India Jokes

I went to an Indian restaurant and ordered a Pelican curry...

...it wasn't a bad meal, but the bill was enormous.

An indian and a white man are walking through the woods...

and the white man is trying to learn how to hunt game from the indian. So the indian is moving quickly and quietly through the dense forest and the white man is fumbling loudly behind him. Suddenly, the indian stops short and presses his cheek up against a large tree. He then exclaims,
*"Moose come."*
The white man is baffled by how the indian discovered this and says, *"How do you know that?"*
Indian: *"Cheek sticky."*

The Indian police gave up on a recent case...

Turns out it was a naan-issue.

I came back from holiday in India with a really heavy case of diarrhea...

...but they wouldn't let me take it through customs.

An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel...

An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel and asks for a room for the night. The receptionist says "of course, sir, do you have a reservation?"
To which he replies "I'm not that kind of Indian!"

Mujibar get a job in India

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'
Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.

*Indian Accent* I would make a your mom joke...

but cows are sacred in my country.

Why were the Indians here first?

They had reservations.

Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.
Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"
Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"

Just now, from my dad: Have you heard the new Christmas carol from India?

We Vishnu a Merry Krishnas.

An Indian guy is getting a job at a call center for copy machine support

The interviewer decides to test his knowledge of mixing light vs. Mixing pigments by asking him to use green, pink, and yellow in the same sentence about his job.
He says "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'Yellow?'"

Indian with his ear to the ground.

A man walking down a road happens upon an Indian with his ear to the ground.
"do you hear something?" the man asks.
The Indian says "a red wagon, two horses, family of five, heading north"
"you can tell all of that just putting your ear to the ground!? " the man asked.
"No, they just ran me over"

Indian Restaurant

I went to an Indian restaurant. The waiter brought out a basket of stale flatbread before realizing his mistake and bringing a fresh one. I would have complained, but it was a naan-issue.

What's the Indian way of saying 'Bread of Heaven'?

Is it:
A) Holy Loaf
B) Sacred baguette
Or C) Naan of the above

Why don't Indians eat baguette?

Because there's naan there.

My Indian friend taught me an authentic Punjabi dance. I've got some real Sikh moves.

Kim Kardashian arrives in India for the first time, she walks out of the airport, and to her surprise, everyone on the streets stops, turns towards her, and kneels in humility and reverence

Little did she know, they worship cows over there!

Do Indian restaurants have any bread?

Nah, they have Naan.

Why did the Indian not show up for work?

He was Sikh.

Indian restaurants make most of their money off of the bread..

They're naan-profit organizations.

At Indian Restaurant

"Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"
"Samosa?"
"No, thank you, I'm full now."

What did the Indian man name his sandwich shop?

New Delhi
:D

What do Indian Flowers grow?

Patels.

They say that Indian Cooks are a jack of all trades...

But a master of naan.
My girlfriend said this to me when we were getting indian food tonight.

Justin Bieber is on a game show...

He is asked the question; "what is one of the most popular pieces of clothing in India?" Bieber's mind is racing, well as fast as his mind can race, but the timer buzzes. Time is up.
Put out, Bieber cries out, "Is it too late to say sari?"

What did Indian say to mum when he left?

Mumbai.

So, an Indian went to the US embassy

to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!
The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''
'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''
"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."

Where do Indians go when they die?

Heven-eleven

Do you know why Indian bakeries are open 24/7?

Because they bake naan stop.

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding?

"Sorry, not Sari."

Why didn't the president of India do anything about the bread shortage?

It was a naan-issue

An Indian and a cowboy were buffalo hunting together

The Indian suddenly knelt down, pressed his ear against the ground and said "Buffalo come."
The cowboy was amazed by this and asked him "how do you know this?"
The Indian replied: "Sticky."

What does an Indian do when he's cold?

He shivas

I just saw an Indian guy shaking a piece of carpet outside his door.

I said, "Whats up, Won't it start?"

How about an Indian joke?

A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

Indian parents don't usually throw surprise parties for their kids...

But when they do, it's called an ARRANGED MARRIAGE.

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste.

When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

If you can read this...

India Mike November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Golf India Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform Uniform Papa November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Lima Echo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform Delta Oscar Whiskey November November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Romeo Uniform November Alpha Romeo Oscar Uniform November Delta Alpha November Delta Delta Echo Sierra Echo Romeo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform.

Indians Robbing a Bank

An Indian man tries to rob a bank. He walks out of the bank with no money. The getaway driver asks him Where's the money? And why do you have so many computers? The bank robber replies They thougth I was tech support.

An indian lady visited a bar for the first time

She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.

What does an Indian who refuses to leave say?

Namaste.

What's Indiana Jones's least favorite beer?

Rolling Rock

Covid 19 and trump

Health secretary in a briefing to Trump: "Sir, in Chennai, India 36 Tamillians have been killed due to Corona Virus"
Trump is silent. His lips quiver. His hands shiver. His eyes wells up. He is unable to speak.
Health secretary is stunned. He never imagined that this event could affect him so badly.
After a few minutes, in a trembling voice, Trump asks "So, how many millions are there in *one tamillion?

I got punched twice for making a dadjoke.

Once in India, another in Pakistan.
It was Pun Jab.

ME AS AN INDIAN RESTAURANT WAITER:

I can show you how we make our bread, but I'll need to you sign a Naan-Disclosure Agreement first.

Johnny walks in the room and looks at his wife and says

"baby. if you were in India they would worship you"
His wife responds while blushing "does that mean I'm a goddess"
He smiles and says "no you're a cow"

My Indian dad ran into the wall.

Papadum.