In Soviet Union Jokes

130 in soviet union jokes and hilarious in soviet union puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about in soviet union that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest In Soviet Union Short Jokes

Short in soviet union jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The in soviet union humour may include short in soviet russia jokes also.

  1. Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece
  2. The soviet union actually made the best bread in the world. People would stand in line for days just to get a piece of it.
  3. Why was everyone in the Soviet Union so good at driving manual? Because they were afraid of Stalin.
  4. My girlfriend is weirdly obsessed with the Soviet Union. And for me, that's a major red flag.
  5. Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union? They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.
  6. My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay. I got full marx.
  7. Why didn't the Soviet Union publish any Where's Waldo books? It would be too easy to find Waldo, everyone would be waiting in a lineup.
  8. Y'know, communism is definitely the best system of government. Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.
  9. What do you call a Russian Wedding? A soviet union.
    Dont hate me if this is a repost. Its my first post
  10. If you go into someone's home And they have a former Soviet Union banner hanging on the wall,
    That's a big red flag.

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In Soviet Union One Liners

Which in soviet union one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with in soviet union? I can suggest the ones about soviet union and soviet russia.

  1. Why could nobody in the Soviet Union drive a car? They kept Stalin.
  2. Dating pro tip: if s/he admires the Soviet Union... then that's a red flag
  3. The Soviet Union attempted to sell cars. Unfortunately Stalin was their biggest problem.
  4. What do you call a Russian marriage? A Soviet Union
  5. In Soviet Union we had old joke about Stalin But you would die laughing if you heard it
  6. We should get all the ex-soviet states back together Then we could have a Soviet Re-Union
  7. Why didn't the Soviet Union join WW2 until 1941? They were using Stalin-tactics
  8. The Soviet Union should get back together... To have a Soviet Reunion
  9. Why was the Soviet Union so good at Geometry? Because they had a Supreme Ruler.
  10. What game were children actually encouraged to play in the Soviet Union? ISpy
  11. What was the Soviet Union's favorite videogame system? The Nintendo We
  12. I had this great joke about the Soviet Union... But it just fell apart in the end.
  13. If Russia became the Soviet Union again It would be the Soviet Reunion
  14. What is a wedding in russia called? A soviet union.
  15. Why did the Soviet Union fail? Because they were Russian into in.

Uproarious In Soviet Union Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about in soviet union you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soviet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make in soviet union pranks.

'What Will Communism Be Like?'- A Russian Joke

One day, as a young man, Ivan asked a member of the Party, "What will it be like once we have built communism?". The Party man replied, "The shops will be full of goods, and we will have no money". Four decades passed, and the Soviet Union fell. After the fall of the USSR, Ivan found himself walking the streets of Moscow. He looked at the shops, and he felt in his pockets, and smiled. "Comrades", he said, "We have built communism at last!"

In the bad old days on the Soviet Union,

a dissident published a pamphlet in which he openly said Stalin was a fool. Sure enough, the man was arrested days later for this crime. So, the dissident went to court and said "I'm innocent and want to defend myself! What I said was truthful - I did not commit libel!" The judge said to him "you don't understand - you're not being charged for libel, you're being charged with revealing a state secret."
-heard on an Intelligence Squared debate.

A Russian man comes across an old v**... bottle

When he picks it up and opens it, a genie appears.
"Thank you so much for releasing me! Now let me do something for you. How would you like to become a Hero of the Soviet Union?"
The man consents.
All of the sudden, he finds himself on a battlefield facing eight German tanks with eight grenades.

I heard this joke from a foreign tour woman of a museum of Communism in Russia...

[Apparently this was a real joke told by anti-communist citizens when Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union]
Have you tried Stalin bacon before?
*I'm not sure.. I don't think so...*
Well, I know for certain that you haven't - the pig's not dead yet.

Saw some great soviet jokes on here. Here's one from President Reagan...

Buying a car in the Soviet Union is not quite so easy as buying a car in the United States. There's a terrible automobile shortage so you have to pay the money up front and then wait, sometimes many years, until a car is made available to you.
On one occasion, at the height of the shortage, a man went down to his local dealership to buy a car. After he had accepted the man's money and the paperwork had been signed, the dealer informed the man that his car would be ready in 10 years and that he could come back then and pick it up.
Taking note of the date, the man turned to leave but paused on his way out the door and asked, "morning or afternoon?"
"It's 10 years from now, what difference does it make?" replied the dealer.
"Well, I'm busy in the morning." said the man.
Confused, the dealer asked, "what could you possibly have planned for the morning ten years from today?"
"The plumber's coming to fix my sink," replied the man.

