The Best 54 Include Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Include jokes. There are some include subscription jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these include fda puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Include Jokes and Puns

Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.

Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.

My girlfriend and I had a threeso last night...

It's like a threesome but it didn't include me.

LPT: When Googling Gary Oldman always make sure to include the 'R'

jokes about include

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of suicide, and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.


What do dads never forget to include in their "dad" jokes?

PUNctuation

Okay, I'll leave.

College Assignment: Short Story

So, the assignment in a college writing class was to compose a short story using as FEW words as possible, but in order to be accepted, the story had to include discussion of three things:

1) Religion

2) Sexuality

3) Mystery

The winning entry:

"God God! I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it."

Include joke, College Assignment: Short Story

A friend asked me if every sentence has to include a vegetable

I said not nessacelery

There's an email going around that claims to include a nude photo of Hillary Clinton

Don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.

Side effects may include increased or decreased intelligence, headaches, red eyes, loss of sleep, drowsiness, suicidal thoughts, narcolepsy, unsuppressed crying, and death.

Ask your doctor if you should take school today.

What I hate most about this sub:

What I hate most about this sub:

-When people include the title in the first line.

You can explore include lists reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean include mention dad jokes. There are also include puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Obama's announcement

Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of "U.S. Government" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government.

First program in C

\#include

void main()

{

printf("Hello beautiful");

}

Output: "Hello Bro, I have a boyfriend"

A Blonde calls tech support

She is told that in order to get help, they need her password.
She says that the password is "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had chosen such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Cigarette warnings should also include how dangerous it is just going to purchase a package...

My dad left 19 years ago to buy some and he still hasn't made it back.

I think I finally understand these dating apps

They all include they want something serious and long-term, so I went on a date last week, and gave her herpes.

Include joke, I think I finally understand these dating apps

How many appendages am I holding up?

This was an on-the-spot joke made by my dad at the dinner table:

>Dad: I can see everything

>Me: How many fingers am I holding up below the table?

>Dad: No more than five.

>Me (thinking to include toes): How many appendages am I holding up?

>Dad: That's disgusting.

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:

1: Religion

2: Sexuality

3: Mystery

Below is the only A* essay.

"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

Ever wonder why they don't include the cause of death in an obituary?

It's because they want you to show up and ask how they died in person. Why do you think they include the service times?

*This is a joke. Please do not disturb a family who had a loved one pass away.*


With Ryanair, the price of your Flight Ticket does not include baggage or meals.

Now it doesn't even include your flight!

What a programmer posted to Facebook after he became a father.

Version 2.0 released with Day 1 patch. May include minor bugs.

The world of hashtags is very accepting

i mean, #include is the most used hashtag.

Isn't it funny how many building engineers won't include a thirteenth floor

Yet book publishers don't seem afraid to have a chapter eleven...

Note to self...

When your girlfriend says you can stick it anywhere you want , that doesn't include her sister.

I friend of mine has two tickets to the Super Bowl.

They are box seats, and include travel and hotel accomodation. He didn't realise when he bought the tickets that it was the same date as his wedding - so now he can't go.

So if you're interested and want to go instead of him. It's at St James's Church in Bootle at 3pm. Her name is Susan. She will be the one in the white dress.

Annual medical check

A man went in for his annual medical checkup and the doctor said "dont eat anything fatty"

The man sighed and said "does that include burgers and fries?"

"No, fatty, I mean dont eat anything!" Replied the doctor

Include joke, Annual medical check

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two... but I don't understand how they'd fit in it and as a proud and moral Polish person I am offended that they always try to include me in their debauchery.

What comes up comes down

*That includes communism*

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.


The official list of emojis for 2019 has been updated to include a drop of blood, which is meant to symbolize menstruation. Although, if tech companies really wanted to accurately portray the suffering caused by periods...

...they should use an emoji of a husband quietly masturbating in the bathroom.

The blonde's password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Why did Margaret Thatcher hate the Trade Unions?

Because they include u and i but not her.

I love how our names for recreational drug users give an idea of their drug of choice.

If they are a frequent user of marijuana, they're a stoner.

Some like to include psychedelics, and we call them hippies.

Our cocaine lovers are cokeheads.

People obsessed with meth are tweakers.

Finally some people like Bill Cosby prefer qualudes or rohypnol, and we call them rapists.

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....

But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.


So, a dog walks into a telegraph office...

...he tells the telegraph operator that he'd like to send a telegram that says, "Woof, woof, woof...woof, woof, woof, woof." The operator says, "I noticed you have 9 words. You can include a 10th "Woof" at no extra charge. And, the dog looks at him and says, "Why? That wouldn't make any sense."

There are three certainties in life:

Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.

The guy I am dating has a phobia of people that randomly include clothes in sentences

But overall, this shouldn't be an issue

I asked my Spanish colleague if he could include me on an email

He replied, CC

I've been married for 24 years. The wife told me the older I get, the more horny that I am.

I told her that is not true. I just include her in my plans more often.

car service outrage

I recently paid $300 for a limousine and I just found out the fee doesn't include a driver.

I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of sex drive.

Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.

Why did the blonde make her password "BatmanRobinBatgirlJokerHarelyIvyOslo"?

Because the rules said it needed to contain at least 6 characters and include at least 1 capital!

Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.

Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour

I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!

I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"
The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…
… so I'd spent Β£400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!

I once hired a limo

*I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!*

*I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"*

*The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…*

*… so I'd spent Β£400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!*

Hey have you heard of the sommeliers that formed a rock band?

They're called *Effervescence*. Their hit singles include *"My Last Breathalyzer Test"* and *"Bring Me More Wine"*. And who could forget *"Lacrymismosa"*?

If someone on a first date tells me their hobbies include drawing the flag of China without the stars I think to myself...

that's a big red flag!

Why are there so many rednecks in Florida?

Because sunscreen instructions include: apply liberally

Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**

When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*

My five-year old asked me if every sentence had to include a vegetable

Not neccecelery, I replied

Did you hear about the animals protesting their zoo that didn't include any Australian animals?

They were fighting for e-koala-ty.

My final work dad joke

I always include a dad joke on the schedule for my employees (which this sub helps out with when I can't think of one, thank you). Next Friday is my last day, and this is the last schedule I'm sending to them. We work in a bookstore, and my final, cringe inducing joke to them is:

After careful consideration, I've decided to leave my job at the bookstore.
_It's time to turn the page to a new chapter in my life_

Pretty bad even by my standards, but it felt right.

The best method of passive aggressiveness is simply to include the person's name at the end of your sentence,

Kathy.

How do you exclude a Christian?

Include everybody like Jesus would do.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the include imply jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working include proper piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes