"Let me be Frank with you."
You know who you are.
The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."
Anonogon.
*points thumbs at chest*
That guy.
the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.
The psychiatrist just diagnosed my cat for having dissociative identity disorder.
She now have 45 lives.
I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft.
Now the police call that Identity theft.
I stole her cultural identity so I could take her land
The Bjorn Identity.
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face...
One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."
It's his altar ego.
I mean girl.
I've heard of it but don't know what it means?
Now I am wanted by the cops for identity theft.
An impawster.
"Look at this photograph"
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."
I hope they can do a better job with it.
On the bright side, I got it back in the mail with a note.
It said "It sucks to be you."
An impasta
Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.
I bought him a snickers
You Kent
I used my friend Michael's identity to enter an electromagnetism conference.
I was Michael for a day.
PS: my first oc joke, please be kind.
They got all his Kenny logins
The woman gets a concussion, some stitches, and a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder.
John Dough
I'm having an identity crisis.
I find it's the best place for self reflection.
The old lady told him, "hey there young man, I am a princess from far, far, away land but I've been cursed and the only cure is if someone is going to have sex with me for an hour, no breaks. I will make you my prince once I got back my identity and we will live happily ever after ". The guy was hesitant but he haven't had sex in a while and he always wanted to be a prince. He immediately took off his clothes and did just what the old lady told him. After an hour, they were putting back their clothes on and the old lady was still the old lady he was talking to before. The guy asked the old lady, "So, when are you going to turn into a beautiful princess?". The lady asked the guy, "how old are you?" The confused guy replied "I'm 32?".
"And you still believe in fairy tales?", replied the old lady.
Police question Professor P about the identity of a criminal who has committed a series of heinous acts. P implies Q.
He said "living the dream." I told him, hey good to hear.
Turned out he just has dissociative identity disorder.
Name of the app is White Noise.
A sheep goes to see a doctor.
"How are ewe doing today," he asks.
"I'm a little horse," she says.
"Ma'am," says the doctor, "I'm afraid you have a dissociative identity disorder."
He replied, "I have been waiting here for 10 minutes. Can I have my latte please?"
This particular cat never really identified herself as a puma, she really felt a closer affinity towards tigers. Being in LA, she convinced herself she could chase her dreams and set off on a journey to find herself and realise her identity.
After swimming across the seven seas, she finally got to India and roamed about the Sunderbans looking for a royal Bengal tiger. When she finally met one, she made her case, pleading the tiger to accept her as a part of the community and promising that she'd be a great tiger.
The tiger, a majestic male, thought about it for a few moments and said,
"No. You'll have to earn your stripes."
Disguise!
"Honey, I need to tell you something."
"What is it Frank? You can tell me anything."
"I've been keeping my real identity a secret from you."
"I can't believe this. You've been lying to me all this time. ...I'm disappointed."
"Hi disappointed, I'm Bruce."
Pita Parker
A pig with an identity crisis.
Matt Damon returns in ..........Still Bourne
Identity theft!
A math joke. Credit goes to Ben.
No one will ever see through his disguise, not even him.
Cluck Kent
^(My eight year old told me he made that up.)
He's watching me like a hawk.
Yeah. They all have trans-sisters...
...of course, if you do, then their identity will be on the tip of your tongue.
At first they each had some difficulties getting prepared.
The Scot was detained by police because of mistaken identity. The Australian got lost on the tournament grounds. And the Czech was having some trouble finding armor that would fit.
But it all worked out, and a mutual friend of all three inquired about their situations with a tournament official.
"Oh, yes, I've seen them. Their problems have been sorted out. The Scot is free, the Australian is out back, and the Czech is in the mail."
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
I am.
I am who?
You tell me!!
Police are calling it a misgnomer
They called today begging for me to take it back.
Identity politics. Nothing ever gets done.
Identity theft.
Have a 350 credit score
Identity theft.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Identity? Well, here are the best Identity puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Identity pick up lines to share with friends.