Image For Jokes
105 image for jokes and hilarious image for puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about image for that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Image For Short Jokes
Short image for jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The image for humour may include short photo with jokes also.
- Antiwork did an interview on fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub It didn't work.
- We thought it was our ability to love that made us human, but it turns out it was actually our ability to SELECT EACH IMAGE CONTAINING A TRUCK.
- I just explained Google images to my mum... "Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.
"Except that." I replied. - Have you guys seen the new image from James Webb telescope yet? I heard it looks back in time like 13.7 billion years... ...and it still can't see the last time you got laid.
- I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes... It's my screen savior...
- What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears? A gf gif gift grift
- Jesus Crust A priest and a Zen master are making toast.
The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"
The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!" - What message does a quantum computer have when you view an image? "Do you want to save changes?"
- What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper? I dot my i's on you!
-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny! - You have to be an adult to see Theodore, the guy who takes the medical images at the hospital. After all, he's x-ray Ted.
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Image For One Liners
Which image for one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with image for? I can suggest the ones about picture and photo.
- what makes us really humans? Selecting all images with traffic lights
- If I photoshopped a medical license Would that be a doctored image?
- What image format does Gordon Ramsay hates the most? .raw
- I like my women how I like my stock images... Rights free
- What's the most important thing when googling Gary Oldman images? - The 'r'...
- Why aren't digital images of bob marley scalable? Because they're all rasta graphics.
- What type of image formats do lion photographers use? RAWR
- I watched a gif of a sloth for 5 minutes yesterday Until I realized it was just an image
- What's an image editor's favourite country? Ireland.
It's royalty free. - If humans are created in the image of god, then we should be invisible.
- Have you heard about the old wheel that got a new image? He retired.
- What do you call a picture of a wizard working at a Genius Bar? An iMage.
- Was doing an image search for Gary Oldman Accidentally forgot the R. Results were hairy.
- The image on my 3-dimensional TV is frozen shoulda sprung for the 4-dimensional TV
- Where do Italians get their stock photos from? Spaghetti Images
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Image For Jokes
What funny jokes about image for you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mirror picture jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make image for pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was younger I used to think having s**... was kissing n**....
One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had s**... with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this.
Yep I was a very dumb child.
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating?
Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions n**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does the dyslexic Spanish speaker have a poor self image?
His chemistry teacher told him he was mostly made of c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
So I was making this image...
There's this cat, and he's trying to find out how much cheese there is in a gyro. He knows its radius and length, but he asks "I can haz cheez density?"
Yeah, I know, it's not very funny.
I should probably stop using math and feta memes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes for 6/1
A video has surfaced of Justin Bieber saying the n-word. People are calling it the least offensive Justin Bieber video ever.
In Illinois, a 115-pound-woman won a hot dog eating contest, after she ate 28 hot dogs. The judges then congratulated the 138-pound-woman.
The NSA is reportedly collecting millions of images per day to build a f**...-recognition database. The NSA is cataloguing the photos in a massive online database -- it's called Instagram.
What do you call a coin featuring the image of a spaceship and a rooster?
Badmintin'
(P.s. I'm sorry, this is terrible)
In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name?
Pat MiGroin.
Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen.
Funny Images At 7-Eleven's "Bring Your Own Container" Slurpee Day | divide.rocks
I had body image issues for most of my teen years
but my dad said it turned out to be a dirty lens.
A Swedish bartender is found to be the spitting image of Leonardo DiCaprio
As it turns out, they have the same amount of Oscars, too.
Image sharing sites before E3 are just like a toy vegetable stand
Full of fake leeks
When I become famous...
I want to get a huge marble bust made in my image.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
When someone replies late...
If NASA can find a way to send an image of Pluto using that Hubble Space Telescope from 4.67 billion miles then why can't you message me?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the best part of having s**... with a t**...?
Reaching around and imaging you are poking through
Old guy at work told me that hahaha
Mario & Luigi
Mario :- Ey Luigi , whats this funny ol' image called.
Luigi:- It a Meme , Mario
What do you call an image of a slug who committed a crime?
A slugshot.
I hate what toys do to girls' body images.
Real girls don't have smaller girls inside of them with smaller girls inside of them...
Terrorists have been saying they'll horizontally expand images of their foes.
The threat is being blown out of proportion.
I once tried looking for images of Gary Oldman on Google
I had quite a shock when I realised I had forgotten the 'r' in Gary
Why did Israel's military refuse to buy the 3D image projector?
Because of how much the holo cost.
Chris Christie asked his staff...
If they thought his image would recover from beach-gate.
They told him "Fat chance!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What do you call a photoshopped image of the President n**...?
FAKE n**...!
A llama saw it self in the mirror
It was the spitting image
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I found an archived file of pornographic images today.
*unzips*
I accidentally washed my cameras memory card.
Thankfully it still works but now all my images are watermarked.
The photographers of previous generations had it tough.
