The Best 52 Incident Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Incident jokes. There are some incident inform jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these incident collision puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Incident Jokes and Puns

Italian cruise ship captain caught fleeing

The Italian captain of the tragic cruise ship incident was caught at customs trying leave the country. He disguised himself as an Italian women dressed in high heels, a red polkadot dress complete with a wig and red liptick. He was busted because he forgot to add the mustache!!

Kim Kardashin flour bombing incident

Police called off the search for the person who flower bombed Kim Kardashin.

They learned it was just Lindsey Lohan sneezing

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving

A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some pals and had a few too many whiskeys as well as beers and some rather nice claret; but knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home. I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before and have no idea where I got this one.

Incident joke, I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving

Probably already been said, but it made me chuckle when I thought of it.

A man has been found dead in central London this evening, reports confirm the man died due to being stabbed with a triangular knife.

Police are calling it an isoscelated incident.

I had a racist incident in my kitchen today....

The black bean soup started dissing the white cream sauce, I finally told them both to simmer down.


While cooking dinner this happened.

I was making stir fry and opened a bag of peas. One pea gets lose and rolls off the counter. It was like slow motion as I watched it hit floor and roll under the stove. I turned to my wife who also witnessed the incident and said: "We have an escape pea." ...got a laugh

Fed up with all the denouncements, God finally decides to appear in front of an atheist...

To show that he is the Allmighty and omnipotent and put the heretic to his place, God asks the atheist for one wish that he *will* grant.

Atheist, after a careful consideration, replies:

"Erase my memory of this incident."

Incident joke, Fed up with all the denouncements, God finally decides to appear in front of an atheist...

A news reporter was interviewing a man...

who was a witness to a public masturbation incident. When asked why he did nothing to stop the perpetrator the man replied, "Well, he had it coming."

Lost both my arms in an accident.

The whole incident left me utterly humerless.

TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Chernobyl

Have you ever seen Ronald Reagan's response to the Chernobyl incident?

He thought the Russians were just "overreacting."

You can explore incident fiasco reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean incident tragic dad jokes. There are also incident puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Some ladies were sitting in a park..

Some ladies were sitting in a park every day. One man was observing them daily as they were talking and laughing loudly.
One day he observed everybody was silent. There must be some serious issue or incident that happened.So he went to a Lady and asked, "Why everybody is silent today?"
The lady replied, "All Are Present Today."

Those childhood days(real incident)

I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously

Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.

I've had a bungee jumping incident

But I'm sure I'll bounce back

Dwarf Incident

I rear ended a car this morning...
I tell you, it was going to be a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a
DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

A strange death incident occurred in the hospital.

He died of poison IV.

Incident joke, A strange death incident occurred in the hospital.

3 Texas men missing while duck hunting found dead.

The incident is under investigation, but officials do not expect fowl play.

A kid boards a flight for the first time in his life

Kid: What kind of flight is this mom?

Mom: Boeing

Kid: I'm boarding a Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing

Mom: Be silent you idiot

Kid: I'm oarding an oeing, oeing, oeing, oeing

P.S: Based on a true incident

A sad day indeed

About a week ago I was walking my dog Fido through the park and a mentally disabled kid ran up to us. Immediately upon reaching my dog he started petting him. My dog is not a violent dog by any means but he was spooked and bit the kid. After this incident he ended up getting put down. It saddens me deeply but at least Fido is ok.


Authorities have released the name of the United passenger from yesterday's incident

Soo Yoo

The entire United Airlines incident could've been avoided...

if someone had offered a Pepsi.

The United Airlines incident has me re-thinking the validity of...

the 'fight-or-flight' mechanism.

There was an incident at a nudist colony

There was an incident at a nudist colony outside of town. Some vandals had drilled holes into the wall surrounding the colony.
The police are looking into it.

A local guitarist went to jail today

It was a major incident that involved a few minors and some g-strings.

Colorado Springs police are looking for the 'Mad Pooper'.

The jogger is suspected in a shit-and-run incident. She's been declared public enemy number two. So far they've been unable to flush her out.

Two cops speeding to an incident

The officer driving asks his partner to check if the lights on the roof are working.

His partner sticks his head out of the window and then replies,

"......yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no......"

