imperial Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious imperial puns

The Imperial Wizard of the KKK was just found dead near a river in Missouri...

Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping white trash in our water.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why was the Death Star measured in miles?

Because they used Imperial units.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I've heard so many theories about why America won't drop the imperial system

But we all know it's really just a foot fetish

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I lost 80 pounds last week

I simply switched from imperial to metric

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How do we know that Darth Vader is American?

Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What does an aging Sith lord with a bad hip use to get around?

An Imperial Walker

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Three soldiers walk into a bathroom...

Three soldiers walk into a bathroom: an Ultramarine, a Blood Angel, and an Imperial Guardsman. They each head to a urinal and begin to do their business.

The Ultramarine finishes first, and walks over to wash his hands. Washing his hands, he uses plenty of soap and water, spends a long time scrubbing his hands, then grabs towel after towel, wastefully tossing them after a single use, ensuring his hands are dry. "In the Ultramarines, they teach us to be thorough." he says, turning to leave the bathroom.

The Blood Angel finishes next, and walks over to wash his hands. He uses only one pump of soap, turning off the water while he soaps his hands, and pulls out a single towel, which he uses over every bit of his hands, until every last corner of the towel has soaked up all the moisture it can. "In the Blood Angels, they teach us to be efficient." he says, turning to leave the bathroom.

The Guardsman is the last to finish, and he walks past the sink to leave. On his way out, he says, "In the 41st Imperial Guard, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why was Imperial Japan so weak?

Because it only took a little boy and a fat man to take it down

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An Imperial Roman soldier was wounded on the battlefield. His life was saved when he was time traveled to the modern world to be hooked up to an IV.

He asked, "What is that for?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call a zombie Storm Trooper?

An Imperial Walker

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The U.S is so hypocritical

Claims to be a republic, yet uses the imperial system...

πŸ‘πŸΌ

So the Judge says "OK, I see that circumstance and duress made you eat the endangered spotted owl. NOT guilty." Then he leans over and whispers "Between you and me, what does a spotted owl actually taste like?"

The accused says "A cross between a bald eagle and an Amazon Imperial Parrot."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is the Rebel Alliance' least favorite month?

The Imperial March.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What unit of measurement do Jedi use?

Imperial

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The Wizard of Oz was imperial.

Bit the Wizard of CC was metric.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Hmmm Metric or Imperial?

"In metric, one milliliter of water occupies one cubic centimeter, weighs one gram, and requires one calorie of energy to heat up by one degree centigradeβ€”which is 1 percent of the difference between its freezing point and its boiling point. An amount of hydrogen weighing the same amount has exactly one mole of atoms in it. Whereas in the American system, the answer to 'How much energy does it take to boil a room-temperature gallon of water?' is 'Go fuck yourself,' because you can't directly relate any of those quantities. - Wild Thing by Josh Bazell.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I've heard that imperial system has a lot of advantages.

As a European, I only see fl oz.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Foot Fetish-

An uncontrollable desire to return to the imperial measurement system.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Japan's economy crashed in the 90s because their housing bubble was so bad, the Imperial Palace was worth all the land in California.

I *wish* houses out here could still be that cheap!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I have an obsession with the imperial measurement system...

...I guess it should be considered a foot fetish.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's Imperial Britain's favorite game?

Clash of Clans

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What evil do the USA and Darth Vader have in common?

Using imperial units.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What does Emperor Palpatine use to get around in his declining years?

An imperial walker

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why does America use the imperial system?

Because they are *miles* behind

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call it when Darth Vader moves one foot?

The Imperial March

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I hate the Imperial System; it's so confusing! I will always use Metric…

Every inch of the way!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Which would win in a battle?

-- An Imperial Star Cruiser or a Metric Star Cruiser?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

If you say imperialism 5 times fast....

America will come and take your oil.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What do you call an Imperial Blaster in the Wild West?

A sith shooter

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How can you tell that the movie Martian is not realistic?

Because Americans use imperial unit system.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

why couldn't the imperial guard sniff out the money trail in skyrim?

because of a deviated septim

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What does the imperialist urologist say when he founds a new country?

Urination!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

How long have imperial units been used fur?

Fur long.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What did the holy Roman emperor do when he wanted to lose weight

He went on an imperial diet

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Imperial jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Imperial? Well, here are the best Imperial dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Imperial pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes