Im Not Drunk Jokes
7 im not drunk jokes and hilarious im not drunk puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about im not drunk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Fun-Filled Im Not Drunk Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What is a good im not drunk joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Two beers sitting in a bar
Full beer turns to the empty one and says, "come on, let's go home. You drivin'?"
"can't" the empty one replies, "Im drunk"
Ooh! Ooh! I have a current events joke!
Go easy on me im drunk.
When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.
I was talking to my best friend last night.
Me: IM NOT DRUNK! YOUR DRUNK!
Best friend: dude... I'm your reflection.
Me: (cries) I know...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband comes home drunk..
His wife shouts: "So, you're drunk again, you castaway!"
The man responds: " Aww, shut your mouth, im punished enough to see you double!"
An interesting title
Officer: are you drunk
Me: I SWEAR to drunk im not God
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Parents Want to Adopt a Child...
so they head down to adoption agency. They say to the matron,
"We'd like to adopt a child please."
She responds, "Well, we only have one child left. And he's a head."
"What?"
"He has no arms or legs. He's really just a head, poor thing."
But the new parents decide they want him anyway. So they take him home, and he has a great childhood. He does well in school, learns to overcome his disability, and his parents support him.
Eventually, he turns 21 and his dad takes him out for his first drink. They head up the hill to the local bar and take a seat.
The dad says, "Two beers please."
The bartender gives them the drinks and the son enjoys his first beer. Then, p**...! Two arms pop out. Two drunks sitting over at a nearby table yell, "Give 'im another one! Give 'im another one!"
So he has another beer and p**...! Two legs pop out. Everyone celebrates, the son is dancing around and having a good time, when the drunks say, "Give 'im another one!"
The son has another beer and p**...! He disappears!
The two drunks look at each other and say, "He should have quit while he was a head."
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.
Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.
He answered, "Dont get excited. Im late because I bought something for the house."
Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"
His answer was, "A round of drinks!"
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