Infected Jokes
47 infected jokes and hilarious infected puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about infected that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article looks at "Infected Jokes" from the perspective of a medic dealing with a bacterial infection. Learn how to bring a lighthearted approach to the quarantine, with some medically-focused comedy infused into the mix.
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Funniest Infected Short Jokes
Short infected jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The infected humour may include short infested jokes also.
- If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection? I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
- Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers? Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.
- I have a weird fungal infection on my foot... I didn't like it at first, but it's growing on me.
- I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard. I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.
- Did you hear about the doctor that ignored an eye infection and went blind? He examined himself, but couldn't see anything wrong.
- Have you hear about the new Canadian strain of Covid-19? Most people infected are eh symptomatic.
- A man went to the doctor with an infection that started in his hand, but spread to his whole arm. The doctor said that the infection was getting out-of-hand.
- The moment we find out dogs really could sniff out coronavirus infections... We'd ask WHO, let the dogs out! WHO! WHO!
- Scientists have recently discovered a virus that increases the apathy of those infected. No one seems to care.
- COVID reminds me a lot of my ex, because my mom won't stop talking about it, and it's now responsible for quite a few infections.
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Infected One Liners
Which infected one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with infected? I can suggest the ones about infection and virus infects.
- What do you call a woman with a yeast infection and a sense of humour? A fun-gal.
- What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection? LeBronchitis
- Doctor told me I have viral eye infection... Must be the cornea virus
- What do you call a redhead with a yeast infection? Gingerbread
- If a single germ can infect over 300 people... Imagine what a married one could do.
- Just found out my grandma has been infected I knew I should have used protection!
- What's an anorexic with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.
- What's the worst thing about earrape? You could get an ear infection, like hearing AIDS
- What's the leading cause of death among wizards? Staff infection
- Butter makes everything taste better, But now my girlfriend has a yeast infection.
- why couldn't the rabbi eat out during passover? His girlfriend had a yeast infection
- What do you call it when everyone at your job is sick... A staff infection
- I told my doctor I have hearing aids... ... but he insists it's just an ear infection...
- What does a redhead with a tooth infection have? Gingervitis!
- I went to the doctor with a chest infection. I asked the doctor, "TB or not TB?"
Humorous Infected Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about infected you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean injured jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make infected pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Son. if you get a bladder infection…
u**... Trouble
According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat
So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the doctor say to the patient with a bladder infection?
u**... Trouble
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get h**... viral infection of the eye?
Looking for love in all the wrong places.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder w/cheese.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens when you get a bladder infection?
u**... trouble.
There was once a man who got an eye infection and had to get his eye removed, he could not afford a glass eye so his doctor made him a wooden one.
He was very self conscious about having a wood eye and as such he would only go to poorly lit bars to try to pick up chicks.
One night he was at such a bar and striking out with most of the women there, decided to have one final drink before leaving, as he is drinking he sees a woman who looks a little overweight and says to himself "I'll try one more time"
He then walks up to the woman and asks
"Excuse me but would you like to dance"
The woman jumps up excitedly and says
"Would I, would I"
He responds with
"fatass, fatass"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What infection can you get for having nasal s**...?
Sniffilis
God and the devil chat about music
The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human for me to infect. it requires a soul to create music .
The devil leans back, now the music-industry, that's some of my finer work
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets a STD test from his doctor...
...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.
"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for s**...?"
The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."
I took a video of my symptoms that suggested a bacterial infection
it turned out to be viral.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Get Ready to be Blown Away) What Do You Call A Hospital Full Of Sick Doctors?
**A Staff Infection** *massive applause*
Daily Covid-19 check
At 7 p.m. open the whiskey bottle and smell it.
If you can smell, you are not infected.
Then pour it in in a glass tumbler.
Taste it. if you can feel the taste, you are not infected.
\~ Dr Johnny Walker
