The Best 75 Infinite Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Infinite jokes. There are some infinite limitless jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these infinite stupidity puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Infinite Jokes and Puns
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one orders a quarter, and the fourth one orders one eighth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says,"you guys should know your limits."
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a ........
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, etc. The bartender pours two beers and says, "Hey, you guys ought to know your limits."
My Favorite Math Joke
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one tells the bartender he wants a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender puts two beers on the bar and says You guys need to learn your limits.
What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?
A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
~ Infinite Jest, by DFW
Why did the computer scientist die in the shower?
The shampoo bottle put him in an infinite loop.
What do you call an infinite series with a finite result that has never had sex?
Convirgin.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first one orders a beer, the second one orders a half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and this trend continues on for some time. After a while, the bartender gets fed up and hands them 2 beers, shakes his head and says, "You mathematicians just don't know your limits."
You can explore infinite vast reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean infinite diameter dad jokes. There are also infinite puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer."
The bartender pulls out just two beers.
The mathematicians ask, "That's all you're giving us?"
The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."
What do you name an electricity generator that makes infinite amounts of power?
Wattever.
So, an infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."
Given infinite time, a million monkeys with a million typewriters
will eventually become a very creepy room filled with an equal count of typewriters and monkey skeletons
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
First asks for a beer, second asks for half a beer, third asks for a quarter of a beer...
Barmen says "Got it, no need to continue" and proceeds to ring up two beers.
My laziness is like the number 8.
Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first asks, "1 beer please!"
The second asks, "1/2 beer please!"
The third asks, "1/4 beer please!"
The fourth asks, "1/8 beer please!"
And so on. Eventually, the bar tender gets very angry, and slams 2 beers on the counter yelling,
"You mathematicians just don't know your limits!"
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first mathematician orders a beer. The second mathematician orders half a beer. The third mathematician orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth mathematician orders an eighth of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the rather annoyed bartender slams two beers down on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits!"
What's the difference between an infinite line and an infinitely large circle?
There is no difference.
The joke is you just learned math.
Mathematicians in a bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half a pint, the third 1/4 pint, the fourth 1/8... the bartender gets impatient, gives the whole group 2 pints and says "you guys dont know your limits..."
Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?
Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space?
Because nobody liked it on earth.
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
...the first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.
The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".
Most Intelligent But Funniest
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .
Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth
... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.
An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.
Only three things are infinite
The universe, human stupidity, and the winrar trial period.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
First one says give me half a pint. Second one says a quarter, third says an eighth. The bartender puts down one pint and says, you people need to know your limits.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The bar explodes because a finite space cannot hold an infinite amount of matter.
An infinite number of math mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders 1 beer. The second orders 1/2 beer. The third orders 1/4 beer. The next orders 1/8 beer. Visibly frustrated the bartender slams 2 beers on the table and says "Guys, you need to learn your limits!"
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first mathematician asks for a beer.
The second asks for a half a beer.
The third asks for a quarter of a beer and so on with the consecutive mathematicians having half the amount of beer as the mathematician before him.
The bartender says: "I'll just pour you 2 beers, you gotta know your limits!"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first says, "I'll have a beer."
The second says, "I'll have one half of a beer."
The third says, "I'll have one fourth of a beer."
Frustrated, the bartender pulls out two bottles and says, "You guys should know your limits."
It's Albert Einstein, not mine
Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.
An infinite number of mathematics walk into a bar...
The bartender asked what they want. The first says a pint, the next says half a pint, next says a 1/4th a pint, next says an 1/8th a pint and so on until the bartender gets tired of hearing what they want. He pours two pints and says "Y'all need to learn your limits."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one walks up and orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third one wants 1/4 of a beer, and the next wants just 1/8th. The bartender sees where this is going, and stops them before anyone else can order.
The bartender pours two beers, hands them over, and says "You guys should really know your limits".
An infinite amount of Mathematicians walk into a bar...
Then they all die due to infinite mass in finite space.
I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume
No pressure
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first says, I'll have a beer. The second says, I'll have half a beer. The third says, I'll have a quarter of a beer. Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. Come on, now, he says to the group, You guys have got to learn your limits.
