Immigration Jokes
112 immigration jokes and hilarious immigration puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about immigration that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out about the humorous side of Australian, Canadian and Lankan immigration! Learn about immigration jokes and anecdotes involving visas, illegals, and more!
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Funniest Immigration Short Jokes
Short immigration jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The immigration humour may include short immigrants jokes also.
- Putin visits Estonia Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting". - When I visited Australia, the immigration officer asked me if I had a criminal record… Confused, I replied, Oh, is that still required?
- What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant? an imPASTA!
- Putin visits Estonia Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting". - Trump: The less immigrants that come in, the better Pence: The fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet - Cannot wait to become a proud American! I'm not immigrating or anything, I'm just not proud to be American.
- Trump's wives were immigrants, proving the adage true... Immigrants do the jobs Americans don't want to do.
- classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days." - A Briton flies into Australia and is asked by the immigration officer, Do you have any felony convictions?
The Briton replies, Sorry. I didn't realize that was still a requirement. - How to make Americans take vaccines Tell them immigrants are coming to America to take all their vaccines.
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Immigration One Liners
Which immigration one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with immigration? I can suggest the ones about illegal immigrants and citizenship.
- What do you call immigrants to Sweden? Artificial Swedeners
- Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings. Corona did what Trump promised
- Hey girl, are you a Chinese immigrant from the 1800s? Because I want to make you mine.
- Lost job and no money for buy potato.
Also is cold.
Regret immigrate to Detroit. - If Bill Cosby rapes an immigrant... Is it Alien Vs Predator?
- What do you call an old Hispanic immigrant? A señor citizen.
- I talked to my Republican parents about immigration. The conversation really went south.
- What do you call someone who immigrates to Sweden? An artifical swedener
- What was the court case between an immigrant and a priest called? Alien v. Predator.
- Why can't immigrants play uno? Because they keep trying to take all of the green cards!
- How do you spot muslim immigrants in a math class? They are really bad at integrating.
- Canada's immigration centre has a new slogan You'll be sorry
- Wanna know what my favourite white wine is? The immigrants are taking all our jobs....!!!
- Milio Yiannopoulos is now an unemployed immigrant on a work visa. Let's deport him!
- What's the difference between an immigrant and a notebook? A note book has papers.
Illegal Immigration Jokes
Here is a list of funny illegal immigration jokes and even better illegal immigration puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call an immigrant without green card that can't see Illegally blind
- We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizenship We can call it "alien vs Predator"
- What's it called when an i**... immigrant and a child m**... get in a fist fight? Alien VS predator
- What do you call an i**... immigrant and a catholic priest fighting? Alien VS Predator
- What's the difference between E.T and i**... immigrants? E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home.
- What's the difference between E.T. and an i**... immigrant? E.T. learned the language, and eventually went home.
- Do you know the most outstanding thing about our i**... immigrants? Their warrants.
(Here come the down-votes!) - What do you call it if an i**... immigrant fights a s**... offender? Alien vs. Predator
- Trump followed through with his plan to get rid of i**... immigrants By making America so bad they'll leave on their own.
- I heard there's a new movie coming out where an i**... immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child m**...... They're calling it Alien vs Predator.
Canada Immigration Jokes
Here is a list of funny canada immigration jokes and even better canada immigration puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard Brits want to move to Canada Please don't. We can't have immigrants steal our jobs!
- What do you call a Mexican who has immigrated to Canada? a runner with a lot of stamina
- I thanked Canada after I immigrated. They said "You're welcome".
- A group of i**... immigrants was caught at the Southern border... ...when questioned by the authority, the group replied:
"We're actually trying to get to Canada now, but US is in the way." - This just in. i**... immigrants have been caught on the border of Canada. They're being sent back south to US.
Laughable Immigration Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about immigration you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean invasion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make immigration pranks.
The Polish eye exam.
A polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
Chancellor Angela Merkel visits Athens.
Angela Merkel arrives at the Athens airport & stops by the immigration check.
"Nationality?" asks the Immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?" he asks.
"No, just visiting for a few days."
NY Driver's license.
A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
C Z A J K O K I W S
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!
I wanted to move to Australia for a new job
The immigration officer started asking a few questions.
Officer : What is your name?
Me : Joke Teller.
Officer : How old are you?
Me : 22
Officer : Any criminal convictions?
Me : I didn't know that was still a requirement.
An Israeli is going through passport control at JFK...
The immigration officer asks: Occupation? The Israeli says: No. I'm just visiting."
A German man walks up to a immigration desk in Warsaw.
Immigration offcier: "Occupation?"
German man: "No, just holiday."
Yesterday I met a Chinese guy named Giuseppe Giardisi...
When asked if he was adopted, the man replied,
"No. I was queued up at Ellis Island when they called the man ahead of me. 'What's your name,' the man asked him. 'Giuseppe Giardisi,' he replied. I was next and when they asked my name, I told them, 'Sam Ting'. 'Welcome to America, Giuseppe,' the immigration officer replied as he stamped my papers."
I'm Mexican
I'm not offended by taco jokes or fiesta jokes. But Immigration jokes?
They cross the line.
When I immigrated to the US from the USSR, I went to my first American restaurant...
They asked me, "How many in your party?"
I replied, "60 million."
Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem...
The other 96% said "que dijo?"
A border patrol officer stops a Mexican immigrant...
...on his way in to the U.S.
He says to the Mexican: "If you can make a whole sentence using the words Green, Pink and Yellow, Ill let you in with no delay"
The Mexican pauses to think for a few minutes then replies: "The phone goes Green-Green, I Pink it up and I say Yellow"
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
A banker, a worker and an immigrant
An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".
Guys I think Trump's immigration policies just might work.
China built a wall and they have like, no Mexicans.
Two of Trump's wives have been immigrants.
Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants.
you really have to admire brits who voted to leave
They were so worried about immigrants ruining their economy than they preempted it by doing it themselves.
I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
A Chinese family of 5 decided to immigrate to the United States
Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu were told that in order to get a visa, they would have to Americanize their names.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China.
Putin lands at Helsinki airport...
...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.
"Mr. Trump, have you changed your plans for mass deportation?"
"No, I have not. I will deport 11 million undocumented immigrants and two dogs."
"Why the two dogs?"
"See? Nobody cares about the immigrants!"
Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America:
Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers.
Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect
Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?
United States
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
Jesus walks into a bar
The barman looks up and asks "We don't serve wine here"
Jesus looks at him quizzically and goes to look for a Spanish translator because he had just immigrated from Mexico and English was not his first language.
An Englishman walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport...
An Englishman walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport. The officer asks, Do you have any felony convictions?
The Englishman replies, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was still a requirement.
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
two foreigners in america are applying for citizenship
They're lined up outside the Citizenship and immigration office, along with many others, not wanting to risk deportation now that Trump is in office.
>Guy #1: I've had enough of this waiting, save my place, I'm going to shoot Donald Trump myself.
several hours later he returns.
>Guy #2: well? did you get him?
>Guy #1: no, The line for that was even longer than the one here.
I think Americans are right to worry about immigrants
Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture.
Polish immigrant
A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.
He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
So, an Indian went to the US embassy
to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!
The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''
'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''
"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."
A Jewish guy walking through Chinatown notices a jewelry shop with has a big sign that says - Abe Goldberg jewelry.
He walks in and asks to meet Abe Goldberg. A Chinese man comes out from the back and says - herro, I Abe Golber.
The Jewish guy says, you're Abe Goldberg??? How did you get that name?
The Chinese man tells how when he was at Ellis Island, the guy in line before him was Abe Goldberg. When the immigration officer asked for his name he said - **Sam Ting**
Immigration to the US is a good thing.
Everytime someone moves to the US from their home country, the average IQs of both nations go up.
I can't support building a wall to keep out i**... immigrants.
It's borderline racist.
h**... goes to France
As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"
The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf h**..."
"Occupation?"
h**... shakes his head... "No, just visiting".
We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?
m**..., mostly.
Donald Trump says to Mike Pence, "The less immigrants we allow in, the better."
Pence says, "The fewer".
Trump says, "I told you not to call me that yet."
I hate immigrants..
If I could find a country that didn't let in any immigrants, I'd move there.
A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and i**... aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my a**...… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
Three Chinese friends, Chu, Bu and Fu, decided to immigrate to the United States
In order to get their visas, they needed to change their names to something more American. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and Fu decided to travel back to China
It's a shame the immigrants and their kids at the U.S. border aren't named Church and State
then the GOP would never separate them.
Trump: We should have less immigrants in America!
Pence: "Fewer".
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet!
Im never smoking w**... with immigrants again.
I asked who's got papers and they all ran away.
100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city
Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.
Stranger: What is your name, sad lady
Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat
Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.
A British man was talking to his friend about his views on Brexit...
"These b**... immigrants come over here. They're up to no good, right? I hate these b**... immigrants. They need to go back to where they came from."
His friend replies with "But why do you hate them so much?"
The British man replies, "I'll tell you why I hate them, I'll tell you why. It's because they're not even trying to be British. That's why. They don't even TRY to be British. They come here, and bring their own b**... culture. They bring their own food, spit their own b**... languages, try to take over the whole b**... place."
His friend replies with "Well, that sounds British to me"
2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,
''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Trump says he'll put a cap on immigrants coming into the US—I don't approve.
Immigrants should be allowed to wear what they like.
Putin lands in a foreign country and approaches the immigration desk
The border official reads through his passport and asks: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting."
How did a Chinese guy have a Tamil name:
I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was "Kannaswami .
I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?"
He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
23andme is a scam.
I know for a fact my grandparents immigrated to America from Argentina, but my results still came back German .
Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.
People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked o**..., who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."
A German visits France and is stopped at immigration.
The French immigration agent asks, "Business or pleasure?"
The German replies, "Pleasure!"
The agent asks, "Occupation?"
The German replies, "Nein, Nein, just visiting!"
As an immigration officer, I may not always agree with you.
But..I know where you are coming from.
I was never allowed to see Alien vs. Predator as a kid
The closest I got was watching my uncle rant about immigrants.
When my grandfather first came to this country, he had nothing but a shirt on his back.
When the immigration people finally caught up to him, they made him put on pants too.
3 friends from China immigrated to the US
3 Chinese guys Bu, Chu and Fu, who were friends since childhood moved to US for work.
For their names being Chinese, they weren't getting shortlisted for interviews.
A guys suggested them to Americanise their names.
When they asked how.
He suggested add something to your existing names so it ends with "c**...".
So Bu became Buck.
Chu became Chuck.
And Fu went back to China.
German visits France
A german tourist decided to visit France shortly after the war.
The french immigration officer asked the tourist, "Occupation?"
The german replied "Nah, just visiting"
An Asian man goes to rent a car, and the clerk sees the man's name is Herschel Leibowitz
The clerk asks him how an Asian man like himself got the name Herschel Leibowitz. He responds in a heavy accent "When I was going through immigration, we were in a line in the area where we give our names. The name of the man in front of me was Herschel Leibowitz. When they call for me to ask me what my name is, I said "Sam Ting"
