Identity Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist?

"Let me be Frank with you."

Shout-out to everyone who is struggling with establishing their identity.

You know who you are.

An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."

What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity?

Anonogon.

Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder?

*points thumbs at chest*

That guy.

As I regained consciousness in the hospital from last night's car crash

the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.

Cat with mental disorder

The psychiatrist just diagnosed my cat for having dissociative identity disorder.

She now have 45 lives.

Growing up my mom told me...

I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft.

When I was growing up my parents used to tell me that I can be anyone I wanted.

Now the police call that Identity theft.

I did a girl missionary style

I stole her cultural identity so I could take her land

What do you call a Swedish spy film?

The Bjorn Identity.

A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.

One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face...

One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."

How does the pope refer to his secret superhero identity?

It's his altar ego.

I've suffered from identity crisis since I was a little boy.

I mean girl.

What exactly is dissassociative identity disorder?

I've heard of it but don't know what it means?

My dad said that I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Now I am wanted by the cops for identity theft.

What do you call a cat who steals someone's identity?

An impawster.

How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity?

"Look at this photograph"

Mistaken Identity

A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."

Someone stole my identity

I hope they can do a better job with it.

I lost my wallet and my identity was stolen.

On the bright side, I got it back in the mail with a note.



It said "It sucks to be you."

What do you call spaghetti that steals someones identity?

An impasta

My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.

Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.

My friend told me that he was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I bought him a snickers

How do you reveal Supermans identity?

You Kent

Electromagnetism conference

I used my friend Michael's identity to enter an electromagnetism conference.

I was Michael for a day.



PS: my first oc joke, please be kind.

Did you hear that the guy that wrote Danger Zone had his identity stolen online?

They got all his Kenny logins

A mailman, a boy, and a unicorn walk into a bar.

The woman gets a concussion, some stitches, and a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder.

What do you call a baker who has no identity?

John Dough

e^(i*pi) + 1 = 0

I'm having an identity crisis.

Whenever I struggle with my identity, I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

I find it's the best place for self reflection.

A middle age guy is walking inside the forest. He saw an old lady on his way....

The old lady told him, "hey there young man, I am a princess from far, far, away land but I've been cursed and the only cure is if someone is going to have sex with me for an hour, no breaks. I will make you my prince once I got back my identity and we will live happily ever after ". The guy was hesitant but he haven't had sex in a while and he always wanted to be a prince. He immediately took off his clothes and did just what the old lady told him. After an hour, they were putting back their clothes on and the old lady was still the old lady he was talking to before. The guy asked the old lady, "So, when are you going to turn into a beautiful princess?". The lady asked the guy, "how old are you?" The confused guy replied "I'm 32?".

"And you still believe in fairy tales?", replied the old lady.

The two Propositional Logic professors at a local university are named Professor P and Professor Q.

Police question Professor P about the identity of a criminal who has committed a series of heinous acts. P implies Q.

I called an old friend and asked how he's been.

He said "living the dream." I told him, hey good to hear.
Turned out he just has dissociative identity disorder.

I'm building an app to help people fall asleep at night. It'll be recordings of straight white men talking about gender identity, cultural appropriation and modern racism...

Name of the app is White Noise.

That's baaad

A sheep goes to see a doctor.


"How are ewe doing today," he asks.


"I'm a little horse," she says.


"Ma'am," says the doctor, "I'm afraid you have a dissociative identity disorder."

I told my patient that you have a Dissociative identity disorder.

He replied, "I have been waiting here for 10 minutes. Can I have my latte please?"

There once lived a puma (mountain lion) in LA.

This particular cat never really identified herself as a puma, she really felt a closer affinity towards tigers. Being in LA, she convinced herself she could chase her dreams and set off on a journey to find herself and realise her identity.

After swimming across the seven seas, she finally got to India and roamed about the Sunderbans looking for a royal Bengal tiger. When she finally met one, she made her case, pleading the tiger to accept her as a part of the community and promising that she'd be a great tiger.

The tiger, a majestic male, thought about it for a few moments and said,

"No. You'll have to earn your stripes."

Who has two thumbs and a concealed identity?

Disguise!

A man has been keeping his real identity secret from his wife.

"Honey, I need to tell you something."

"What is it Frank? You can tell me anything."

"I've been keeping my real identity a secret from you."

"I can't believe this. You've been lying to me all this time. ...I'm disappointed."

"Hi disappointed, I'm Bruce."

What was the true identity of the Greek Spider-Man?

Pita Parker

What's pink and goes "moo"?

A pig with an identity crisis.

Did you hear about the Bourne identity movie?

Matt Damon returns in ..........Still Bourne

What do you call it when someone hacks your bank account, and performs a transaction that leaves you with exactly as much money as you had before?

Identity theft!

A math joke. Credit goes to Ben.

DareDevil's costume is amazing at keeping his identity a secret

No one will ever see through his disguise, not even him.

What is Superchicken's secret identity?

Cluck Kent

^(My eight year old told me he made that up.)

I encountered an eagle with an identity crisis...

He's watching me like a hawk.

Did You Hear about the Gender Identity Problems among Robots?

Yeah. They all have trans-sisters...

When you see someone your recognize, but can't remember their name, you probably should not walk up and lick them...

...of course, if you do, then their identity will be on the tip of your tongue.

A Scot, an Australian, and a Czech attended a medieval combat tournament.

At first they each had some difficulties getting prepared.

The Scot was detained by police because of mistaken identity. The Australian got lost on the tournament grounds. And the Czech was having some trouble finding armor that would fit.

But it all worked out, and a mutual friend of all three inquired about their situations with a tournament official.

"Oh, yes, I've seen them. Their problems have been sorted out. The Scot is free, the Australian is out back, and the Czech is in the mail."

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

I am.

I am who?

You tell me!!

So did you hear about the leprechaun that got arrested for identity theft?

Police are calling it a misgnomer

My identity was stolen two days ago.

They called today begging for me to take it back.

What kind of politics do mathematicians hate?

Identity politics. Nothing ever gets done.

What is currently the greatest crime in China?

Identity theft.

Want to know how to avoid identity theft?

Have a 350 credit score

What's number one crime in China?

Identity theft.

What are the funniest identity jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Identity? Well, here are the best Identity puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Identity pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes