...then my illegal logging business is a success.
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
Because its illegal.
18: can I buy a bottle of wine?
USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible
18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?
USA: we encourage it
Dear Customer,
Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.
-Sincerely, your ISP.
Alien VS predator
Alien VS Predator
It's illegal to drink and derive.
destruction of government property.
Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.
Would it be called Alien vs Predator?
Now they're unlegal.
E.T. learned English and went home.
Dear Sir/Ma'am,
We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:
Illegal Downloading
Forced upgrades should be illegal, Microsoft.
I'm a whisk taker
E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home.
my illegal logging business is running smoothly
But still.
...and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans.
E.T. learned the language, and eventually went home.
It got de-ported
Who was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She starts waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead. She was waving an illegal fire arm.
Unlawful is the act of breaking the law. Illegal is a sick bird.
They call it resisting a rest.
Dear Subscriber,
We are cutting off your Internet service due to illegal downloading.
Their warrants.
(Here come the down-votes!)
Alien vs. Predator
There's a Taliban
Because slavery is illegal.
Because they made a part tide illegal.
Do it somewhere private where no one will see you, like google+.
They're calling it Alien vs Predator.
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
"I need to buy some cyanide, I'm going to kill my husband," she said to the pharmacist.
Shocked, he replied, "That would be illegal."
"Oh?" she asked. She pulled out her phone and pulled up a picture. "This is my husband in bed with your wife," she stated.
"Oh," the pharmacist replied. "You didn't say you had a prescription."
It's borderline racist.
The immigrant responds "Scissors" and drives away
I was nailing this chick in the park the other weekend. And I was so lucky not to get caught.
Supposedly crucifixions are illegal these days
I have always avoided illegal narcotics but, now that I've found out that they actually reverse the aging process, I'm going to give them a go.
The deputy doing the interview says, "Well all of your referrences check out and your qualifications are good. The only thing left is to see how you do on the attitude test."
The deputy slides a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk. "Take this and go shoot 6 illegal Mexicans, 6 black guys, 6 Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
The guy asks, "Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude!", says the deputy. "When can you start?"
Because you should never turn your back on your family.
I asked who had the papers and everyone ran.
I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.
It's illegal to destroy government property.
Three football fans, an Arsenal fan, a Chelsea fan, and a Manchester United fan, are caught gambling in a country in which gambling is illegal. They are brought before a judge and sentenced to be whipped 50 times each. Right before the judge releases the men, he tells them they each can have one request. When brought before the torturer, the Arsenal fan requests to have 3 pillows strapped to his back. After 15 hits, the pillows are completely gone, leaving the man with 35 more unprotected hits. The Chelsea fan requests to have 6 pillows strapped to his back. After 30 hits, the pillows are in shreds and he endures 20 more hits. The torturer takes a look at the Manchester United fan and says "You look like a brave man, I have decided to take mercy on you and give you an extra wish". Upon hearing this, the Manchester United fan smile and asks for four times as many hits. The torturer looks at him in awe and says "I was right, you are a brave man, now what is your second wish?". The Mabchester United fan smirks and says "I' like a Chelsea fan strapped to my back."
but if it were, people would probably start taking the law into their own hands.
It was Alien vs. Predator
You can end up with a very lengthy sentence.
Alien vs Predator
Angry Wife: "I should have married the Devil... He would make a better husband than you!"
Husband: "Honey, you would have been arrested!! Marriage between relatives is illegal in this country!" ...
...but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.
The American says:
"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or illegal Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.
The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:
"Fill it with lava."
So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of illegal activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.
If you don't believe me ask any Native American.
The Black IPs
And an officer from the fisheries board approached him. The officer says to the man "do you know it's illegal to poach turtles out of this river - they're an endangered species"?
The man says to the officer, "no this is my pet turtle. I bring
him down here everyday and let him go for a swim. He swims
across the river and back".
"Bullshit" the officer replies. So the man places the turtle in the
water and says "watch this". The turtle swims out and the two
men are standing there waiting.
Ten minutes goes past and the officer says "well where's the turtle?".
The man replies - "what turtle"?
They decided they weren't getting paid enough, but they were peaceful people and didn't want to protest. Instead, they got a second job. They opened a flower shop together.
It was going pretty well, and everybody loved the supposedly blessed flowers, but soon enough the competition got jealous. They claimed that it was illegal to sell the flowers in the name of the Lord.
Being Mississippi, the court sided in favor of the friars and said they could stay open. But the competition was still angry.
They were so angry, in fact, that they hired a thug named Hugh to go "persuade" the friars to close their business. It wasn't even a day before the friars' shop was closed.
It all goes to show, Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
With trying to make abortions illegal, get rid of birth control, defund planned parenthood, those all are textbook examples of seizing the means of reproduction.
If and illegal immigrant fought a child molester, would it be considered alien vs. predator?
...but I'm sure if it was, people would take the law into their own hands.
An illegal.
In Saudi Arabia, only gays get stoned.
He got prison for caching false Czechs.
Because blackmail is illegal.
An illegal Aryan.
A hex offender.
I'd be a hardened criminal.
71 percent said, 'No es un problema serio.'
One is against the law and the other is a sick bird
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