The Best 82 India Jokes
Following is our collection of funny India jokes. There are some india delhi jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these india modi puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest India Jokes and Puns
An Indian Chief drinks 1,000 gallons of ice tea
He drowned in his own tepee
An indian and a white man are walking through the woods...
and the white man is trying to learn how to hunt game from the indian. So the indian is moving quickly and quietly through the dense forest and the white man is fumbling loudly behind him. Suddenly, the indian stops short and presses his cheek up against a large tree. He then exclaims,
*"Moose come."*
The white man is baffled by how the indian discovered this and says, *"How do you know that?"*
Indian: *"Cheek sticky."*
Two Indians put their ears to the ground........
The first Indian says: "Buffalo come".
The second Indian says: "Buffalo no come".
The first Indian places his ear back on the ground and repeats "Buffalo come".
The second Indian places his ear back on the ground and says "I no hear anything, why you think buffalo come?"
The first Indian replies "Ear sticky".
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel...
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel and asks for a room for the night. The receptionist says "of course, sir, do you have a reservation?"
To which he replies "I'm not that kind of Indian!"
Mujibar get a job in India
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'
Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.
How did Christopher Columbus find India?
He used Apple Maps.
What's the best dating service in India?
Connect the dots.
(I'll see my self out.)
Why were the Indians here first?
They had reservations.
Indian On The Road
I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".
Army commando recruitment - from India
A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.
Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"
Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"
My Indian engineering teacher told us this today
Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."
You can explore india columbus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean india pakistan dad jokes. There are also india puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Just now, from my dad: Have you heard the new Christmas carol from India?
We Vishnu a Merry Krishnas.
Why can't Indiana Jones find a long lasting relationship?
Bad dates.
How many Indians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Your laughter is important to us.
You punchline will be delivered in the order in which it was requested.
Indian with his ear to the ground.
A man walking down a road happens upon an Indian with his ear to the ground.
"do you hear something?" the man asks.
The Indian says "a red wagon, two horses, family of five, heading north"
"you can tell all of that just putting your ear to the ground!? " the man asked.
"No, they just ran me over"
Indian Restaurant
I went to an Indian restaurant. The waiter brought out a basket of stale flatbread before realizing his mistake and bringing a fresh one. I would have complained, but it was a naan-issue.
TIL that India is installing 15000 CCTV cameras in Delhi for Obama's visit.
This is ridiculous.
Just because he's black doesn't mean he'll steal anything.... When will the world stop this Racist behaviour ?
What does an Indian boy say to his mum when he goes out?
Mumbai
What's the Indian way of saying 'Bread of Heaven'?
Is it:
A) Holy Loaf
B) Sacred Baguette
Or C) Naan of the above
What did the kid say to his mother right before he went to India?
Mumbai
Do Indian restaurants have any bread?
Nah, they have Naan.
Why did the Indian not show up for work?
He was Sikh.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Indian restaurants make most of their money off of the bread..
They're naan-profit organizations.
At Indian Restaurant
"Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"
"Samosa?"
"No, thank you, I'm full now."
What does an Indian kid say before leaving his house for the day?..
Mumbai
What do you call a surprise party in India?
Arranged marriage
p.s. I'm an Indian living in India.
Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?
They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school?
Mumbai!
What did the Indian man name his sandwich shop?
New Delhi
:D
An Indian Chief is sitting under a tree...
An Indian Chief and his son are sitting under a tree, looking out over the plains when his son asks: "Father, why is sister named, Running Deer?"
Chief: "Because, my son, when she was being born I looked out of the teepee and saw a deer running."
Son: "Father, why is brother called Charging Bull?"
Chief: "Because my son, when he was being born I looked out of the teepee and saw a bull running. Why do you ask, Pooping Dog?
An Indian man is at home...
An Indian man is at home, cooking for his family. He is a very wealthy scientist, so he was able to purchase a tandoor. Tonight he decides to break it in. As he takes his bread out, he notices something strange. It almost falls apart in his hands. As he gets it on the plate, it turns into a viscous liquid. Amazed, he began trying to figure out what this was. After several minutes of keeping his family waiting, he let's out an audible "Aha!" He then proceeds to slam his fist onto the bread. Miraculously, the bread held together and almost seemed to form a solid.
"Just as I thought." He says.
"A Naan-Newtonian Fluid."
They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...
But a master of naan.
My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.
In India, you don't drive on the left of the road..
you drive on what is left on the road.
Why can't Indians play football.
Because every time they get a corner they build a shop.
Why aren't broken bones a problem in India?
Everyone is already in a caste
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.
After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!
What did the Indian boy say to his mom before he left?
Mumbai.
What did Indian say to mum when he left?
Mumbai.
What do you call a war between india and the UK?
The empire strikes back.
So, an Indian went to the US embassy
to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!
The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''
'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''
"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."
The three most well known languages in India are English, Hindi, and...
