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Impacting Jokes

105 impacting jokes and hilarious impacting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about impacting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Impacting Short Jokes

Short impacting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The impacting humour may include short jokes also.

  1. Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.
  2. Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and body-slam them for maximum impact.
  3. What's the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter? Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system
  4. I have read so many things about the impact of smoking and drinking alcohol I think I will quit reading soon.
  5. It's important for military engineers to know what an impact driver is. This is not a drill
  6. I asked 50 lighting strike survivors about the impact it had on their lives... The results were shocking.
  7. What do you call a scientific talk about the psychological impact of cannibalism? A Hannibal Lecture.
  8. iPhone users, don't bother sending the Meteor emoji to your Android friends... ...It won't have the same impact.
  9. The one who created the memes font really changed the world. I mean, he really made an Impact.
  10. Somebody says video games don't have any impact on your psyche. I can't agree with that. My Ex-girlfriend played Tetris a lot in her childhood.

    She's still waiting for a long stick.

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Impacting One Liners

Which impacting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with impacting? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. A man died in a tragic skydiving accident. Some say he left an impact on the world.
  2. Faith may not be able to move mountains But I've seen the impact it has on buildings.
  3. Did you hear about the Russian parachute? It opens on Impact
  4. strike at suppository factory many impacted
  5. So your momma walks into a bar the bar breaks upon impact
  6. What four letter word has made the biggest impact in the modern world? Send.
  7. When the moon hits your eye... You have probably died from the impact.
  8. A man told me to invest in his impact shovel. Apparently it's groundbreaking technology.
  9. What did the dentist say to his patient when he got his drill out? Brace for impact.
  10. Why did The Great Depression have such great impact. Because it came with influenza
  11. My latest invention went down quite well. It's a parachute, that opens on impact.
  12. Feminist campaigns are usually more impactful when championed by a man. Like most things.
  13. Chester Bennington had a monumental impact on music But at the end it didn't even matter
  14. There was an attack on Kansas Misouri was also slightly impacted, but Oklahoma's OK.
  15. I think James A. Garfield Presidency was impactful He really trained for it

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about impacting can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of impacting puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Impacting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about impacting you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make impacting prank.

Chuck Norris thinks that anyone who can't survive cranial impact with a steam hammer simply isn't making an effort.

Vladimir Putin, Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train..

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country these are as cheap as dirt." Then Vladimir Putin pulls a bottle of expensive Russian v**... out of his pocket and, after a few sips, throws the bottle out the window. Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are both surprised and ask "what are you doing, Vladimir, that is expensive v**...!" To which Putin responds "Pah! In your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in Russia this v**... is as plentiful as rainwater. The Oort Cloud considers this for a minute or two, and then throws a six-mile-wide comet out of the window which, on impact, incinerates everything within a thirty-mile radius, causes massive earthquakes and tsunamis for thousands of miles in each direction, and kicks up a cloud of dust and ash that eventually encircles the Earth wiping out nearly all forms of life in a matter of months.
...
I don't care if it's old. This is probably the best joke ever.

Impact of a job change.

A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something
Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again man! You scared me!"
Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault
Its my 1st day as a Cab driver...I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs

So a man and a blonde are sitting in a bar and watching the news at 6pm

The newscast shows a man standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The man says to the blonde, "I bet you five dollars he's gonna jump.". The blonde replies, "You're on."
The man on the bridge then jumps and is killed on impact.
The blonde pulls five dollars out of her wallet to give to the man.
But he says, "I can't take your money. I saw this on the 4 o'clock news."
She says, "I did too. I just didn't think he would jump again.

Tell this as a real story, and you will get a groan out of pretty much everybody.

About 200 dead crows were found near Regina, and
there was concern for Avian Flu. They had a Bird Pathologist examine the
remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT
Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the
crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car
impact. The Province then hired a Ornithological Behaviorist to determine
the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.
The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out Crow" in a nearby
tree, to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow
could say "Cah," but he could not say, "Truck."

A recent study on crow deaths

A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Ceduna S. Aus., and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.
However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.
The State hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."

An old favorite for this festive day

A woman wakes up in a hospital bed to find that she's been in a coma after a car accident. She sees a doctor next to her and quickly asks him, Where is my son? He was really good at soccer, and had a long career ahead of him."
The doctor replies, I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg. He won't be able to kick a soccer ball any more.
The woman asks about her daughter. Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at the US Open.
The doctor says, Sorry but in the accident she lost her arm and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more.
She begins to cry.
Doctor, asks the woman, how long have I been in this coma?
The doctor replies, Six months.
So what's the date? asks the woman.
April 1st, says the doctor.
The woman begins to laugh So you were joking then, were you?
Doctor: YES… they both died on impact.

Two farmhands were working in the field one hot day...

Two farmhands were working in the field one hot day when an accomplished lawyer who was passing through decided to recline in the shade of a nearby tree.
One of the farmhands approached him and asked "how did you get to be so wealthy?" to which the lawyer replied "Well son, I have an education."
The farmhand asked, "What is an education?"
The lawyer put his hand against the tree and told the worker to hit is hand as hard as he could with his shovel.
After a brief reluctant pause the farmhand proceeded to swing at the lawyer's hand. Moments before impact the lawyer moved his hand away and the farmhand hit the center of the tree with a tremendous force.
"That son, is an education," the lawyer replied as he began to continue on his way leaving the farmhand recovering from the shock of the tree.
By this time the second farmhand had wandered up to the first and asked about his conversation with the stranger.
"He taught me about having an education," the farmhand replied.
"Well, what is an education?" the other inquired.
To that, the first farmhand put his hand in front of his face and said, "Hit my hand with that shovel as hard as you can."

A sheep and a hole [PG]

Two campers are out walking around, and come across a huge hole in the ground. The first camper goes up to the hole and says "wow, I wonder how deep this is?" The second camper picks up a rock, chucks it in the hole, puts his ear down and waits to hear it hit the bottom. Nothing. The first camper says "jeez, it must be really deep!" and picks up a larger rock. Using both hands he heaves it into the hole. The campers put their heads down and listen for the big rock to hit. Nothing! The second camper looks puzzled, and then spots a boulder. "Hey come and help me with this" he says, and they both start lugging the enormous rock to the hole. "3-2-1" both campers shove the boulder into the hole and quickly put their heads down to listen to the impact. Not even 3 seconds go by and a sheep runs and JUMPS into the hole. Both campers look at each other bewildered. "Did you see that?? A sheep just ran and jumped into the hole!" A few minutes pass, and a farmer comes up. The farmer asks "Hey, have you guys seen my sheep?" The first camper says, "Yeah, the craziest thing happened! Your sheep ran, and jumped into this hole!" The farmer laughed, and said "That's impossible! My sheep was tied to a rock."

The Crow Mystery

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

A woman wakes up in a hospital bed to find that she's been in a coma after a car accident.

She sees a doctor next to her and quickly asks, "Where's my son? He's really good at soccer and has a long career ahead of him."
The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry- in the accident he lost his leg. He will not be able to kick a soccer ball any more."
Getting anxious, the woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She's a tennis prodigy, and will likely win the US Open one day!"
The doctor says, "Sorry, but in the accident she lost her arm and will not be able to pick up a racket ever again."
The woman begins to cry.
"Doctor, how long have I been in this coma?"
"About a month," he replies.
"So what's the date?" asks the woman.
"April 1st," the doctor says, grinning.
The woman begins to laugh. "Ha, so you were joking all along, weren't you?"
Chuckling, the doctor says, "Yep! They both died on impact!"

Planes are the bomb.

Imagine the impact they had on 9/11

420 has made a huge impact look!

AMA request: Paul McCartney

How big of an impact has Kanye been to your music career blowing up?

Positive...

