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Indicate Jokes

110 indicate jokes and hilarious indicate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about indicate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Indicate Short Jokes

Short indicate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The indicate humour may include short jokes also.

  1. If you ever feel your job is pointless. Just remember: there is some bloke in Germany putting indicators on BMWs
  2. If you ever think your job is pointless, just remember... You could be the guy who installs indicators on BMWs.
  3. I just saw a bmw driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice. Should I report the vehicle as stolen?
  4. Why did the German cross the road? Because the electronic traffic signal indicated that it was the appropriate time to do so.
  5. I've decided I'm not going to use my car indicators anymore. It's really nobody's business where I'm going.
  6. The dyslexic general was trying to determine if the reports he read indicated a nuclear threat or not In the end, he said it was unclear
  7. 2 friends are driving home when one said; Can you check if my indicator light is working?
    So the other friend sticks his head out the window and says;
    Yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
  8. When I was a kid my dad left without any indication All I remember of him was that he drove a BMW
  9. I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.
  10. News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead

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Indicate One Liners

Which indicate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with indicate? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. My friend just quit his job at BMW. He gave no indication he was leaving.
  2. The store was out of my favorite seasoning... Clear indication of the end of thyme.
  3. Where do Mathematicians sail? Indices.
  4. Why did Blackbeard cross the road? To indicate where the treasure is buried.
  5. Why don't you drink universal indicator? Because it'll reveal how basic you are.
  6. Jim: Tim, see if the indicator lights are working... Tim: Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...
  7. Why did the student look underwater for square and cube numbers? They're indices
  8. How can you see that a Tesla is on AutoPilot? It uses its turn indicators.
  9. Did you hear about the feud between the two LED power status indicators? Oh it's ON.
  10. Where do mathematicians swim? Indices.
  11. Excuse me, can you tell me if my indicators are working? "Yes, no, yes, no, yes..."
  12. Where would you find an algebraic Sailors hat? Indice
  13. [OC] Why do African car brands only have one indicator? Because Africans have no rights.
  14. Reports from all over the world are indicating the hawk polulation is in turmoil
  15. How can you tell when a politician is lying? If the US is any indication, you can't.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about indicate can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of indicate puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Indicate Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about indicate you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make indicate prank.

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a s**... attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office and said, "Kevin, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm sorry to tell you that the man you saved later hung himself." "He didn't hang himself," Kevin replied, "I hung him up to dry."

A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live.
"That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."

Doctor: "Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age."
Husband: "Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?"

I read a survey that said 82% of people enjoy being cuddled. But if the people on this bus are any indication, the real figure is, like 0%.

The Perfect Question

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the
equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S. ) gave a lecture on
Potential Problems and Military Strategy. At the end of the
lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a third world war?
And, will Russia take part in it?"

The general answered both questions in the affirmative.

Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?"

The general replied, "All indications point to China ."

Everyone in the audience was shocked.

A third officer remarked,

"General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5
billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or even survive?"

The general answered, "Just think about this for a moment: In
modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters,
but the quality of an army's capabilities. For example, in the
Middle East we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews
fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious."

After a small pause, yet another officer - from the back of the
auditorium asked,

"Do we have enough Jews?"

Husband and Wife go to a live stock show...

...and are passing through the bull section when they go up to a bull with a sign that indicates that the bull mated 12 times last year.
The wife says, "Honey, that's at least once a month. See, you could take a lesson from him." The husband doesn't say anything and they keep going to the next bull.
The sign indicates the bull mated 52 times last year. The wife says, "Honey, that's at least once a week. See, you could take a lesson from him." The husband doesn't say anything and they keep going to the next bull.
This time the sign says the bull mated 365 times last year. The wife says, "Honey, that's at once a day! Now you really should take a lesson from him."
The husband get fed up and replies, "And you think that bull mated with the same cow each of those times?"

Mittens keeping it cool.

A man dies, goes to heaven, stands before St. Peter, and see a huge wall of clocks. The man asks what all the clocks are for and St. Peter explains, "These are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move."
Pointing to one, the man says, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's," St. Peter answers. "The hands have never moved, indicating she never told a lie."
"Incredible," the man responds. "And whose clock is that?"
St. Peter responds, "That's Abraham Lincoln's. The hands moved twice telling us he told two lies in his entire life."
"Where is Mitt Romney's clock?" the man asks.
"Romney's clock is in Jesus' office," St. Peter says. "He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Tragedy in Poland

The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.
So far 374 bodies have been found.
Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.

Have you read the news?

