Incoming Jokes
34 incoming jokes and hilarious incoming puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about incoming that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Incoming Short Jokes
Short incoming jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The incoming humour may include short arrival jokes also.
- If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd.. I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
- Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face? Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don't have stable income.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - Sure passive income is great, but do you know how much you can make with passive aggressive income? You know what, never mind. Forget I even mentioned it…
- What do you call the an ant in a colony who is responsible for establishing incoming trade deals with other ant colonies? Import-ant
- After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the royal family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income. He's the Artist formerly known as Prince.
- If you tell a really incredible story about making money... It's an incomparable income parable.
- What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ? The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.
- What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth? Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue.
- Ad in the local paper: 25 year old woman, very attractive, beautiful blonde hair, perfect measurements, intelligent, with good sense of humor and stable income - Selling dump truck.
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Incoming One Liners
Which incoming one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with incoming? I can suggest the ones about received and oncoming.
- What are pornstars paid? Income.
- How do prostitutes get paid? Income
- How do you know if a fisherman is rich? Check his net income.
- Everyone should pay their income tax with a smile I tried - but they wanted cash.
- I invented a relish made out of my own cash. It's my main sauce of income.
- What's another term for a "dead end job"? "Income without outcome".
- I got a job cleaning horse manure. Well, the ad promise a stable income.
- I think income based tuition is a terrible idea... Because art degrees would be free
- The light at the end of the tunnel... might just be an incoming train.
- Dog named Tax There once was a dog named Tax. I opened the door and income Tax.
- I need to find a better job I can't even pay my income tax
- Cringe Incoming What do you call a smart cylinder?
A graduated cylinder 😜 - If a guy loses his source of income he usually loses also his main source of expenses.
- Why did the horse apply to work at a farm? He wanted a stable income.
- How would you describe an anti-vaxxer family with three children? Double income, no kids.
Comical & Quirky Incoming Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about incoming you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean future jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make incoming pranks.
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.
I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"
"Sir?" I asked.
"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."
"Yes, sir"
"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"
"Yes, sir"
"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"
"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."
I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...
Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My only form of income is donating blood
It's s**... the life out of me
So the church is losing money...
...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A runner walks into a bar
An ultra runner jogs into a bar and orders a beer. She reaches into her sweaty sports bra and pulls out a sweaty crumpled $5 bill to pay. The bartender gingerly picks up the damp bill with a pair of tongs and dumps it in a bucket. "You realize every time I get money with b**... fluids on them I have to report it to the government," the bartender grumbles. "It's g**... income."
A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people
and squeezed it dry. He said, 'If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I'll give them 100 bucks.'
Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice. Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, 'Who are you?'
The second man replied, 'Income tax officer.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Afterlife for IRS Cheaters
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a s**..., ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his s**..., hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing s**... to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have s**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.
It's a cannibalistic missile.
School days...
Teacher: If income tax is 20% and your dad earns $50,000, how much tax does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: Let's try again. If income tax is 30% and your dad earns $100000, how much does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: Alright, last try. If income tax is %50 and your dad earns $1000000, how much does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: you don't know your percentages.
Kid: you don't know my dad.
