Identify Jokes
97 identify jokes and hilarious identify puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about identify that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Identify Short Jokes
Short identify jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The identify humour may include short identification jokes also.
- I was born male and I identify as male, yet... ... according to Tesco's Finest Sticky Toffee Pudding, I'm a family of four!
- I now identify as invisible Although I was born visible, I am now trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where
- I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman, but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
- My dad came out to me today and told me he now identifies as a woman He just wanted to be transparent with me
- I really identify with the trans movement... For the first 9 months of my life, I was a man trapped in a woman's body!
- A police officer pulled me over and said "Sir, please identify yourself" So I took out a mirror and replied "yeah, it's me"
- My Mother informed me today that she now identifies as my father. I thanked her for being transparent.
- The driver & Police Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me." - Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community. They say they identify as Non-Bidenary
- How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task? A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.
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Identify One Liners
Which identify one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with identify? I can suggest the ones about identity and detect.
- My son identifies as a crescent moon. I'm worried, but my wife says it's just a phase.
- I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man... I am trans-fat.
- I identify as Schrodinger's cat My pronouns are is/isn't.
- I identify as an elongated fish. People say I'm mentally eel.
- How can you identify a good farmer? He's out standing in his field.
- I personally identify as one cycle per second. Because everything hertz.
- I identify as a chocolate bar My pronouns are her/shey
- My friend Susan identifies as a man and changed his name yesterday. Susan be Anthony.
- What do you mean I can't identify as a television? Just watch me!
- What do you call a tomato that self-identifies as a carrot? A transplant.
- I identify as an ambulance My pronouns are wee/woo
- How can you identify a French Infantryman? Sunburned armpits.
- I identify as a donkey Hee/Haw
- I identify as Michael Jackson My pronouns are he/hee
- I identify as counter strike, and I find this globally offensive.
Comical & Quirky Identify Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about identify you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean recognize jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make identify pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I s**... identify as a female
I keep trying to convince my family that Im not a guy, but alas
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Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
A Million Dollars
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD.
"GOD", he said, "How long is a million years?"
GOD answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "GOD, how much is a million dollars?"
GOD answered, "To Me, it's a dime."
The man then asked, "GOD, can I have a dime?"
GOD said, "In a minute."
Need help with a joke that was on here.
So I saw a joke on here about 2 Irish guys with their friend and the punchline is something like the dead guy being with the two arseholes. They were identifying their friends body I believe.
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Scientists have identified the number 1 cause of p**....
s**... children.
How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?
All his feathers are combed to one side
Why do so many artists in Boston identify as autistic?
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I recently met up with an old girlfriend of mine and we immediately started having s**......
...The police got annoyed, however - they only wanted me to identify the body.
70% of all university students identify themselves as procrastinators. ..
The other 30% haven't gotten round to it yet.
Many of my tumblr friends identify as otherkin. Be it wolfkin, eaglekin or yes even fantasykin. I myself identify as a jedi.
So I'm forcekin.
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The NSA created a dating app to identify potential terrorists.
They called it "j**... me at Hello."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met up with my ex-fiance today and immediately began having s**...
The police did not take it well as I was only asked to identify the body.
My psychologist says I have trouble identifying my emotions
Not quite sure how I feel about it
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Spotting Idiots Online
I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.
Sent from my iPhone
I identify as an employee wherever I go.
Now I can use any bathroom I need to.
"With people now being able to decide their own gender, how do you feel about people who identify as household appliances?"
"I'm certainly not a big fan."
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I s**... identify as a brick.
I'm always hard and I've only been laid once.
Police have arrested a cat for robbery
Guess they've identified the purrpetrator
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I s**... identify as a Canadian...
I'm eh-s**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I s**... identify as an invisible dad.
I'm trans-parent.
Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
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s**... Statistics on a Plane.
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be
seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They
exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about s**... statistics. He asks her about it and she replies,
"This is a very interesting book about s**... statistics.
It identifies that American Indians have the longest
average p**... and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
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I identify as a tri-s**......
I try to have s**..., but I fail.
How does a spanish condiment identify itself?
Soy sauce
I identify as a ferrari
Because I like to have two people inside of me.