I was reading the news the other day and came across a story from Vietnam. There were two gentlemen working in a rice p**... when one became enraged at the other and bludgeoned him to death with a small ceramic figurine. Reports indicate that this is the first ever case of knick-knack p**... whack.

A professor gives his psychology class a pop quiz. . .

One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times under certain circumstances?" He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it. "Miss Callahan!" The indicated girl, who heard the question, stammers with some embarrassment: "Professor, I'd rather not answer that question." The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Callahan, you don't need to answer it. Is there anyone present who can answer it?" He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Hawkins!" Hawkins says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times." The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Hawkins." Then he turns to Miss Callahan. He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question. One, you haven't studied this week's assignment; and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."

A man died and went to heaven..

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man.
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Obama's clock?"
"His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Mailman's last day on the job

A mailman is on his last day of the job after 20 years delivering the mail on the same route. He is going about his regular routine, when he is greeted at the door by a stunning blonde. She's wearing nothing more than a skimpy robe and beckons him inside. Without a word she leads him up the stairs and into the bedroom and proceeds to give him the best s**... of his life. After they both get dressed, she takes his hand and leads him downstairs. There is a gourmet meal prepared on the table and she pulls out a chair and indicates for him to sit down. Without a word he sits and they eat until they cannot eat another bite. He finishes eating and slumps back in his chair. The woman stands up and walks over to him, slipping a $1 bill in his front pocket. Bewildered the man finally asks "What in the world is all of this for?". The woman responds, "I heard it was your last day and asked my husband what we should do for you. He said 'Fuck him, give him a dollar'. The breakfast was my idea".

I shared a shuttle ride today with a linguist heading to Turkey to study Tuva t**... singers. (No joke!) I was reminded of this joke: Two linguists were walking down the street. Which one was the expert in contextually-indicated deixis and anaphoric reference resolution strategies?

The other one.

A man went to heaven...

So a man in the hospital died of a sickness and went up to heaven. Before he could enter he had to go to a sort of office building, he noticed the office walls were covered in clocks. He asked the angel working at the desk,
"What are these clocks for?"
To which the angel replied, "These clocks move 1 minute for every lie someone tells or told."
The man points to a clock, "Whose is this?"
The angel tells him, "This is Abraham Lincoln's clock, it has only moved 2 minutes, indicating he only told 2 lies."
The man points at another clock.
The angel says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it hasn't moved at all."
The man then asks the angel, "Where is Barack Obama's clock?
To which the angel replies, "In Jesus' Office, he's using it as a ceiling fan."

mother's milk

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the
cat can't get it.

He got an A.

The Everything Bagel should be called the "Everywhere Bagel"

This would be more indicative of its eating experience.

If my wife is any indication, then we need a woman in office to get this country back on track.

For years, she has been creating work out of nothing for me.

Did you hear they are planning to legislate that all time-telling devices should indicate numbers only as Roman numerals?

Not on my watch!

10 indications YOU'RE the r**... FB friend

^

Feel the burn?

Teenage boy: Doc, you gotta help me, I think I caught an STD.
Doctor: What are your indications?
Teen: My...what?
Doctor: Your symptoms. For example, when you pass u**..., does it burn?
Teen: I don't know! I never tried to light it.

A little bit of racism

Scientists have found that your fingerprints may indicate that you are black or white. For example, if your fingerprints were found at the crime scene, you're probably black.

People say that we are years away AI capable of emotion,

But if the pure spite that is written into printer software is any indication, I'd say we're already there.

A new report indicates Brazilians no longer support the 2016 Olympics

They're too busy raising the team for the 2036 Special Olympics.

Double talking women

A husband shows his wife a study which indicates that on the average men use 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000.
The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
The husband turns from the paper and says, "What?"

As indicated by my following sentence

The Software Development industry needs more chicks in management so those broads can get the respect they deserve

Some guy came up to me and said I should inflect my nouns to indicate number, case, and gender.

I declined.

Deeply exhaling indicates a negative mood..

Atleast that's what sighentists say.. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Everyone has a Lie-Clock

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked: 'What are those clocks?'
St. Peter answered: 'Those are Lie-Clocks, everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'Whose clock is this?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man.
'that's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's Hillary Clinton's clock?'
'her Clock in in Jesus office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'

Astronomers have used liquid water as an indicator for planet habitability...

...they might also need to add whether the planet has a Trump elected as president

Today I heard about a specific set of insects that appreciate a good directional indicator.

Apparently, time flies like an arrow.
Also, fruit flies like a banana.

