immigrant Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious immigrant puns

What's it called when an illegal immigrant and a child molester get in a fist fight?

Alien VS predator

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A banker, a worker and an immigrant

An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.


The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'


"Can you read this?" the optician asked.


"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

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What do you call an illegal immigrant and a catholic priest fighting?

Alien VS Predator

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If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

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What do you call an immigrant and a pedophile in a jail cell together?

Alien vs predator.

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A man walks into a bookstore...

A man walks into a bookstore and asks an employee if they have Donald Trump's new book on immigration. The employee, an immigrant himself, said, "fuck you, get out and stay out!"

The man replied, "yeah. Do you have it in paperback?"

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A Polish immigrant goes to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

But first, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.

The optician shows him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" replies the Polish man, "I went to school with the guy!"

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Hey girl, are you a Chinese immigrant from the 1800s?

Because I want to make you mine.

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Two immigrants

Two immigrants arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between the Old Country and the U.S. One of them says that he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend. "What part did you get?"

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What's the difference between E.T. and an illegal immigrant?

E.T. learned the language, and eventually went home.

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What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and an alien?

E.T. learned to speak English and wanted to go home.

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A Polish Immigrant applies for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

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What do you call an illegal immigrant fighting a child rapist?

Alien vs Predator

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Flight Report

Flight Attendant: "Captain! I think we have a case of human trafficking! There's a lecherous old slob with an immigrant lady on the plane, who looks like she's being taken against her will! Should we bump them off?"




Captain: "For gods sake Patricia! We don't work for United Airlines anymore! This is Air Force one!"

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Polish immigrant

A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.

He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.

Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."

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What do you call it if an illegal immigrant fights a sex offender?

Alien vs. Predator

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A border patrol officer stops a Mexican immigrant...

...on his way in to the U.S.
He says to the Mexican: "If you can make a whole sentence using the words Green, Pink and Yellow, Ill let you in with no delay"
The Mexican pauses to think for a few minutes then replies: "The phone goes Green-Green, I Pink it up and I say Yellow"

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Think of all the new jobs Trump will bring to America:

Wall builders, death squad patrollers, bounty hunters and immigrant poachers.

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I heard there's a new movie coming out where an illegal immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child molester...

They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

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If Bill Cosby rapes an immigrant...

Is it Alien Vs Predator?

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NY Driver's license.

A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
C Z A J K O K I W S
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!

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A cop pulls an illegal immigrant over near the US-Mexico border and asks "Papers?"

The immigrant responds "Scissors" and drives away

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Polish Eye Test

A Polish immigrant goes to Specsavers for an eye test and the Optician shows him the test card:

C Z J X
N Y S A
C Z

and asks him: Can you read that?

The Pole says: Read it? I know the prick!

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An illegal immigrant and a sex offender get into a fight

It was Alien vs. Predator

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I hear they made a movie about an illegal immigrant who beats up a child abuser.

Alien vs Predator

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Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United State

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.

One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'

The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.

"Which part did you get?"

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What do you call an old Hispanic immigrant?

A seΓ±or citizen.

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Illegal immigrant vs. Child molester

If and illegal immigrant fought a child molester, would it be considered alien vs. predator?

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Immigrant comes to a doctor...

"Doctor, after I left my country and traveled here, I feel very ill. I dont sleep well, I cant eat. Help me!", - says immigrant.

"I was in the same situation before", - doctor replies. "There is a bucket in other room. Go take a crap, piss in it, then put your head inside".

Immigrant is confused but obeys. Then comes back to doc.

"Doctor, I feel great now! Tell me, what was wrong with me?"

"You just miss home"

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I like my coffee like I like my women.

Handed over by an eastern european immigrant who doesn't care what happens to it or expect to see it again.

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An immigrant moves to New York City from another country...

He can bearly speak broken English. He notices mice in his apartment and immediately calls the landlord to report the problem. Hello!

-Hello, what's the problem?

-You know Tom and Jerry?

-Yes, Tom and Jerry?

-Well, Jerry problem.

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A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies...

A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies.

The CEO takes 19 cookies, then whispers to the American employee, "Watch out, I think that Mexican is going to try and take your cookie!"

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Two immigrants in Britain have a competition; who can be more English? ...

Two immigrant friends in Britain decide to host a competition between themselves, who can be more English than the other?

They decide that they will meet up in 1 week and see whom is more English than whom.

1 week has past, and they meet up. The first immigrant says "I have become a true Englishmen! I sip tea everyday and I now drive my kids to football practice!"

The other says "Get out of my country you Paki cunt".

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What are the most funny Immigrant jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Immigrant? Well, here are the best Immigrant dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Immigrant pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes