Independent Jokes
73 independent jokes and hilarious independent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about independent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article examines the controversial and often debated concept of Independent Jokes. Discover why the independent variable, politicians, and the concept of a motherland often become the target of these jokes. See how Republicans and Democrats alike use humor to poke fun at the Independent Party, and why this is so controversial.
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Funniest Independent Short Jokes
Short independent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The independent humour may include short independence jokes also.
- I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am.... Independent
- My daughter was born this morning, July 4th. It's the day I lost my independence.
(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well). - The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her: Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
- There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses. - The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
- 5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrr-ple
High fives all round! - Scotland's Independence David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know - Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- This 4th of July, the British should celebrate independence day too. Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
- Who did Santa approach when he wanted to get a divorce? The Semi colon. They're good at separating independent clauses.
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Independent One Liners
Which independent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with independent? I can suggest the ones about declare independence and isolated.
- I got a picture of myself in a locket for my 18th birthday. I am now independent.
- What's the largest export of Great Britain? Independence days
- If you put a picture of yourself in a locket You could say you are
Independent. - What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket? Independent
- Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire. Fire-works on 4th of July.
- What is the lizards greatest natural enemy? An independently informed people.
- If you put a photo of yourself in a pendant what does that make you? Independent
- "I'm independent" Said the Jamaican, showing me his initialised necklace.
- Why doesn't America knock? Because Freedom Rings. Happy Independence Day!
- The girl stuck in the necklace didn't want any help She was independent
- What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day? Happy Independence Day!
- Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page
- I broke up with my girlfriend on the 4th of July... It was a Declaration of Independence.
- Catalonia declared independence. What now? Everybody expects the Spanish imposition.
- Happy Independence Day! oh wait...
Independent Party Jokes
Here is a list of funny independent party jokes and even better independent party puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One a year, the ants arrange a party inside a pen. They're celebrating Independence Day.
- What said the independent political candidate after getting drunk? I want to party!
Independent Nation Jokes
Here is a list of funny independent nation jokes and even better independent nation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Which delicious dairy snack deserves to form an independent nation of from the territory of three authoritarian nations? The Cheese Kurds.
- When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called? Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap b**...' hands anyway.
Independent Variable Jokes
Here is a list of funny independent variable jokes and even better independent variable puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Professor: What is an independent variable? Student: A variable who don't need no man
- X is An Independent Variable That don't need no Y.
Uproarious Independent Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about independent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean independence day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make independent pranks.
The Final Exam
The weekend before their big history final, four college buddies decided to go to St. Louis to party with friends. However, after partying all night, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Springfield until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking their history final then, they decided to find their professor after it was over and explain to her why they had missed it.
They had gone to St. Louis for the weekend, they told her, and had planned to come back in time for the test, but on the way back, they'd taken a short cut down a dirt road and had had a flat tire. They didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and as a result they missed the final.
The Professor thought about it awhile and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.
The guys were elated. They studied together that evening and, the next morning, arrived for the test. The professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem. It asked:
"(For 5 points) On what date was the Declaration of Independence ratified?"
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each in his separate room. "This test is going to be a breeze."
Each wrote July 4, 1776 and then turned the page.
On the second page was written:
"(For 95 points): Which tire?"
Sort of clean joke
amanda Bynes changed her name to Da Bynes because she's an independent woman who don't need Aman
When Canada became independent, a committee was made to name the new country.
The three men included disagreed on all names brought up so far. Finally, they all decided to just say one letter that they could use to add together to make a name they all agreed on.
The first guy said "C, eh?"
The second guys went "N, eh?"
The last guy goes "D, eh?"
And that's how we got the name Canada.
How many nice guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just compliment it for being a strong, independent bulb until a real man comes along and screws it under their noses.
I've become quite independent since my wife left...
I just put my second load of washing through the microwave.
So this doctor walks into a bar and he orders a beer...
**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!
**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-
**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?
**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-
**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!
**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.
**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.
The UK is leaving the EU and because of that, Scotland is moving for another Independence Referendum...
So the english are going to get away scot free!
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are.
The American says, "Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."
The Briton says, "What are you talking about, look at how calm and reserved they are, the are obviously British."
The North Korean says, "You two are both missing the point. They have no clothes, no shelter, they only have and apple to eat between them and yet they are being told that they live in paradise. They're clearly North Korean."
69 years ago
both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.
Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and
Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen
Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still trying to enter India.
What type of fuel do painters prefer?
Whatever makes the van gogh..
-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as s**... as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.
What do you call it when 2 people independently start dancing at the same time?
A coincidance.
I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it.
Now I can truly think of myself as Independent.
Its outrageous when women complain about gender bias in companies
They're just some strong independent companies that don't need no women. They should understand
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
My wife must be feeling patriotic today...
... because she just declared her independence.
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
...independent!"
What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th?
There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
Why aren't there any Independence Day knock knock jokes?
Why aren't there any Independence Day knock knock jokes?
Cuz freedom \*rings\*
Even the Jewish people didn't believe they had an independent state.
So they called it IS REAL?
UK is a very generous country
It is the largest supplier of Independence day to countries around the world.
After what happened at the U.S. Captiol
I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.
My therapist said my hyper-independence was unhealthy.
I then realised I didn't need a therapist.
[REAL] My son has moved up a level in swim class
Up until this point he's been swimming with me or Mom during class. This is the first level where he swims independently with a teacher. My wife was nervous about it, but I said:
"Don't worry, I'm sure it will go swimmingly."
Rode that high for a day or two.
I am 110% sure that I am FAR from the first person to think of this joke, but I promise I came by it independently. What did Chris Rock have on his face when he left the Oscars?
Will Smith's Fresh Prints.
scared of flying
A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on an airplane?" I responded that (as long as these were independent events) it would be the square of the probability of having one bomb, which is 1 in a trillion
- a truly astronomical number. So, from that day forward he always carried a bomb with
him when he flew
What do libertarians and house cats have in common?
They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.
Santa and his wife had a messy divorce after they both got colostomies.
After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.
Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.
New Scottish First Minister just promised to renew negotiations for independence
No matter what happens, I'm sure the English will walk out scot-free