What do PC Master Race people identify as politically?
The Alt-Tab.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In ww2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
Even though I'm pretty skinny, I identify as an obese person...
I'm trans fat.
My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.
Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?
"Can you identify the men from the line of suspects?" I was asked.
I said, "Yes, with ease. They're all men."
When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully
Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"
Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."
Me: "Police identify yourself"
Trooper: "State Police"
Me: "Police"
How does NASA identify dead planets?
They look through the orbituaries.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I s**... identify as a microwave dinner
I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture
What does a gender-ambiguous robot identify as?
Non\-binary.
How do you identify a pregnant clause when editing writing?
It's missing a period.
Best way to learn about your problems is
Identify 1 mistake in your wife and ask her to correct it.
In response she will help you identify ALL of your problems, your parents problems, all of your relatives and your friends problems.
I'm a transfat...
I'm fat, but identify as skinny.
Doctor: Sir....
Patient: It's MA'AM. I identify as a female
Doctor: Okay Ma'am. You have testicular cancer.
A few electrons are having a party
When suddenly, an uninvited proton enters, and since opposites attract, all the electrons get stuck to him. Unable to pull themselves away from the gatecrasher, they scream for help. A mystery stranger hears their cries, jumps in, pulls all the electrons off and throws the proton out of the premises. The grateful electrons ask their saviour to identify himself. Mysteriously, he pulls down his hat and answers:
"Bond. Covalent Bond."
What's the difference between a stoat and a weasel?
One's weasily identifiable, the other one's stoatally different.
Husband asks wife 'What would you like to do with my body?
Wife 'Identify it'
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God's assistant: why did you give man two eyes?
God: So he can know how far or close danger is
God's assistant: why two ears?
God: So he can know if danger is on the left or right
God's assistant: then why only one nose? Surely it won't help identify location of danger.
God: Yes but wouldn't it be funny when he won't know who f**... in the room.
if I were Sarah Connor
I would simply defeat the robots by asking them to identify which of the following pictures has a pedestrian crossing in it
A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...
The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.
They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.
"Sir, do you know this woman?"
"Yes it's my wife"
(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."
The man replied, "Yeah, I know... but she's a wonderful cook!"
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I s**... identify as a Lootbox
I won't tell you what I'm hiding, it costs too much to open me up, and once you do it's probably not going to be what you want
I'm fat but I self identify as thin.
I'm trans slender
After some pressure from his family a man who is hard of hearing visits his doctor.
After a lengthy examination, the doctor identifies the problem and prescribes the solution. He takes it and the doctor tells him to come back in a week to check that everything is A-OK.
A week later he revisits. The doc announces, "You're hearing is perfect. Your family must be delighted."
He replies. "Oh, I haven't told them yet, I just sit around the house listening to them. So far I've changed my will three times."
An Afghan escaping from Taliban walks in through the Pakistani border...
He is immediately stopped by Paxtani border patrol agents and asked to identify himself. He stops and says he's the Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.
Paxtani border officer: "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Minister of Ports & Shipping?"
Afghan: "Don't you have a Minister for Law & Justice in Pakistan?"
What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil?
2B or not 2B
I recently realised I'm gender fluid…
When it's time to cook dinner I identify as a man.
And when it's time to mow the lawn I identify as a woman.
I found an old coin for my collection but can't identify it...
...seriously! I can't make heads, or tails of it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guide for Russian troops: How to identify Ukrainians
Sometimes Ukrainian saboteurs try to pass off as Russian troops. The easiest way to identify them is to remove their pants and examine their genitalia. All Ukrainians have b**... of steel. Even women.
My 13 year old daughter just told me she identifies as Michael Jackson
And her pronouns are hee hee
What do you call someone who identifies disease by reading about symptoms on Google?
Google Doc
I identify as sarcastic.
My pronouns are har/har
John's special skill
John says to his friend 'I'm an expert at identifying birds!'
So his friend shows him a photo of a Spix's Macaw, and asks him to identify it.
To which John replies 'Oh that's definitely a bird.'
\*guffaws\*
How does a network analyist identify them self at work?
LANyard