My favorite Joke about the Soviet Union

A old babushka is walking down the street and sees a little boy with only one shoe. She comes to him and asks, "Did you lose a shoe, poor boy?"
He replies, "No... I FOUND a shoe!"

Is it true that there was free speech in the Soviet Union and the US?

Yes, in principle. In the US, you can stand in front of the White House and shout, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished. Similarly, in the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square and shout, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.

How were naval losses announced in the Soviet Union?

"Comrade Stalin, seven of our destroyers have been recommissioned as submarines!"

quick historical Russian joke from early 90's

Quick context - Soviet Union just collapsed and Moscow streets are full of desperate people trying to some money to survive. A dialogue between street meat vendor (V), and a potential customer (C):
C: Was this meat barking or meowing?
V: It was asking s**... questions.

The Soviet Union won't ever rise again?

What a bunch of Bolshevik.

Why didn't the Soviet Union send Cosmonauts to the Moon?

In case they didn't want to come back.

I asked a comedian what performing in the Soviet Union was like.

Apparently, back then, it was all about the execution.

Why was there no crime in the Soviet Union?

There was nothing worth stealing...

During the collapse of the Soviet Union...

... An elderly woman is surveyed by the government to conclude what the state of mind of the populous is.
**Survey man**: Where were you born?
**Woman**: St. Petersburg
**Survey man**: Where do you live now?
**Woman**: Leningrad
**Survey man**: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
**Woman**: St. Petersburg

In the Soviet Union, you could tell a joke three times . . .

Once to your friend, once to the judge, and once to your cellmate

Can of sardines in Soviet Union

A man in the 80s in Soviet Union buys a can of sardines. He opens it and it's empty, but there is a little note in it:
"Not a winner"

Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union, just like in the USA?

Yes. In the USA you can stand in front of the White House and shout "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished. Equally, you can stand in Red Square in Moscow and yell "Down with Reagan!", and you will still not be punished.
(Alternate punchline:
Yes, but the USA also permits freedom after speech.)

How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.

Why did nobody in the Soviet Union drive manual cars?

They were afraid of Stalin'

Hero of the Soviet Union

[[ Here's a joke from Soviet Russia. "Hero of the Soviet Union" was the highest distinction awarded. ]]
A fisherman catches a wish-granting goldfish. The goldfish tells him to wish for anything.
"I want to be a Hero of the Soviet Union", he says.
A moment later, the fisherman finds himself in Kursk. There are 5 Panzers approaching, and he has three grenades.

Why did the person from the old soviet union major in communications?

Because he thought COM classes were RAD

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

The Soviet Union could have worked just fine, but the regime was dominated and swerved by political extremes

Next time we should seize the trimmed means of production.

Why did it take the Soviet Union such a long time to invade Germany?

They were Joseph Stalin.

Soviet beds

In soviet union, we do not have two person bed, we have the three person bed.
Because comrade lenin is always with you!

What was the Soviet Union's favourite bird?

Josef Starling.

Leonid Brezhnev, Soviet General Secretary, calls his head of the KGB, Yuri Andropov, into his office...

Brezhnev: "Comrade, how many Jews do we have in the Soviet Union?"
Andropov: "Approximately five million, Comrade."
Brezhnev: "And how many Jews do you think would leave if we allowed them to?"
Andropov: "Approximately 20 million, Comrade."

Soviet Joke

Moscow, 1985, 3rd grade class
Teacher: Life in Soviet Union is great, all families have a nice apartment, a car, all children have nice toys!
Little Kid starts crying
Teacher: Vladimir, why are you crying??
Little Kid: I wanna go to Soviet Union!!

Potatoes For Everyone!

A party official asks a farmer how things are going, and the farmer replies that the harvest is so bountiful that the potatoes would reach the ''foot of God'' if piled on top of one another.
''But this is the Soviet Union,'' says the commissar, ''there is no God here.'' The farmer replies, ''That's all right, there are no potatoes, either.''

I saw a TV series about the Soviet Union

It was called "Destroy Build Destroy".

Adam and Eve must have lived in the soviet union.

They had no clothes, no roof over their heads, the only food they had was an apple and the management was constantly telling them they were in paradise.

Why was everyone named Ezekiel in the Soviet Union?

Because everyone Ezekiel in communism.

What's 500m long and eats only potatoes?

People in Soviet Union waiting in line for meat.

Why was the soviet union so ineffective?

Because it's leader was **Stall**in' but it's people were **Rush**an.

Why did the Soviet Union collapse?

Unfortunately, they failed to account for the "I" within communism.

Soviet Joke

Soviet Union, 1980. Lecturer in village talks about communism. Question from audience.
- Yes, comrade, what's your question?
- Will there ever be true communism?
- Yes, it's just on the horizon
- What's a horizon?
- An imaginary line that keeps moving away from you as you get closer to it.

Why was the leader of the Soviet Union unable to drive a car?

He would keep on Stalin it.

In the Soviet Union a man was sentenced to 50 years in prison for calling Nikita Khrushchev an idiot. 20 years for insulting him and 30 for giving away government secrets.

Woman stand in queue in Soviet Union for seven hours

When she go in - shop empty.
Woman: Oh - You have no fish?
Comrade shopkeeper: No, here is no meat. No fish - next door!

There was freedom of speech in the Soviet Union, just like in USA

You can stand in front of the White House and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
Equally, you can also stand in Red Square in Moscow and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.

A communist joke often told by Ronald Reagan

Two Russian friends were taking a walk downtown during the height of the Soviet Union. The one looks around at his country and says "is this it? Have we achieved peak Communism?"
The other responds "oh, no my friend, it gets much worse."

What was the tallest building in the Soviet Union?

KGB Headquarters. You could see Siberia from the basement.

A teacher in the Soviet union yells at her student - who's your father?

**Stalin** says the child.
Who's your mother?
**Mother Russia**
What do you want to be when you grow up?
**An orphan!**

Who from the Soviet Union made the most in development of modern surgery?

Mikhail Timofeyevich Kalashnikov.

At the height of the Cold War...

At the height of the Cold War, a landmark summit was convened with leaders from every province within the Soviet Union. The representatives arrived very early but the meeting was still delayed. Why?
They were all Russian, but one was Stalin
Note: made this up after being inspired by a recent joke on here.

The date is January 31, 1990, and the Soviet Union has opened its first McDonalds...

A KGB agent walks up to the front and asks, One v**..., please.
The woman at the register looks and says, Comrade, this is a McDonalds. We don't serve v**....
The KGB agent looks surprised and says, Excuse me, comrade. One *McVodka*, please.

The Soviet Union never failed... was so successful that they decided that they no longer needed each other

An old rabbi wants to leave the Soviet Union

So he goes to the emigration office. The clerk asks him why he wants to go.
Rabbi: There are two reasons. The first is that I'm afraid the Soviet Union will collapse someday. The people will then seek to blame someone for the crimes of Communism, and us Jews will become scapegoats once more.
Clerk: But this is nonsense, comrade. The Soviet Union can never fall.
Rabbi: Yeah, that would be the second reason.

I was dating a chick from the Soviet Union...

it was nice until she tried to seize my means of reproduction.

If you go to a friends house and they have a giant banner of the Soviet Union hanging in their room

That should be a red flag

Why was the Soviet Union so uneducated?

Because they had no classes

If Germany was the Fatherland and the Soviet Union was the Motherland,

does that make WWII domestic violence?

If you go over to their place after a great date and see the banner of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall...

Well then that's a big red flag.

If you've been a bad person in England, they will call you a pig. In America, they'll call you a sheep. In the Soviet Union...

You crane!

People from the former Soviet Union seem like they're either always in a hurry, or standing around loitering.

They're either Russian or Stalin'

Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)

A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".

Soviet Union. Judge comes out of the courtroom, laughing.

- Why are you laughing?
- I've just heard a very funny joke.
- Tell me it.
- I can't, I just gave a 10-year sentence for it.

Here a fun fact, the Soviet Union didn't use land mines,

They used land ours.

What happens when an austrailian moves to the soviet union?

A Czechmate

Travis Scott went to the Soviet Union

He went sickle mode

One day the commissar was inspecting a potato farm in the Soviet Union and asked the farmer how his yields were.

The farmer said Oh commissar, the potatoes are so bountiful that together they can reach the foot of God. The commissar stopped and said Have you forgotten your communist teachings!? There is no God! To which the farmer said Exactly, that's why there's no potatoes.

I once watched a documentary about a Russian leader who ruled the Soviet Union and led the Red t**... genocide...

...I thought it was about their current president but it turns out, he's not that Vlad.

A commissar visits a potato farm

The party official asks a farmer how things are going, and the farmer replies that the harvest is so bountiful that the potatoes would reach the ''foot of God'' if piled on top of one another.
''But this is the Soviet Union,'' says the commissar, ''there is no God here.'' The farmer replies, ''That's all right, there are no potatoes, either.''
One of Reagan's favourite jokes.

What do you call a Russian Wedding

A soviet union

Attended my russian Friends wedding

It was quite a soviet union

jokes about in soviet union