Independence Day Jokes
48 independence day jokes and hilarious independence day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about independence day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Independence Day Short Jokes
Short independence day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The independence day humour may include short independence jokes also.
- My daughter was born this morning, July 4th. It's the day I lost my independence.
(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well). - The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her: Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
- This 4th of July, the British should celebrate Independence Day too. Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
- UK is a very generous country It is the largest supplier of Independence day to countries around the world.
- What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th? There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.
- Why aren't there any Independence Day knock knock jokes? Why aren't there any Independence Day knock knock jokes?
Cuz freedom \*rings\* - 2 Boys Arrested at Independence Day Parade One boy was eating fireworks and the other was drinking battery acid.
They charged one and let the other one off. - Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings!
Happy Independence Day my fellow Americans! - What does a woman want? Equality
Safety
Education
Independence
Nutrition
Love
What does a man want?
Woman
Happy Woman's Day!! - Independence day. Doctor: would you say you are independent?
Me: *looks over to mom*
Mom: *nods*
Me: yes, I am.
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Independence Day One Liners
Which independence day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with independence day? I can suggest the ones about declaration independence and fourth of july.
- What's the largest export of Great Britain? Independence days
- Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire. Fire-works on 4th of July.
- Why doesn't America knock? Because Freedom Rings. Happy Independence Day!
- What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day? Happy Independence Day!
- Happy Independence Day! oh wait...
- What do single people call Valentine's Day? Independence Day
- Happy Independence Day!!! This is probably the last time I get to say that.
- My boyfriend broke up with me today He said he wanted to celebrate Independence day
- Where do seals go on holiday? Finland
(Happy Independence Day, Finland) - One a year, the ants arrange a party inside a pen. They're celebrating Independence Day.
- Several people dancing around a pen... What is the movie name? Independence Day
- What is the most confusing day in Detroit? Independence Day
- When is Independence Day 2 coming out? 9/11
Silly Independence Day Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about independence day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 4th of july jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make independence day pranks.
The Final Exam
The weekend before their big history final, four college buddies decided to go to St. Louis to party with friends. However, after partying all night, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Springfield until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking their history final then, they decided to find their professor after it was over and explain to her why they had missed it.
They had gone to St. Louis for the weekend, they told her, and had planned to come back in time for the test, but on the way back, they'd taken a short cut down a dirt road and had had a flat tire. They didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and as a result they missed the final.
The Professor thought about it awhile and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.
The guys were elated. They studied together that evening and, the next morning, arrived for the test. The professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem. It asked:
"(For 5 points) On what date was the Declaration of Independence ratified?"
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each in his separate room. "This test is going to be a breeze."
Each wrote July 4, 1776 and then turned the page.
On the second page was written:
"(For 95 points): Which tire?"
scared of flying
A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on an airplane?" I responded that (as long as these were independent events) it would be the square of the probability of having one bomb, which is 1 in a trillion
- a truly astronomical number. So, from that day forward he always carried a bomb with
him when he flew
69 years ago
both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.
Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and
Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen
Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still trying to enter India.
[REAL] My son has moved up a level in swim class
Up until this point he's been swimming with me or Mom during class. This is the first level where he swims independently with a teacher. My wife was nervous about it, but I said:
"Don't worry, I'm sure it will go swimmingly."
Rode that high for a day or two.
Valentine's Day for people who are single.
For people who are sad about being single: it's called Single Awareness Day
For people who are happy about being single: it's called Single Independence Day
For people who just don't care about being single: it's just called Thursday
For people like me: I call it Date With My Right Hand otherwise known as Everyday
I texted my buddy 'you free this evening?'
He texted back a selfie featuring his red, white and blue cap 'I'm free every evening'
(I know it's not your typical joke but I laughed when I got it). Have a happy and safe Independence Day, USA!
4th July
If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.
My sister made 44 cupcakes with an assortment of red, white, and blue frosting for an Independence Day dinner.
"Why 44?" I asked her. "Because that's the number of real presidents this country has actually had?"
(This actually just happened.)
Today we celebrate Independence Day!
For those that don't know their history, this was the day in 1996 that Will Smith saved the Earth from aliens.
I just bought a car flag for independence day, for only two dollars..
Now i just need to buy a car, and i am all set.
Sorry in advance as this is a very s**... joke
Two ants are strolling down the forest when they find the body of an old pen. It's hollow as the ink was removed, so get inside and it's nice and cozy. It's actually so nice that they decide to invite some other ants there, later that day, for a party, even hired an ant DJ.
What's the name of this movie?
.
.
.
.
.
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Independence day
July 4th is Independence day.
And the day Chuck Norris was born.
Coincidence? I think not.
Can you help out my friend?
A friend of mine has two tickets for the England v. Sweden football match this Saturday. He has already paid £800 for flights and accommodation. However, he was devastated the other day when he realised it clashes with his wedding and he won't be able to attend after all.
Would anyone be interested in taking his place? It all gets underway in West London at 3pm on Saturday July 7th. The bride's name is Lucy, 30 years old, weighs about 60kg. She is financially independent and an excellent cook, and her other interests include tennis and classical music.
