Ideas Jokes
118 ideas jokes and hilarious ideas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ideas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best ideas jokes and tell your friends in no time. From secret santa, business proposals, to April Fools’ Day, there are so many funnies jokes to make your peers laugh. Developers, heed these fresh lines, to get the most out of your form time!
Quick Jump To
- Short Ideas Jokes
- Ideas One Liners
- Business Ideas Jokes
- Gift Ideas Jokes
- Ideas For Practical Jokes
- Anniversary Ideas Jokes
- More Ideas Jokes
Funniest Ideas Short Jokes
Short ideas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ideas humour may include short tips jokes also.
- My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
- My wife says we should split up because I keep pretending I'm a detective I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way
- I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
- A man goes on a date Friend: 'How did your date go?'
Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'
Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'
Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1' - I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably. I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.
- Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson" Wife: "So vampire do turn into bats."
(I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.) - I can't stand my wife's ideas for our kitchen redesign And I'm not convinced by her counterarguments.
- 10 years ago today, I married my best friend My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
- Everyone told me smoking kills, I had no idea how fast. My dad went to get his first pack of cigarettes ever and I never saw him again.
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Ideas One Liners
Which ideas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ideas? I can suggest the ones about theory and concept.
- To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero... Thanks for nothing.
- The only idea that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
- "Mommy, why does everyone at school pick on me?" "I have no idea, Someoneyourownsize"
- North Korea bans sarcasm What a great idea.
- I had an idea for a fighting game.. But turns out, it was tekken
- Life is like a helicopter I have no idea how to operate a helicopter
- How many men do you need to defend Paris? I have no idea. Nobody ever tried.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
- Dad: What's the opposite of ladyfingers? Kids : no idea
Dad : mentos - My doctor told me I am colorblind. I had no idea! It came right out of the green
- Animals: winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
- I once told a joke about Orpheus and Eurydice. Looking back...
It was a bad idea. - I spent months inventing a wingless plane sadly the idea never took off.
- Where did the hackers go when they escaped? No idea, they just ransomware
- Two fish sitting in a tank One said to the other I have no idea how to drive this thing
Business Ideas Jokes
Here is a list of funny business ideas jokes and even better business ideas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?" I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."
- An unfortunate business idea I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.
- Give a man a fish Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day
Teach him to fish and you have lost a profitable business idea - New business idea We sell cammo tshirts.
We call it "Casual tees of war"! - Business idea Souvernir Shops in abortion clinics - so noone leaves empty handed
- I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women… I'm calling it: Cadaviar.
- I have a great idea for a business. Combination nair and rogaine, I'll call it no gain.
- Worst Business Idea Ever Biodegradable Bricks
- My wife said that her shaving foam was missing. "I've no idea, honey," I replied. "I've been busy in the kitchen making you profiteroles."
- I have a friend whose an ophthalmologist, and he thinks I'm not so enthusiastic about the idea of him going into business for himself... In my words. I said Open up a store for all eye care.
Gift Ideas Jokes
Here is a list of funny gift ideas jokes and even better gift ideas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- For my birthday I wanted something that could go 0-200 in 5 seconds or less. My wife said she had the perfect gift idea A bathroom scale wasn't what I had in mind
- Gave my wife the Heimlich maneuver. I'm running out of ideas for birthday gifts.
- Don't forget about divorced Barbie for a gift idea this year! Barbie comes with $3400 a month, Ken's house, Ken's car, and even comes with one of Ken's friends!
- The perfect mother-in-law gift idea United Airline tickets
- Mother's Day Gift Ideas
- I had to take back all the home-made gifts I gave out for Christmas this year... Apparently my Wife didn't like the idea everyone having a copy of our s**... tape.
Ideas For Practical Jokes
Here is a list of funny ideas for practical jokes and even better ideas for practical puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I came up with a new word. Plagiarism: the practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own.
- Why is it always a good idea to wear 'tall pants'? Because it's a practice of good high-jean!
- Travelling doctors are an interesting idea... ...but they don't work in practice.
Anniversary Ideas Jokes
Here is a list of funny anniversary ideas jokes and even better anniversary ideas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- wife: "is this really your idea of an anniversary present?" me: \[on the other walkie talkie\] "you didn't say over, over"
- I had no idea what to get my parents for their anniversary so I bought them a soup cook book. My dad was pretty mad since they don't like cooking and My mom has been stewing ever since.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Ideas Jokes
What funny jokes about ideas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean issues jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ideas pranks.
Here's a joke about a missing locomotive full of concepts and ideas.
Dang, I just lost my train of thought.
If you steal ideas from only one person, it is called plagiarism.
If you steal from many people, it is called research.
I was wondering the other day...
I was wondering the other day what our parents must have done for entertainment before television was popular and affordable. I asked my 38 brothers and sisters if they had any ideas, but none of them could suggest an answer either.
Need a good PG rated joke for a class...anybody have one?
I've been scouring the posts on here but a lot of them are highly s**.../not appropriate.
Have to give a joke for my Toastmasters class. Ideas?
What is the difference between s**... and golf?
In golf, less strokes is enough to win.
I could actually use some help refining the punchline on this one if anyone has some ideas.
Costume Ideas
For Halloween, you should dress up as Pavlov. Not everyone will get it, but it should ring a bell.
Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?
In a skeptic tank.
---
(Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious; feel free to suggest a better wording!)
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
Got any funny fortune cookie idea's?
I own a restaurant and I have extremely funny fortune cookies, but I'm running out of fortune ideas! Help me! I need some raunchy, dirty and insulting fortunes! Show me what you got and you could see them in a fortune cookie one day!
Who Hasn't Read The Grapes of Wrath?
Farm boy John takes the cow to the neighboring farm which has a bull to have her inseminated. The neighboring farm also has neighbor farmer's daughter Sally. John and Sally put the bull and the cow in the same pasture and sit on the back porch and watch as nature takes its course. This gives John ideas so he turns to Sally and says, "I sure wish I was doing that". And Sally says, "Why don't you, John? It's your cow".
Looking for a joke about being s**....
Sorry, there's no punchline, this isn't a joke.
I was hoping someone could help me here, though.
I'm trying to remember a joke that was told my a while ago by a Southern man after he passed out drunk. It was something along the lines of "Where is s**... in the dictionary? Between X and Y," where X and Y are two relevant words that start with "s."
Any ideas? Variations? Sound familiar?
Thanks!
In need of an eye-related joke.
I'm about to be doing a presentation for a bunch of 5th graders. The subject is eyes, and I'm wanting to end it with some kind of eye-related joke as they're walking away. It needs to make sense in context and be appropriate. Anyone have any ideas?
I like my presidents like I like my slaves
Cautious and skeptical about ideas that start off with "I ran"
TIFU by listening to adults when I was a kid.
They kept saying "Don't get any bright ideas." Sure enough, I never did.
What's going to be thinner than the IPhone 8?
Apples ideas.
Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome...
he had a special relative, you see?
Don't Ever Let Him See You Completely n**...
The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of
marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.
"Never let your husband see you in the n**...," she advised. "You
should always wear something."
"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband
were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there
ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night
you've worn that silly hat to bed."
Ideas that aren't profitable
Don't make any cents
*In the ER* "We're losing him, anyone have any ideas?"
"How about 50 cc's of a cool refreshing beverage?"
"d**... Dr. Pepper not now!"
What an Idea..!!!
My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory.
Why didn't I think of that?
A man is going to comic con
He's just throwing around cosplay ideas with his wife, and then he exclaims, "Oh! I could be the Comedian from Watchmen!"
To which his wife replies, "Babe, you don't need to dress up to be a minuteman.."
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
Do you know why Apple steals all their ideas?
Cause when they make their own I lose my headphones.
Is Google a he or a she...
Is Google a he or a she?
A: A she, no doubt, because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
I've got the body of a 25 year old supermodel
But my fridge is too small... Does anyone have any ideas?
I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...
Perhaps calling it s**... on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...
When i was 5 i thought the rain was god peeing
How silly childish ideas can be...thinking god exists
An optometrist asks a woman out on a date
I have a couple of ideas:
1: Dinner
2: Movies
1 or 2? 1.. 2..? 1..... or 2?
Is Google a boy or girl?
Girl because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
What does Monopoly and this sub have in common?
Both keep reusing the same ideas and people still buy it.
I tried to come up with a math joke...
but all my ideas were derivative
and the punchline didn't add up.
Anyway, comedy has no absolute value.
Your jokes are sum of the best,
but minus not very funny
because I'm a perfect square.
I halve one, I guess...
but you're too obtuse to get it,
and trying to simplify it
has left me divided
and at my limit.
My wife and I have different ideas on death.
I want to be cremated when I die and she wants to cremate me now.
I'm a grownup and I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up
because I'm still looking for ideas.
I was talking to my Grandpa about how to propose to my girlfriend
He asked me if I had any ideas for what three rings I was going to get.
Confused I asked what he meant by three.
"First and engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring, followed by the suffering" He whispered
I walked up to the barman and asked for a v**... shot.
He said, "Straight?"
I said, "Yeah. So don't get any ideas, pal."
Apple is running out of ideas
They're looking for other Jobs.
A doctor's appointment
A man goes to the doctor complaining about back pain and the doctor notices the man's terrible posture.
"Do you have any ideas as to why you have such awful posture?" asks the doctor.
"Well", replies the man, "I've got a hunch."
The Beatles were sitting in the studio, making up ideas for new songs.
Paul: Anyone got any ideas for how we should end Hey Jude?
John: Nah.
George: Nah.
Ringo: Nah.
Stop with the Logan Paul jokes...
It's like beating a dead horse and i don't want to give him anymore video ideas.
I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"
I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."
Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?
So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read
"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."
Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away
When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.
Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.
One man pulled out a letter, cleared his t**..., and read,
"C, eh."
The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,
"N, eh."
This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,
"D, eh."
I have the bad habit of asking internet strangers for advice
Do you guys have ideas on how I can stop doing this?
It irks me when people say I have "half baked ideas"
all my ideas happen when I'm fully baked.
Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape
I'm always running out of ideas.
99 dead in Tesla autopilot car c**...
This has caused Tesla to drop all ideas of a battle Royale mode for Tesla cars
Two h**... are discussing plans for dinner
After throwing ideas back and forth of what to cook, their eyes catch some roadkill on the side of the road. One of them eagerly suggests, "how about Himalayan Woodchuck?"
"Himalayan Woodchuck?" the other h**... scoffed. "What in the devil is that?"
"You know," the other says, gesturing towards the corpse, "because we found Himalayan on the side of the road."
Did you hear about the charismatic politician who spews a lot of hot air when he talks about his ideas?
You could say that he expresses himself with convection.
So The Beatles and their producer, George Martin, were in the studio......
Paul: Any ideas on how to end Hey Jude?
John: Nah
George: Nah
Ringo: Nah
George Martin: Nah
Paul: Perfect!
What do you call someone who wants to hate themself, but can't
I'm looking for new userflair ideas.
If you ever feel like your ideas aren't worthwhile...
remember that somebody at BMW once proposed that blinkers should be installed in their vehicles.
Thinking outside the box
Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious.
"What are you complaining about?" he fires back. "You still haven't used the present I gave you last year."
My wife told me to get a beard...
the ideas growing on me
Why do fashion designers never have any good ideas?
They're too clothes minded.
A group of movie producers are working on the next avengers/MCU movie
Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?
Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds
Head producer: You're over-thinking this, let's just keep it low-key
If someone was writing a book about tsunamis...
If someone was writing a book about tsunamis and they suddenly got a rush of ideas on what to call it, would that be considered a title wave?
What did Bernie Sanders running for president and me arguing with my wife have in common?
We never stood a chance but we just wanted to get our ideas out there.
What's the difference in virginity, a dollar, and an idea?
