impact Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious impact stories

What are the best Impact puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Impact? Well here is a complete list of Impact to have fun with:

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

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Impact of a job change.

A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something

Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop

The driver said: "Don't ever do that again man! You scared me!"

Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"

Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault
Its my 1st day as a Cab driver...I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs

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Positive...

James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:

" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"

" -Terrible."

" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"

" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."

" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"

" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."

" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"

" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."

" -Oh thank God! How is she?"

" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."

" -Well, at least you got the company."

" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."

" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"

" -Yeah, HIV."

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A Real Woman

A flight going from Canada to Germany, suddenly had it's engine fail.The Pilot, realizing they wouldn't be able to survive the impact, told everyone to brace themselves for the upcoming crash.

A woman stood up, and said "I'm not gonna die like this, afraid and crouching. Is anyone here man enough to make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?"

There was a long silence, then a man stood up, unbuttoned his shirt, then unbuckled his belt. He quickly pulled off his pants and shirt, threw it towards her, and said "Here, Iron this".

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My latest invention went down quite well.

It's a parachute, that opens on impact.

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Tell this as a real story, and you will get a groan out of pretty much everybody.

About 200 dead crows were found near Regina, and
there was concern for Avian Flu. They had a Bird Pathologist examine the
remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT
Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the
crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car
impact. The Province then hired a Ornithological Behaviorist to determine
the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill.

The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out Crow" in a nearby
tree, to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow
could say "Cah," but he could not say, "Truck."

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Planes are the bomb.

Imagine the impact they had on 9/11

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3 women are on a plane

A rich woman, a beautiful woman, and a black woman are on a plane when the pilot comes on the intercom and says "the plane is going down, brace for impact. The three women, fearing this is it, each make their own preparations. The rich woman, puts on all her jewelry, when asked why she says "I hear they look for the rich ones first. The beautiful woman begins to fix her hair and put on makeup, when asked why she says "I hear they go for the pretty ones first." The black woman begins to take off all her clothes, when asked why she says "I hear they go for the black box first."

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Thank God

Turk Temel was cleaning the 60th story of a building when he suddenly slipped and fell. As he was passing 50, 40, 30, 20, 10, 5, 4, 3, 2, he found himself at the 1st floor, seconds before impact with the floor. He suddenly found himself in prayer: Oh God, If I can fall 59 floors and still not die, I wont die even if I fall from the first story of the building.

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A man walks into a bar.

The impact gave him a concussion.

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How many black men does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Just 1 because we are all equal and race has no impact.

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So a man and a blonde are sitting in a bar and watching the news at 6pm

The newscast shows a man standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The man says to the blonde, "I bet you five dollars he's gonna jump.". The blonde replies, "You're on."
The man on the bridge then jumps and is killed on impact.
The blonde pulls five dollars out of her wallet to give to the man.
But he says, "I can't take your money. I saw this on the 4 o'clock news."
She says, "I did too. I just didn't think he would jump again.

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Motocross Crash Impact 1

Motocross Crash Impact 1

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The designer of the generic "Advice Animals" font changed the internet.

One might say he made quite an impact.

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420 has made a huge impact look!

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AMA request: Paul McCartney

How big of an impact has Kanye been to your music career blowing up?

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A recent study on crow deaths

A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Ceduna S. Aus., and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.

The State hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.


The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order.


When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck."

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best impact jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty impact gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these impact jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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