The Best 79 Inappropriate Jokes
This article contains a list of inappropriate jokes that may offend some people.
Top 10 Funniest Inappropriate Jokes and Puns
Son we need to talk.
Son, we need to talk!
Yes, dad?
Your mother said she saw you watching inappropriate videos online. Those videos are trash, they're garbage and if you keep watching them, you'll go blind!
Dad?
Yes, son?
I'm over here.
Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12...
....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu
two of my friends are getting married tomorrow. what are your favorite wedding/marriage jokes?
The more crass, vulgar, and inappropriate, the better.
What would be the most (in)appropriate way to respond to the death of a loved one?
Mourning Would.
My dad recently passed away and loved dirty jokes. I need some new ones to cheer me and my family up.
Last week, my dad unexpectedly passed away at the age of 56. One of the many things my family loved about him was his tendency to tell dirty jokes at the most inappropriate times. Does anybody have any good ones? Hearing some new dirty jokes would really help cheer me and my family up.
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
One of my favorite somewhat inappropriate jokes.
Moish walks sees Shlomo sitting by himself in a bar, drink in hand.
He walks over, puts a hand on Shlomo's shoulder and says "I'm so sorry to hear about the fire in your factory."
Shlomo gives Moish an angry look and says quietly "Shhh you idiot! That's on Thursday!"
My inappropriate uncle told me this one when I was 11: Where do cousins come from?
ant holes
What do you call a midget who makes inappropriate jokes in the workplace?
A little unprofessional
The most inappropriate thing to say to the queen of England,
I lick your stamps all the time.
I was asked who my favorite X-Men character was..
Apparently Bruce Jenner was "inappropriate."
You can explore inappropriate offensive reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean inappropriate vulgar dad jokes. There are also inappropriate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Context is important.
Context is important. It's fine to say "I'm coming!" when you're running to catch a bus, but totally inappropriate to say the same thing when you're on it.
Sensual Massages
This girl at the office keeps trying to get me fired for apparently giving her sensual massages at inappropriate times.
I said, "Go right ahead and try, I dont even work here!"
I'm always hard at work.
But Human Resources keeps telling me that it's extremely inappropriate to have erections at the office.
My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke
Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that I could make such a mistake and asked how I could possibly do this when the breast would be round and make it difficult to get the turkey to not roll.
My lame joke:
>"Maybe I just like flat breasted turkeys."
Wife looks down at her chest:
>"Well now I feel self-conscious... Wait, is that why you always turn me face down?"
Everybody starts roaring with laughter and her dad turned bright red.
My coworker complained about our David Bowie tribute music recently...
...he complained that after Lemmy's death we didn't have any tribute music. I pointed out that would be slightly inappropriate, as Lemmy wrote about taking drugs and blacking out, whilst David Bowie wrote whilst taking drugs and blacking out.
A Black Man and a White Man fall out of a tree... Who hits the ground first?
The White Man, of course...
Because the Black man was stopped by the rope.
p.s. Mods, please remove if inappropriate or whatever.
I was asked who my favorite X-Man was
Apparently, Kaitlyn Jenner was an inappropriate reply.
I always get told off when introducing my wife...
Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate.
What is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone who just lost their job?
You had one job.
My friend was arrested for his inappropriate attraction to details.
He got off on a technicality
This chick is trying to get me fired because she claims I've been giving her inappropriate massages in the office...
I said good luck with that sweetheart.... I don't even work here.
(cr
A girl from the office is trying to get me fired for
sexual harassment because I've been giving her "inappropriate massages during work"
I said, Good luck sweetheart. I don't even work here.
So my father-in-law asked me to give the Christmas prayer...
Apparently Ezekiel 25:17 is "inappropriate"
2016 strikes again. The inventor of the inappropriate innuendo has died.
His family are taking it really hard.
I was asked who my favourite X-men was the other day...
Apparently Caitlyn Jenner was inappropriate.
The inventor of inappropriate innuendo jokes died suddenly yesterday.
His wife is taking it really hard.
What does the inappropriate strip club patron say when he finally admits he has a problem?
I come here too often
An oak tree walks into a bar.
Nuts on a woman, barks something inappropriate, and leaves.
I got hard during circumcision
It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.
My buddy and his wife were furious with me after I threw confetti on them as they left the church…
They shouted, "This is completely inappropriate at a child's funeral!"
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
HR pulled me into the office today for a disciplinary.
"We need to talk to you about your inappropriate sexual remarks made to Sarah."
"Why, what level of inappropriateness did she say I done?"
"Harass..."
"Yes, it is cute and I would eat my dinner off it. But what level of inappropriateness did she say I done?"
My granddad always used to say "there is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing".
I say "used to', he got hit by lightening.
I've been fired from my job as a bingo caller...
Apparently it's inappropriate to call the number 69 as *"A meal for two with a terrible view"*.
I don't work hard...
...because it would be inappropriate for me to be hard, at work.
My daughter was trying to convince me that the dress she was going out in wasn't inappropriate,
but I saw right through it.
I always seem to be telling jokes at the most inappropriate moments.
For years I've been attempting to suppress my gag reflex.
What do you call a person who kneels after the President makes inappropriate comments?
Monica Lewinsky
What's the most inappropriate Halloween costume this year?
Hurricane Harvey Weinstein
This girl wants to get me fired for giving her inappropriate shoulder rubs...
Good luck with that, I don't even work there.
What do you call a rapper who says inappropriate things after horrifying events?
Too Soon
Everyone's talking about how inappropriate Louis CK's behavior has been...
...personally, I think he handled himself quite well.
Mike Pence Walks Into a Bar
He walks up to a group of women and says, "Hey ladies, wanna get out of here?"
The girls look befuddled. One of them says "Excuse me Mr. Pence, as vice president and as a married man, isn't it inappropriate to hit on a group of women like this?"
To which Pence replied "I wasn't hitting on you. Either you go or I'm not allowed to stay."
When interviewer asks you what you make at your current job
Apparently they don't expect you to say stupid mistakes and inappropriate comments.
My girlfriend said I believe in you and it made me happy.
But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate Jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.
My dad hanged himself recently. We decided to set up a committee in his honour.
However, we thought it would be inappropriate to have a chair.
Apparently it's inappropriate for a group of white kids to put on a play of Aladdin, as it is racially insensitive and cultural appropriation. Possibly white washing.
I wonder if we'll see more Jews in Nativity Pageants come Christmas season this year.
I used to date an English teacher...
...but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon.
My father, who was on his death bed, told me that I make jokes out of the most inappropriate things.
Let's just say he didn't live long after that.
Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Me: I don't know; how many?
Son: Ten tickles.
Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.
Son: Huh?
Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?
Son: No; how?
Me: Test tickles.
Son: ...
Son: ...that's inappropriate.
Where is it inappropriate to have a Back to School sale?
A gun store.
My teacher always touched me in inappropriate places.
The kitchen...the living room....
I hated being homeschooled.
I think it's inappropriate for men to make fun of the gender wage gap; to ignore and minimize it, or to make cheap jokes about it.
Also, you could easily find some women to make those same jokes way cheaper.
Inappropriate Joke
"If you kill everyone, it's genocide. If you don't, it's bad press."
This woman keeps going to HR to try to get me fired for giving her "inappropriate" massages. Good luck with that.
I don't even work here.
The signs always say, Break glass in case of emergency, but when I had an emergency and broke the glass, my neighbor yelled at me.
Apparently, it was highly inappropriate to throw my drink to the floor, and I could've just asked where the bathroom is.
A man calls tech support.
Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'
Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'
The interview
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?
Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
A plumber
is fixing some water pipes in the kitchen when suddenly the housewife comes in.
-Beware of my husband, he is gonna be home in an hour!
The plumber make eye contact with the lady in the kitchen door and asks.
-Why, I have done nothing inappropriate?
She quickly replies.
-That's why I'm telling you we still have an hour!
My friend told me an inappropriate joke about time travelling in video games.
Chrono Triggered
When asked about the inappropriate behavior by his priests the pope said
it's an age old problem.
Did you hear the one about Xi Jinping?
This joke has been flagged for violations of our *new* content policy, specifically our policy against inappropriate speech.
After weeks of isolation, my wife said she is getting tired of my inappropriate catch phrases...
I said That's COVID, baby .
Why do people make puns at inappropriate times?
It's very irrespunsible
A piece of rope walks into a bar.
After very inappropriate behaviour, the bartender asks the rope to leave.
The rope leaves and gives itself a makeover by unravelling himself at the top and tying himself into a knot.
It returns the next day and the bartender asks Aren't you the same guy yesterday?
It says: I'm a frayed knot.
What do you call a cup of inappropriate coffee?
an ejaculatte
I saw all the people complaining about inappropriate YouTube ads, and at first I thought they were kidding. Then I saw a Trojan condoms ad.
I thought they were horsing around.
Did you hear about the music conductor who was fired for inappropriate behavior?
He was caught maestrobating backstage and his manager saw him a beat off
If your partner confesses that they cheated on you......
If your partner confesses that they cheated on you, I know the temptation is to ask, with who?
But that's inappropriate. Avoid it.
Instead ask, with whom? It is important to speak good English.
I got kicked out of a grocery store for inappropriate behavior in the produce section.
All I did was take a leek.
Sorry to anyone who felt my joke about herbs and fish was inappropriate.
I realise there's a thyme and a plaice for these things...
My fried just got engaged to her boyfriend, Peter, and was gushing about how in love she is. Obviously the first thing out of my mouth was "oh, so you're a massive Peterphile!" Apparently that was "inappropriate" and now she's annoyed with me.
This is actually a true story, so hope it's okay that it's not in a standard joke format.
I got fired from my job at the funeral parlor.
My boss thought "smoking or non smoking?" was an inappropriate way to ask if they wanted cremation.
I like my women how I like my coffee…
Secretly filled with whiskey at inappropriate times.
Approverypriate.
Sorry - that was very inappropriate.
It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you're not a dad.....
It's a faux pa.
The movie was so boring, that...
...I had to fight Zs harder than the Ukrainian army.
(Sorry, inappropriate. Also, sorry not a joke, just a saying I just invented. Also, Slava Ukraini)
"Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!"
"Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"
"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the inappropriate suggestive jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working inappropriate lascivious piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.