TIL Ongoing tests indicate s**... repression is the best predictor for falling for clickbait

You won't believe this one!

Did you know that the number of legs in the air of a horse statue indicate how its rider died?

If there are no legs in the air, the rider survived the war.
If there is one leg in the air, the rider was mortally wounded and died after a battle.
If there are two legs in the air, the rider was killed in battle.
If there are three legs in the air, the rider died in a tragic circus accident.
If there are four legs in the air, the rider was abducted by aliens and died in space.

If you ever feel like your life is meaningless and pointless

Just remember that someone out there is fitting indicators on BMWs

I just divorced my wife of six years. It was very amicable.

She was the first one to "like" my Facebook status when I indicated I was single again.

The guy driving in front of me didn't indicate, so I screamed at the top of my lungs.

He said, "Calm down, mate. Otherwise you can leave my taxi."

A man went to a brain store to get a brain to complete a study.

He sees a sign indicating the nationality of each type of brain. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for an Americans brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for a Japaneese brain?"
"ten dollars an ounce."
"How much for a Frenchmen's brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is a Frenchmen's brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many French men we had to use to get one ounce of brain?"

In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.

Yeah, right.

PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend...

....who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having s**.... Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

There was a fire at a p**... dispensary this morning

Reports indicate that the flames were pretty high

A woman is in line at the grocery store when a very drunk man behind her looks the items in her cart and slurs "you mus' be single...!"

She was set to ignore him when she notices her shopping. There's nothing in her cart that would indicate her relationship status...
Curiosity gets the better of her and she answers him
"I am actually, but, how did you know?"
The drunk straightens up slightly and says "cos you're f**...' ugly...!"

The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere

Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.
(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning. Along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)

A study has revealed that curvy hips indicate smart women who deliver intelligent children.

So that's what my son's been looking for on PornHub, a smart woman.

Two Irishmen sitting in a car

Maclea : stick your head out the window and tell me if the indicator is working"
Torrance : sure thing
[Pause]
Torrance : Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..
"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.
"It may be time to take away her life support."
Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright in bed..
"Did someone mention takeaway?"

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "h**... President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

If blonde indicating left turn before intersection it does not mean she will turn right.

She most likely will go stright.

Two Irishmen are driving in a car

p**... turns to p**... and says: "Hey p**..., can you check if the indicator is working?"
p**... leans out of the window and shouts: "YES! no. YES! no. YES! no."

Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.
Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.
Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.

Why did Schrödinger lose his driver's license?

He kept using his hazards instead of his turn indicators.

A blonde and her boyfriend were going somewhere in a car.

While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. "
The blonde look around and says
" Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes..."

Why can't blondes go water skiing?

Because their first indication of getting their c**... wet is to lay down.

- You will have to be strong, sir. The results indicate that you have a very strong case of Roberts's disease.

- oh, my. is it bad?
- we still don't know, mr. Roberts.

Car check

Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car's indicators are working.
He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.

A man dies, goes to heaven, and sees a wall full of clocks.

The man asks God what all the clocks are for, and God explains, "these are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move."
Pointing to one, the man says, "Whose clock is that?"
"That's George Washington's", God answers. "The hands have never moved, indicating he never told a lie."
"Incredible," the man responds. "And whose clock is that?"
God responds. "That's Barack Obama's. The hands move, but very rarely, which means he doesn't lie much in his life."
"Where is Donald Trump's clock?" the man asks.
"Trump's clock is in Jesus' office," God says. "He uses it as a fan."

Vicious circle of toilet paper

In the early stages of the pandemic, people hoarded toilet paper and you could not find it anywhere.
Now that things have calmed down, toilet paper is available almost anywhere.
But now we find that meat is going to be in short supply.
So people will turn to beans to replace meat, which is a strong indicator that toilet paper will again be in short supply.

Car check

Two blonde girls were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car's indicators are working.
She promptly sticks her head out the window and says: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."

A husband is driving a car, while his wife is in the passenger seat

Husband puts on the indicator and asks the wife to check whether it is working.
She puts her head out and says : YES... NO... YES... NO... YES... NO...

Why did Angela Merkel cross the road?

Because the pedestrian light indicated it was the appropriate time to do so

A man died and went to heaven.

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks, Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man. "Whose clock is that?"
That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie"
"Incredible," said the man.
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where is Trump's clock?"
"His Clock is in Jesus office. He's using it as a ceiling fan

My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?

Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "
Ps: This sub in a nutshell

If you ever feel your job is pointless, just remember

It's someones job at BMW to fit indicators

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these indicate jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.