importance Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious importance puns

If you lose one sense your other senses are enhanced

That explains why people with no sense of humour have a heightened sense of self importance

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Another great salesman

One day the manager of a door-to-door toothbrush sales business calls in his three new employees.

He asks the first guy, "how much did you sell today?"

"Well, I sold 30 toothbrushes."

"That's not bad for your first day," replies the manager, "what was your sales technique?"

"I touted the importance of brushing daily, noting how it would prevent cavities and tooth decay."

"Not bad," says the manager, then asks the second guy how much he sold.

"I sold 70 toothbrushes."

"Very impressive!" says the manager, "what was your sales technique?"

"Well, I also touched upon the importance of brushing daily, preventing cavities and tooth decay, but I also talked about further complications, such as gingivitis and gum disease."

"Brilliant!"

The manager turns to the last employee, not expecting him to top the previous guy's 70 sales, "and how much did you sell today?"

"I sold 10,000 toothbrushes."

"What?! How in the world did you do that? I need to know your sales technique!"

The third guy then pulls a candy out of his pocket, "here, have a chocolate."

The manager curiously pops the chocolate into his mouth. "Disgusting! This tastes like shit!" yells the manager.

"It is. Want to buy a toothbrush?"

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An Air Force pilot, a Naval Officer and an Army Private all go to the bathroom

When they come out, the Air Force pilot begins thoroughly washing his hands and says,
'In the Air Force they taught us the importance of good hygiene.'

The Naval officer then begins washing his hands using only a small trickle of water and says,
'In the Navy they taught us the importance of good hygiene AND water conservation.'

The army private walks straight out without stopping and says,
'In the Army they taught us to not piss on our hands.'

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Importance of Planning

Why planning is important?

One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See below for the question paper.

Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)

Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)

a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right

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If you lose one senses, your other senses become stronger.

That's why people without a sense of humour have such a high sense of self importance

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Father's Day is

Literally a day we celebrate the importance of motherfuckers

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Top 10 most important sciences

10. It is

9. impossible

8. to rank

7. the importance

6. of science

5. because

4. all of them

3. are equally

2. important.

1. Physics

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There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions

What happened on June 6, 1944?

We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!

What was the turning point of world war 2?

Battle of the bulge, sir!

What's is the importance of May 12β€³ The Man thought and thought I don't know, sir!

The superior then said Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday.

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Go down a water slide when it isn't wet.

And then you'll understand the importance of foreplay.

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I was having trouble understanding the importance of the computer mouse...

And then it clicked.

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Since The Simpson's just reached the 600 episode milestone, I'd like to take a moment to remember it's importance to american history ...

Its unwaveringly realistic portrayal of the yellow people's disenfranchisement while pursuing the American Dream is a testament to our nation's tolerant spirit.

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Two men are sat at a cup final with an empty seat between them.....

The younger man says " I cant believe there is an empty seat here on a match of this importance"

"It was my wife seat, but she recently passed away" replied the older guy.

"oh im sorry to hear that, didnt you have any friends or family that wanted to come with you today?" Said the younger man.

"No" said the older guy.........."they are all at the funeral"

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The importance of punctuation...

... is the difference between helping your uncle, Jack, off a horse or helping your uncle jack off a horse.

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Importance of a Comma

"Let's fuck Grandma" vs "Let's fuck, Grandma". The difference between a comma could be orgy incest vs just incest.

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The importance to great sex is a big build up followed by a crashing finale.

But unfortunately we got kicked out of the theatre

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I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

 

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

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I was telling a great joke about the importance of the guillotine in the French Revolution...

But it didn't really land.
I guess execution really is key

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The importance of never being late

A priest celebrates his 25th anniversary as head of a small congregation in a small village in rural America. The mayor was supposed to hold a speech at the beginning, but as always he had more important matters at hand. So the priest started with his speech.

'I know how disturbed I was 25years ago when I came to this village. The first man to confess, I will not name him, told me that he cheated on his wife and had 5 children with his affaire...'

As the priest came to an end the mayor arrived and started his speech: 'I still know I had the honour to be the first one to confess to Father Anderson...'

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A teacher had given his class an assignment.

He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member).

A wise student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"

The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."

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My son is one in a million.

Thank fuck I taught him about the importance of condoms.

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Redd Foxx Classics (not too dirty)

- "What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."

- "I've realized the importance of black. If you want to know how important black is, go to Las Vegas and get some white chips and get some black chips. You could have 70 lbs of white chips and can't get out of town. You get 2 lbs of black chips, you can go to Madrid."

- "We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with."

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Spouses are a lot like old toys at home

You realize their importance only when someone else starts to play with them

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Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life

Her follow up 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out next month.

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I have a question of the most importance!?

If I find a job in the classifieds...does that mean I can't tell anyone!?

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The pope gives a speech on materialism and reminds us to think of the children.

Next week Michael Vick gives a speech on nonviolence and the importance of animal rights.

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"Come on mom!"

Yet another lesson in the importance of commas.

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a priest and woman are arguing about the importance of women. She says "where would men be without women"

Without missing a beat the priest answers "Eden"

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I cannot emphasize enough the importance of being your most entertaining self at celebratory social gatherings.

You must be fun at parties.

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My father once gave me a Powerpoint presentation on the importance of wearing a condom

Not only there were pictures of me, but also some pictures of 2 other kids...

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Safety

''I said safety was of the utmost importance, why have you padlocked the Chai?''

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Recently, I started an essay about the importance of letting things go.

I have not finished it -- so convincing it was.

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I cannot stress enough the importance of being your most entertaining self at celebratory social gatherings.

You must be fun at parties.

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Prison...

Prison is the only place where the importance of **soap** drops... with it's altitude.

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What are the most funny Importance jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Importance? Well, here are the best Importance dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Importance pick up lines to share with friends.

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