Indian American Jokes
94 indian american jokes and hilarious indian american puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about indian american that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Indian American Short Jokes
Short indian american jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The indian american humour may include short american indian jokes also.
- A dear friend of mine passed away this week. This was one of his jokes: What do you call half of a thousand native American insomniacs? The Indian nap-less 500.
- If Bill Gates eats American food and Ghandi eats Indian food, what food does Usain Bolt eat? fast food
- Leaders show the way.... Indians are *MODIfied*
Brits are *disMAYed*
Americans are *TRUMPed*
And the French are *Macarooned*
And Canadian are *Justified*
While Russians just stay _*Put in*_..!! - An American Indian and his Son are Hunting "Buffalo come" the father says. "How you do know?" asks the son.
The father points towards his lobe and says "Stick to ear". - How much is your height Indian:- My height is 167cms
European :- My height is 182.5 cms
American :- My height is 1/3675 of a Football field - On which side do you drive? On which side do you drive?
American: Right-side.
Britisher: Left-side
Indian: Depends on which side the oncoming traffic is. - I saw an old news story about an American Indian that drank 3 gallons of iced tea in one sitting. Sadly, he ended up drowning in his own tea pee.
- Did you hear about the American Indian who died from drinking too much tea? He drowned in his own tepee!
- Once upon a time in india a american tourist came to saw tazmahal , he was astonished that indian are daily bathing didn't need a deodorant for hide the body odour, ,,, he is so jealous
- While meeting a sick person.. American says : Get well soon
Britisher says : Wishing you speedy recovery
INDIAN..
Recently one of my relatives expired due to the same illness
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Indian American One Liners
Which indian american one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with indian american? I can suggest the ones about native indian and indian people.
- What do you call 500 Native Americans with no apples? The Indian Apple-less 500.
- What do you call a Native American with psoriasis? Apache Indian
- Why did Americans go to the moon? They heard Indians had land there.
- What does an Indian-American say after riding a roller coaster? I'm Desi.
- What do you call an American with a sense of culture? Indian.
- Two Indians went into an American bar. Only one got out.
- What do you call a gullible Indian? A Naive American.
Literally just came up with this. - An american, a polish and an indian walks into a bar.. And then walks out.
- A early American settler meets and befriends an Indian tribe. That's...
That's the joke. - Yo mama's so fat she's half Indian, half Irish, and half American.
- What do you call an elderly native American p**...? Its an old Indian trick,
Indian American Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about indian american you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean native american indian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make indian american pranks.
An American Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
“Mom, why is my big brother named Mighty Storm?” “Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.” “Why is my sister named Cornflower?” “Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?” "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived. Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?”
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter.
"
Responses:
American: "Keep trying!"
Briton: "Change Doctor!"
Aussie: "Follow a special diet."
Indian: "Practice yoga!"
Pinoy: "Let me try!"
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat.
Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual s**... Studies Convention in Chicago".
He swallowed hard.
Here was the gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting about s**... studies!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my extensive personal experience to share interesting facts about sexuality.
"Really," he gulped,"like what?"
"Well," she explained, "For instance, Native American Indians are the most passionate. While Jewish men are the most likely to satisfy a woman fully. And in terms of lasting the longest, surprisingly it's the Southern r**...."
Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Um, Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."
So a teacher asks his class the question...
"What's your opinion on donating food to foreign countries?" The African student says, "What's food?" The Indian student says, "What's donating?" The American student says, " What's foreign countries?" And the Chinese student says, "What's my opinion?"
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"
A Lesson in English
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform in bed. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123'"
The guy then asks, "What happens when I want the effect to go away."
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234. But be warned - it will not work again for another year."
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers.
That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his best shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123." It works better than he thought.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition
american , Japanese, Indian travelling together
**American :** Know what when we dug up our ancient cites we found these thick cables...U know what this means?
**Indian & Japanese** : NO.. tell us.
**American :** This means Telegraph was 1st used here
**Japanese not to be outdone :** When we dug our ancient cities we found these thin wires ... know what this means
**American & Indian :** ... no .. tell us
**Japanese: means we invented the telephone
*Both The ame**rican and the Japanese now look at the Indian with a smile*
**Indian :** Well we dug and found nothing ... know what that means
**The other 2:** no ... tell us
**Indian : **Who do you think invented wireless
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
They walk in the bar
A bartender is working at an upscale bar downtown when all of the sudden, an Englishman, a Dane, a Frenchman, a German, a Russian, an American, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Peruvian, a Brazilian, a Colombian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Korean, 29 different Africans from all different African countries, and an Indian all walk in to the bar.
And the bartender says to them, sorry gentlemen, but you can't come here without a Thai.
^thanks ^SnW
In the past
Russian scientists dug 1000 mtr deep and found a copper wire.
They concluded:
1000 yrs back our ancestors were using copper cable technology ..
American scientists dug 2000 mtr deep and found optic fibre.
They concluded:
2000 yrs back our ancestors were using optic fibre technolgy ..
Indian scientist dug and found nothing. They concluded our ancestors were using Wireless Technology.!
The Lone Ranger and his faithful American Indian sidekick Tonto are riding the plains.
The Lone Ranger and his faithful native American sidekick Tonto are riding the plains. It's midwinter and bitterly cold so the heroic duo enter a saloon for a warming drink.
The bartender takes one look at Tonto and shouts: "Get him outtahere. We don' serve no i**...!"
Faithful Tonto agrees to wait outside while the Lone Ranger has a quick drink. To keep warm he decides to run around his horse.
Alas the drink proved too enticing for the Lone Ranger and poor Tonto was soon forgotten.
Eventually after a few hours, a cowboy sauntered in, looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Is that your horse outside?"
"Yes, why?" asked the Lone Ranger.
The cowboy answered, "You've left your i**... runnin'."
A Frenchman, an American and an Indian are on a plane.
The Frenchman says to the stewardess "I can tell what city we are flying over just by sticking my hand out the window!" Of course she doesn't believe him so he say here, watch, and he sticks his hand out the window and proudly tells everyone "We are flying over Paris" Amused the stewardess asks "how could you know that?", well says the Frenchman "I just touched the Eiffel tower"
Not wanting to be shown up, the American boasts that he too can tell where they are, he sticks his hand out the window as says "see here, I knew it, we're actually flying over New York City, I can tell because I just touched the Empire State Building"
By this point the Indian decides that he would like to play along, he looks at the other two and says "let me see if I can tell where we really are" he sticks his hand out the window and pulls it back in. Then he informs everyone "it turns out we are actually flying over New Deli"... the stewardess leans in and asks "How do you know we're flying over New Deli just by sticking your arm out the window" the Indian man replies "My watch is gone"
Indian On The Road
I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".
Heard this one seems kind of old.
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. Finally, the American Indian clears his t**... and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.' The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?' The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . . 'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.
Three American Indians get lost in the forest..
Indian No.1: "What do we do?"
Indian No.2: "I don't know, we're Indian, we're not supposed to get lost in the forest!"
Indian No.3: "We could do like the white man and fire three shots into the air."
Indian No.2: "How does that help?"
Indian No.3: "Well, when the white man gets lost in the forest, he fires three shots into the air and then somebody comes and saves him."
Indian No.2: "That sounds like a great idea!" *Points to Indian No.1 and says*: "Go ahead and fire three shots in the air."
*Indian No.1 fires three shots into the air and they wait. After an hour, nothing happens.*
Indian No.1: "So, how long are we supposed to wait?"
Indian No.2: "I don't know. I guess it depends how close they are. Maybe we should try again?
Indian No.3 *(to Indian No.1)*: "Yeah, try firing three more shots in the air."
Indian No.1: "I would, but I only have two arrows left."
*This joke was told to me by a Sioux elder who also told me: "If you're not worth laughing at, you're not worth much." Of course, he was referring to the fact that we must be allowed to laugh at each other.*
GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead; He had to get up because there was still work to do.
An Englishman, an Indian and an American...
...are in the hospital waiting room together, all three of their wives about to give birth (for free, viva la NHS). When the doctor comes out and says "I'm terribly sorry, but we've had a mix up and we don't know which baby is which.".
