Immortality Jokes
10 immortality jokes and hilarious immortality puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about immortality that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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The Funniest Immortality Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What is a good immortality joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone knows the story of Achilles, but no one remembers his twin brother Bophadese.
Their mother Thetis, dunked them both into the River Styx to make them immortal. She held Achilles by the heel and Bophades by the t**..., and while everyone has heard of Achilles Heel, very few are familiar with Bophades Nuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my genie I wish not to die a v**...
He granted me immortality.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm immortal
Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I a**... my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.
Why is the number 8 the only number that goes to heaven?
When it dies it becomes immortal.
∞
I just read a book about an immortal dog
Couldn't put it down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So they say m**... regularly is supposed to increase how long you live by about a year and a half.
I have done the math, and figured out that I am, in fact, immortal.
My grandfather was arrested several times...
...for selling a phony immortality elixir.
Once in 1885, again in 1922, a third time in 1964, another time in December 2021...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie appears.
The genie says, I will grant you three wishes, but there are some rules. No wishing for more wishes, wishing for immortality, or wishing to bring someone back from the dead.
The man says, Ok, I wish to not die a v**....
The genie replies, I already told you, no wishing for immortality.
Yesterday, I've started reading a book about immortal dog
It was impossible to put down
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