JavaScript
Why do Indians not like snow?
It is white and settles on their land.
My Indian GF said I could give her a facial...
I nearly came on the spot!
How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding?
"Sorry, not Sari."
An Indian and a cowboy were buffalo hunting together
The Indian suddenly knelt down, pressed his ear against the ground and said "Buffalo come."
The cowboy was amazed by this and asked him "how do you know this?"
The Indian replied: "Sticky."
Being an Indian, my white friends asked me about what Indians did during the festival of Diwali...
They got very happy and asked me to take them to India the next time. I don't know what's there to be happy about. I just told them " We blow crackers."
What does an Indian do when he's cold?
He shivas
I just saw an Indian guy shaking a piece of carpet outside his door.
I said, "Whats up, Won't it start?"
This Indian man I know beats his wife
every night he hits her at the same time. Always at 7:00. Right on the Dot.
How about an Indian joke?
A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
What do children in India say to their mothers before they go to school?
Mumbai
I feel like there should be a travel book for India called
A definitive guide to India: The Hindus and the Hindont's
Indians Robbing a Bank
An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.
Why do India never qualify for the world cup?
Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop.
An indian lady visited a bar for the first time
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
I asked Linkin Park why don't they perform in India. They said...
Indian it doesn't even matter.
What does an Indian who refuses to leave say?
Namaste.
What's Indiana Jones's least favorite beer?
Rolling Rock
Haven't seen my Indian girlfriend in almost a month because her dad forbids it .
Screw you Soshul Distin Singh!
India has decided to boycott Chinese products on all fronts to protest the latter's stand on disputed territories and their failure to inform India on the Coronavirus.
Meanwhile, Chinese textile mills are rolling out an all-new clothing line: "Boycott China" and are anticipating great demand from India.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
TRUMP IS NOT MY PRESIDENT
Neither was Obama. Actually I live in India.
What is the different between an Indian and an African elephant?
Only one of them is an elephant.
A Classic joke from India
Ajay comes crying to his father after school. His father noticed he is covered in bruises, just completely beaten black and blue. So he asked his sone what happened. Ajay tells him the teacher pointed pointed a ruler at me and said At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
So His dad said
So I said which side
ME AS AN INDIAN RESTAURANT WAITER:
I can show you how we make our bread, but I'll need to you sign a Naan-Disclosure Agreement first.
Johnny walks in the room and looks at his wife and says
"baby. if you were in India they would worship you"
His wife responds while blushing "does that mean I'm a goddess"
He smiles and says "no you're a cow"
A politician visited a village in India..
A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in the village.
How did the people of India get so good at medicine?
They've got much practice thanks to a lot of Sikh people
An Indian King became jealous that the Queen was caring about their infant son more than him, So he poisoned her nipples in her sleep to kill the baby.
The next day the Minister died of poisoning.
Interview for the position of security guard in India
Interviewer(in an Indian language) : Do you know English?
Candidate: Are the thieves from England?
The U.S. is currently at 34 people / km2 while India is at 424 people / km2...
...but actually, the U.S.'s population is a lot denser.
An Indian family went into self quarantine
after eating lunch at their English friend's house as they couldn't taste anything.
Interviewer: Where were you born?
Me: in India
Interviewer: oh, which part?
Me: What 'which part' ..? Whole body was born in India.
An Indian shop owner is on his deathbed in hospital.
An Indian shop owner is on his deathbed in hospital. His family comes to visit him as he his waking up from a deep sleep. He looks around the room in a daze and calls out to them.
"Padma, my beautiful wife, are you here"
"Yes I am here my husband", she says
"Kajol, my daughter, are you here"
"Yes I am here father", she says
"Suren, My son, are you here"
"Yes I am here father", he says
"Well, if all of you are here, then who is looking after the bloody shop" yells the father
Corona must have hit India hard...
I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.
there's really only one reason India is just now experiencing Covid-19
they run on Internet explorer.
[old indian joke] while on a tour of Tajmahal, the guide was explaining how Shahjahan built this tomb for his wife due to grief.
My wife asked : would you build me one like this ?
I replied " I already bought vacant land, now it's your turn" .
An American white guy visits India.
Wanting to get a more authentic experience, he goes to an Indian restaurant and tells them to serve him their specials, no questions asked. After eating a few bites, he calls the waiter and says, "Hey, this is brilliant food, but I just have a tiny request. This is a tad bit too spicy for my taste, so could you please ask the chef to make my food less spicy than this please?"
The waiter perplexed, looks at the man and says "Sir,
....this is dessert"
COVID is so bad in India...
That i haven't got a scam call in ages
An Indian architect gets called into his boss's office because a comedy club he recently designed is labeled only in Hindi.
Flustered, he says, "Sorry for the construction of The Joke, English is not my first language."
If you want to live drama-free, you should move to India.
They don't have beef with anyone.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the india pakistanis jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working india sari piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.