important Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious important puns

When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a condom if I ever had sex.

He said, Any person willing to have sex with you will sleep with almost anyone else.

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Orgasms are like opinions.

Mine is more important and I don't care if she has one.

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Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

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Planning on wearing a slutty costume for Halloween?

Dress up as my professors, they barely cover anything important.

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I love dad jokes

WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.

HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad

WIFE: Second: No you're not

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I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

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Just another dad joke

WIFE: I have a couple important announcements…First: I'm pregnant

HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad

WIFE: Second: No you're not

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Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father!

Daughter: Age is not that important to me.


Mom: That's not what I was talking about.

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5 advices to men for a happy life

1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,

2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,

3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,

4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,

5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

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Mom I got a boyfriend!

Daughter: Mom I got a new boyfriend, our neighbour Joe.

Mom: But he could be your father!

Daughter: Age is not that important to me.

Mom: That's not what I was talking about...

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Which is more important to women, length or girth?

Turns out it's consent.

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A joke about golfers.

Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large funeral procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.

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A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

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Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

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A plane was going down

You have the pope, a priest, the choir boys, and a narcissist, And only 1 parachute. The narcissist grabs the parachute and say's "I'm too important to die" The pope replies "But think about the children" The narcissist replies "Fuck the children!" The priest responds "Do you think we have time?" "Edit" i made this joke at 4am so chill about the grammar.

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Loyalty is very important for my wife...

My girlfriend doesn't care.

Funny how different sisters can be.

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A man is sunbathing on a nude beach

To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important organ with a hat.

A woman passes by and notices the hat.

She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."

The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."

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FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO LIVE HAPPY LIFE!

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be in it with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

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What are the two most important holes in a womans body?

No!! Not them you dirty bastards!!!!

Its her nostrils...they allow her to breathe while she's sucking your dick.

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I asked my girlfriend if looks and money were important to her when choosing a boyfriend...

she said "Clearly not."

:-(

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When I was young my dad really emphasized how important it would be to use a condom if I ever had sex with a girl.

I asked him why.
"Because, son," he said, "any girl that would sleep with you would sleep with anyone."

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6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day

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What "being a man" is about

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".

"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I grow up, just like mom is".

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Five secrets of a perfect Relationship

1. It`s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. It`s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It`s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It`s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It`s absolutely important that these four women never meet.

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I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook…

"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.

"Twitter?"

"Nope."

"Instagram?"

"Nah."

"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"

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Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman...

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!

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What are the two most important holes on a woman?

The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job.

*My 10 year old brother told me this today

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My father always taught me that in adultery there are no winners

but participation is more important than winning

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Interview

Employer: This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible.

Applicant: I'm the one you want!

At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible.

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Fitness is important

Being healthy and in good shape is important. My grandmother understood this better than anyone. When she turned 75 she started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 90 now, and we have no idea where the hell she is.

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I heard this one today.

A man asks a woman:

*Do you know which two holes are the most important on a female body?*

**You pig! How dare you ask a lady such a question?**

*Well I'll have you know, it's the nostrils*

**Oh, I'm sorry, why is that?**

*So she can breathe while she sucks a dick.*


Sorry for a poor phrasing, English is not my first language.

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With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.

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My Dad told me to find a woman that likes to cook, clean, and have sex.

The most important thing though was to make sure that these three women never meet.

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My boss phoned me and he wasn't happy.

"You're late!" he yelled. "We've got an important meeting in ten minutes!"

I said, "I'm on my way to my car as we speak."

He said, "Do you think you'll make it?"

I said, "Probably, it's only a few feet away."

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I have an EpiPen

A man lying on the roadside gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

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What are the most funny Important jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Important? Well, here are the best Important dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Important pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes