Impatient Jokes
58 impatient jokes and hilarious impatient puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about impatient that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Impatient Short Jokes
Short impatient jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The impatient humour may include short patience jokes also.
- A guy dies, goes to the gates of heaven, and starts telling Saint Peter a joke. 8 hours later, Peter finally gets impatient, interrupts him and says, "We don't have forever, Norm."
- At a restaurant, I was getting impatient waiting on my food... I caught the waiter's attention as he rushed by. How long will my spaghetti be?
The waiter said: I don't know. We never measure it. - A logician's wife is having a baby The doctor hands the newborn immediately to the Father.
His wife asks impatiently: "well, is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician replies: "yes" - I may not be perfect. Sometimes I'm impatient and hot-tempered. Sometimes I can be hurtful without meaning to. But at the end of the day, it's nighttime.
- What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer? Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute.
- A man asks a woman:"Do you want to be the mother of my childs?" W: "Yes, I would love to!"
M: "They are impatiently waiting you at home" - I heard that people from Taiwan are impatient and agressive... I guess they have a Taipei personality.
- My ex dumped me because I was too impatient. So to make myself feel better I got a gym membership. I still haven't seen any results and I've been training for hours now!
- My wife's been waiting in the hospital for a while She said, "what's taking so long? I'm impatient."
- I hate fun size snickers What's fun about not enough snickers?
I guess they got impatient, because they picked them *waayy* too early
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Impatient One Liners
Which impatient one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with impatient? I can suggest the ones about impotent and stubborn.
- What did the impatient emo do at the supermarket? Cut in line.
- The first Karen to get sick was ... Impatient zero.
- What do you call an alcoholic eating grapes? Impatient.
- What did the impatient barber say to his customer? I think we need to cut this short
- Why do impatient people hate the gym? Because there's too many waits.
- I used to be impatient.... ... I just don't have the time anymore.
- What do you call an impatient skin infection? *rash*
- What did the contractor say to the impatient customer? We are doing asbestos we can
- Why is everyone impatiently awaiting the new Zelda game? It's Hylian-ticipated
- Have you read the book by the impatient scientist? It's about time.
- People say that doctors are impatient But gynecologists are inpatient
- Do you know why impatient doctors are always broke? Because they dont have any patients.
- Why do impatient people hate to go to the gym? Because of the weights!
- What do you call a wino eating grapes? Impatient.
- What did the impatient cow say at the stampede? MOOOOOOVE !
Cheerful Fun Impatient Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about impatient you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hesitant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make impatient pranks.
A blonde movie star is pulled over......
The cops walks up to the car and says "driver's licence please". The blonde says "What's a driver's licence?" The cop impatiently responds, "It's that square thing with your picture on it". "Oh!," exclaims the Blonde and she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the cop. As the cop looks at it, she scratches her head revealing long flowing golden hair*. She then hands it back and says, "Sorry for the inconvenience, I didn't realize you were a cop."
My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat
So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'
Apparently impatient midgets don't like to stand on clocks...
because it would make them short on time.
An old American was visiting Paris and spend couple minutes at immigration control looking for his passport.
- "Monseigneur, have you ever been in Paris before?" asked officer impatiently.
- "Oh yes I have, but I didn't really have to show it" responded older gentleman.
- "Not possible, you always show passport to French officer"
-"Well the last time I landed in Normandy, I could not find a single
Frenchman to show my passport"
Where ya from Sam?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
Man waits impatiently at the Jamaican restaurant...
Man: when will my burger be ready!?
Jamaican man: mon soon!
Man: Soon!? I've already been waiting for 45 min—
[both men were killed by a monsoon]
Joke from the rabbi of one of the synagogues I went to.
A professional baseball player was very religious. So religious, in fact, that every time he stepped up to the plate he would cross himself.
During a particular game, he was facing a particularly impatient pitcher. The batter stepped out to cross himself, and the pitcher yelled out, "Hey! Why don't you just let God watch the game for once!?"
Mathematicians in a bar
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half a pint, the third 1/4 pint, the fourth 1/8... the bartender gets impatient, gives the whole group 2 pints and says "you guys dont know your limits..."
Blondes..
My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.
After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.
Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.
She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!
Three blonde women stumble across some tracks...
The first one spots them in a large clearing and beckons her friends over. "Look! I think I've found some deer tracks!"
The second woman snorts. "Nonsense," she exclaims, "those look like bear tracks to me."
"Well they can't be both," says the third blonde impatiently. "So what kind of tracks are they?"
And then the train hits them.
Milkin' it.
I walked into the living room to see my wife breast feeding our son.
Being curious, I asked: "how long are you going to keep doing this, honey? I mean at what age is it too old for him?"
"Well, I think it's necessary to have quality bonding time between mother and child, and usually societal norms dictate this age aught to be ..."
I got impatient again: "Shut up son, i was talking to your mother. "
So h**... decides to go see a psychic...
...and the psychic tells him that he will die on the day of a Jewish holiday. h**..., obviously distraught, demands the psychic tell him more, and tries to coerce him into giving more details in hopes that he can somehow prevent it.
After much back and forth, the psychic finally snaps in impatience and says, "Well, whatever the day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday anyway,".
An attractive woman waits for the stranger next to her to strike a conversation.
She grows impatient and says, "Helloooo, I'm getting old here."
The man replies, "I know. That's why I'm keeping my distance."
George and the Dragon
A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she snapped again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!"
By this time, she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"
Little Tim was waiting for his dad to come back from the basement
Dad and Tim had agreed to eat lunch together. However, Dad told Tim that he had to fix something in the basement first, and he went downstairs with a rope. As time went by, Tim became more and more impatient and decided that dad should know.
"Dad!" Tim shouted. "I'm hungry!"
Suddenly, a voice that seemingly came from nowhere filled the living room.
"Hi hungry, I'm dead"
A man walks into an Indian restaurant.
The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.
Mood 𝑺𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈
Two women are shopping and talking about their husbands. One says, "My husband said he was getting impatient with my mood swings, so he bought me a mood ring the other day to monitor my moods." "How'd that work out?" asked the second woman. "Well," said the first, "When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big, flipping red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond."
Exams
A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her n**... body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."
