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Illegal Jokes

170 illegal jokes and hilarious illegal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about illegal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Illegal Short Jokes

Short illegal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The illegal humour may include short unlawful jokes also.

  1. I got arrested for illegally downloading the whole of Wikipedia I told them I could explain everything.
  2. Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
  3. Cop: I'm arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia Man: Wait I can explain everything
  4. I like my women like I like my coffee. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America.
  5. A man gets arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia The man says, Wait! I can explain everything!
  6. I was accused of illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia I told them I could explain everything
  7. I mistakenly thought there were 11 ants illegally squatting in an apartment Turns out they were ten-ants.
  8. I like my women like, I like my coffee Illegally imported from an exotic location, and purchased amorally like a commodity.
  9. I got arrested for illegally downloading all of Wikipedia. But I should be fine. I can explain everything in court.
  10. I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs. But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.

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Illegal One Liners

Which illegal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with illegal? I can suggest the ones about crime and laws.

  1. What happened to the frog who parked illegally? he got toad
  2. What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
  3. What do you call a frog that is illegally parked? Toad.
  4. What do you call a person who illegally transports cups A smuggler
  5. Why did the accordion player go to jail? For playing an illegal chord.
  6. I like my women how I like my Christmas trees. Illegally taken in the forest.
  7. I was illegally hunting for mushrooms. I have questionable morels.
  8. Sir, your frog is illegally parked, move it imediately or it will be toad.
  9. What did the American say to the German urinating in public? European illegally!
  10. A frog was parked illegally So he got toad
  11. Did you hear about the mushroom who parked illegally? He was Toad.
  12. What happens to illegally parked frogs? They get toad away.
  13. Why can't a sick eagle cross the road? Because it's ill-e-gal
  14. What happens when a frog illegally parks? It gets toad!
  15. I was trying to cross a river into Canada illegally But I couldn't decide to Row Vs Wade

Illegal Immigrants Jokes

Here is a list of funny illegal immigrants jokes and even better illegal immigrants puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an immigrant without green card that can't see Illegally blind
  • We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizenship We can call it "alien vs Predator"
  • What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant? an imPASTA!
  • What do you call an i**... immigrant and a catholic priest fighting? Alien VS Predator
  • What's the difference between E.T and i**... immigrants? E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home.
  • What's the difference between E.T. and an i**... immigrant? E.T. learned the language, and eventually went home.
  • Do you know the most outstanding thing about our i**... immigrants? Their warrants.
    (Here come the down-votes!)
  • What do you call it if an i**... immigrant fights a s**... offender? Alien vs. Predator
  • Trump followed through with his plan to get rid of i**... immigrants By making America so bad they'll leave on their own.
  • I heard there's a new movie coming out where an i**... immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child m**...... They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

Illegal Immigration Jokes

Here is a list of funny illegal immigration jokes and even better illegal immigration puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I can't support building a wall to keep out i**... immigrants. It's borderline racist.
  • A cop pulls an i**... immigrant over near the US-Mexico border and asks "Papers?" The immigrant responds "Scissors" and drives away
  • My uncle is mad that he lost his job to an i**... immigrant It took him forever to find a job that neither requires a third grade education nor a background check.
  • I'm never smoking with i**... immigrants again! I asked who had the papers and everyone ran.
  • I hear they made a movie about an i**... immigrant who beats up a child abuser. Alien vs Predator
  • An i**... immigrant and a s**... offender get into a fight It was Alien vs. Predator
  • They say there are about 12 million i**... immigrants in this country... ...but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.
  • US has serious problem with i**... immigrants. If you don't believe me ask any Native American.
  • i**... immigrant vs. Child m**... If and i**... immigrant fought a child m**..., would it be considered alien vs. predator?
  • Did you hear about the guy who was caught hiding i**... immigrants in Prague? He got prison for caching false Czechs.
Illegal joke, Did you hear about the guy who was caught hiding i**... immigrants in Prague?

Illegal Alien Jokes

Here is a list of funny illegal alien jokes and even better illegal alien puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between an i**... alien and E.T.? E.T. learned English and went home.
  • What do you call a fight between an i**... immigrant and the nerdiest v**... you have ever seen? Alien vs Redditor
  • What's the difference between i**... aliens and space aliens? Occasionally, space aliens will go back to where they came from.
  • Have you heard about the movie where an i**... immigrant hunts down a priest to get vengence? It's called Alien vs. Predator
  • What Do You Call A Fight Between an i**... Immigrant and a Pervert? Alien V. Predator.
  • If an i**... immigrant and p**... have a fight Does that make it Alien vs Predator?
  • Why is a pirated copy of a Sigourney Weaver film Donald Trump's least favourite movie? It's an i**... Alien.
  • A Muslim, an i**... alien, and a Socialist walk into a bar... ... Bartender goes, "What can I get you, Mr. President?"
  • If you don't wear green on St. Patrick's Day, you'll get pinched. If you don't wear red, white and blue on the 4th... i**... ALIEN!
  • Did you hear they're going to be making a new alien versus predator movie It's going to be starring an i**... immigrant versus bill Cosby

Illegal Mexican Jokes

Here is a list of funny illegal mexican jokes and even better illegal mexican puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My work Xmas party has a Mexican theme this year To comply with the theme, I will jump the fence and enter the party illegally.
  • Why do Mexicans get a lot of tickets for jaywalking? Because they keep crossing illegally.
  • The i**... protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth. Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.
  • All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago ...and they still don't have any i**... Mexicans.
  • Trump opens a window in the white house to let a fly out.. And In comes 3 bees, 5 mosquitoes, 2 Jehovah's witnesses and some i**... Mexicans.
  • Why does Donald Trump and i**... Mexicans have in Common? They're both not wanted by the Republican Party.
  • What does an undocumented Mexican immigrant have in common with a pirated Ridley Scott movie? Both are an i**... Alien.
  • What do you call the Asian-Mexican master race from outer space? i**... Aryans
  • Americans, don't hate on i**... Mexican immigrants so much ... For f**...'s sake, even your national anthem welcomes them.

    "José can you see ..."
  • A new restaurant that doesn't offer food to i**... immigrants. Tacos for Mexicans too
Illegal joke, A new restaurant that doesn't offer food to i**... immigrants.

Hilarious Illegal Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about illegal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean outlaw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make illegal pranks.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my i**... logging business is a success.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to i**... usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.

Unlawful & i**...

Q: What's the difference between something that's unlawful and something that's i**...?
A: Unlawful is against the law. i**... is a sick bird.

Did you hear about the new law that passed? If you're living in Oklahoma, it is i**... to be buried in Texas...

But once you die, it's perfectly legal.

Not really sure about my position on i**... immigration into the US. As a Latino,

I'd say I'm on the fence.

What's the difference between i**... and unlawful?

Unlawful is the act of breaking the law. i**... is a sick bird.

What do you call a sick bird?

An i**....

My diseased eagle has been banned by the government.

I suppose that makes it
an i**... ill eagle.

The blinds store

So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of i**... activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.

Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...

And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.

If m**... was i**......

I'd be a hardened criminal.

Why is it always a full tide in South Africa?

Because they made a part tide i**....

Five guys in an audi Quattro...

...arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and says,
"It'sa i**... to p**... five people in a Quattro."
"What are you talking about?" the driver asked.
"Quattro meansa four, and you are five-a people."
"Quattro is just the name of the car."
"Don'ta think you can fool me! Quattro meansa four and you are five-a people, you are breakinga the law."
"You idiot! Call your supervisor, I need to speak with someone with more intelligence!"
"He can'ta come."
"Why not?"
"He'sa busy witha two guys in an Uno."

According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'

I have always avoided i**... narcotics but, now that I've found out that they actually reverse the aging process, I'm going to give them a go.

I know it's i**... for me to cook my own alcohol...

But still.

Lucky I didn't get caught...

I was nailing this chick in the park the other weekend. And I was so lucky not to get caught.
Supposedly crucifixions are i**... these days

If you're going to do something i**... don't plan it through Facebook

Do it somewhere private where no one will see you, like google+.

What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil?

A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok

Why does it take southerners so long to do their chores?

Because slavery is i**....

Whats the difference between i**... and unlawful?

One is against the law and the other is a sick bird

I went to bed with a 7 and woke up with a 10.

Forced upgrades should be i**..., Microsoft.

m**... isn't i**...

...but I'm sure if it was, people would take the law into their own hands.

What would h**... be called if he entered into Japan unlawfully?

An i**... a**....

It turns out the iPhone 7 is i**....

It got de-ported

Why are envelopes and papers white?

Because blackmail is i**....

[Politics] i**... immigrants are lucky

The government is helping them escape the US
...and into mexico, where a booming ladder industry is providing plenty of jobs

Don't commit s**...!

It's i**... to destroy government property.

A couple were having an argument

Angry Wife: "I should have married the Devil... He would make a better husband than you!"
Husband: "Honey, you would have been arrested!! Marriage between relatives is i**... in this country!" ...

Don't smoke kids...

Because smoking kids is i**....

An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish.

The American says:
"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or i**... Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.
The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:
"Fill it with lava."

I just found out insomnia is i**... in my home town.

They call it resisting a rest.

What's the difference between i**... and unlawful?

One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!

Did you know using too many commas is now i**.......

You can end up with a very lengthy sentence.

If Texas makes m**... i**......

a lot of people will take the law into their own hands.

Why is m**... i**... in Saudi Arabia?

In Saudi Arabia, only g**... get s**....

Did you know that counting is i**... in Afghanistan?

There's a Taliban

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,
Due to recent i**... activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.
-Sincerely, your ISP.

What do you call a music group that has been participating in i**... activity online

The Black IPs

It always shocks me when people say republicans are anti-communists

With trying to make abortions i**..., get rid of birth control, defund planned parenthood, those all are textbook examples of seizing the means of reproduction.

Many things used to be i**... in North Korea.

Now they're unlegal.

Why is s**... i**...?

destruction of government property.

The 13th Amendment makes it i**... to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

m**... is not i**...,

but if it were, people would probably start taking the law into their own hands.

A woman goes to a pharmacy.

"I need to buy some cyanide, I'm going to kill my husband," she said to the pharmacist.
Shocked, he replied, "That would be i**...."
"Oh?" she asked. She pulled out her phone and pulled up a picture. "This is my husband in bed with your wife," she stated.
"Oh," the pharmacist replied. "You didn't say you had a prescription."

Now that w**... is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for i**... possession.

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and i**... aliens?
 
The clerk said, Kiss my a**...… get out… and stay out!
 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.  Do you have it in paperback?

What do you call a witch who uses i**... spells?

A hex offender.

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for i**... porpoises.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it,

my i**... logging business is running smoothly

The most German joke I know (source: am German): Why are there so few crimes in Germany?

Because its i**....

Told my wife we'd have to stop sleeping together if I get this job with a mineral extraction company.

Yeah, in most states it's i**... to have s**... with a miner.

Why are you not allowed to do calculus intoxicated?

It's i**... to drink and derive.

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?
USA: no that's i**... & irresponsible
18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?
USA: we encourage it

Cannabis is totally i**... in Saudi Arabia...

but you can still get s**...!
You can even drop acid...
As long as it's on a adulterer's face.

A poll was taken in California, asking if people thought i**... immigration was a serious problem. 29 percent said, 'Yes, it is a serious problem.'

71 percent said, 'No es un problema serio.'

I saw a woman once

Who was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She starts waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead. She was waving an i**... fire arm.

I wanted to tell you a joke about i**... immigrants...

But it was borderline offesive.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Subscriber,
We are cutting off your Internet service due to i**... downloading.

Why is reverse c**... i**... in Alabama?

Because you should never turn your back on your family.

Did you hear its now i**... to be in possession of a ballpoint pen in Spain?

That's the Spanish ink-position.

Reverse c**... is i**... in Alabama

You don't turn your back on family

Illegal joke, Reverse c**... is i**... in Alabama

jokes about illegal