Imagine Jokes
135 imagine jokes and hilarious imagine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about imagine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Invoke your sense of humor with "imagine" jokes! From imagine dragons gags to hilarious memes and interactive 'imagine being' scenarios, find out the funniest ways to have fun with words and laugher. Presume Laura Michaels for a good time!
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Funniest Imagine Short Jokes
Short imagine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The imagine humour may include short imagination jokes also.
- Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight... There would be mass confusion.
- This week in DC, mark zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable. He's explaining Facebook to old people.
- Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist... but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
- Police have arrested the world tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.
- My friend just hired a limo for £1000 but it didn't come with a driver Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it
- My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed. Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.
- Imagine the uproar if Blazing Saddles was made today. People would say "this is plagiarism, make your own movie".
- Wife: "Can you pick up milk?" Me: *lifts gallon*
"Yeah, it's easy."
Wife: "I mean from the store."
Me: "I'd imagine it weigh the same there too" - There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . . Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.
- Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?" "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
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Imagine One Liners
Which imagine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with imagine? I can suggest the ones about unthinkable and imagination girlfriend.
- I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before It was just a pigment of my imagination.
- I once thought I had a japanese friend. But it was just my imagine Asian.
- A friend told me my thinking is too one-dimensional. I can't imagine y.
- What do you call an imaginary color? A pigment of your imagination.
- what is it called when your crush has a crush on you too? Imagination.
- Imagine the Titanic with a lisp It's unthinkable
- I've decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay Imagine all the PayPal!
- Noone actually dreams in color. It's just a pigment of your imagination.
- You guys know blue doesn't exist in nature? It's just a pigment of your imagination.
- Could you imagine a market in the Middle East? Because that would be bazaar
- All flights from John Lennon Airport are cancelled. Imagine all the people.
- I got into lucid dreaming recently its everything I imagined it to be.
- If Alcohol can damage-your short term memory? Imagine the damage Alcohol can do.
- Imagine how happy barn owls were .... when people finally started making barn.
- Just imagine Great Britain without tea... Grea Briain
Imagine Dragons Jokes
Here is a list of funny imagine dragons jokes and even better imagine dragons puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A woman takes her car to a mechanic and says "my car is making a horrible noise" The mechanic replied, "have you tried removing that Imagine Dragons CD?"
- So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird... ...Imagine Dragons.
- I met a girl who said she liked Imagine Dragons. I asked her if she could Imagine Dragon these nuts across her chin.
- I took my friend to a concert. He said to me Hey, you said there would be dragons here. So, I responded No, man. I said you'd have to imagine them.
- Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"
Donald Trump stands up and says, "Challenge accepted" - You think dinosaurs are scary? Imagine dragons!
- Think training raptors is tough? Imagine Dragons.
- Apparently Mr. Skeltal joined the band Imagine Dragons. I heard they were going back to their doots.
- Do you like listening to Imagine Dragons?
Imagine Dragging Jokes
Here is a list of funny imagine dragging jokes and even better imagine dragging puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies
Imagine Memes Jokes
Here is a list of funny imagine memes jokes and even better imagine memes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Imagine a world without memes It is memeningless.
- A Spicy Hurricane Meme Imagine if Irma just goes "YEET" and completely misses Florida, an then starts shooting toward Texas.
Laughter Imagine Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about imagine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean imaginary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make imagine pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
She answered the stapler.
How did she pierce her other ear?
Those b**... called back.
(feel free to imagine a dulled "Huwwuh? *ka-thunk* UUUNNGHH!" right after the first punchline)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can you Imagine?
Can you imagine stuffing pictures of your grandmother in a strippers G string?
Imagine you are Prince Harry
I hate going through airport security...
For some reason I'm always stopped at the metal detector, even if i'm carrying NOTHING! So as you can imagine, on my latest trip, when I successfully got past the metal detector I was so pleased that I whispered "YES" to myself. As you can imagine, that didn't go down too well.
A children's museum SOUNDS like a good idea...