As this is a joke, rather than immediately contacting their lawyers, they agreed amongst themselves that they'd go and see if they could tell, if they felt a special connection to one, for example.
The Englishman entered the room first, as is his right, and was in there for 15 minutes, before emerging with what was, for various reasons, clearly the Indian man's son. The Indian pointed this out immediately and the Englishman replied "I know, but one of the others is American and I'm not taking the risk".
*Feel free to insert other nationalities as fits your own nation's whipping boy*.
God enjoys a good laugh!!
(found on my FB newsfeed)
**There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:**
* He called everyone brother;
* He liked Gospel;
* He didn't get a fair trial.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:**
* He went into His Father's business;
* He lived at home until he was 33;
* He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:**
* He talked with His hands;
* He had wine with His meals;
* He used olive oil.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:**
* He never cut His hair;
* He walked around barefoot all the time;
* He started a new religion.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:**
* He was at peace with nature;
* He ate a lot of fish;
* He talked about the Great Spirit.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:**
* He never got married;
* He was always telling stories;
* He loved green pastures.
**But the most compelling evidence of all - three proofs that Jesus was a woman:**
* He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food;
* He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it;
* And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.
Can I get an AMEN!!
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman... (long joke)
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a v**... Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ghanaian, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 2 Africans and you...
walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
The Native American
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other He says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up,
Disappear for rest of day."
I heard we like Native American jokes.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."
A Jew, c**..., American and a Indian are sitting around a table
... and they're all sipping on their bourbon. They're all very rich and they c**... says " I think I will buy Apple. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the Indian says " I want to buy Google. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the American says " I want to buy Samsung " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the jew shudders and says " sorry, not selling. "
There was a contest to see who can...
...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.
The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks of life. The minimum time was 5 hours and the goat carcass has been in that room for 2 weeks, without any proper ventilation.
The American went in first and was able to stay for 1 hour and 12 minutes. The Englishman went in and stayed for a bit longer, 1 hour and 15 minutes. The Russian beat them both with 2 hours and 35 minutes. The Chinese man went in and retreated after 27 minutes. The judges were hoping for someone to at least last the 5 hours so they asked for random volunteers from the audience. And Indian man stood up and accepted the challenge.
The Indian man went in the room and after a few seconds, the goat went out of the room.
The Native American Weatherman
A director is shooting a movie in a desert near an Indian reservation. One day, a native american comes up to him and says "Rain today."
The director doesn't pay much attention, but towards the middle of the day, it rains. The director is now impressed, and instantly hires the native american to predict weather for him.
The cycle continues until the director is about to shoot the most important scene of the film. He asks the native: "What's the weather like today?" He says "Don't know."
"What? What do you mean you don't know?"
"Radio broken."
Old Native American joke
A young Indian boy was curious about how he got his name. He asked the chief, "Chief, how do we get our names?"
The Chief answers him, "We give names by what is outside of the teepee during ones birth.
"When your mom was born, it was a beautiful April day, so we named her BlueSky.
"After your dad's birth we were greeted by a majestic deer, so we named him WhiteTail."
The chief looked at the boy a little puzzled,
"Why do you ask BearFuckingBear?"
Winter weather
The Chief of a Native American tribe calls the weather service and asks "How harsh will the winter be this year?" The meteorologist replies "Oh, it should be a bit cold and snowy." The Chief sends the men from his tribe to the forest to gather some wood for the winter.
A couple weeks later, he calls again to double-check, and asks the same thing. He is told "We expect the winter to be quite cold and snowy," so he sends them again to get a lot of wood.
Another week goes by, he calls once again and hears "It will be crazy! The Indians are gathering wood like mad!"
You see that bridge there?!
Two politicians - an American and an Indian - happened to get into an unlikely friendship, don't know how, perhaps through a social network for politicians; just go with it.
The American invited the Indian to his mansion. The Indian was amazed at the sheer magnificence of his home. He asked, "How did you manage to build yourself such a beautiful place?" The American replied, "You see that bridge there?", pointing to a bridge not far from where they were. He continued, "I pocketed about ten percent of the funds for its construction."
A few weeks later, the American was invited to visit his Indian friend. He never expected that the Indian would have a place much larger and much more lavish than his own. He interjected, "How on earth did you get to build this place?"
The Indian said, "Well, you see that bridge there?"
The American replied, "No."
The Indian: "Exactly!"
A Indian Joke about Indian accents
The grammar has been changed to make the joke smaller:
Some psychologists are running a test based on speech patterns. They get three people; an American, an Australian and an Indian, and ask them to say a few sentences with the words: green, pink and yellow.
The American and Australian give pretty normal answers, stuff like I put on my green hat etc. When it gets to the Indian he says "The phone goes green green, I pink up the phone and say yellow?"
Two Engineers are attending a conference in China
Since they are going to the same place, the two engineers decide to share a taxi. While stuck in traffic, the American engineer glances out the window and exclaims, "Wow! What a magnificent skyscraper, it must have taken years to build!" "In my country, it would only take months to build." brags the Indian engineer. Curious as to how long the tower took to build, the American engineer asks the taxi driver, "Excuse me, but how old is that building over there?" The taxi driver replies, "Don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."
An American mistakes a Hindu from India as a Muslim from Pakistan
Indian guy goes "Excuse me sir, you seem to have mistaken me for a Muslim from Pakistan. I belong to 711 not 911."
I will show myself out.
"Five Horses Is Her Name"
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name. He replied, "She is called Five Horses".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for a wife. What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian name. It mean ..."
"NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"
An American and an Indian board a plane to LAX,
Indian sits next to American.
American asks: What kind of "ian" are you?
- What?
- I said What kind of "ian" are you?
- I don't understand your question.
- s**...! Are you Cambodian, Indian or Iranian?
- Oh! I am Indian.
2 hours passed without a word.
Indian asks: What kind of "key" are you?
- What?
- Are you a monkey, donkey, or Yankee?
What movies teach us.
According to Hollywood movies - 1 out of every 5 Americans work for the CIA .
According to Chinese movie- 1 out of every 5 Chinese is a Kungfu master.
According to Japanese movies- Every 1 out of 5 Japanese is a Ninja.
According to Indian movies - Every hero in a movie is a dancer and a singer.
What is globalization?
Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!
(Dirty) The cavalry were riding through the plains with their Native American guide.
The Indian gets off his horse and puts his ear to the ground. He looks up at the captain and says " Buffalo come " . The captain is astounded and asks " Can you really hear buffalo from here? The Indian replies "NO, side of face all sticky!"
An Englishman, Scottishman, Irishman, Welshman, Frenchman, Russian, Spaniard, Mexican, American, Norweigan, Swede, Albanian, Italian, Indian, Moroccan, Dutchman, Brazilian, Kenyan, Australian and Belgian walk into a bar.
The barman says; "You can't come in here without a Thai."
Did you hear about the American Indian who was in a tea drinking contest?
They found him the next morning lying in his tea pee.
What do you call gay s**... between the founder of Scientology and a Native American?
The Indian in the Hubbard.
My Indian Uncle asked me how dare I eat beef...
I told him don't worry, these are American cows.
An insect falls into a mug of beer
Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out.
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer.
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away.
Indian : Sells the beer to the American, insect to the Chinese and gets a fresh beer for himself.
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian of putting the insect in his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid and gets a loan from the American to buy another beer. He then moves to England and claims benefits.
A native American indian is talking to his psychiatrist
He tells him "Doc, I dont know what is wrong with me. One moment I think I'm a teepee, the next I think I'm a wigwam."
The doctor says "Ah, I think I see your problem. You're too tense."
s**... Statistics on a Plane.
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
Dad Joke of the Day
Dad: There's an easy way to find out if you have American Indian blood in you.
Son: How?
Dad: See you have it too.
A man asked an American Indian for his wife's name...
"She is called Five Horses" He replied.
"That's an unusual name, what does it mean?"
The Indian grimaced. "f**.......NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"
What do you call several hundred Native Americans without n**...?
The Indian Nippleless 500
What brand of routers & switches do Native American indians use for computer networking on the reservation?
**TP-Link** mostly, but occasionally they use **Buffalo**....
An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.
The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."
An Indian bends from the next table and says: "Be aware of that, we heavily underestimated that once"
What does the Indian local say to the American tourists when kidnappers are on the scene?
