Identical Jokes
97 identical jokes and hilarious identical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about identical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Identical twins share a unique bond and often share the same exact sense of humor. One twin may have a joke that the other can recite line for line, making them practically indistinguishable. Learn more about the lavish differences that identical twins can share in this article.
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Funniest Identical Short Jokes
Short identical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The identical humour may include short equivalent jokes also.
- My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
- Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
- I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins. It was impossible to differentiate between them.
- • My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *"what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"*
- What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist? "Let me be Frank with you."
- Shout-out to everyone who is struggling with establishing their identity. You know who you are.
- Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder? *points thumbs at chest*
That guy. - Cat with mental disorder The psychiatrist just diagnosed my cat for having dissociative identity disorder.
She now have 45 lives. - Growing up my mom told me... I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft.
- My wife's identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job I said to my friend
He asked do you know how to tell them apart ?
I remarked why should I ?
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Identical One Liners
Which identical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with identical? I can suggest the ones about look alike and exact.
- There's no 'I' in 'team,' But there are six in 'Dissociative Identity Disorder.'
- I just found out my wife has an identical twin I saw her on Tinder.
- What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity? Anonogon.
- What do you call Michael Bublé's identical twin brother? Michael Dublé! :D
- Did you hear about the blonde identical twins? They couldn't tell each other apart.
- What do you call a Swedish spy film? The Bjorn Identity.
- How does the pope refer to his secret superhero identity? It's his altar ego.
- I've suffered from identity crisis since I was a little boy. I mean girl.
- What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical? plague-arism
- How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- What do you call a cat who steals someone's identity? An impawster.
- How does the lead singer of Nickelback prove his identity? "Look at this photograph"
- Someone stole my identity I hope they can do a better job with it.
- You are what you eat Cannibal defends himself against identity theft charges
- What do identical stars do? Twin-kle
Identical Twins Jokes
Here is a list of funny identical twins jokes and even better identical twins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend. But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.
- A scientist couple had identical twins... They named one Peter and the other one Control Group.
- I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met. I was beside myself.
- Did you know Juan the horse has a brother named jamal? Nothing really special, they're identical twins.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal - Hey, did you hear about the Mexican-Indian twins that just moved in next door? They're identical too! Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
- What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime? Cell Mates
- My girlfriend broke up with me because I slept with her identical twin In my defense, he looked exactly like her.
- When you're telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you tell them the entire thing. Because you just can't tell them a part.
- If identical siblings are both interested in something, Do they have twin piques?
- Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? After they were caught, they finished each other's sentences.
Twins Identical Jokes
Here is a list of funny twins identical jokes and even better twins identical puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Twins Yesterday, I was hanging out with my girlfriend when her identical twin sister walked by. Then my girlfriend asked me, "Do you think my sister is pretty?"
- I've always had to live in the shadow of my identical twin. He may have got the brains, but I like to think I got the looks
- Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins. Fetus Repeatus.
- What do gender identities and the twin towers have in common? ...
There used to be two of them, and not everyone is REAL SENSITIVE about it - My neighbours have two sons - identical twins names Jamal and Juan. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
- Where did the identical twins go after they went crazy? The insame asylum
- I just found out my wife is pregnant with identical twin boys. We decided to name them Pete and Repete.
- What do you call a pair of identical twins who are stewardesses? Hostess Twinkies
- Identical Twins They're all the same these days
Uproarious Identical Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about identical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean similar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make identical pranks.
I'm dating a girl whose arms measure identically to mine when extended.
I think we're on the same wavelength.
Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.
Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"
"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"
Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I did a girl m**... style
I stole her cultural identity so I could take her land
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Preacher goes to a party
A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.
On entering the house, he sees a circle of n**... men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their g**... in an attempt to guess their identity.
The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."
"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An identity thief and a r**... get convicted in a poor town...
The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the r**... in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts and says, "Hey! You can't do that!" The girl asks, "Why not?" And the cop says, "Because this is the punchline."
What exactly is dissassociative identity disorder?
I've heard of it but don't know what it means?
My little sister's cat died...
...she cried telling me she needs another identical one. I got her one today, but i don't know why she needs another dead cat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call 2 people with identical p**...?
Doppelwangers
A mailman, a boy, and a unicorn walk into a bar.
The woman gets a concussion, some stitches, and a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Know what's the best part about my supervisor having an identical twin?
I get to watch him die twice.
You're meeting identical triplets tonight. One's from the Army, one's a lifestyle Vegan, and one is a diehard Trump supporter. How do you tell them apart?
Don't worry. They'll tell you.
The Lawyer and the Mexican
A lawyer and a Mexican live next to eachother in the most cookie-cutter neighborhood you can imagine.
One day, they're both mowing the frontlawn. The Mexican says:
"You know, my house is worth more than yours."
The lawyer is confused. He responds:
"How? Our houses are identical. Did you renovate the interior?"
"No."
"Did you modernize the kitchen or the bathroom?"
"I didn't."
"Then how can your house be worth more than mine?!", the lawyer cries.
"Well, I live next to a lawyer, and you live next to a Mexican."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, there are two men.
They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former r**... from syria.
Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!
And when the houses are built Ahmad says to Frank: "My house is worth more than yours."
"How can that be? We both live next to each other!"
"Yes"
"Our houses were built identically, with the same materials."
"True."
"So how can it be, Ahmad?"
"Very simple: I live next to a brain surgeon and you live next to a r**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my wallet and my identity was stolen.
On the bright side, I got it back in the mail with a note.
It said "It s**... to be you."
My dad said that I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Now I am wanted by the cops for identity theft.
My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.
Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.
A thief stole a sine and a cosine.
He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry. He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine.
He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine - but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan. So he stacked cosind over sine...
and then he got cot.
Electromagnetism conference
I used my friend Michael's identity to enter an electromagnetism conference.
I was Michael for a day.
PS: my first oc joke, please be kind.
I tried to make a joke about identical frequencies and wave forms.
But it really separated the room.
I was expecting more coherence.
A man hurt himself while trying to chop wood
I guess you could say he had an axe-ident.
I thought I saw Liam Neeson on the street but it turned out it was just some girl....
It was a case of Miss Taken identity.
Therapist: So what brings you two in today?
Therapist: I think I have dissociative identity disorder.
Therapist: Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.
You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.
I've worked with that dude for six weeks, but saw him with his mask off and thought he was a stranger!
It was a simple case of mask-staken identity.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After getting away with m**... for 52 years, the Zodiac Killer has revealed his identity to the press.
He didn't want to be associated with Ted Cruz.
"You can be whoever you want to be!"
Instructions unclear. Currently serving time for identity theft.
A husband and wife give up their identical twin boys for adoption. They name one of them Juan and the other Amol
Years later the wife receives a letter from Juan reaching out to her, he included a picture. Elated she showed her husband who was excited to see his son doing so well in life.. weeks later they receive a letter from Amol telling them how well he is doing and also included a picture. Wife asks hubby " do you want to see your sons picture?" hubby replies "Why? if you've seen Juan you've seen Amol"
So Putin decides to change Russia's Identity
He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.
Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"
The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"
Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?"
The Queen - "No Vladimir, you need a prince to have a Principality"
Putin - "Then I'm at a loss, what should Russia be"
The Queen - "I think you are quite suited to be a Country, wouldn't you agree"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was involved in a car c**... last night.
As I regained consciousness from last nights car c**....
The Doctors were trying to convince me that I'm actually a Swedish guy who has forgotten his identity...
But I am having none of it. I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
Chuck Norris's password is the last 9 digits of pi.
Chuck Norris can divide by 0.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice
Chuck Norris can cross a vector with a scalar
Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw a circle with exactly 100 degrees.
Chuck Norris is so badass he can find value of a variable in an expansion without factoring the coefficient within the expansion.
Chuck Norris is so tough he can draw an isosceles triangle with four perfectly identical vertices
Chuck Norris is so tough he can simplify an improper fraction without first dividing the denominator and using it to multiple the numerator.
Using the new James Webb telescope, scientists recently discovered an enormous object in deep space that shares nearly identical chemical composition as humor in the human brain.
Ultimately it was determined to be no laughing matter
