Identical Jokes
108 identical jokes and hilarious identical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about identical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Identical twins share a unique bond and often share the same exact sense of humor. One twin may have a joke that the other can recite line for line, making them practically indistinguishable. Learn more about the lavish differences that identical twins can share in this article.
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Funniest Identical Short Jokes
Short identical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The identical humour may include short equivalent jokes also.
- When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
- My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
- Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
- My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one She got even more upset and shouted at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
- I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins. It was impossible to differentiate between them.
- • My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
- My girlfriend's dog died so I got her an identical one to try and cheer her up. But it made her even more upset.
She screamed at me saying, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs? - What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist? "Let me be Frank with you."
- Shout-out to everyone who is struggling with establishing their identity. You know who you are.
- There is a good chance you'll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins. Because it's hard to differentiate between them.
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Identical One Liners
Which identical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with identical? I can suggest the ones about look alike and exact.
- There's no 'I' in 'team,' But there are six in 'Dissociative Identity Disorder.'
- I just found out my wife has an identical twin I saw her on Tinder.
- What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity? Anonogon.
- What do you call Michael Bublé's identical twin brother? Michael Dublé! :D
- Did you hear about the blonde identical twins? They couldn't tell each other apart.
- What do you call a Swedish spy film? The Bjorn Identity.
- How does the pope refer to his secret superhero identity? It's his altar ego.
- I've suffered from identity crisis since I was a little boy. I mean girl.
- What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical? plague-arism
- How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- What do you call a cat who steals someone's identity? An impawster.
- How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity? "Look at this photograph"
- Someone stole my identity I hope they can do a better job with it.
- You are what you eat Cannibal defends himself against identity theft charges
- What do identical stars do? Twin-kle
Twins Identical Jokes
Here is a list of funny twins identical jokes and even better twins identical puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins. I couldn't differentiate between them.
- My wife's identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job I said to my friend
He asked do you know how to tell them apart ?
I remarked why should I ? - Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo because if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal
- My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend. But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.
- A scientist couple had identical twins... They named one Peter and the other one Control Group.
- I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met. I was beside myself.
- If you want to pass your calculus exam, don't sit in between two identical twins. It's very hard to differentiate between them.
- Did you know Juan the horse has a brother named jamal? Nothing really special, they're identical twins.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal - Hey, did you hear about the Mexican-Indian twins that just moved in next door? They're identical too! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
- Know what's the best part about my supervisor having an identical twin? I get to watch him die twice.
Identical Twins Jokes
Here is a list of funny identical twins jokes and even better identical twins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime? Cell Mates
- My girlfriend broke up with me because I slept with her identical twin In my defense, he looked exactly like her.
- What does a drummer name their identical twin girls? Anna one, Anna two.
- When you're telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you tell them the entire thing. Because you just can't tell them a part.
- Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries a photo of one of them because… …if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
- Did you hear about the identical twin police officers? They were copies.
- If identical siblings are both interested in something, Do they have twin piques?
- Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? After they were caught, they finished each other's sentences.
- Twins Yesterday, I was hanging out with my girlfriend when her identical twin sister walked by. Then my girlfriend asked me, "Do you think my sister is pretty?"
- I've always had to live in the shadow of my identical twin. He may have got the brains, but I like to think I got the looks
Identical Twin Jokes
Here is a list of funny identical twin jokes and even better identical twin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins. Fetus Repeatus.
- What do gender identities and the twin towers have in common? ...
There used to be two of them, and not everyone is REAL SENSITIVE about it - My neighbours have two sons - identical twins names Jamal and Juan. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
- Where did the identical twins go after they went crazy? The insame asylum
- I just found out my wife is pregnant with identical twin boys. We decided to name them Pete and Repete.
- I once asked Dear Abby how to deal with my identical twin... She replied "Forget that broad!"
- How can you tell if a Chinese family had identical or paternal twins? You don't!
- What do you call a pair of identical twins who are stewardesses? Hostess Twinkies
- Identical Twins They're all the same these days
Uproarious Identical Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about identical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean similar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make identical pranks.
I'm dating a girl whose arms measure identically to mine when extended.
I think we're on the same wavelength.
Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.
Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"
"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"
Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
I did a girl m**... style
I stole her cultural identity so I could take her land
Preacher goes to a party
A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.
On entering the house, he sees a circle of n**... men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their g**... in an attempt to guess their identity.
The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."
"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"
Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder?
*points thumbs at chest*
That guy.
When I was growing up my parents used to tell me that I can be anyone I wanted.
Now the police call that Identity theft.
An identity thief and a r**... get convicted in a poor town...
The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the r**... in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."
What exactly is dissassociative identity disorder?
I've heard of it but don't know what it means?
A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what he said he would... he shot him. The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face...
One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse."
Growing up my mom told me...
I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft.
My little sister's cat died...
...she cried telling me she needs another identical one. I got her one today, but i don't know why she needs another dead cat.
What do you call 2 people with identical p**...?
Doppelwangers
Cat with mental disorder
The psychiatrist just diagnosed my cat for having dissociative identity disorder.
She now have 45 lives.
You're meeting identical triplets tonight. One's from the Army, one's a lifestyle Vegan, and one is a diehard Trump supporter. How do you tell them apart?
Don't worry. They'll tell you.
The Lawyer and the Mexican
A lawyer and a Mexican live next to eachother in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine.
One day, they're both mowing the frontlawn. The Mexican says:
"You know, my house is worth more than yours."
The lawyer is confused. He responds:
"How? Our houses are identical. Did you renovate the interior?"
"No."
"Did you modernize the kitchen or the bathroom?"
"I didn't."
"Then how can your house be worth more than mine?!", the lawyer cries.
"Well, I live next to a lawyer, and you live next to a Mexican."
So, there are two men.
They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former r**... from syria.
Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!
And when the houses are built Ahmad says to Frank: "My house is worth more than yours."
"How can that be? We both live next to each other!"
"Yes"
"Our houses were built identically, with the same materials."
"True."
"So how can it be, Ahmad?"
"Very simple: I live next to a brain surgeon and you live next to a r**...!"
My dad said that I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Now I am wanted by the cops for identity theft.
My Partner's Dog died this morning
To cheer her up, I went out to get her an identical one.
She was fuming, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?!"
A thief stole a sine and a cosine.
He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry. He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine.
He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine - but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan. So he stacked cosind over sine...
and then he got cot.
As I regained consciousness in the hospital from last night's car c**...
the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity... But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday.
Mistaken Identity
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.
You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.
As a young boy, my mother told me I could be anyone I want to be...
Turns out this is called identity theft.
As a kid my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
As it turns out identity theft is a crime
A husband and wife give up their identical twin boys for adoption. They name one of them Juan and the other Amol
Years later the wife receives a letter from Juan reaching out to her, he included a picture. Elated she showed her husband who was excited to see his son doing so well in life.. weeks later they receive a letter from Amol telling them how well he is doing and also included a picture. Wife asks hubby " do you want to see your sons picture?" hubby replies "Why? if you've seen Juan you've seen Amol"
As I regained consciousness from last nights car c**....
The Doctors were trying to convince me that
I'm actually a Swedish bloke who has forgotten his identity...
But I am having none of it. I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
I am very upset with my mom. When I was growing up she told me, "You can be whoever you want to be."
That's not true. Turns out Identity Theft is a crime!
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
So Putin decides to change Russia's Identity
He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.
Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"
The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"
Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?"
The Queen - "No Vladimir, you need a prince to have a Principality"
Putin - "Then I'm at a loss, what should Russia be"
The Queen - "I think you are quite suited to be a Country, wouldn't you agree"
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She shouted at me and said, What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?
I was involved in a car c**... last night.
As I regained consciousness from last nights car c**....
The Doctors were trying to convince me that I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity...
But I am having none of it. I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
Chuck Norris's password is the last 9 digits of pi.
Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice
Chuck Norris can cross a vector with a scalar
Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw a circle with exactly 100 degrees.
Chuck Norris is so badass he can find value of a variable in an expansion without factoring the coefficient within the expansion.
Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw an isosceles triangle with four perfectly identical vertices
Chuck Norris is so tough he can simplify an improper fraction without first dividing the denominator and using it to multiple the numerator.
Using the new James Webb telescope, scientists recently discovered an enormous object in deep space that shares nearly identical chemical composition as humor in the human brain.
Ultimately it was determined to be no laughing matter
