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Infection Jokes

146 infection jokes and hilarious infection puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about infection that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Lighten up your healthcare with these hilarious infection jokes made by infection control nurses! With jokes about yeast infections, kidney infections, eye infections, bladder infections, urinary tract infections, sinus infections, and more, we have something for all the healthcare workers out there. Get ready to laugh about bacteria, glands, and even nasal sprays!

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Funniest Infection Short Jokes

Short infection jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The infection humour may include short virus jokes also.

  1. If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection? I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
  2. America's coronavirus response is a lot like my ex-girlfriend's legs. They opened up fast for just about anyone, and now everyone who took advantage is suffering from a viral infection.
  3. Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers? Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.
  4. I have a weird fungal infection on my foot... I didn't like it at first, but it's growing on me.
  5. I called in sick to work today...

    I said: "I have an eye infection, I can't see myself coming in."
  6. I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard. I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.
  7. Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind? He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.
  8. Have you hear about the new Canadian strain of Covid-19? Most people infected are eh symptomatic.
  9. Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind? He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.
  10. Went to the doctor for an ear infection and now I've found out I'm actually going deaf. That news was pretty hard to hear.

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Infection One Liners

Which infection one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with infection? I can suggest the ones about injury and infected.

  1. What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder w/cheese.
  2. What do you call a woman with a yeast infection and a sense of humour? A fun-gal.
  3. What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis
  4. Doctor told me I have viral eye infection... Must be the cornea virus
  5. What do you call a redhead with a yeast infection? Gingerbread
  6. If a single germ can infect over 300 people... Imagine what a married one could do.
  7. Just found out my grandma has been infected I knew I should have used protection!
  8. What's an anorexic with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.
  9. What do you call a pig that has never been tested for an infection? Uncultured swine.
  10. What's the worst thing about earrape? You could get an ear infection, like hearing AIDS
  11. What's the leading cause of death among wizards? Staff infection
  12. What do you call a red head with a yeast infection A ginger bread house
  13. Butter makes everything taste better, But now my girlfriend has a yeast infection.
  14. why couldn't the rabbi eat out during passover? His girlfriend had a yeast infection
  15. What do you call it when everyone at your job is sick... A staff infection

Yeast Infection Jokes

Here is a list of funny yeast infection jokes and even better yeast infection puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a clever midget and a yeast infection? One's a cunning runt...
  • What do you call a super model with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
  • Redheads What do you call a redhead with a yeast infection?
    Gingerbread
  • What's it called when the Pillsbury doughboys girlfriend gets a yeast infection? Hole wheat.
  • What do you call a ginger with a yeast infection? Cinnamon Toast Crunch
  • Did you see the video of the woman on her period with a yeast infection? It was bloodcurdling.
  • I used to get disgusted by people with skin yeast infections.. But now it's kinda growing on me.
  • What do a pyrotechnician and a women with a yeast infection have in common? Fire in the hole!
  • Did you hear about the female soldier who deserted her unit during combat to tend to her yeast infection? She was sentenced with dishonorable discharge.
  • What does a Redhead with a yeast infection like to do in her spare time? Make Gingerbread

Ear Infection Jokes

Here is a list of funny ear infection jokes and even better ear infection puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I told my doctor I have hearing aids... ... but he insists it's just an ear infection...
  • My elevator has an ear infection It must be Otistis
  • Two corny jokes Why did the farmer standing in the field call 911?
    He thought he was being stalked.
    Why did the corn go to the doctor?
    It had an ear infection.
  • My wife said I should go to the doctors because she thinks I have a ear infection. We will play it by ear.
  • Non-vaccinated children are the least likely to get any ear infections. Because they are anti-wax
  • I have an ear infection...and it hurts If anyone has a magical cure for this, i'm all ears.
  • What killed Vincent van Gogh? He had a Sev Ear Infection.
  • Why do so many lunatics have ear infections? Because they're ear-rash-ional.
  • Good Ol' Yo Mama joke Yo mama so dirty, she can give someone an ear infection through a phone.
  • I have an ear infection. It's called hearing AIDs.
Infection joke, I have an ear infection.

Bladder Infection Jokes

Here is a list of funny bladder infection jokes and even better bladder infection puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Me: Doc, my pee is tea colored. I think I have a bladder infection. Doc: I see...
    Me: What's urinalysis?
  • What did Moses do after he got a bladder infection? Parted the Red Pea
  • Kinda bummed that my pet goldfish died today of a bladder infection. Although to be fair, I probably should have realized something was up when the bowl kept overflowing.
  • Son. if you get a bladder infection… u**... Trouble
  • What did the doctor say to the patient with a bladder infection? u**... Trouble
  • What happens when you get a bladder infection? u**... trouble.
  • When you've got a bladder infection... You know u**... trouble.
  • When you have a bladder infection u**... trouble
  • If you get a bladder infection u**... trouble
  • "Sir, You have a bladder infection " What's That??
    "u**... Trouble, Sir"

Urine Infection Jokes

Here is a list of funny urine infection jokes and even better urine infection puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did I tell my friend when he told me he got a bladder infection? u**... trouble.
Infection joke, What did I tell my friend when he told me he got a bladder infection?

Gather Around for Heartwarming Infection Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about infection you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disease jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make infection pranks.

What does a redhead with a tooth infection have?

Gingervitis!

What do you call an impatient skin infection?

*rash*

Ethiopian jokes I've heard from over the years.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese
What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth?
A rake
What do you call 10 Ethiopians carrying a canoe over their heads?
A comb
What do you call an Ethiopian with a club foot?
A gulf club.

How do you get h**... viral infection of the eye?

Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

Yesterday I went to the doctor with a sinus infection

But he told me it was all in my head.

Another day at the White House

After returning from the White House after a forum on s**... in the workplace, Monica Lewinsky takes her dress to the dry cleaner.
The dry cleaner has an ear infection and is having trouble hearing.
Monica says to the dry cleaner, I need my dress cleaned. The dry cleaner does not hear her well and says "come again", and Monica replies, "No, mustard"

What would you call Daenerys Targaryen if she had a v**... infection?

Khalyeasty

What do you call it when a v**... has a std?

An immaculate infection.

As a white person... We need more white people jokes. I've got a few here.

What do you call a bunch of White people sitting around watching black people do all the work?
The NBA
What do you call a bunch of White people chasing a black guy through a field?
The PGA
What do you call a White Girl with a yeast infection?
Crackers with Cheese.
What do you call it when a white guy tries to shoot a 3 pointer?
Sad.

A new sickness has been found and researchers report it infects only the nose.

According to them, this is a full-blown disease.

I'm starting a nightclub to cater to people infected with AIDS

It's called "Hi Five" in Roman Numerals (h**...)

There is a new virus which only affects Muslims.Where do they put the infected?

In the Quran-tine room!

What do you call it when your computer gets infected with a keylogger, a rootkit and half a dozen backdoors?

A free upgrade

Scientists have recently discovered a virus that increases the apathy of those infected.

No one seems to care.

A man gets a STD test from his doctor...

...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.
"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for s**...?"
The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."

I called in sick to work today...

I said: "I have an eye infection, I can't see myself coming in."

Did you hear about the bacterial outbreak in the office?

They said it was a staff infection.

What do you call it when all your employees get sick?

A staff infection

A joke for those who are not exactly tech savvy.

Your computer and/or phone is now infected with a dangerous virus. Comment your personal info to receive instructions on how to remove.

What did the mathemetician do about his ingrown toenail infection?

sohcahtoa.

What's green and has eighteen holes?

An infected apple.

All of my coworkers seem to have large blisters on their skin.

I think it's a staff infection.

I have a fungal infection on my feet

At first I didn't like it, but then it started to grow on me.

I took a video of my symptoms that suggested a bacterial infection

it turned out to be viral.

My computer is infected with the Miley Cyrus virus.

It has stopped twerking.

What do you call a toxic work environment?

A staff infection

A man went to the doctor with an infection that started in his hand, but spread to his whole arm.

The doctor said that the infection was getting out-of-hand.

A bacteria mom, once, took her infected son to the doctor.

The doctor said, "He's going through a phage..."

Been playing Minecraft with my niece.

There's a creature called a Mooshroom. It's a cow with a fungal infection. Just like my sister.

If a v**... conceiving is called an immaculate conception...

Is a v**... catching venereal disease called an immaculate infection???

Good news: New h**... Infection Rates Falling Dramatically in Africa.

Bad news: Because everyone is positive now.

I went to the doctor with a chest infection.

I asked the doctor, "TB or not TB?"

Amputate?

Doctor: Mr. Franco, I'm sorry to tell you that your leg has developed gangrene, and if we don't amputate immediately, you may die due to infection.
Shall I schedule the surgery?
Mr. Franco: Hmm... I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no.

Why did Shakespeare get so many bacterial infections?

Because he only had quillicillin

I played plague inc and choose to upgrade infect by food

Now i can't infect africa

Played Plague inc and chose to infect by food only

I couldn't reach africa

(Get Ready to be Blown Away) What Do You Call A Hospital Full Of Sick Doctors?

**A Staff Infection** *massive applause*

What do you call the Asian influence in American Culture?

An East infection

Why couldn't the wizard go on his quest?

He had a staff infection

Gee, I wonder if SARS-CoV-2 mutated to the point where it could infect birds...

I guess you could call the disease it causes "CO*R*VID-19," eh?

Unfortunately men are still getting infected even when they abide by social distancing

That's because six feet to them is in reality 5'8"

COVID reminds me a lot of my ex,

because my mom won't stop talking about it, and it's now responsible for quite a few infections.

Fighting COVID-19 by contact tracing and quarantining those with connections to infected people means that...

Poor Kevin Bacon never gets to leave his home.

Apparently I'm going to h**... because I infected the Donkey next door.

They said I must not COVID my neighbor's a**....

Corona Virus has spread to species of birds

It now infects bat man and robin

Daily Covid-19 check

At 7 p.m. open the whiskey bottle and smell it.
If you can smell, you are not infected.
Then pour it in in a glass tumbler.
Taste it. if you can feel the taste, you are not infected.
\~ Dr Johnny Walker

The moment we find out dogs really could sniff out coronavirus infections...

We'd ask WHO, let the dogs out! WHO! WHO!

What infection can you get for having nasal s**...?

Sniffilis

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat

So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.

Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking m**...?

The Joint Chiefs of Staph

What's the country with the highest incidence of mid-leg infection in the entire world?

Germany

What does a modern excutioner, with a sense of humor do, before injecting lethal injection?

\- Disinfect the arm, to prevent infection.

Infection joke, What does a modern excutioner, with a sense of humor do, before injecting lethal injection?

jokes about infection