Immortalized Jokes
86 immortalized jokes and hilarious immortalized puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about immortalized that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Immortalized Short Jokes
Short immortalized jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The immortalized humour may include short jokes also.
- Why is the number 8 the only number that goes to heaven? When it dies it becomes immortal.
∞ - My grandfather was arrested several times... ...for selling a phony immortality elixir.
Once in 1885, again in 1922, a third time in 1964, another time in December 2021... - Scientists have accidentally created immortal frogs While running experiments, they decided to cut some of the frogs vocal cords.
Ever since then, the frogs just wont croak - I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him. His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment.
- A man goes to his priest... Man: Father, I wish to become immortal.
Priest: Get married.
Man: Will that make my wish come true?
Priest: No, it will disappear. - When life gets you down, remember the immortal words of Monty Python. NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
- You know the conspiracy theories about the Queen being immortal? They didn't age as well as she did.
- I think I discovered the secret to immortality. Unfortunately it's going to take forever to test.
- I'm starting to think i'm immortal... I keep putting plastic forks into the electrical outlet and nothing happens :(
- I'm gonna die for what I believe in... But I'm an atheist and antivax, so I'm pretty much immortal
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Immortalized One Liners
Which immortalized one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with immortalized? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I just read a book about an immortal dog Couldn't put it down.
- Yesterday, I've started reading a book about immortal dog It was impossible to put down
- Have you read the best seller about an immortal dog? You can't put it down...
- I've become immortal by drinking tea! There is a steep price...
- I'm going to wait until i'm immortal Or at least i will die trying.
- What kind of bee gives you immortality? A Zom-bee!!!
- My only goal in life is to be immortal So far, so good
- In the immortal words of Hellen Keller Fnsocbfjsifbeksncjsocbdksbsbakxvrkcbfj
- Murdered for immortality. Received life sentence.
- 100% of people that receive vaccines die. Because no one is immortal.
- Where does an immortal store his files? in the MacLeod
- I think it'd be cool to be immortal for a day, just to see what it's like.
- Diablo Immortal What?! Do y'all not have phones?
- Diablo Immortal? More like Diablo Immobile
- Raisins are grapes... ...that gave up their looks for immortality.
Immortalized Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about immortalized you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make immortalized pranks.
If Chuck Norris was in a video game it would be called Immortal Kombat.
Mortal Kombat is not difficult enough for Chuck Norris, so he got Immortal Kombat.
I wonder if my first cat appreciates being at least slightly immortalized in my passwords.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...
...that
could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
The Engineer
Towards the end of the French revolution many people lost their heads to the guillotine. One day a politician, a priest, and an engineer were to be executed.
The politician was first. The executioner asked him: "Do you have any last words?" to which the man replied, "I regret nothing." The executioner lowered the man's head into the guillotine and released the blade. It fell swiftly but suddenly jams and stopped just inches from reaching the politician's neck.
There was a rule with these executions where if the blade could not finish its job with one pull of the rope, the condemned were allowed to be released and set free. Upon realizing this the politician cheers in excitement and scampers away.
Up next was the priest - the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" to which the priest replied, "None. God has already saved my immortal soul." The executioner then lowered the priest's head into the guillotine and pulled the lever to release the blade. AGAIN, the blade jams and stops just inches before reaching the priest's neck. After realizing what had just happened, the priest said "Praise the lord, it's a miracle!" and scampered away.
Finally, the engineer was brought up to the guillotine. The executioner said, "Any last words?" to which the engineer replied - "Yes! I think I see what your problem is."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm immortal
Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I a**... my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Czechoslovakian and the German
A Czech and a German entered into a contest. The point of the contest was to guess the right 7 numbers and win an all expense paid trip to Alaska to hunt a grizzly bear. The contest ended and it turns out the two men guessed the same winning numbers, so both got to go on the hunt.
After arriving in the camp and getting settled they decide to head out tomorrow with the guide to hunt the mighty bear. But the next day the guide is feeling under the weather so the two men decide to go out alone. After hiking through rugged mountains for hours they come into a clearing and see two bears, a male and a female. The German takes aim and pulls the trigger... "Click"! The all expense paid trip didn't come with ammo. The sound startled the bears and they charged. The Czech pulls his knife and rushes at the bears. The German tries to pull his p**... but stumbled backwards, hit his head, and fell into a river. When he comes to he sees the guide kneeling over him.
After being briefed on the situation they
decide to track the bears and save the Czech. They find the female bear chewing on a boot, the guide takes aim and... "Bang!", the bear is dead. The two men cut open the bear and her stomach is empty except for a few fish. The German utters the immortal words," The Czechs in the Male"
Why was the legless man immortal?
Because he couldn't kick the bucket.
Quintuple pun
There once was a scientist who was doing research into longevity. He had a lab in Florida and was working with porpoises. He had discovered that he could extend their lifespans indefinitely by feeding them an extract made from seagulls. So each morning he would go out on the beach and hunt seagulls.
One day, when coming back from the hunt with a bunch of freshly killed seagulls he discovered that there was a lion lying across the path. But this didn't worry him as he recognized the lion and being a very old, harmless beast from the local zoo. Instead, he picked up his gulls and just stepped over the lion and continued on his way. Shortly thereafter he was arrested by the police.
The charge was "Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.:
What did the American say when he was offered immortality?
No thanks, i'll pass
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Being immortal as a man would s**... to get remarried.
They keep getting more rights.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Finds Pill of Immortality...
Chokes on it!
When did the Highlander's mother find out her son is immortal?
After the third abortion attempt.
Why is Ronald McDonalds immortal?
Because he's full of preservatives.
Did you hear about the immortal Chinese man with the insanely hot wife?
She was unbereavable.
TIL Sean Bean is immortal
And that dying in movies is the only way he can experience death
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This term for a long-handled gardening tool
...can also mean an immortal pleasure seeker. What is it?
A h**...?
No! It's a rake.
In Germany, we recently arrested a Guy who claims to have invented a Medicine for Immortality,
I guess he didnt learn from his Last sentences in 1925, 1845, 1738....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ate a pill that would made me immortal today
I accidently choked to death while swallowing it
I am immortal
So far.
An immortal man was watching T.V
The secret to immortality
Has died out with the our ancestors
How do programmers become immortal
With one fundamental change
mortality = true;
mortality = false;
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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So they say m**... regularly is supposed to increase how long you live by about a year and a half.
I have done the math, and figured out that I am, in fact, immortal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You're so u**... that, if you found a lamp, rubbed it, a genie popped out and you wished to not die a v**......
He'd make you immortal.
What's the greatest thing about being immortal?
It never gets old.
I have a secret immortality juice that I've been trying...
So far so good.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know, I always thought I wanted to be immortal.
The w**... say it's spelled "immoral".
I was all born with immortality
but it wears off over time
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dear Master of mockery, Sovereign of Sarcasm, Immortal of Irony, Jack of Jest, Lord of Levity, How shalt I hone my humor?
Use common words, s**....
What was the quickest game to die?
Diablo: Immortal
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does ann coulter deserve to be immortal?
Because she's clearly dead on the inside and we can't end her suffering.
I just discovered the secret to immortality.
Procrasti... nah I'll finish this later.
Out of Season
Diablo Immortal.
April fools!
After MANY years of research, scientists have found that it is possible for humans to be immortal.
"All one has to is drink some of Ash Ketchum's blood to become immortal", say experts.
So apparently they renamed the Secret Cow Level in Diablo 3 in honor of Diablo: Immortal...
The Secret Cash Cow Level
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the diffrence between Diablo Immortal anf vscuum cleaner?
Vacuum cleaner needs to be plugged in before it s**...
So calling Blizzard's new game Diablo Immortal is a little ironic...
considering it died pretty fast.
A research scientist studying porpoises discovers a way to make them live forever.
He discovered that a compound made by immature seagulls makes the porpoises stop aging, as long as they're fed them regularly. To protect his research he bought two lions to guard the lab.
One day he forgets to feed the lions before going out to collect the seagulls, so he's forced to call the police to tranquilize them in front of the door to get back into his lab. As soon as he enters the lab though, he's immediately arrested, for transporting young gulls across stade lions for immortal porpoises.
A Texas Biologist
A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.
In the early 1970s, researchers discovered...
...that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan. Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing. Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.
They sent a research assistant up the coast to gather additional specimens. On his way back with a truckload of the tiny birds, he accidentally struck a cougar in the road. Unfortunately for him, it was (at the time) the state animal, and harming one was a felony.
The poor guy was charged with transporting young gulls across a state lion for immortal porpoises.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my genie I wish not to die a v**...
He granted me immortality.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie appears.
The genie says, I will grant you three wishes, but there are some rules. No wishing for more wishes, wishing for immortality, or wishing to bring someone back from the dead.
The man says, Ok, I wish to not die a v**....
The genie replies, I already told you, no wishing for immortality.
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone knows the story of Achilles, but no one remembers his twin brother Bophadese.
Their mother Thetis, dunked them both into the River Styx to make them immortal. She held Achilles by the heel and Bophades by the t**..., and while everyone has heard of Achilles Heel, very few are familiar with Bophades Nuts.
The biologist
A biologist races into a bar in a celebratory mood. "I've done it!" he shouts to the bartender. "I've engineered immortal frogs!" "How's that?" asks the bartender. "I removed their vocal chords. They can't croak!"