, now, he says to the group, You guys have got to learn your limits.
The mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first mathematician orders a pint of beer. The second mathematician orders a half. The third, a quarter pint. There is an infinite line up of Mathematicians.
The bartender fills up two pints and slides it over to the Mathematicians.
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...
The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.
Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume
This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second orders half a pint, the third orders a quarter pint. The bartender interrupts them, You guys need to learn your limits. Two pints, coming right up!
I like my women like I like the constant 'e'
infinite in number and at the base of my natural log
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." And so on.
The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, "You guys need to know your limits."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one asks for one glass, the second asks for half, the third asks for a fourth, and so on. The bartender puts 2 glasses on the counter and says Sort it out yourselves
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.
The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one asks for a pint. The second asks for half a pint. The third asks for a quarter pint. and so on.
The bartender stops them and pours 2 pints and says "Know your limits"
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The fourth one orders an eighth of a beer.
At this point, the bartender has enough, poors the mathematicians two beers and says: "There you go, split them yourselves."
One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."
The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."
And infinite number of mathmeticians walk into a bar.
The first one goes up to the bartender and orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders 1/4 of a beer. The bartender stops them and set 2 beers on the bar and says' You guys need to know your limits.
A Muslim boy once asked his father: "why is it that Jews can't work on Saturday, Christians can't work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?"
The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."
Old Mathjoke
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second
one orders half a beer. The third one orders
a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them,
pours two beers and says, "You guys should
know your limits."
Fatherly advice
When I was a little boy I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. My dad ran to me picked me up and told me to "shake it off."
Years later while playing baseball I was hit with a wild pitch, my dad called out from the stands "Shake it off son."
Before going off to college my long time girlfriend dumped me. Of course just like everything else in life when I was hurt my dad with his infinite wisdom once again told me to "shake it off."
Due to all the years of his great fatherly advice I knew exactly what to say when he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.
For my 3rd wish, I wish for infinite wishes
"Wish granted," says the Genie.
"Really? I thought it was impossible. I wish for infinite riches now." responds the man.
The man waits for a few minutes as nothing happens.
"I thought you said you granted my wish for infinite wishes!"
The Genie smirks and responds "I said I would only GRANT three wishes. You have infinite wishes as you wanted now, except I just won't grant them. You should have looked at the dictionary definition for wish first."
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
What to pick
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."
"You have three wishes!"
"Oh no, I know the drill. Whatever I wish for, will come back and bite me."
"What? No, I'm a good genie. Listen, if it does, I will even give you infinite wishes"
"I want a boomerang with teeth."
A group of numbers were picking on 8 and he really h8'd it.
But when they pushed him over he felt infinitely worse.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer...
The second, half a beer...
The third, a quarter of a beer...
The fourth, an eighth of a beer, and so on, until the bartender stops them and says:
"Know your limits."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first orders a mug, the second a half, the third a quarter, and so on. The bartender pours them 2 whole mugs and says, "sort it out yourselves."
the ol' razzle dazzle
Genie: You have 3 wishes.
Me: I have seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I am so sure it won't I will give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a…….
If I rated my love for you from 1-10 it'd be pi
Because it is both infinite, and not that much.
An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar
The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says "sort it out yourselves."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a third of a beer... And so on.
The bartender says: "That is an infinite amount of beer. You guys need to know your limits!"
A young priest was taking his first confession...
An older priest was monitoring the confession and after it was over he said, "My son, can you say, 'tsk, tsk, tsk"?
The young priest was a little confused. "Yes, I can say, 'tsk, tsk, tsk'. Why do you ask, Father?"
The older priest replied, "Because, 'tsk, tsk, tsk' is infinitely better than, 'NO s**...???'"
(This is my wife's favorite joke.)
A man summons a genie from a lamp
The genie says he'll grant 3 wishes.The man's first wish is for infinite wishes.Well the genie tells the man that he can't wish for more wishes.So the man wishes for an umbrella.The genie does so and then ask Why do you need an umbrella? .The man then says Now shove it up your a**... . With a painful groan the genie does so.He then says Okay w**...,what next? . The man then says Now give me more wishes before I make you open the umbrella
A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b**... with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's b**...."
A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.
As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!
Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says
Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.