Independence Jokes
79 independence jokes and hilarious independence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about independence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of independence jokes about American and Nigerian independence day, guaranteed to bring a laugh! See how July 4th, the day of American independence, is celebrated in our cultural landscape, from puns and parodies to one-liners and humor. Find the perfect joke to tell at your July 4th party!
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Funniest Independence Short Jokes
Short independence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The independence humour may include short independent jokes also.
- I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am.... Independent
- My daughter was born this morning, July 4th. It's the day I lost my independence.
(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well). - The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her: Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
- There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses. - The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
- 5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrr-ple
High fives all round! - Scotland's Independence David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know - Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- This 4th of July, the British should celebrate independence day too. Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
- Who did Santa approach when he wanted to get a divorce? The Semi colon. They're good at separating independent clauses.
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Independence One Liners
Which independence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with independence? I can suggest the ones about freedom and liberty.
- I got a picture of myself in a locket for my 18th birthday. I am now independent.
- What's the largest export of Great Britain? Independence days
- If you put a picture of yourself in a locket You could say you are
Independent. - What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket? Independent
- Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire. Fire-works on 4th of July.
- What is the lizards greatest natural enemy? An independently informed people.
- If you put a photo of yourself in a pendant what does that make you? Independent
- "I'm independent" Said the Jamaican, showing me his initialised necklace.
- Why doesn't America knock? Because Freedom Rings. Happy Independence Day!
- The girl stuck in the necklace didn't want any help She was independent
- What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day? Happy Independence Day!
- Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page
- I broke up with my girlfriend on the 4th of July... It was a Declaration of Independence.
- Catalonia declared independence. What now? Everybody expects the Spanish imposition.
- Happy Independence Day! oh wait...
Independence Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny independence day jokes and even better independence day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- UK is a very generous country It is the largest supplier of Independence day to countries around the world.
- What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th? There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
- Why aren't there any Independence Day knock knock jokes? Why aren't there any Independence Day knock knock jokes?
Cuz freedom \*rings\* - 2 Boys Arrested at Independence Day Parade One boy was eating fireworks and the other was drinking battery acid.
They charged one and let the other one off. - Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings!
Happy Independence Day my fellow Americans! - What does a woman want? Equality
Safety
Education
Independence
Nutrition
Love
What does a man want?
Woman
Happy Woman's Day!! - Independence day. Doctor: would you say you are independent?
Me: *looks over to mom*
Mom: *nods*
Me: yes, I am. - What do single people call Valentine's Day? Independence Day
- 4th July If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.
- Today we celebrate Independence Day! For those that don't know their history, this was the day in 1996 that Will Smith saved the Earth from aliens.
Declaration Of Independence Jokes
Here is a list of funny declaration of independence jokes and even better declaration of independence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After what happened at the U.S. Captiol I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.
- My wife must be feeling patriotic today... ... because she just declared her independence.
- If Alcoholics Had Written The Declaration Of Independence would we have government of the pickled, by the pickled, and for the pickled?
- July 4th, 1776 British: Just saying it, doesn't make you independent..
Thomas Jefferson: I didn't say it, I declared it. - America has the Declaration of Independence, but what does Youtube have? The Lincoln Description
- My ex said my package was like the Declaration of Independence. because it could be mailed with just a stamp
- 2 of my pets just packed their bags and left home! "It is Cat... alans that have declared independence", I screamed up the road after them.
- (Groan inducing): Why was it necessary to have official witnesses at the signing of the Declaration of Independence? Because it's not a republic without a notary public.
- The Declaration of Independence was NOT written in Philadelphia. it was written in ink
- "We hold these truths to be self evident,..." It's no wonder so many Americans still lack regard for what's in the Declaration of Independence: It was written by British subjects.
Declared Independence Jokes
Here is a list of funny declared independence jokes and even better declared independence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I broke up with my wife on the 4th of July I declared my independence
- What did the people say when the pee declared independence? Urination!
Uproarious Independence Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about independence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean isolation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make independence pranks.
The Final Exam
The weekend before their big history final, four college buddies decided to go to St. Louis to party with friends. However, after partying all night, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Springfield until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking their history final then, they decided to find their professor after it was over and explain to her why they had missed it.
They had gone to St. Louis for the weekend, they told her, and had planned to come back in time for the test, but on the way back, they'd taken a short cut down a dirt road and had had a flat tire. They didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and as a result they missed the final.
The Professor thought about it awhile and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.
The guys were elated. They studied together that evening and, the next morning, arrived for the test. The professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem. It asked:
"(For 5 points) On what date was the Declaration of Independence ratified?"
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each in his separate room. "This test is going to be a breeze."
Each wrote July 4, 1776 and then turned the page.
On the second page was written:
"(For 95 points): Which tire?"
Sort of clean joke
amanda Bynes changed her name to Da Bynes because she's an independent woman who don't need Aman
How many nice guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just compliment it for being a strong, independent bulb until a real man comes along and screws it under their noses.
I've become quite independent since my wife left...
I just put my second load of washing through the microwave.
When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called?
Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap b**...' hands anyway.
So this doctor walks into a bar and he orders a beer...
**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!
**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-
**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?
**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-
**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!
**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.
**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve
An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are.
The American says, "Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."
The Briton says, "What are you talking about, look at how calm and reserved they are, the are obviously British."
The North Korean says, "You two are both missing the point. They have no clothes, no shelter, they only have and apple to eat between them and yet they are being told that they live in paradise. They're clearly North Korean."
69 years ago
both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.
Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and
Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen
Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still trying to enter India.
What type of fuel do painters prefer?
Whatever makes the van gogh..
-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as s**... as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.
I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it.
Now I can truly think of myself as Independent.
Its outrageous when women complain about gender bias in companies
They're just some strong independent companies that don't need no women. They should understand
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
...independent!"
My therapist said my hyper-independence was unhealthy.
I then realised I didn't need a therapist.
scared of flying
A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on an airplane?" I responded that (as long as these were independent events) it would be the square of the probability of having one bomb, which is 1 in a trillion
- a truly astronomical number. So, from that day forward he always carried a bomb with
him when he flew
What do libertarians and house cats have in common?
They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.
Santa and his wife had a messy divorce after they both got colostomies.
After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.
Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.
New Scottish First Minister just promised to renew negotiations for independence
No matter what happens, I'm sure the English will walk out scot-free