Wife calls husband about major traffic incident

A wife calls her husband whilst he is driving and says be careful I've just heard a traffic report about a car going the wrong way on the motorway! And the husband gets confused and asks one car? There's hundreds!

There was an incident at my school today--one of the teachers caught a boy sharpening an arrowhead under his desk. She called 911, and the police got involved.

As it turns out, though, it was just a kid knapping.

There was an alcoholic Jedi who used the Jedi mind trick to get a drunk driving incident removed from his record.

They called him DUI-Gone Gin.

A salt truck accidentally dumps salt on a man's car

When the man arrived at work late due to the incident his boss asked, "Why are you late?"

The man replies, "I was as**salt**ed."

Did you guys hear about the boy who got decapitated in a water slide incident?

On the plus side, everyone got to jump a head in line.

(Sorry for how terrible this joke is. I came up with it when the news story first hit like a year ago, but didn't think to post until recent news regarding the accident made me remember it.)

I dropped the thanksgiving dinner and caused a geopolitical incident.

The fall of Turkey. The splattering of Greece. And the breaking up of China.

The incident at the Cemetery.

It was summer. Jake went on a stroll. Soon he arrived at a cemetery. There, he saw a woman, sitting on a grave.

He asked, "Sitting on someone's grave, alone in the cemetery, aren't you scared?".

Woman, " Scared? Of what? It gets hot inside, so I just got out for air."

Did you hear about that incident last week with the perforated paper?

It was just tearable.

Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.

Distraught and rather angry and disheartened besides, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That's your problem right there. You have your feet too far apart.

Son: Dad, what's the most unforgettable incident in your life ?

IT Dad: Son, its INC0000038764. Took me forever to resolve.

Happy father's day !!

Did you hear about the big coffee incident in Paris?

it's all over the French press

A black man was reportedly killed with a starting pistol

They're treating it as a race related incident.

What do you call an incident with someone who has an accent?

An *accent*dent

Now laugh you fools

A man was shot earlier today with a starter's pistol

Police suspect the incident was race related.

Why is the Chernobyl incident so funny?

I mean, it doesn't even radiate happiness.

An old man goes to see his doctor

An old man goes to see his doctor. During his examination, the old man says that God is watching over him. He says that during the night, he went to the bathroom. When he opened the door, the light opened and when he closed the door, the light turned off.

Perplexed, the doctor asks the old man's wife about the incident. After telling her the story, she says :
"Oh no! Don't tell me he peed in the fridge again!"

Did you hear about the milk incident at the farm?

It was udderly disgusting

Two men are hunting in the woods...

One of them tries to shoot a bear, but misses and ends up being mauled by the bear. After the incident, as he is "bear"ly holding on to life the othe runs over and calls 911. "Help my friend and i were hunting and he got mauled by a bear, I think he's dead! " The woman on the phone responds "well we would love to help, but first can you make sure he's dead"....*BANG!!!!* .... " ok he's dead, what do I do next"

If you keep a rocket in your home

the chances of having a household incident go through the roof

Why didn't 4 get involved in the 789 incident?

He was 2²

The devil strolls into a church

Everybody starts screaming and running out, the priest almost falls as he jumps over the altar. One old man remains seated seemingly completely unphased by the incident. The devil booms "YOU MUST BE BLIND OLD MAN, DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" The man replies, "Not really worried brother... I married your sister"

I got fired from my job as a masseur.

There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Not a joke but a real incident that happened to an indian acquaintance of mine when he moved to Australia for higher studies..

So he comes out of the airport and gets into the cab.

The Aussie cab driver asked where he is from ?

He replied 'India '.

The cab driver asked ' So did you come to die?'

He froze as it was the times when there were racial attacks by white Aussies on people of indian descent .

It was only few weeks later, he realised that the driver actually asked " Did you come today?'

Why do British people pronounce it "bri'ish"?

Because after the incident in Boston, they always hide the t

I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers...

... and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.

Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they just waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

I have never driven a taxi before, and I'm not sure where I got it.

Did you hear about the guy who was run over in a freak steamroller incident in a printing shop?

He made quite a splash across the headlines, but left a good impression on paper

Badoom pssshhh

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the incident disaster jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working incident occurrence piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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