No matter how hard they tried, they always developed a negative image.
Sometimes when I'm bored I'll convert vector images into bitmaps
But I really should stop procrasternating.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My local fishmonger was arrested the other day
Police found hundreds of photos of him in compromising positions with fish from his shop.
He's being charged with possession of prawnographic images
I thought I saw Jamie Carragher in his car yesterday.
If it wasn't him, it was a spitting image.
A man walks into a sculptors studio and says...
"I would like a bust in my image so how much would that cost?"
The sculptor says " woah you only just walked in the door and you are already talking prices, let's back up a bit"
The man replied " I'm sorry I'm getting a head of myself"
I need someone good with photography to brighten all my images for me.
Hoping you'll do it for the exposure.
An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"
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I made fun of an art college student with drool hanging off his face...
He decided to draw my caricature and had passers by vandalise it with mucus to teach me a lesson.
It was the spitting image of me.
Imagine you are on a sinking boat, surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?
Stop imaging.
Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women...
For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The government reveals their new logo today....
The government reveals their new logo today, on a black background sit a magnificent image of a c**....
I guess it makes sense, seeings as how a c**... allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of d**..., and gives you a sense of security while being s**....
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I want to make a Russian coffee table book based on s**... positions using cross stitch images. I will call it...
The c**... suture.
Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...
It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.
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The Washington r**... finally decided to drop their offensive name.
Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL r**..., has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The r**...." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.
I was at the hospital the other day and the Radiologist had really low self-esteem.
I think he had body image issues.
Mark Zuckerberg
Mark : we need 1000s of people's image so that we can fetch the data for the AI but we are running short on money this time. Any inputs?
Consultant 1: get the info from Apple's AI
Consultant 2: XoXo rofl! let's create a #10yearchallenge
Mark :
consultant :
Mark : perfe...
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A woman sees her son shoving candy into his mouth.
"Stop it" she said, "You shouldn't eat so much candy at once."
"Why?" her son replied.
"Because, if you eat too much candy at once, your stomach will grow bigger, and bigger, and finally it will explode!"
The boy is frightened by the image of his stomach exploding, so he stops eating candy.
The next day, the boy and his mom go to church, and the boy sits down next to a very pregnant woman. The boy looks closely at her stomach, then up to her face, and finally he says to the pregnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."
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Using Microsoft Word
**moves image 1mm to the right**
4 new pages appear.
Global warming.
Alien invasion.
Armageddon.
Chess Joke
You know chess is like a mirror image of real life in a lot of ways. For instance the person playing as black doesn't always lose, but they generally have to work a lot harder.
If you search "pig" on Google Images, every image has the same file type.
They're all .jpigs.
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Matty Johns h**... joke
You can see the photoshopped image of h**... in the crowd at Manly's NRL match with Canterbury at Gosford's Central Coast Stadium.
"Crystal ball, how much time do I have before I die?"
"Five..." said the image on the crystal ball
"Five what? Years? Days? Decades?"
"Four... Three..."
An 80-year-old man goes to his doctor after undergoing a full body image testing and asks him "What is the result, Doc?"
The doctor asks him "What is your zodiac sign?" Though confused, he replies "Cancer, why?" The doctor turns his head to the man and says "what a coincidence!"
Patient: Doctor, can you cure my body image issues?
Doctor: Have you tried using filters?
Before and After images could also be called
New Look, Same Great Taste
My girlfriend Mel just showed me a photo album full of all her self shot images she's taken over the years
She says it's her Melfie folder
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Thor was viewing the earth, when he saw a beautiful milkmaid. He transformed to human form, descended to earth - and seduced her.
They made love for 3 days and 3 nights, then one morning Thor was stood with his back to her, shuttered sunlight streaming through his golden hair and across his massive frame - the very image of godlike perfection. And he spoke.
Darling, I must away from this place he turned round for dramatic effect, then thundered. FOR I, AM THOR!
She replied YOU'RE thor? I can barely thtand!
Being a doctor and a married man with kids, it feels like I'm living two lives.
In one life there's medicine, scarring images and long, painful hours.
And in the other life I'm a doctor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My friend told me he was ashamed of m**... to his own image.
I told him not to be so hard on himself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had to research Rorschach tests for school so I did a Google image search
Now who the h**... took so many n**... pictures of my mom and put them on the internet?!
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A jihadist was preparing himself for his mission, when suddenly he's facing the image of his dearly departed comrad
"Ahmad! How is paradise?"
"Abdul, don't go through with the mission, it is not the paradise we were promised!"
"How is that possible? How could that be? Did you get the 72 virgins?"
"Yes, and that's the problem, Abdul... think about what kind of women dies a v**...."
I saw an anti-abortion meme and wondered about copyright law ...
Does the image come with reproduction rights?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I made a website full of s**... images of Archduke Ferdinand. It's called...
OnlyFranz
Why doesn't Jesus like having the image of his crucifixion on church windows?
He's in too much *pane*.
