Illuminated Jokes
22 illuminated jokes and hilarious illuminated puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about illuminated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Illuminated Short Jokes
Short illuminated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The illuminated humour may include short jokes also.
- Why did the winter solstice audition for a singing competition? It wanted to show off its "illuminating" voice.
- I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house. It's a process of illumination.
- I just got a how-to book for flipping on a lightswitch It's called *Process of Illumination*.
- My dad was trying to narrow down the best light to use for each room in our house. It was a process of illumination.
- I Hate Trying to Figure Out Which Light Switch Goes to Which Room It's a process of illumination.
- My physics teacher asked what I think it'd be like to walk in a town at night only illuminated by candles I said it would be pretty lit.
- I was walking to the bathroom last night and had a really good idea. A lightblub suddenly illuminated over my head. Yeah, it was a really good idea to turn that light on.
- What counts as an insult and also as a sickening adaptation of human anatomy for the purpose of illumination? Arsecandle
- What is the difference between when the UN distributes a flashlight to each country, and when it delivers a cow to each country? One's illumination, one's a mule a nation.
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Illuminated One Liners
Which illuminated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with illuminated? I can suggest the ones about and .
- TIL how to install an overhead light. It was an illuminating experience.
- What did the Dalek say to the lightbulb? ***ILLUMINATE!***
Illuminated Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about illuminated you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make illuminated pranks.
At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.
The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."
How many resumé writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one:
Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns, and zero safety incidents, increasing workplace safety and productivity.
The monks were in the monastery copying those beautiful illuminated manuscripts.
One young monk suggested that, since they'd been copying copies, it might be time to go back to the original and make sure that their copies were correct. The abbot agreed and sent the monk down into the cellar to examine the original. The monk was gone for a long time, and finally the abbot went to look for him. He found the monk in tears and asked what was wrong. Through his tears, the monk blurted out, The word was celebrate!
How would you write I changed a light bulb on your resume?
Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.
Two electrician friends meet at the hardware store after work
and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies
"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Small town Pastor
Pastor William Fuzz had been the only minister in his small town for 30 years and had a wonderful reputation as a good man of God. However one day he took a beautiful 20 year old parishioner down the dead end lane by the river to make out. Suddenly the bright light of a policeman's flashlight illuminated the pair. Thinking he might be able to talk his way out of it, the minister said Officer it's okay I'm Pastor Fuzz. The cop replied, I don't care if your halfway up her a**..., get outta the car.
An Indian chief goes into town...
For the day to run some errands for the tribe. When he comes back everyone notices that he is carrying a box of things he purchased. Inside they see there is a light bulb.
They found this quite odd, considering they didn't have electricity. Of course, he is the chief so no one questions him. As the day is coming to an end, they are very perplexed about this light bulb. Finally someone asks him, "chief, why did you buy a lightbulb if we have no electricity?"
In response the chief calls together the whole tribe. He gets them to all stand in a big circle. Next he places the lightbulb in the dirt in the exact middle of the circle. Finally he commands everyone to join hands together.
Miraculously, the light immediately begins to illuminate when everyone joined their hands.
The chief then speaks in a very chief ten commanding voice, "many hands make light work."
Zebra dies and goes to heaven.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets him and informs him that all newcomers to heaven are allowed a single question to ask of The Almighty.
Pete gestures to a magnificent pedestal nearby and says to Zebra, "just step up there and ask away."
Zebra walks over to the pedestal and nervously steps on. The pedestal immediately illuminates with blinding light and a booming voice from above echoes, "WHAT TRUTH DOES THY SEEK MY CHILD?"
Zebra looks up and says "Well, God, i've always wanted to know.. am i black with white stripes? or am i white with black stripes?
The voice echoes again. "YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE." then the light fades.
Zebra looks at St. Peter inquisitively.
Pete says "you're clearly white with black stripes.."
Zebra, "how do you know that??"
Pete, "well if you were black with white stripes, God would have said 'YOU IS WHAT YOU IS'
Invitation to a Scientists' ball
Some of the replies from the scientists invited:
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.
Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Newton was moved to attend.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
JP Clark & Siegfried the Deerslayer Wanna-Be