Hyderabad.
Back in the days Columbus was trying to find India and now Native Americans are called Indians.
Hundreds of years later: an American tries to fix his printer. This is Vikram, how may I help you?
My American Indian friend was with his sister in the back seat of my car
We sat idle for awhile and then he said, "can you turn on the i**..."... shocked, i reached around and rubbed his sisters thigh
What is the difference between India and USA?
An Indian would introduce himself as,"I grew up with 5 brothers and 3 sisters".
An American would say, "I grew up with 5 mothers and 3 fathers".
It was decided that a great banquet would be held to honor Midwestern athletes
The organizers decided to invite twelve of America's finest sportsmen, specifically Cleveland baseball players and Kansas City (American) footballers. Six special chairs were made with the Cleveland logo, and six with the Kansas City. On the night of the banquet, though, there was a problem. Seven KC players showed up, while only five Clevelanders did. Since the special chairs could not be fixed, this was a calamity! The evening's host decided to contact the chief organizer, who could not attend due to a conflict.
"What's the issue?" barked the suit.
Responded his deputy, "We've got too many Chiefs, and not enough Indians."
A Qatari,American,and Indian are in a boat in middle of sea.All are bragging about their country
The Qatari : In our country,we have excess of oil.*Throws all fuel in the sea*.
The American : In our country,we have excess of advandced gadgets and technology.*Throws every gadget in the sea*.
The Indian : *Throws both of them in the sea*.In our country, we have excess of people.
A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ''I'm f**......'', but a voice in the back of his head says: ''Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!''
''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.
''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.
The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.
As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're f**......''
A toothbrush journey in India
Very real story...,,
A Dentist was conducting a global survey-
*"How long do you use your Toothbrush...?"*
Chinese:
"3 months...!"
American:
"1 month...!!"
Indian:
"There is no fixed time limit doctor, it may be years...!!! Initially we use it for *brushing* our teeth; then we use it for *dying our hair, cleaning comb, cleaning ornaments, cleaning machine parts of our vehicles, cleaning the dirt in between two tiles in bathroom etc etc*. Then when there are no bristles left on the brush, still we do not throw it doctor. we start using it for pushing drawstings in our Pajamas & Petticoats!
Land O Lakes
Have you guys seen the new Land O Lakes butter packaging? They removed the Native American girl from their labels to be more politically correct.
Now that's the most American thing I've ever seen; remove the Indian and keep the land.
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
An American, a Chinese and an Indian went on a world tour by Air.
The American proudly declared "we have reached my homeland USA" pointing at the Statue of Liberty.
After some hours, the Chinese pointed at the Great Wall of China and exclaimed "friends, we have reached China".
More hours went by and all eyes were on the Indian. He calmly opened the window and put his hand outside. When he pulled his arm back, his wristwatch was gone. Unconcerned, he announced "Guys, welcome to India."
Once an American, a French and an Indian were travelling in an airplane.
To find out where they have reached, the American stretched his hand out of the plane and said, "We have reached America".
The other two asked how for which he replied,"Well my hand hit the Statue of Liberty".
Next the French stretches his hand out and said,"We have reached France".
The other two asks how for which he replied,"Well my hand hit the Eiffel Tower".
Then the Indian puts his hand out of the plane and said, "We have reached India".
The other two asks how and he replied, "Well someone stole my watch".
An American white guy visits India.
Wanting to get a more authentic experience, he goes to an Indian restaurant and tells them to serve him their specials, no questions asked. After eating a few bites, he calls the waiter and says, "Hey, this is brilliant food, but I just have a tiny request. This is a tad bit too spicy for my taste, so could you please ask the chef to make my food less spicy than this please?"
The waiter perplexed, looks at the man and says "Sir,
....this is dessert"
An American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar.
They start boasting about their countries.
The American said "We dug deep and found thick wires. So we had a telegraph system in the past too!"
The Russian said " That's nothing. We dug deep and found thin wires. That means we already had phones in the past!"
Then the Indian says "We dug deep and found nothing!"
So the other two started laughing and said "what's there to boast about?"
The Indian said "That means we always had wireless!"