Increase Productivity Jokes
9 increase productivity jokes and hilarious increase productivity puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about increase productivity that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Happy Increase Productivity Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What is a good increase productivity joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
How many resumé writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one:
Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns, and zero safety incidents, increasing workplace safety and productivity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.
I think he's full of s**....
Did you hear how there's a national coin shortage?
The U.S. Mint's production of about 1 billion coins per month has been slowed due to COVID-19 safety precautions for the workers.
The good news is that they've overcome the bottlenecks and will be overclocking their machines for increased production. They plan on averaging 1.65 billion coins per month for the rest of the year 2020.
So I guess you could say the coins will return next quarter.
My great grandfather once worked in a WW2 aircraft factory.
*"Our factory closed down on account of increased B-24 production"*, he said.
*"Why is that?"*, I asked. *"Did the military favor the B-24 over your aircraft?"*
*"The military hated the B-24!"*, he snapped back. *"It always flew above flak and our Focke-Wulfs couldn't hit them either."*
Did you hear that Rand McNally is trying to increase product sales by hiding evidence of a flat Earth?
Yes. It's a global conspiracy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear how latex gloves were invented?
c**... companies realized they could increase production 10x if they used their hands instead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Putting dogs on product packaging increases sales by up to 25%.
Unless you are trying to sell tires or s**... toys.
So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...
They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.
The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.
The psychologist then says that if the walls were painted green the cows would be more relaxed and likely produce more milk.
When the physicist is called in he immediately draws a circle on a blackboard and says, "Now assume a cow is a sphere..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
True Story
The Husband Store:
A new store that sells new husbands has opened in Toronto , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, however you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs...
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Like Children...
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Good Jobs, Love Children, and are Extremely Good Looking...
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Very Good Jobs, Love Children, are Extremely Good Looking and Help With Most Housework...
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Exceptional Jobs that pay them very well, they Love Children, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with all the Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak, and they are 100% Faithful.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 18,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Please Exit to the right to make room for more unreasonable shoppers.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. Similar instructions are posted at the entrance of this store as well.
The first floor has wives that love s**....
The second floor has wives that love s**... and have their own money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
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