The worst part of gay couples adopting kids
The adopted kids will either get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of go ask your mother.
Love
Girl: what do you think of our love
Me: count the stars
Girl: awww.... its infinite
Me: no, its a waste of time.
It must suck being raised by gay parents.
Either you get stuck with double the dad jokes or get thrown into an infinite loop of "go ask your mother."
The mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first mathematician orders a pint of beer. The second mathematician orders a half. The third, a quarter pint. There is an infinite line up of Mathematicians.
The bartender fills up two pints and slides it over to the Mathematicians.
An infinite number of people walk into a bar...
The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...
The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.
Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume
This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second orders half a pint, the third orders a quarter pint. The bartender interrupts them, You guys need to learn your limits. Two pints, coming right up!
I like my women like I like the constant 'e'
infinite in number and at the base of my natural log
An infinite number of people walk into a bar
The first person orders a beer, the second half a beer, the third a quarter and so on.
The bartender hands them two beers and says "know your limits".
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." And so on.
The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, "You guys need to know your limits."
I feel bad for children of gay parents
They either suffer from twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mother"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one asks for one glass, the second asks for half, the third asks for a fourth, and so on. The bartender puts 2 glasses on the counter and says Sort it out yourselves
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.
The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one asks for a pint. The second asks for half a pint. The third asks for a quarter pint. and so on.
The bartender stops them and pours 2 pints and says "Know your limits"
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer.
The second one orders half a beer.
The third one orders a quarter of a beer.
The fourth one orders an eighth of a beer.
At this point, the bartender has enough, poors the mathematicians two beers and says: "There you go, split them yourselves."
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first orders a pint. The second orders a half, the third a quarter and so on. The bartender pours 2 pints and says, Figure it out yourselves.
One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."
The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."
And infinite number of mathmeticians walk into a bar.
The first one goes up to the bartender and orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders 1/4 of a beer. The bartender stops them and set 2 beers on the bar and says' You guys need to know your limits.
A Muslim boy once asked his father: "why is it that Jews can't work on Saturday, Christians can't work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?"
The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."
Old Mathjoke
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second
one orders half a beer. The third one orders
a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them,
pours two beers and says, "You guys should
know your limits."
For my 3rd wish, I wish for infinite wishes
"Wish granted," says the Genie.
"Really? I thought it was impossible. I wish for infinite riches now." responds the man.
The man waits for a few minutes as nothing happens.
"I thought you said you granted my wish for infinite wishes!"
The Genie smirks and responds "I said I would only GRANT three wishes. You have infinite wishes as you wanted now, except I just won't grant them. You should have looked at the dictionary definition for wish first."
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
What to pick
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."
"You have three wishes!"
"Oh no, I know the drill. Whatever I wish for, will come back and bite me."
"What? No, I'm a good genie. Listen, if it does, I will even give you infinite wishes"
"I want a boomerang with teeth."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer...
The second, half a beer...
The third, a quarter of a beer...
The fourth, an eighth of a beer, and so on, until the bartender stops them and says:
"Know your limits."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first orders a mug, the second a half, the third a quarter, and so on. The bartender pours them 2 whole mugs and says, "sort it out yourselves."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
It takes forever.
Apparently, they once sat William Shakespeare in front of an infinite number of typewriters.
After a week, he had written "ooh aahh ooh ooh"
An infinite number of mathematicians......
walk into a bar. And the first one says to the bartender, "I'll have a mug of beer". Then the second one says, "I'll have half a mug of beer". And the third then says, " I'll have a quarter of a mug of beer". And so on, until the bartender's heard enough and says, "OK! But you guys had better know your limits!!"
Having gay parents must be horrible
Either you get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask your mom'
the ol' razzle dazzle
Genie: You have 3 wishes.
Me: I have seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won't happen. I am so sure it won't I will give you infinite wishes if it does.
Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a…….
If I rated my love for you from 1-10 it'd be pi
Because it is both infinite, and not that much.
An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar
The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says "sort it out yourselves."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the infinite variable jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working infinite universe piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.