Infant Jokes
68 infant jokes and hilarious infant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about infant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Start your day with a laugh by checking out a collection of hilarious infant jokes that will put a smile on your face. Whether you are in your infancy or just want to remind yourself of a simpler time, these jokes are sure to bring back fond memories.
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Funniest Infant Short Jokes
Short infant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The infant humour may include short newborn jokes also.
- My husband said our infant son could microwave... And then shook his arm really fast.
(True story, please groan with me.) - Since you like Dad jokes. Here's one I laid on my wife while she was folding my infant daughters clothes. Wife: Could you go and grab the baby hangers?
Me: They prefer to be called executioners. - I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin... My wife told be that would be infant tile.
- How do you buy unlimited kid's toys? Well first, you add a kid's item to your cart.
And then another...
And then another...
Add infant item - adults make better fighters than infants yet more battles are won by infantry than adultery
- What do an infant and a Polaroid have in common? If you shake them too much, they don't develop properly.
- What is nine inches long and keeps a woman up screaming all night? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
- What's more fun than swinging an infant over your head with a rope as fast as you can? Stopping it with a shovel
- What do you call a sapling in the military? An Infantry! (Infant tree, a sapling is a baby/young tree? Ah forget it!)
- How did ancient Greeks keep tabs on their infants while they slept at night? They used a baby minotaur.
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Infant One Liners
Which infant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with infant? I can suggest the ones about toddler and young kid.
- Why does the army plant saplings every year? To grow the infant-tree
- What do you call an infant with no hands? A feetus.
- Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
- What do you call an army of toddlers? Infant-ry.
*insert cringe here* - Doctor ask, "Do you exercise often?" No, but I was baptized as an infant.
- Do infants enjoy infantry... as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Probably not.
- What do rich parents tell their infants? Gucci Gucci goo.
- What's Pao's favorite Chinese dish? Infant children.
- I like my Holy Infants the way I like my chicken wings.., Tender and mild.
- When I was an infant I had a nanny that abused me And im still pretty shaken up about it
- What did the disappointed mozart-fan infant say when he opened his gift? Baby got Bach
- You know what's worse than an infant in a dumpster? An infant in two dumpsters.
- There's a new search engine being developed for infants Google Ga Ga
- I used to be into infantalism... I eventually grew out of it.
Infant Baby Jokes
Here is a list of funny infant baby jokes and even better infant baby puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard about SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) the other day and I felt a bit optimistic... You are telling me this baby screaming on the plane has a chance of suddenly dying?!
- What do you call a sick baby elephant? An ill-infant
- Russian father asks his infant son... He says "Hello, comrade baby.. You know who I am, no?"
The baby responds "Da....da..." - Why do terrorists eat baby dill pickles? They want to kill the infant dills!
- The three wise men find Baby Jesus in the desert and eat him... one asks the others "how is your Holy Infant?"
Between bites he says "Tender, Mild." - My newborn baby boy can already juggle, speak full sentences and even ride a bike! He is infantly better than his sister...
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say to an infant who wants to install windows 7 on the baby's PC from 2006? Uninstall Vista, baby
- Why did the no-nonsense scatologist who was pulled over for speeding have an infant in the car? Doc Brown told him "When this baby hits 88 MPH..."
- What would you say to a rocket shaped infant? "Baby, You're a Firework"
- Did you hear Kony is raising up another army? It's a baby only army.
The infant-ry.
Infant Son Jokes
Here is a list of funny infant son jokes and even better infant son puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An Indian King became jealous that the Queen was caring about their infant son more than him, So he poisoned her n**... in her sleep to kill the baby. The next day the Minister died of poisoning.
Cheerful Fun Infant Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about infant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baby anti jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make infant pranks.
A Native American boy walks up to the the Chief of his tribe...
He says to the Chief "Great Chief, where do the people of our tribe get their names?" the chief replies, "Well, each infant is given a name by their father seconds before the mother gives birth. You see, what the father does is observe the nature around them and let its spirit inspire them." The boy says "I see, this makes some sense to me." and the Chief explains to the boy, "You're friend, Soaring-eagle, received his name when his father saw an eagle fly directly above the hut that his wife was giving birth in." The boy still looked slightly confused, so the Chief asked "Why exactly are you seeking this information. Did you want to know where you're name originated, Twodogsfucking?"
This is infantile jokes club. The first thing we need to do...
... is your mum
Nb robbed this off the radio.
After reading that Afghanistan had the highest infant mortality rate, this occurred to me.
What do you call Afghan triplets?
Twins!
I am so sorry....
What do you call a really really big ant?
A GIANT!
Now what do you call a baby ant?
an Infant!
What do you call an ant thats into business?
A Merchant!
please post more ant jokes if you know of any.
While at the mall with my infant son, I was glad to see the men's room had a baby changing station...
…so I took the kid right in there and strapped him into it.
Imagine my disappointment when we left the restroom and he was still the same foul-tempered, demanding and inarticulate little brat I walked in there with.
[Edited for clarity]
Why couldn't the infant insect without toes drink milk?
He was lack toes and toddler ant
What is 18 inches long, Stiff, and makes a woman scream at night?...
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
So the woman sitting next to me on a plane with an infant in her lap looks over to me and asks, "do you mind if I breast feed?"
And I respond, "no thanks I already ate." Too harsh of a dad joke?
As a new father, I have found my infant is like a struggling doctor
No patients.
Why was Jesus such a hol(e)y infant?
Sorry, that's my bad. I took a few bites when I heard he was tender and mild.
Two parents are with their infant child
The child says "Mother".
The mom is happy and says "He just said his first word!"
The dad says "No, he only said half a word."
Why was the African infant crying?
Mid-life crisis.
An American couple adopt a German infant...
He is fine physically, and he is content. But he hasn't started speaking. At two, three, even four years old, he is mute.
Then, one October, at five years old, his parents give him a hot chocolate.
Zis is a bit tepid, he complains.
Gunther, you can speak! Why have you never spoken before?
Up to now, everything had been satisfactory.
In Europe baby infant boys very rarely get circumcised, but in the US they get circumcised w**...-nilly'
I used to drive my infant daughter (who refused to dribk from a bottle) to the hospital where my wife worked as a nurse so she could breastfeed during her lunch break.
I'm no math major, but I'm pretty sure that means that my wife was nursing².
Did you know?
People who are left handed on average score higher on tests than ones who suffer from infant mortality.
Doctors advice
My doctor told me that going commando was healthy, but I got 20years in jail instead. Somehow I think killing my infant brother with my dads bowie knife was'nt what he meant.
A single father needed breast milk for his infant baby and so he asked others how he could get it.
A colleague of his who was lactating offered to give her milk to the baby.
She became his breast friend.
Amazed
One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it a**..., with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband."A penny for your thoughts," she said."It's amazing! " he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $146.50. "
