The Best 44 Ideal Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Ideal jokes. There are some ideal utopia jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ideal suitable puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Ideal Jokes and Puns

Are you an ideal amount of red phosphorus and am I a proportioned tiny wooden stick?

Because we're a match!

While creating husbands, God promised....

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world...............then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Yo mama is so classless...

Yo mama is so classless that Marx thinks she's an ideal society.

Ideal joke, Yo mama is so classless...

Malapropisms are funny right?

So they say the ideal age for a man to date a woman is half his age plus seven, but i'm not a mathematics so I wouldn't know anything about that. Nor am I a linguine.

I was looking for a new apartment...

and found a nice place in the center of town that seemed ideal.

"It's only $650 a month," the women told me. "But no children or pets."

I had to turn it down. It was a bargain but I wasn't willing to give up my sex life.

Some say that the Mongols created the first iteration of the Ideal Gas Law.

After all, they were pneumatic experts.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

Ideal joke, Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

My Ideal Woman is a Single Mother

...once I've finished with her.

What is the ideal wait for a lawyer?

About 3 pounds, including the urn.

What's a woman ideal husband?

An archaeologist. The older she gets the more interested he becomes.

Plato walks into a bar.

And he realises that the bar is not a real bar. In fact, it contains the concept of 'a bar'.
Then, with an amazed face, he says:

"This bar is ideal!"

You can explore ideal perfect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ideal reduce dad jokes. There are also ideal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Being 110kg sucks...

that feel when you won't be hurled at least 300m by the ideal medieval siege engine

If there was a mathematical equation to describe social justice warriors...

It would be a really nice log.

An ideal log.

In a videogame movie, what do you call your ideal set of actors?

Your dreamcast

What does opening an ideal bar and making a woman happy have in common?

Take care of 2 things, liquor in the front, poker in the back.

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing;

a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.


Ideal joke, Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing;

What is the ideal weight for an ex-wife?

About 3 pounds including the urn.

Dark Humour is like a child with cancer

They aren't needed in an ideal society.

I realized today I reached my ideal weight years ago.......

I just haven't reached my ideal height of 7'6" yet.

Ideal dream: make love not money

Reality: No money, no honey.

No matter how hard I try, I always seem to be going round in circles.

Having a broken arm while in a wheelchair isn't ideal.

I like to work out every other day.

Every day but not today is the my ideal exercise plan.

Why did nobody find out about the ideal group of crows ?

Because it was the perfect murder.

What is the ideal marriage?

One between a deaf man and a blind woman !!!!!!!!!

A man writing in his diary:

I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.

TIL There's a brief quiz that can predict your favorite wine. Take the quiz to see your ideal wine match.

1) What is your favorite wine?

My ideal bathroom would be haunted...

...that way I could easily be scared shitless!

Why did the idealist go to jail?

He had convictions.

What is the ideal political system of a feminist?

A dickhatership.

What is the Ideal Social Media for Friends who Disagree on Everything ?


What is the ideal weight of your mother in law?

6 kilograms urn included.

Mark has several qualities that make him an ideal candidate for cloning

He's remarkable

Did you hear about the inventor who ripped off someone else's ideal for a blimp?

It's shame, he should have made an original dirigible.

I thought my grandfather had died in the most ideal way: in Hawaii, watching the sunset, drinking a beer on a hammock

But it turns out being strangled to death isn't fun.

A woman on Tinder asked me what my ideal date would be.

I said dd/mm/yyyy because other formats are confusing.

Mixing lemon tea with black tea makes an ideal 'tea shandy' for tea totallers.

What's the ideal blood type for a motivational speaker?

Be positive.

Men with piercings are ideal...

Men with piercings are ideal marriage material. They are not new to pain and they have experience with buying jewelry.

Courtesy of The Legendary Ken M; The ideal superpower is invisibility...

Because it allows you to keep an unseen lookout for perverts in the women's locker room.

Motorbikes are ideal transportation for people that don't intend to have children.

They wouldn't even let me bring our newborn home from the hospital.

Ladies, you can tell a lot about a man by how dogs react to him.

For example, if a police K9 is bitting him, he may not be ideal.

If I got a penny every time a woman said I wasn't her ideal man,

I'd be her ideal man.

The ideal quote to have on your tombstone during these hard times.

" bUT thE eCOnoMy"

A dude went to the hospital and asked the doc:

Dude: judging by my weight, what's my ideal height doc?

Doc: 20 feet.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ideal perfection jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ideal qualities piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes