Improve Jokes

98 improve jokes and hilarious improve puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about improve that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Want to strengthen your joke-telling capabilities? This article provides some tips on how to improve your sim's humor in The Sims 4. Tips include using escalators and leveraging puns. Read on to learn how to become a funny sim today!

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Funniest Improve Short Jokes

Short improve jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The improve humour may include short get better jokes also.

  1. The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store. But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new star. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
  2. Condoms 1272AD - arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
    1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
  3. I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved. ......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!
  4. I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office. It improved my outlook.
  5. The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a third world country if they gain independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.
  6. Why don’t comedians like hanging out with Will Smith? Because he’s always improving their punchlines.
  7. Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have? I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
  8. The E.U has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country after Brexit. I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.
  9. I used to own a racing snail... It never won though. To improve its performance I removed its shell but, if anything, it made it more sluggish
  10. Scotland's Independence David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
    I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know

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Improve One Liners

Which improve one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with improve? I can suggest the ones about increase and encourage.

  1. I'm quite bad at archery But I aim to improve
  2. Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE... It downloads Chrome twice as fast!
  3. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
  4. "When did you stop beating your wife?" "When her chess game improved."
  5. Carrots may improve your vision, But alcohol doubles it.
  6. What do you call a white person having a seizure on the dance floor? An improvement.
  7. Did you hear what sandy did to New Jersey? A few billion dollars worth of improvements
  8. How do you improve your archery? With better arrow dynamics.
  9. I always put my glasses on when doing Math homework. It improves division
  10. What do you call a a white man dancing with a seizure? An improvement.
  11. Why do all math teachers wear glasses ? Cuz it improves division
  12. how do people improve the railway system? With a training.
  13. My eyesight improves if I strap an address book to my face. I wear contacts.
  14. Why do so many Kiwis move to Australia? To improve the gene pool of both countries
  15. You should wear glasses while you're doing math It improves division

Ways Improve Jokes

Here is a list of funny ways improve jokes and even better ways improve puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went out to the shop earlier to buy a book called "101 ways to improve your confidence". I couldn't buy it though, the cashier would have laughed at me......
  • I wanted to improve my cooking skills, so I finally decided to cook my way through Julia Child's cookbook I'm on page 122, but no matter how much butter I use, it still just tastes like paper.
  • If you would like a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve our quality of life… …please press 3.
  • I am looking for two Chinese people to help me improve legislation for animals in Asia. That way, two wongs can make a right.
  • Why is Youtube Rewind called the way that it is? Because Youtube knows that the videos always improve from rewinding the years.
    *Beware of Youtube Rewind 2019*
  • Just ten minutes in the treadmil per day can really improve your live You wil start enjoying way more any other ten minutes.
  • I love smoking w**... in a home improvement store. Best way to take your highs with your Lowe's.
  • Ladies! Scientists have found a sure way to improve your h**...... Use your mouth.

Improve Memory Jokes

Here is a list of funny improve memory jokes and even better improve memory puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know cucumbers improve your memory? My uncle put one in me when I was a kid and I still haven't forgotten.
  • as my long term memory has improved, my short term memory has gotten worse. as my long term memory has improved, my short term memory has gotten worse.
  • Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
  • I bought a book about improving memory When I put it on my bookshelf, I saw three same books there.
  • I heard somewhere that m**... improves your memory... Can't remember where I got that from.
  • Which fruit improves your memory the most? The Cucumber.
    The cucumber most definitely improves your memory. You see, when I was 6 my uncle stuck a cucumber up my a**..., and I have never forgot.
Improve joke, Which fruit improves your memory the most?

Improve Efficiency Jokes

Here is a list of funny improve efficiency jokes and even better improve efficiency puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Playing Legend of Zelda has really improved my work ethic My boss says that I'm "Hylian Efficient."
  • Why can't you improve the efficiency of wind farms by playing country music around them? Because they're really just big heavy metal fans.
  • the Japanese have a business concept called "Kaizen". It means continual improvement, but knowing how efficient most Japanese are, they've probably come up with something better by now.
Improve joke, the Japanese have a business concept called "Kaizen".

The Funniest Improve Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about improve you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean upgrade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make improve pranks.

I had an operation to improve my hearing, where the surgeon grafted pig's ears to side of the head.

But all I could hear was crackling.

A man visits his doctor...

and asks him how to improve his s**... performance because he has a date with his girlfriend the next day. The doctor suggests m**... a couple of hours before a s**... encounter.
After leaving the doctor's office, he decides he needs to find a window of time to do the deed. He can't risk doing it at work for fear of being fired, and he can't do it at home because he is meeting his girlfriend at a nice restaurant and won't have time to stop. After a little more thinking, he devises a brilliant plan: he will pretend he is fixing the underside of his car and do it there so no one can see him.
The next day, the man leaves work and heads to the restaurant. He pulls over to the side of the busy highway, discreetly slides under his car, closes his eyes and begins furiously slapping the salami. Some time goes by when another car pulls up behind him. A police officer steps out and says, "Excuse me sir, can I ask what you're doing there?"
"Oh, I'm just fixing my axles." The man replies.
The officer responds, "Well you might want to fix your brakes too, because your car rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

The ultimate catch-22.

My boss said I need to improve my work ethic.
I told him I'd work on it.

A priest wants to know how he can become a better priest..