James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:
" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"
" -Terrible."
" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"
" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."
" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"
" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."
" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"
" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."
" -Oh thank God! How is she?"
" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."
" -Well, at least you got the company."
" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."
" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"
" -Yeah, h**...."

A Real Woman

A flight going from Canada to Germany, suddenly had it's engine fail.The Pilot, realizing they wouldn't be able to survive the impact, told everyone to brace themselves for the upcoming c**....
A woman stood up, and said "I'm not gonna die like this, afraid and crouching. Is anyone here man enough to make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?"
There was a long silence, then a man stood up, unbuttoned his shirt, then unbuckled his belt. He quickly pulled off his pants and shirt, threw it towards her, and said "Here, Iron this".

Motocross c**... Impact 1

Motocross c**... Impact 1

Ravens

Humorous story from the web:
Researchers for the Western Australian Main Roads Department found over 200 dead crows on the Great Northern Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and confirmed that it was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during the analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars. The MRD then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The O.B quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".

My friend had his assignment on plagiarism stolen so he copied mine.

He then proceeded to take a course on Nihilism but it ended up not having a meaningful impact on his transcript.

It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars.

Preferably not on the point of impact.

In order to promote progress I think the next session of congress should be sent to the moon.

I just feel that they would make a greater impact.

[Serious] what are the serious impacts of drinking water just after you had had a w**...?

Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"

Defendent: "Gucci Sweats and Sum Jordan's"

Stallman, Torvalds and Knuth have a conversation.

Richard M. Stallman, Linus Torvalds, and Donald E. Knuth
engage in a discussion on whose impact
on the computerized world was the greatest.
Stallman: "God told me I have programmed the best editor in the world!"
Torvalds: "Well, God told *me* that I have programmed the best operating system in the world!"
Knuth: "Wait, wait - I never said that."

President Obama announces his intention to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court

"I can't wait until I'm in a position to have a real impact on the country!" said an excited Obama.

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
But in the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

Brexit must have impacted Game of Thrones' budget really badly… (spoilers)

I heard yesterday they fired half of the cast.

Now, that I think about it, a piano is actually quite racist

The white ones are considered to have more impact

I s**... identify as an attack helicopter.

Because I explode on impact.

A gay guy goes to a psychiatrist

The gay guy starts venting to the psychiatrist about his boyfriends relationship with him and the psychiatrist responds. How have his actions impacted you?

Why is jumping from great heights the most influential way to die?

Because you make an impact

My son came out to me yesterday. I'm so disappointed.

I love my son, but this is tearing me up inside. I always thought I would be able to handle something like this, but this really is tough. It impacts so much of our relationship and family time. I mean, I had planned this big family dinner Sunday evening. (I smoked an awesome roast pork, I was so excited.) But I had to cancel it because of his choice. And it IS a choice. I don't know what to do at this point. Seriously, how have any of you handled your child going vegan?

Chuck Norris threw an impact grenade and killed one hundred people.

Then the grenade blew up.

I want to make an impact on the planet that lasts long after I'm gone

That's why I drive a h**...

I looked up car c**... statistics online

The results were very impacting

Why do scuba divers dive backwards?

Cause if they dived forward they would fell on the boat.
Real reason so that the eye and nose masks don't get filled with water on the impact straightforward and the oxygen tanks are heavy and it would exert less strain on the back. A prudent way.
Throwback Thursday Joke
Edited few grammar mistakes.

I'm going to publish a book that is just pictures of things I shot

I'll call it 'The impacts of lead'

Being a gastroenterologist is negatively impacting my maturity

Every day I get cilia and cilia

Geologists may not always get along, but when the schist hits the fan...

Its coarse-grained, metamorphic layers can be split into thin irregular plates from the impact.

Modern historians have a new hypothesis for what caused the death of Helen of Troy...

It was the impact trauma from her face launching a thousand ships, long before champagne was invented.

Thomas always wanted to change the World...

it wasn't until he fell out the 40th story window, however, that he made a real impact.

I was in a high-speed car c**... today.

Luckily I work for the FCC so I was going 5 mph on impact.

4 out of 5 Dentists are becoming concerned about the impact of the current presidency on tooth enamel health

You never know when one of his tweets will Make America Grate Again.

Impact of Job Change!!

One day, A taxi passenger touched driver on his shoulder to ask something. Driver screamed, lost control of car, went up on footpath & stopped few inches from a shop.
The passenger apologised & said: "I didn't realise that a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: Sorry it's not your fault, it's my 1st day as a cab driver, I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies from last 25 years.

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident.

The impact is so bad, the woman goes into a coma for 6 months. When she wakes up in the hospital, her first thought is, "oh, God, where are my babies?" This is the first thing she asks the doctor when he comes to see her.
"Oh, your babies are just fine," the doctor tells her assuredly. "One's a boy, one's a girl. But since you were unconscious when you had them, your brother named them for you."
The woman becomes slightly nervous, knowing her brother is a bit of a showoff, a little out there. "So, what did he name them?"
"Well, he named the girl Denise."
Denise. Not a bad name. Good going, bro. "And the boy? What did he name the boy?", she asks.
"Denephew."

Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...

My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe

The majority of Americans said driverless cars will have a big impact on the elderly people

, specifically if they don't cross the stress fast enough.

United Airlines is so weird. It's the only airline that has the captain continuously yelling "brace for impact" during the boarding process.

How do car companies measure the impact of a collision

A c**... test, d**...

Someone somewhere out there is thinking about you and the positive impact you had on their lives.

It's not me. I think you're messed up.

A man declares that he will be the first person to jump out of a plane without a parachute

The man jumps out and dies on impact with the ground.
He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Of all the people in my life that have inspired me to achieve greatness...

I would say the most inspirational was an obese man I saw cliff jump into the sea.
He had a massive impact.

With cannabis now legal in my country, we would be remiss not to discuss the negative impacts of smoking w**.... For example, after smoking...

...you have less w**....

Some worry that Santa Claus is negatively impacting the environment with all the coal he gives out

Don't worry too much though, those reindeer get plenty of miles per gallop

My wife and her friends were talking about feminism when they asked me if thought it had a positive impact on women.

Apparently, saying "Well, not all women with daddy issues are pretty enough to be strippers" isn't a valid answer.

Thanos's snap in infinity war would've had a greater impact if marvel made it seem that half of the audience wasn't there,

But apparently only DC movies can do that.

Muslim, Christian and a Buddhist

A Muslim a Christian and a Buddhist argue about which god is real, so they decide to jump of a cliff and prove the other wrong.
The Christian goes first.
On his way down he says " Jesus Jesus Jesus " and dies on impact
The Buddhist goes second.
On his way down he says " Buddha Buddha Buddha" and floats right before he hits the ground, he is left unscratched.
The Muslim with full confidence jumps after the Buddhist.
On his way down he says "Allah Allah "and then midway screams "BUDDHA BUDDHA BUDDHA "

The blond reared back and clenched his fist

With all his might, he punched the tree, and the force of the impact broke his hand. "Ouch! I thought you said this tree was bouncy!"
His friend face palmed. "No, I said it was a rubber tree."

There was a frozen ball of ice hurdling towards the earth.

Scientists had first guessed it was too small to do much damage.
Later, they reassessed and realized this collision would be on par with the impact that wiped out the dinosaurs.
It was an underrated comet.

Three Nuns

Three nuns are walking down a street when they get hit by a drunk driver in a semi truck; dead on impact. Now they are waiting at the gate to be let into heaven. They are told they each have to answer one question correctly to be let in. If they answer wrong, they go straight to h**.... The first nun is asked what was the name or the first woman. She says Eve; bells ring and the gate opens. The second nun is asked what was the name of the first man. She answers Adam, and she is allowed to enter. The final nun was asked the first thing Eve said to Adam. So sits and thinks for twenty minutes or so before finally giving up and saying "That's a hard one." The bells ring and the gate opens.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these impacting jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.