Inches Jokes
149 inches jokes and hilarious inches puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about inches that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Tickle your funny bone with this hilarious collection of inch jokes! With jokes about 6 inches, 9 inches, a footlong and ounces alongside jokes about height, you'll be sure to find the perfect joke for your next conversation.
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- Short Inches Jokes
- Inches One Liners
- Inches Long Jokes
- 6 Inches Jokes
- Inches Tall Jokes
- 9 Inches Jokes
- More Inches Jokes
Funniest Inches Short Jokes
Short inches jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The inches humour may include short centimeters jokes also.
- I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
- I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches. Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.
- Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
- I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷" - What did kate middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long
- Why are women so bad at parking? Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
- Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water so please if you are drowning children, don't waste water.
- So far we have four inches of snow on the ground. Or as my husband would say...seven inches.
- What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy? An empty toilet paper roll.
- Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall... He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
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Inches One Liners
Which inches one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with inches? I can suggest the ones about pounds and 2 inch.
- What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? A $100 bill.
- There once was a king who was 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but a great ruler.
- You know Apple is run by men... when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it's only 5.5 inches.
- Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Then it'll be a foot.
I'm so sorry. - What musical group is Jesus most afraid of? Nine Inch Nails
- It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman. Doesn't matter if it's Visa or Mastercard.
- Why can't a nose be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.
- The ladies call me subway. Because I have poor quality meat and lie about being 6 inches.
- Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women crazy? A $100 dollar bill.
- Let's hear it for snow!.. The only time that four inches can keep a woman in bed all day.
- America is converting to metric units... inch by inch.
- America is converting to the metric system Inch by inch
- Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot..
- Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
~*Badum tss*~
Inches Long Jokes
Here is a list of funny inches long jokes and even better inches long puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long. I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.
- Why are women so bad at backing up their vehicles? Because we're constantly lied to about how long 6 inches is.
- What's six inches long, two inches wide, and women love to get it? A hundred dollar bill.
- How is a man like a snowstorm? You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
- My dad told me that the future was in my hands Didn't know that the future was 9 inches long
- What's 18 inches long and never gets used? Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.
- What's 9 inches long,pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth Her miscarriage
- Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Cause then it would be a foot silly
- When is a hand a foot? When it is 12 inches long
- My friend gave me a new "magic" golf ball. As long as you put to within 3 inches of the pin, the ball will always find its way to the hole.
He did not recommend I keep it in my back pocket.
6 Inches Jokes
Here is a list of funny 6 inches jokes and even better 6 inches puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Know how the iPhone 6+ was invented by men? Only men would call something that measures 5.5 inches, "six plus"
- Why are most women bad at parking? Because they have been constantly lied to about what 6 inches are
- Subway to release a statement next week In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.
- Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches. That's Horatio of 3:1.
- Why are women bad at parking? Because they're consistently lied to about what 6 inches looks like.
- I'll take a 6 inch Meatball marinara on Italian herbs and cheese please Actually, make it a 6 inch Spicy Italian on Herbs and cheese.
[EDIT] Sorry, wrong sub - My wife and I sometimes roleplay in the bedroom with me as a weatherman I forecast 6+ inches lasting for a couple of hours. It ends up being less then 4 and is over in 2 minutes.
- Why do elephants have 4 feet? Because in the animal kingdom 6 inches just wont do
- What is 6 inches long and every man wishes he had more of it? Dollar bills
- What do the weather man and every other man have in common? They say it's going to be 10 inches, then end up only being 4 to 6.
Inches Tall Jokes
Here is a list of funny inches tall jokes and even better inches tall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Once Upon A Time.. Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.. - Have you guys heard of the king that was only a foot tall? He was a 12 inch ruler.
- What do you call a dead man that was only 12 inches tall? One foot in the grave.
- Once upon a time.... There lived a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king,
but he made a great ruler.......
ill let myself out.... - How tall are you cowboy? I'm six feet and seven inches, ma'am. Let's forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.
- A butcher is 5 ft 3 inches tall, what does he weigh? Meat
- The problem with dating a model... ... is that she's only 5 inches tall and I have to paint her myself.
- My friend got a girl pregnant when they were in high school. Their son grew to be 6 feet 7 inches tall. Biggest mistake they ever made.
- Why was the king only ten inches tall? He wasn't a very good ruler.
- Behind the counter of a sweet shop stood pretty Cathy, who was six feet tall and 15 inches wide. What did she weigh? Sweets.
9 Inches Jokes
Here is a list of funny 9 inches jokes and even better 9 inches puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Trump should build the wall around 5 feet and 9 inches so americans can watch over it but the mexicans cant see them back
- Whats about 9 inches and makes a woman scream? Cot death.
- My wife told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. I stuck it in her 3 times and punched her arm.
- I'm hung like a baby boy. About 20 inches long, 14 inches around, weighs about 9 pounds.
- If a butcher is 6 feet tall, wears size 9 shoes and has a 38 inch waist, what does he weigh? Meat.
- What's white and gives you a solid 9+ inches that gives you a workout every time? Snow Storms
- What's 9 inches long, pink, and women scream when you put in their mouth? Their miscarriage
- Is it true what every girls wants is 9 inches? Cos I'm not chopping 3 inches off for anybody!
- What's 9 inches long, has a purple head and makes women scream? Cot Death
- Why do they call it 9gag? Because it's like gagging on 9 inches.
Uproarious Inches Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about inches you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean metres jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make inches pranks.
What's six inches and not getting s**... today
Whitney Houston's c**...
What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill.
What am I?
I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!
An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit s**....
She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left n**....
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.
Snow wife.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bobby, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'
Why does an elephant have four feet?
Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.
Ending It All
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left n**....
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
Snow in the forecast...
...and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance, with a face like that!"
My Girlfriend's Hair
My girlfriend came home last night, crying, inconsolable. She had just gone to the hair salon and they cut her hair WAY too short, like, four inches too short. I said baby, what are you worried about? It'll grow back eventually. I'm the one who has to find a new girlfriend.
A farmer couldn't tell his two horses apart...
...so he tried cutting the tail off one horse. This was no good because the tail grew right back. Then he cut the mane off the other horse. This didn't work either, because the mane grew back. Finally he measured them and found that the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse.
A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.
"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."
Winter...
The only time of year when 8-12 inches is used to describe something white. (Up North)
What's 7 inches long and hasn't been s**... in over 2 years?
Whitney Houston's crack pipe.
Just before my girlfriend and I had s**... for the first time...
I told her I was gonna give her 9 inches. Just as long as she was willing to take 3 inch payments
John Snow.
John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...
What's the difference between the Seahawks and a cheap h**...?
The h**... won't choke on six inches.
Why are most weather forecasters men?
Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches.
Ladies, if he says he's six foot four inches, make sure that's not two separate measurements.
It only takes 3 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn't matter if it's mastercard, visa or American express.
Terrifying Story
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".
Why do elephants have four feet?
Because six inches would never satisfy a female elephant.
The night before the wedding
The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.
"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.
"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"
"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"
"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.
"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.
The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"
Why is s**... like snow?
Because you never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last..
How do you measure a snake?
In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.
Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.
Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).
First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."
Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do."
Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels."
First woman: "That's not a soft drink!"
Third woman: "I know, but he's a hard l**...."
Apple is advertising the new iPhone as "The most powerful four inches ever."
I can't believe they stole my slogan.
s**... with a weatherman must s**....
Always telling you to expect 8-12 inches,
only to find out it's not even 4.
My girlfriend said "Give me 10 inches and make it hurt!"
So I stabbed her with a ruler.
What's 9 inches long, purple, and I love to shove it down my girlfriend's t**...?
Her miscarriage.
I said to her: "Two more inches and I'd be a king"
"Two inches less and you'd be a queen", she replied.
Why did the weather man's wife leave him?
He promised nine inches but she only got three.
The fact that president Obama needs four inches of bullet proof glass at every public speaking event, is proof that racism is still alive
Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot everyone.
Why can't women get close to the curb when they parallel park?
Because they're constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.
Any woman who thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach...
is aiming about ten inches too high.
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
What do Daenerys Targaryen and the North have in common?
Right now, they're both getting a few inches of Snow.
Me: d**...! The forecast shows up to 5 inches of snow!!
Wife: If I don't complain about a few inches, neither should you.
I told her, "It might not be 12 inches.."
But it sure smells like a foot.
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.
Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your b**...!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."
Living in the northeast, I don't normally get mad about snow.
But this snitch a**... weatherman just let my wife know what six inches actually looks like.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches
Coz then it would be a foot
Yea I'm an expert at dad jokes but am not dat funny
I invented a new golf ball for amateurs that will automatically go in the hole if you get it within four inches.
Disclaimer: Do not carry it in your back pocket!
I was working in the ER today
This 80 year old woman gets brought in with a gun shot wound and she keeps screaming "you told me to do this! You did this to me!" So I found a nurse and asked her what happened. The nurse said the patient wanted to kill herself so she grabbed a gun and went to shoot herself in her heart, but she didn't know where her heart was. So the patient called her doctor and asked "where's my heart?" The doctor told her "it's about 2 inches below your n**...". So the patient hung up and then shot herself in the kneecap.
A man was late for work and panicking he suddenly hears...
Someone yelling "STOP" the man stopped, not knowing what else to do and just a few seconds later a car c**... occurred missing the man by a few inches.
The man, very confused thinks nothing of it and since people came to help, he ran his way because he was really late.
Then just a minute later he hears someone yelling "STOP" and he stopped, just a few seconds later a stray tire crashed into a shop missing the man by mere inches again.
The man now fully frustrated yells back "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GETTING MARRIED!?".
Why can't a hand be 12 inches?
Cause then it would be a foot
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up onto the sidewalk, and stopped inches away from a lady with a baby stroller. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Hey, don't ever do that again. You scared the c**... out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied, "I'm sorry. It's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
TIL: Units of measurement like feet and inches were originally based on the current monarch's sizes
That's why they were called rulers.
Why can't your nose be more than 12 inches long?
Because it would be a foot.
A man walks up to a chiropractor
and says, doc my back is fine!
the chiropractor then proceeds to crack his back in several places. Afterwards, the man feels relief and is standing several inches taller. He says I stand corrected