.. so he asks the bishop. The bishop had only two points to make.
"Eat healthy and exorcise daily"
(Just thought of this on the can, is there any ways I can improve on it? Or do you know of any similar jokes to lighten up my day?)

The lawyer called his client overseas...

..."Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep and I can't reach any other relatives. Shall we order burial or cremation?"
Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both."

My ex-girlfriend said that she misses me all time

She also said that she's taking lessons to improve her aim.

— You know, that doctor actually managed to improve my memory.

— Really? That's great! What's his name?
— Umm... you know that flower, the beautiful one, with red petals, a nice smell and thorns?
— You mean a rose?
— Yes, rose, exactly, thank you! (turning to his wife) Rose, honey, what's my doctor's name?

How do you know carrots improve your vision?

Cause you've never seen any bunnies with glasses

I thought burying my wurst for a few days would improve its attitude, but it just became a spoiled brat.

I'm sorry. That was completely terrible. I shouldn't have wasted your time.

Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."

Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."

5 Tips To Improve Your Writing

1. Contractions aren't necessary.
2. Do not overuse exclamation points!!!!!!
3. Don't be redundant, because it can be boring to read the same things over and over again, just restated.
4. Do not appear condescending to your readers. "Condescending" means to look down upon someone.
5. Do not leave hanging prepositions around.

I've always wanted to improve my knowledge of Greek Mythology....

It's been my achilles elbow for quite some time.

Learning English

So a man and his wife decided to speak in English at home to improve their language skills.
Her: Hunney, I'm going to rest a little bit.
Him: Sure hunney, rest in peace.

What did Ted Bundy order for his last meal?

Chick Fil a
*came up with that on my own. If you can improve on it feel free.

Why did Santa's elves spend a week living with 50 Cent?

So they could improve their wrapping skills!

Many people are wrongly convicted. How will the judicial system improve?

By trial and error

Why did Santa go to college for music?

So he could improve his wrapping skills

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a drummers car?

Take the Domino's sign off the roof.

As a young man I was told if I wanted to improve myself I should learn to embrace my mistakes.

Which is why I hug my children every day.

Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations

Patrons may no longer order black coffee.

Hey Prof, what can I do to improve my grade?

Prof: um... it's May
Me: LOL, sorry, what MAY I do to improve my grade?

When the doctor told me having a Colostomy would improve my grammar, I didn't believe him.

But it was true; I now use a semi-colon on a regular basis.

I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog

Not much to speak of yet, I just have a handful of ruff sketches.

I'm trying to learn how to be a more sensitive lover.

I watched a video called "How to improve your foreplay technique", it was really good.
I had to skip through the boring bit at the beginning.

A fool does last what a wise man does first. -unknown

Looks like my chances of getting laid improve dramatically the older I get. Sweet!

I always miss the people I break up with.

I should really improve my aim.

Why was the protein powder maker never satisfied with his work?

He always kept looking for new wheys to improve

I hinted to my friend that if he wanted to improve his billiards game, he should get better equipment...

...sadly, he took my cue.

I'm currently reading this really captivating book called "How To Improve Your Sense of Direction".

It's so good that I can't put it up.

I wanted to be a better computer programmer so I decided to slowly improve my binary skills

You could say I improved bit by bit

Why did the psychic enjoy reading their book in the snow?

To improve their cold reading.

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the w**... to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the s**... to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the e**... to the resurrection."

My wife loves me so much...

...when my doctor told her that more frequent s**... would improve my health, she killed herself.

My teacher said I could be a doctor when I grew up!

She still wants me to improve my handwriting though

So a group of students recently did an experiment with results that showed zucchinis can actually improve your memory...

That's great and all but I just feel sorry for the guy who had to get a zucchini shoved up his a**... because he's never gonna forget it.

I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called How to Hug ...

...You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary

How can you work to improve your 3D drawings into 4D drawings?

It just takes time

How will the Judicial System improve?

By Trial and error.

My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more s**... would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded...

that I'm in the control group.

I didn't think the Chiropractor would improve my posture...

... However, I stand corrected

My friends are concerned I'm spending all my free time studying esoteric, difficult philosophy, unable to either improve or leave it behind.

I'm Locke into Confucious Nietzsche Hobbes, in a Plato but can't Descartes it.

Jesus is sitting in heaven looking glum, when St Paul says

"You've been down lately, come join me for yoga this afternoon, it'll improve your energy levels and perk you right up, Lord"

Jesus looks up, his expression remaining grim

"I'll pass, I've had bad experiences with Pilates"

My scientist wife decided to test the hyphotesis that more s**... would improve our marriage. It's only been a week, and I've already concluded...

...that I'm in the control group.

I read in a medical journal that sniffing Rosemary will improve your immunity during this rainy season...

But my colleague is not understanding when I do this and now she's calling the security...

I put horns on my laptop

to improve it's RAM capability

In the Netherlands, beef sales are falling so, in order to improve the quality of meat as well as sales, the cows bred for meat are being given cannabis plants to eat instead of grass.

It's safe to say that the steaks have never been higher

My ex-wife still misses me.

But her aim is starting to improve!

I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay techniques....

I had to fast forward through all the boring bits in the beginning though.

I got A's in elementary school.

I got C's in middle school. In high school, I got D's and boy did my grades improve.

Improve joke, Why do so many Kiwis move to Australia?

jokes about improve