Implantable Jokes
77 implantable jokes and hilarious implantable puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about implantable that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Implantable Short Jokes
Short implantable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The implantable humour may include short jokes also.
- I once met a woman with wooden breast implants This joke would be funny with a punchline, wouldn't it?
- My coworker is convinced that the government has implanted a microchip in his brain, and is controlling his thoughts. I told him it's all in his head.
- My blonde friend got breast implants I used to call her " little Connie", now she's just "Silicone"
- Tag line outside a Breast Implant Clinic: If nature has given you "lemons"
we will re-arrange the alphabets & convert them into "melons" !! - Did you hear that McDonald's is implanting all of its employees with technology that gives them all a common hive mind? They're calling themselves the Burg.
- Magic is like breast implants... ...we all know its fake, but when done well, can give you a feeling of true wonder
- Why during her implantation die the young girl does Asian? When being possible, "to go because of A, why go because of B, because her parents said"!
- A woman implanted an advanced artificial intelligence into her old Nintendo gaming system so she could legally marry it. When did they get married? On Wednesday
- At the mall I was at the mall yesterday and there was a girl with a really tight t-shirt that said: "Guess".
I'm thinking that "Implants" was the wrong thing to say... - I had to fire my secretary after she got implants... She used to work for a flat rate, then she demanded I pay her an inflated rate.
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Implantable One Liners
Which implantable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with implantable? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Q: What do you call the cleavage between breast implants? A: Silicon Valley
- She was wearing a t-shirt that said Guess So I asked her ... Implants?
- Nobody knew she had a dental implant until it slipped out in conversation.
- What is another term for a lung transplant? Breath Implants
- What did 3 say to 8 Well, I see you went and got the implants!
- Breast implants are like potato chips. You can't have just one.
- I asked an Italian plastic surgeon what he uses for breast implants He just replied "Si"
- How does a woman with breast implants sing? With a false set-o
- What do you call trendy internal prosthetics? Hip implants
- "Thanks for the gold, kind stranger" I told as I was taking away his dental implant.
- What do you call cleavage on a girl with implants? Silicon valley.
- A local plastic surgeon started giving away free breast implants... They're up for grabs.
- What do you call cross dressers with breast implants? Booby traps.
- What do you call a flower's breast augmentation? Implants.
- Where did Steve Job's wife get her breast implants? Silicon Valley
Implantable Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about implantable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make implantable pranks.
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills.
One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”
God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”
Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.
She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?”
God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.
“Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains. “That’s true,” says God. “So what happened?” she asks. God shrugs, “I didn’t recognize you.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit s**...,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit s**... by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and j**... Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting.
During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.
Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.”
So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie.
After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.
Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.”
The others nod and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping.
He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.”
So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.
When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.”
The others nod, and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when j**... emits a thunderous f**....
He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
"Daddy! How was I born?" Junior asks his dad,
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Brain Implant
Two brain-scientists are having an heated argument about wether or not having a brain implant that will explode when you say something s**... would benefit anyone:
Scientist #1:
"It would pressure them to think before they say something, thus making the amount of s**... things they say decrease."
Scientist #2:
"No it wouldn't. If they are already s**..., the implant would not aid them in the decision making process of wether something is s**... or not, thus not helping."
Seeing as they were not going to agree, they decided to put this theory to the test. They look through state high-school drop-out records until they think they have found somebody who would meet the requirements of this test. They contact him and explain the test their predicament and are astounded when agrees to have surgery.
After the surgery, the two scientists walk up the steps to the ICU. They find the patient in a hospital bed, playing on his phone.
Scientist #1:
"How do you feel?"
The man chooses his words carefully. After about 10 seconds of waiting, he replies
Man:
"I'm alright. I have quite the head ache though."
Scientist #1
"As expected. Do you have any concerns about the device?"
The man, after carefully choosing his words again replies:
"Yes."
He stops for a moment.
"Can it kill me?"
Boom.
Sorry if you didn't like it. It is one of my first jokes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New kinds of implants.
So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast e**..., the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be s**... woodentit?
My wife just called AAA because she had a flat.
Apparently they can't help with breast implants.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's sad when a woman has to get breast implants just to keep her husband interested...
...it's even worse when his are still bigger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the guy who fell and had his arm implant protude outward?
It was quite metal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Oc] What do you call a transgender woman with old school breast implants?
Balloon Boy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station, the others a b**... crustacean.
What medical device helps people that are uncomfortable looking at male genitalia?
A cockleer implant.
A middle aged woman suffers a heart attack...
... and meets God before being revived. He tells her not to worry; she's got at least 40 more years of life ahead of her.
Upon waking from surgery, she decides that with all that time left, and since she's at the hospital anyway, she'll get some cosmetic surgery... a face lift, a nose job, breast implants, liposuction, the works.
After recovering from all that, she is on her way home and is hit by a bus and killed. Seeing God again, she cries, "You said I had 40 more years!"
God says, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the brain implant that can fix s**...?
It's called a bullet.
My x had a Nikon breast implant
She called it her photographic mammary.
Whats around $5000+ and enhances personality?
Breast implants.
Buying implants is like buying tires.
Never get an odd number.
Natural Breast Implants
My wife is getting breast implants.
She just doesn't know it yet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a crackhouse that sells breast implants?
A b**... trap..
Getting breast implants is an experience you'll never forget.
Those mammaries will stay with you forever.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs.
But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.
My friend got caught and thrown...
... in the slammer for stealing a consignment of breast implants.
he's a silicone
Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.
It just won the Nobel peace prize.
Breast implant patient in appreciation for the surgeon's work said: "Thanks for the mammaries!"
What do you call a drag queen with breast implants?
A booby trap
A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies...
Have you tried condoms? Asks the Dr.
I did, and it resulted in 3 kids! said the man.
Have you tried birth control?
I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!
Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!
Confounded, the Dr. says bluntly, well, have you tried not sleeping with your wife?
I did! And it STILL resulted in 3 kids!!
Playing with fate
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. Will I die? she asks.
God says, No. You have 30 more years to live.
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she's in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she's discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. You said I had 30 more years to live, she complains.
That's true, says God.
So what happened? she asks.
God shrugs. I didn't recognize you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you call a clown's breast implants that are pointy instead of round?
Silly cones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter's b**... implants?
It was a decision they could all get behind
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call someone who's clueless about breast implants?
b**... noob
Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.
Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in trees. He didn't display this behavior before the surgery but now he seems compelled to do this.
Surgeon 2: The answer is obvious. After the implant he is a chip monk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
iBoob
Apple announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their b**... and not listening to them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Always wondered about using oak instead of silicon for breast implants
Be a lot firmer, wooden t**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After decades of marriage, a woman tells her husband that she wants breast implants...
The husband tells her that breast augmentation surgery is too expensive and that they should try to find some alternatives.
"Well, what would you suggest?" asks the wife.
The husband responds, "At least once per day, you should take a w**... of paper and slide it between your b**.... If you do it long enough, your b**... will get bigger."
"How the h**... is that supposed to give me bigger t**...??" she exclaims.
"Well, it's worked for your a**..., hasn't it?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife said she'd like us to save money for her to get breast implants
I told her, Why? All you need to do is rub some toilet paper between your b**... every day.
She said, What the h**... is that going to do?
I said, I don't know but it seems to have worked wonders on your a**....