In The Dark Jokes
143 in the dark jokes and hilarious in the dark puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about in the dark that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest In The Dark Short Jokes
Short in the dark jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The in the dark humour may include short darkness jokes also.
- How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Trump says it's changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.
- Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors? Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot. - In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types. But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.
- How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They're happy living in the dark
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb? The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
- After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken
- How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
- Robin said to Batman... "Batman, why do you wear dark colors?"
"Easy Robin, it makes me less likely to be shot"
"Then why do I wear bright colors?"
"It also makes me less likely to be shot."
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In The Dark One Liners
Which in the dark one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with in the dark? I can suggest the ones about lightbulb dark and dark people.
- What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.
- Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
- Dark humor is like cancer. It's even funnier when children get it.
- Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not c? Because you can't see in the dark.
Ba-dum-tss - Food is like dark humor not every one gets it.
- Dark Humour is like anti-vax families There's usually a dead baby.
- What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
- Why were the 'Dark Ages' so dark? Because there were so many Knights.
Just delete me. - What happens when Catwoman takes off her suit? The Dark Knight Rises!
- Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: Because they don't know where home is.
- Do you know why programers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
- What do you call an artist in a dark alley? Sketchy
- Why do most programmer use dark mode? Because the light attracts too many bugs
- Me: Hello darkness my old friend Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
- I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore... these are some dark times.
Humorous In The Dark Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about in the dark you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dark jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make in the dark pranks.
A man runs home from work
The second he gets home he finds his wife of 20 years, takes her into the bedroom and throws her on the bed, and pulled some blankets over them.
The wife was shocked, he hadn't been this way since they were young!
Then the man then turns to her and says: "look! My new watch glows in the dark!"
how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
A man and a woman are talking in the office.
The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."
Why isn't "dark" spelled a "c", instead of a "k"
Because you can't see in the dark.
You've all been wonderful.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.
Too Shy!!!
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb?
"No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark."
A n**... police officer came to work
A n**... police officer came to work and his commander, shocked, asked him: "why did you come n**...?"
The police officer said: "There was a party last night I attended. At 00:00 all lights went off and we were in the dark. All of a sudden a voice said that all females should undress. You could hear u**.... Then after a while the same voice said all the males to get undressed. Everybody did that, so did I. And then after a minute the voice said GET TO WORK"
Commander: "And?"
Police officer: "And I came to work."
Why is 'dark' spelled with a k and not a c?
Because everyone knows you can't c in the dark.
Jesus is watching you
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"
The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."
Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."
How many Republicans does it take to change a light-bulb?
None.
Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark.
how many Irish mammies does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Don't mind me, I'll sit in the dark. You kids go have your fun.
Why is Dark spelt with a K and not C at the end?
Because you cannot C in the dark
How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trumps says it's done and they all cheer in the dark
How many Hillary Clinton fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Hillary Clinton fans prefer to stay in the dark.
Why is Dark spelled with a K and not a C
Because you can't C in the Dark
How many Trump supporters does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They'd rather be in the dark about things.
Why is dark spelled with a K?
Because you can't C in the dark
I hate it when..
I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark,
My white friend in snow,
My Chinese friend in sand,
And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes.
How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh don't worry about me I'll just sit here in the dark. It's not like I need light to sit here all alone by myself.
God was handing out talents one morning
To some, He gave the power to create life. The angels around Him were in awe as crops flourished and population soared. To others, he gave fine skills and artistry. His angelic entourage marveled at intricate needlework, tapestry, and sculpture.
God stooped down low and found a man waiting in the darkness, just before dawn. He gave him the power to sprinkle water on the grass as the sun rose. The angels were confused. "You gave amazing abilities to all others. Can this one really care for himself with such a small talent?"
God simply replied, "He will learn to make dew."
How many cannibals does it take to screw in one light bulb?
I have no clue but you really shouldn't be in the dark with cannibals.
How many optimists does it take to change a lightbulb.
None. They just find light in the darkness.
My friend was showing me his new golf ball.
He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."
I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"
"Found it"
2.000 light bulbs stolen
Investigators still in the dark
How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
How many trump supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb
None. Trump says it's done and everyone claps in the dark
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...
The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving."
After sitting in the dark for a while, Gorbachev breaks the silence and says "Hey, any of you guys wanna pick up some McDonalds?"
I don't really know about the effects of nocturnal drinking
I'm just taking a shot in the dark.
Two factory workers are talking.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Need a Break!
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
Guy A calls guy B
Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l
The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof
The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"
The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home
Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"
Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"
What has two butts and kills in the dark?
Assassin
How many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, we just sit in the dark complaining about capitalism.
But come the light-bulb revolution everything will be brighter.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he came back from Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness, dead bodies hanging in the canopy, and remembers the smell of blood and gunpowder.
When he sees seven, he is reminded of those days.
Why is 'dark' not spelled like 'darc'?
Because you can't c in the dark!
Jesus is watching
A burglar sneaks into someone's home, and while stealing he suddenly hears a voice in the dark.
"Jesus is watching."
Not knowing where it's from, he continues stealing until once again he hears "Jesus is watching". He then notices a bird cage with a parrot inside, with a name plate that says "Moses".
"Moses?" he asks. "What kind of m**... would name their parrot Moses?"
Moses then says "Same guy that names his doberman Jesus".
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light-bulb?
None. Don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark.
You're not scared of being alone in the dark.
You're scared of not being alone in the dark.
I think it was a mistake to go to that "swingers in the dark" party last night...
...I don't know what came over me.
Why is dark spelled with a k, and not a c?
Because you can't see in the dark.
Courtesy of my 14 year old this evening.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it
We've got an aviary at home, Sadly one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music.
Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark
How many jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"no, it's ok, leave your poor mother in the dark..."
Why is 'dark' not written 'darc'?
Because you can't see in the dark
How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.
Why is dark spelled with a K instead of a C?
Because you can't C in the dark....
How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They glow in the dark.
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Nun. They'll sit in the dark ages.
In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up
Half to life.
A robber decides to rob a house.
He comes in silently, doesn't turn on any lights, and starts to look for the valuables. In one room, he suddenly hears a voice say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber looks around frantically in the dark, when he hears the same voice, again say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber takes out his flashlight, and turns it on to see a parrot. He breathes a sigh of relief, and taunts by saying You're just a parrot. What are you going to do? The parrot responds I may be just a parrot, but Jesus is a Doberman.
I can't see very well in the dark
but on the bright side, I see just fine.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump just says it's fixed and the rest of them sit in the dark and applaud
Soviet Factory
One compatriot who works in a factory suddenly decides to get a folding ladder, climbs to the top, and hangs upside down holding himself with his legs.
The factory officer notices, comes over to him, and says "what are you doing?"
He responds "I'm a light bulb".
The factory officer reponds "Uhh, clearly you are too tired, go home and rest!"
The worker climbs down and leaves for home.
A few seconds later, another worker stumbles towards the exit.
The officer says "Where are you going?"
and he responds "I can't work in the dark"
How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...
Blonde Inventions
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
How many feminists does it takes to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and blame men
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let her cook in the dark.
How many Hillary supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
None. cmon , they'd much rather be kept in the dark.
If you ever feel lonely
Just watch a horror movie in the dark, you won't feel lonely anymore
It took years for Thomas Edison to perfect the light bulb...
But that's because he was working in the dark.
What did one gargoyle say to the other in the dark?
Statue?
Police officer approaches a drunk man urinating on the street late at night and said.
"Sir, you'll have to accompany me to the police station" the drunk guy responded with a grunt "Jeez! You became a police officer, and still afraid of walking in the dark? Okay I'll walk you home, but don't tell anyone"
Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?
Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!
How many yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They'll just stand in the dark talking about how good the old one was.
How many Ukrainians does it take to screw a lightbulb?
You don't need to, they glow in the dark.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Politicians can't change lightbulbs, they will just leave everyone waiting in the dark while they argue about which brand the lightbulb ought to be.
NASA just reported they have lost contact with Voyager 1 after it crashed into something in the dark abyss of space
Apparently they found my ex's heart, which drains all energy.
How many CIA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
They're not telling. They would prefer to keep you in the dark.
Just kidding. It's actually [████████████████████](#s)
At the fortune teller
h**... went to see a fortune teller. After he had sat down in the darkened room, the fortune teller said, I will read your palm for fifty dollars, and that entitles you to ask three questions.
Questions about what? asked h**....
About anything, replied the psychic.
But is not fifty dollars an awful lot to charge for that? complained h**....
Maybe, said the palmist, and what is your last question?
In the dark of night, I fear vampires, but, when the first light of day breaks, I wonder why I had ever been afraid
It's hard to take vampires seriously after Twilight.
How many Ukrainians does it take to change a light bulb?
People who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
Jesus knows you're here
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shines his flashlight around the house looking for valuables when a voice in the dark says "Jesus knows you're here." Freaked out, he turns his flashlight off and freezes, but hears nothing more so shakes his head and continues. As he is disconnecting cables from the TV, he hears very clearly "Jesus is watching you." Startled, he shines his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice. In the corner of the room he spots a Parrot. "Did you say that?" he asks. "Yes," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you." The burglar laughs a bit, "warn me huh? Who in the world are you!" "Moses." The bird replies. With a now humorous tone, the burglar asks "What kind of person would name a bird Moses?" The bird replies "the same kind of people who would name a rottweiler Jesus."
How many Narcisists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None.
They don't believe in change.
They'd rather live in the dark.
Blonde, Nun, Russian and Pole in Train
Suddenly they enter the tunnel. It is getting dark. A loud sound is heard in the darkness. At the exit, a Russian man can be seen holding his cheek. The nun thinks - the pervert touched the blonde and got slapped. The blonde thinks - the pervert was supposed to touch me, but he made a mistake, touched the nun and got slapped. The Russian thinks - probably a Pole touched one, she mistook him for me and hit me. Pole thinks - in the next tunnel I will hit him again.
I've been wondering what the eclipse looks like...
But I've been kept in the dark.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Mid age humor..
The guest of a famous painter, who was also known for having ugly children, remarked, "The people in your paintings are much more beautiful than your children". To which the painter replied: I make the pictures in the light, the children in the dark.