...but I would imagine it's hard to breathe inside those little glass cases.
Dinner with my wife
I took my (now ex) wife to dinner to "celebrate" yet another anniversary. After drinking quite a bit I raised my glass and said:
"I love you and I can't imagine life without you"
She asked "Is that you or the wine talking?" and I told her
"That's me talking to the wine"
Imagine winning the 100m butterfly...
What would you do with such a big insect?
I was told to bring a box of tissues with me when my friends and I watched Bambi.
You can imagine my disappointment.
I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach...
You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk.
[source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]
Old man driving alone
An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday-
Every half hour it goes to your room opens the door, and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves.
Scientists are cloning John Lennon..
What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?
Imagine all the people..
A man finds a genie who claims to be all-knowing...
The genie says the man may ask him one question, about anything he could possibly imagine, and he will answer truthfully.
The man, amazed, replies, "wow, and you'll know the correct answer to literally any question I ask?"
The genie answers, "yes." And disappears.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm really glad they invented shampoo.
imagine having to wash your hair with real p**...?
John Snow.
John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...
LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls
So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to the store to buy cleaning supplies. I tried at least five different types, and scrubbed for at least half an hour but the stain was still there. Does anybody have any good methods for getting blood out of the carpet?
Can you imagine if none of the midwives showed up for a birth?
That would be a midwife crisis
Imagine if people referenced the Beach Boys more often!
Wouldn't it be nice?
Imagine Iron Man having an iron deficiency
That would be ironic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was a kid I didn't want to imagine my parents having s**...,
so I'd watch them from the wardrobe.
A French Girl gets her Period
My friend's family is French.
His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.
Then one night she got her period.
Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL s**... donors are paid $50 per donation.
It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.
They told me to imagine a guy holding a jug full of water.
But I just couldn't pitcher it.
Imagine a masonry wall...
Now, picture just one piece of it...
This, my friends, is a mental block.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I couldn't imagine my parents having s**...
So last night I hid in their closet and watched
The Lawyer and the Mexican
A lawyer and a Mexican live next to eachother in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine.
One day, they're both mowing the frontlawn. The Mexican says:
"You know, my house is worth more than yours."
The lawyer is confused. He responds:
"How? Our houses are identical. Did you renovate the interior?"
"No."
"Did you modernize the kitchen or the bathroom?"
"I didn't."
"Then how can your house be worth more than mine?!", the lawyer cries.
"Well, I live next to a lawyer, and you live next to a Mexican."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my boss that when I get nervous, I like to imagine my audience n**......
... she said I should probably stop teaching the 2nd grade.
Imagine if the presidential race was an actual marathon
Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A homicidal r**... is holding hands with a little girl.
They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to return by myself".
Imagine us waiting for 2017 but out comes
2016S
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Math class
Teacher asks Johnny:
"Imagine you have $200. And you give $50 to Jane, $50 to Suzi, $50 to Melissa. What would you have?"
"An o**...?"
Edited: names spelling, grammar.
My wife said she couldn't imagine herself with any other man.
"I can't imagine any other man with you," probably wasn't the right reply.
A cop pulled me over and I flashed him my 9mm.
You could imagine he didn't take me very seriously after that and brought me up on public exposure charges. Guess he wasn't DTF.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son asked me what a dilemma was?
"Imagine you're n**... and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...
Who you going to turn your back on?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Imagine if instead of periods, women had apostrophes
They'd be even more possessive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a s**... club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Imagine the guy who invented maple syrup...
Hey this tree tastes way better than the last 10 trees I s**...!
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side...
I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
Two men from Texas are having a conversation...
The first man asks the second man "Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with." The second man responds with "I don't have to imagine, I do that every thanksgiving."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I get nervous on stage people say "imagine the audience n**..."
But that just makes it harder for me.
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Imagine the s**... talk between The Donald and Stormie...
Oh Donald!
You're so great, Donald!
You're so big, Donald!
You're the best, Donald!!
And then Stormie asks, What do you keep mumbling, Donnie?
A father and a daughter are walking in a dark forest
The daughter says: Dad, I'm scared .
The father replies: Imagine how scared I'll be walking back all by myself
My friend dropped his box of Italian pastries on the floor.
I cannoli imagine what he must be going through.
Imagine a world where nobody is starving
A world where everybody is happy. Everybody is friendly. A world with no conflict. No wars. No weapons.
Now imagine invading that world because they would never see it coming.
When my girlfriend says something racist, only one thing goes through my mind.
Why did I even imagine her?
On my recent trip to Kenya, I booked a hotel within walking distance of the beach.
You can't imagine how far the Kenyans would walk.
Imagine what the first person who inhaled helium thought...
They must have spoke very highly about it.
Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?
Don't you mean across?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at the supermarket, looked three freezers down and saw the most beautiful b**... blonde picking out Asian dinners. I took a quick glance at her hand and saw no wedding ring! Well, as you can imagine, I promptly did what any virile, red-blooded man would do with this opportunity...
I got really nervous, said absolutely nothing, and strictly avoided eye-contact at all costs...
One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead
You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.
A jewish woman goes to the hospital to give birth to her son.
Unfortunately the baby boy is born without eyelids.
The jewish woman is hysterical and says: Doctor, doctor what am i going to do? My baby boy has no eyelids!
The doctor calmly replies: Missus Levine, don't worry your son is going to be circumcised so we can do a transplant and give him eyelids.
Missus Levine says: Doctor, doctor but I don't want a son that's gonna be cockeyed!
Doctor replies: But Missus Levine imagine what foresight he'll have!
Mom never told me I shouldn't touch electric wires
Imagine my shock when I got grounded!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Imagine having 12 b**...
Sounds weird dozen t**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Monday morning in the office, a man notices that his colleague is very sad.
At breakfast, he approaches him:What's wrong? You look really beat today.
Don't ask, I had the worst weekend you could imagine.
What happened?
I was visiting an old friend that I haven't seen in years and the family caught me sniffing his sister's underwear.
Okay, that's not nice, but no need to get all misty.
Well, she was still wearing them.
Oh, that's even worse.
Yeah, it ruined her whole f**....
Sorry, no native english speaker, but i guess you get the point.
Imagine making a belt out of a bunch of $100 bills tied together
That would be a huge waist of money.
Imagine that the next US president is a married woman
Would we call her husband a first ladyboy?
pls laugh I'm so depressed
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?
Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.
Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician arrives at work on a bike
His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"
"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off 'til she's n**... and says "Take what you want". So I took the bike."
"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you're concerned about your new partner's s**... history, and you don't want to catch g**... warts, imagine you're playing chess, not craps.
So don't roll the dice. Check first, and then mate.
My girlfriend left a note on my PS4 today. My heart stopped beating because it said "This isn't working"
Imagine my relief when I turned it on and it worked just fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was having s**... the other day, when all of a sudden my wife punched me right in the face.
Imagine my surprise, I didn't even hear her come home!
Me: I got bitten in the park by a huge dog
Her: My God - imagine if it had been a small child
Me: I could have fought off a small child, Alice
Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.
You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.
I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toasts. It was then I realized...
...I'd accidentally ordered Avogadro's Toast.
So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..
His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.
She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?
Son: Ok
Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.
Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 3 year old's knock knock joke - innocence shattered
3 yr old: Knock Knock Daddy!
Me: Who's there?
3 yr old: (excitedly waving around their fork heaped with spaghetti and slinging sauce everywhere) Fork!
Me: Fork who?
*wife and I lock eyes; we each slowly make "the face" as we realize what is about to come out of our 3 year old's mouth*
3 yr old: Fork you Daddy!!!!! (delirious laughter)
(for those who aren't parents, imagine how someone who is learning to talk might pronounce "fork you"). My 3yr old lost their innocence in my eyes today. May as well pack them up and get them ready for college.
If you thought alcohol was bad for your short term memory...
...just imagine what alcohol will do!