If you are a v**... and I am a v**... and we give each other our virginity then neither of us are virgins.
If you have a dollar and I have a dollar and we give each other our dollar then we both still only have a dollar.
If you have an idea and I have an idea and we give each other our ideas then we both have two ideas.
This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"
They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".
Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"
Then they'll leave in disgust.
A man walks into a bakery on March 14th
He orders some pie, the baker thinks its clever and gets him some pie. The next day the man comes back and says the pie was great and orders a different flavor. He does this every day for 350 days. The baker running out of ideas for flavors sees the man come in on Feb 27th.
He says, man look I'm out of ideas.
Well how about some cake then, asks the man.
Are you sure, no pie?
No sir, today is my cakeday!
Why did Sherlok Holmes like the Mexican restaurant?
It gave him good case ideas.
We're trying to come up with a plan to get my escaped helium balloon back. We've got some ideas.
But it's still up in the air.
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."
Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."
Dr. Watson: It seems like there are a lot of break ins lately.
Inspector: Any ideas what we should do?
Watson: Sure..Lock..Homes.
This year my wife was struggling for ideas on what to get me for my birthday.
I said that for my birthday, I would like a t**.... I've never had one before, and I would feel like less of a creep if she organized it.
She was surprisingly on-board. She said that she had a friend from college who would probably be up for it.
But I think I ruined the night when I asked her who she had in mind for the third person.
If at first you don't succed...
Maybe skydiving wasn't the best of ideas
Beatles meeting:
Paul: Any ideas on the ending for Hey Jude?
John: Nah.
George: Nah.
Ringo: Nah.
My family's favorite drummer jokes.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they have machines for that now.
What did the drummer say before he was kicked out of the band?
Hey, I thought I'd share some song ideas I've written.
How do you count drummers?
1, 2 ... 1, 2, 3, 4.
Ideas are like Countries.
I don't like yours.
Smart thoughts and good ideas were following John wherever he went...
But that d**... was always faster!
There are two kinds of people
Those who can't count, those who can't form coherent ideas properly, and those who can't
My wife and I were laying in bed watching a contortionist perform on a talent show.
As the lady went through her routine, I suggested to my wife that she should try becoming a contortionist. Without hesitation, she shouted "NO!"
I asked her to reconsider, suggesting ideas as they entered my creative mind. She immediately began yelling at me, calling me a pig, a dog, and even threatened to sleep on the couch.
I said "Hey...I thought you said you weren't going to get all bent out of shape."
I used to write my best ideas on toilet paper
That was a tearrible idea
I was walking past a movie theater showing "The Black Phone" and some guy standing out front was saying, "Stephen King is my dad and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I said to him...
"Surely you must be Joe."
Did you hear about that time a hitman held a writer at gunpoint and forced him to write for Amy Schumer?
The hitman warned him, Don't get any funny ideas!
[Request] Self deprecating joke about height for wedding
Long story short, I am officiating a wedding between the 2 tallest and most stunning friends I have. I am about 5'9 VS his 6'4 I would like to make some jab about them not being able to get anyone taller or when they asked me i immediately started thinking about how tall of a stool I would need to find and bring with. Just nothing seems all that funny, any ideas? Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit, feel free to delete!
The elder statesman was giving his farewell speech.
"And when I die, bury my head in Central Pennsylvania, for that was where I had my brightest ideas. Bury my hands in Washington, D.C., for that was where I accomplished the most work. Bury my feet on the West Coast, for that was where I ran the hardest."
Just then, a journalist interrupted, "Sir, where should we bury your a**...? Because you've made the whole country a s**...!".
My daughter really wants a dog this Christmas
I am open for new ideas but we normally eat turkey.
Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?
…Dragon?
It can't just be Dragon.
Umm… Cragon?
No, that's awful. Come on, think harder.
Umm…. Eragon?
….Bingo.
Paul: "So, anybody have any ideas for the last part of 'Hey,Jude'?"
John: "Nah."
George: "Nah."
Ringo: "Nah."
