The Best 62 Inches Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Inches jokes. There are some inches height jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these inches foot puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Inches Jokes and Puns

What's six inches and not getting sucked today

Whitney Houston's crackpipe

An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit suicide.

She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.

The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left nipple.

The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.

Snow wife.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Inches joke, Snow wife.

Why does an elephant have four feet?

Because six inches isn't going to satisfy a female elephant.

Ending It All

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.


Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

My Girlfriend's Hair

My girlfriend came home last night, crying, inconsolable. She had just gone to the hair salon and they cut her hair WAY too short, like, four inches too short. I said baby, what are you worried about? It'll grow back eventually. I'm the one who has to find a new girlfriend.

Inches joke, My Girlfriend's Hair

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Then it'll be a foot.

I'm so sorry.

Know how the iPhone 6+ was invented by men?

Only men would call something that measures 5.5 inches, "six plus"

What did Kate Middleton find out on her wedding night?

That not all rulers are twelve inches long

Let's hear it for snow!..

The only time that four inches can keep a woman in bed all day.

You can explore inches schlong reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean inches mile dad jokes. There are also inches puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 2 years?

Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

Just before my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time...

I told her I was gonna give her 9 inches. Just as long as she was willing to take 3 inch payments

What's 18 inches long and never gets used?

Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.

-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?

John laughs and continues with his drink.

-Why is this funny?

John responds,

-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...

What's the difference between the Seahawks and a cheap hooker?

The hooker won't choke on six inches.

Inches joke, What's the difference between the Seahawks and a cheap hooker?

Ladies, if he says he's six foot four inches, make sure that's not two separate measurements.

It only takes 3 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn't matter if it's mastercard, visa or American express.

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".


Why do elephants have four feet?

Because six inches would never satisfy a female elephant.

Subway to release a statement next week

In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.

The night before the wedding

The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.

"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.

"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"

"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"

"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.

"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.

The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"

How is a man like a snowstorm?

You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

Why can't your hand be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot..

Why are women bad at parking?

Because they're consistently lied to about what 6 inches looks like.

Why is sex like snow?

Because you never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last..

How do you measure a snake?

In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.

What's 9 inches long,pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth

Her miscarriage

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.

Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).

First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."

Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do."

Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels."

First woman: "That's not a soft drink!"

Third woman: "I know, but he's a hard licker."

Apple is advertising the new iPhone as "The most powerful four inches ever."

I can't believe they stole my slogan.

My dad told me that the future was in my hands

Didn't know that the future was 9 inches long

Sex with a weatherman must suck.

Always telling you to expect 8-12 inches,
only to find out it's not even 4.

Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night

Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.

What's 9 inches long, purple, and I love to shove it down my girlfriend's throat?

Her miscarriage.

I said to her: "Two more inches and I'd be a king"

"Two inches less and you'd be a queen", she replied.

The ladies call me Subway.

Because I have poor quality meat and lie about being 6 inches.

The fact that president Obama needs four inches of bullet proof glass at every public speaking event, is proof that racism is still alive

Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot everyone.

Why are most women bad at parking?

Because they have been constantly lied to about what 6 inches are

What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?

An empty toilet paper roll.

Why can't women get close to the curb when they parallel park?

Because they're constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.

You know Apple is run by men...

when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it's only 5.5 inches.

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

So far we have four inches of snow on the ground.

Or as my husband would say...seven inches.

Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches.

That's Horatio of 3:1.

I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it'd be a foot.

~*Badum tss*~

Why are women so bad at parking cars?

Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.

I told her, "It might not be 12 inches.."

But it sure smells like a foot.

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.

Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."

Living in the northeast, I don't normally get mad about snow.

But this snitch ass weatherman just let my wife know what six inches actually looks like.

Why can't a nose be 12 inches

Coz then it would be a foot


Yea I'm an expert at dad jokes but am not dat funny

I invented a new golf ball for amateurs that will automatically go in the hole if you get it within four inches.

Disclaimer: Do not carry it in your back pocket!

I was working in the ER today

This 80 year old woman gets brought in with a gun shot wound and she keeps screaming "you told me to do this! You did this to me!" So I found a nurse and asked her what happened. The nurse said the patient wanted to kill herself so she grabbed a gun and went to shoot herself in her heart, but she didn't know where her heart was. So the patient called her doctor and asked "where's my heart?" The doctor told her "it's about 2 inches below your nipple". So the patient hung up and then shot herself in the kneecap.

Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

Why couldn't Pinocchio's nose ever grow to be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

Growing Up

My son, Bob, was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him.

"Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."

A man was late for work and panicking he suddenly hears...

Someone yelling "STOP" the man stopped, not knowing what else to do and just a few seconds later a car crash occurred missing the man by a few inches.

The man, very confused thinks nothing of it and since people came to help, he ran his way because he was really late.



Then just a minute later he hears someone yelling "STOP" and he stopped, just a few seconds later a stray tire crashed into a shop missing the man by mere inches again.

The man now fully frustrated yells back "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GETTING MARRIED!?".

Once upon a time....

There lived a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king,
but he made a great ruler.......

ill let myself out....

Do you know why firetrucks are red?

Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 people.

4+8=12

There are 12 inches in a ruler

Queen Elizabeth is a ruler

There was a ship named Queen Elizabeth

Ships sail on seas

Seas have fish

Fish have fins

People from Finland are Finns

Finland and Russia border each other

Russians are red

Firetrucks are always Russian around

Why can't a hand be 12 inches?

Cause then it would be a foot

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the inches kilometers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working inches tall piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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